This is what is going on with the wip. First scene has the victim running to her car away from antagonist.
Let me make some statements based on your post here regarding your WiP.
These are merely observations and I hope they make you think of how this story comes across:
I don't buy that even a meth addict, when running away from an antagonist, would hop in her car, drive a short distance - stop to do some meth - then flee again.
You state that the victim is going to have a heart attack brought on by meth overdose (then later state it's additives to the meth that killed her) yet she is alive and able to knock the cellphone away from the MC when he goes to help her?
Why does the MC