Man's reaction to GF's rape

Sevilla · Aug 6, 2009

Can I say that here? I have a scene where my main character's boyfriend comes over to her house and finds her unresponsive, curled up on the floor of the shower. He sees her bruises and realizes what has happened: she's been raped. When he finally gets her to tell him who did it, a soldier in the state police, I'm at a loss as to what his reaction should be.

I have difficulty imagining a man who wouldn't be enraged and want to kill the perpetrator (whether or not he actually would). The thing is, they are living under a very oppressive government. After the soldier is through with her, he thanks her for the "great service she's done her country". This is the event that really convinces the main character to join the Resistance. In her mind this soldier is representative of the government as a whole.

But the boyfriend is extremely loyal to this regime, and will remain so throughout the book. I don't want this event to affect his view of the government. What kind of reaction would be believable? He is a contract killer, he wouldn't have a problem with killing someone, but I'm not okay with him being okay with killing (or even wanting to kill) a soldier in his beloved state police.

Help?

sunandshadow · Aug 6, 2009

If he's very loyal to the regime he might view the individual soldier as the bad apple, dishonoring the army with his actions. The boyfriend might try to get the soldier's superior to punish him.

AuburnAssassin · Aug 6, 2009

Perhaps once he's past the rage and grief, he would rationalize it like a soldier does when one of his fellow soldiers is killed in the line of duty. It's a sacrifice for their country that they all signed up for knowingly. If rapes and other crimes by the oppressors in your book's setting are commonplace (probably to some extent), it'll be easier for him to do this. If not, he might at least try to pursue justice through whatever means are available to him and then have the government brainwash him into either believing her "service" was an invaluable contribution or that she's overreacting, lying, selfishly putting her own needs before the good of the state, whatever...

san_remo_ave · Aug 6, 2009

I think it might be possible to convey his understanding of the act as a necessity (in general) so condones the gov't support of such things, but he could fixate on the individual (anger, retribution) for demanding such service from his gf (because she's his).

If he can't overtly retaliate, could he 'not help' the guy in some other situation that he has the choice? Maybe he makes sure the guy is caught and punished for a real infraction that would have gone unnoticed, or neglects to 'cover him' or pick him up quickly and he gets punished in some other way (that he equally deserves)?

Not sure if I described what I'm thinking clearly.... must stop typing now b4 I make matters worse.

Karen Junker · Aug 6, 2009

I think it's possible for the boyfriend to go into denial mode and just comfort the woman, act like she's been hurt but not acknowledge how. Tough guys don't always show their feelings, especially to themselves.

Sevilla · Aug 6, 2009

Karen Junker said:
I think it's possible for the boyfriend to go into denial mode and just comfort the woman, act like she's been hurt but not acknowledge how. Tough guys don't always show their feelings, especially to themselves.

Hmm...this rather suits him. I was so intent on looking for a reaction that I didn't see how a non-reaction might also reveal character.

aadams73 · Aug 6, 2009

He'll hate himself for not being there to protect her. And he'll hate her for making his beloved "regime" look bad, like somehow she was complicit. So he'll be affectionate but distant, and he'll keep pulling away more and more every day.

GordonK · Aug 6, 2009

I'm a man, and if something like that happened to my beloved one, I couldn't care less about my loyalty to my regime, I'd want that bastard dead. I might become an outlaw just to bring justice to that bastard with my own hands and in my own way.

Having said that, it's my personal and instinctive hypothetical reaction. How a man will cope with this can be very different, and it's a good chance for you to demonstrate the personality of the boyfriend.

I guess the initial response is astonishment, which will be very brief. Rage may follow right away. Then, as suggested by Karen and aadams, a variety of reactions: Denial, hatred, or blaming himself (unable to protect her), or blaming her (for bringing shame--see a recent news about an 8yo got raped and her family's reaction, for behaving too suggestive in the public, etc.) Basically, IMHO after the second phase (rage) you can do anything with the boyfriend to show his personalities.

LorelieBrown · Aug 7, 2009

So I get that the bf stays around through the whole book, but you didn't specify - does your MC remain in a relationship with him? If so, does he *ever* come to see the regime sucks? If he does, why? All this matters, because seeds could be sewn at this earlier event.

dirtsider · Aug 7, 2009

LorelieBrown said:
So I get that the bf stays around through the whole book, but you didn't specify - does your MC remain in a relationship with him? If so, does he *ever* come to see the regime sucks? If he does, why? All this matters, because seeds could be sewn at this earlier event.

Seconded.

Where does the boyfriend's story arc lead through the book? Does he come to see the regime as oppressive as well? Or does he stay loyal throughout the story?

He might get angry but instead of hunting the soldier down and killing the man with his bare hands, he could internalize it and act out in other ways. Someone already mentioned either getting the man convicted of the crime (abusing his position), sabotaging the soldier's career, or blaming the MC.

Another idea is that he acts more rashly in his own daily life, takes more chances than he normally would. He couldn't protect his girlfriend so he has to prove himself strong enough, man enough, to both her and himself.

xccorpio · Aug 7, 2009

Most of the possible reactions are covered. I just want to add, that taking into consideration their circumstances. There could be more victims as well.
He could use this wake up call to redeem himself (since he is a contract killer).

You didn't tell us if this was a side conflict, or the main conflict in the story.

Which genre is it? It breaches the usual rules for romance.

GraysonMoran · Aug 7, 2009

Jerzy Kosinski had a character whose girlfriend was raped and reacted to it by objectifying the woman, distancing himself from her and treating her in a degrading manner.

I don't think this is too outlandish. And in my (fortunately vicarious) experience rapes very often have negative effects on the character of "significant others" and very often lead to breakups.

Cathy C · Aug 7, 2009

I agree that the "who" raped her might become white noise in his head while he deals with the 'here and now' of getting her cleaned up and her wounds fixed.

Afterward, I'd imagine he wouldn't say anything to the girlfriend, but instead would turn in the rapist to his superior officer--fully expecting that the man would wind up in the stockade or demoted. If that didn't happen, it would change his whole mindset about things. He might not quit the military or join the resistance, but neither would he turn in the heroine if she did. He'd turn a blind eye to anything she did thereafter--sort of a passive-aggressive response. I've seen that before in military people.

girlyswot · Aug 7, 2009

aadams73 said:
He'll hate himself for not being there to protect her. And he'll hate her for making his beloved "regime" look bad, like somehow she was complicit. So he'll be affectionate but distant, and he'll keep pulling away more and more every day.

I'd buy this. I think you can distinguish pretty well the immediate reaction from the later effects. People are good at interpreting and reinterpreting events until they sit within a pre-existing framework.

Brindle Chase · Aug 7, 2009

I'm with Gordon... Being a guy also... my reaction would be to kill the guy. I dont think any other loyalty would matter or would take precedence over my wife... State police be damned, that guy would be six feet under and no one would find the body.

But that's me. As for the story... its gonna be hard, but I think you're on the right trail... if he doesnt go after the guy... make him in turmoil... let it eat him away to nothing. The guilt should tear him apart and slowly, subconsciously, he begins to relate that anguish with her... not meaning too of course... and totally in the wrong for doing so... but its there and he doesnt even realize it.... I hope a guy's perspective helps?

RavenCorinnCarluk · Aug 7, 2009

If he's loyal to the regime, and is hardcore about it, perhaps his reaction is part of what drives the main character to the resistance. Basically, he blames her for fighting the soldier. He is of a similar mind as the soldier; it was her patriotic duty to do whatever the soldier wanted. And she could be even more emotionally wounded because she was expecting him to at least report it to the authorities, and he's keeping her from doing it. Maybe even browbeating her for not being a good member of the party.

Sevilla · Aug 7, 2009

Okay, here are the requested details:

No, this isn't a genre romance, it's more of a "love story" but not a happy ending story.

The rapist isn't someone she could identify if she wanted to. The soldiers wear armor and helmets, and he doesn't remove the helmet until the very end, and she never looks at his face. He's just a nameless, faceless threat. It's ominous, and she can never see one of these soldiers on the street without wondering if he was the one.

Where does the story arc go with the boyfriend? Long story short, there's another man who comes into play later, someone she knew before this boyfriend whom she thought had died along with her parents. He wasn't killed, but was taken by the government, very hush-hush. Anyway, he makes it back to her after all this time has passed, just after her boyfriend receives a head injury "on the job" and suffers amnesia.

Much angst, and she decides it's better for her to part with the guy since she never felt she could truly trust him, and because of the unrequited feelings for the other man...

The boyfriend regains his memory and realizes she's with this other guy, who he knew from flight school, and knows that he's also in the Resistance. This event really "turns" him. He becomes the antagonist and gives both their names over to the government as traitors.

Aaaanyway... I don't want his reaction to the rape to make readers dislike him at this point. That comes later.

Brindle Chase said:
I'm with Gordon... Being a guy also... my reaction would be to kill the guy. I dont think any other loyalty would matter or would take precedence over my wife... State police be damned, that guy would be six feet under and no one would find the body.

This is my gut reaction, also. I'm having a hard time writing a character that is so radically different from my own feelings, without making him seem like the bad guy (yet).

Brindle Chase said:
As for the story... its gonna be hard, but I think you're on the right trail... if he doesnt go after the guy... make him in turmoil... let it eat him away to nothing. The guilt should tear him apart

This part I like. I'm thinking of going with this, but instead of reconciling with her over it, I want to have it build up a gradual resentment in him for her, for putting him through that turmoil and making him question his convictions.

He's never meant to be the full-on bad guy. He truly does love her...just not enough, as she will see it. He will see her as not loving him enough to let go of her "senseless radical crusade" (to quote him).

It's a fine line, to keep the reader sympathetic to him while still establishing him as "wrong" for the MC.

Thank you to everyone who has contributed ideas here, it's really helped me out a lot with this tough issue.

backslashbaby · Aug 7, 2009

I don't know your MC's character, but she might see her man afraid and at a loss for what to do, and she might find that endearing [so hopefully readers do too]. So she initiates sweeping it under the rug and not having her man have to think about it longer. Perhaps she wants to deny it too, really.

I don't know if that fits your MC or POV, but if he's seen as endearing to the rape victim, readers won't hate him very much yet. And his reaction could be quite wussy or lukewarm in reality, yet you could still get away with it, imho.

Claire Crossdale · Aug 7, 2009

Sevilla,

My suggestion is make the character’s reaction small and personal. She feels her power has been taken away so naturally her want for justice and the resistance makes for a compelling character study. While her boyfriend wants only for her to be well and for the man who did this to her to be punished and he feels his beloved state will see to it. Only she won’t want to go through the added humiliation of having to publicly recount what this soldier did to her. It will create a natural separation between the characters and their ideals. He continues to believe justice is possible for her in the regime if only she goes forth and she sees evidence that proves otherwise everywhere she goes.
All my best.
Claire

Man's reaction to GF's rape

Sevilla

sunandshadow

Impractical Fantasy Animal

AuburnAssassin

Darkly Romantic Curmudgeon

san_remo_ave

Back at it

Karen Junker

Live a little. Write a lot.

Sevilla

aadams73

A Work in Progress

GordonK

LorelieBrown

Got the hang of it, here

dirtsider

Not so new, really

xccorpio

GraysonMoran

Cathy C

Ooo! Shiny new cover!

girlyswot

Brindle Chase

Dancing on the edge

RavenCorinnCarluk

Burgeoning Writer

Sevilla

backslashbaby

*

Claire Crossdale

Man's reaction to GF's rape

Impractical Fantasy Animal

Darkly Romantic Curmudgeon

Back at it

Live a little. Write a lot.

A Work in Progress

Got the hang of it, here

Not so new, really

Ooo! Shiny new cover!

Dancing on the edge

Burgeoning Writer

~~~~*~~~~

*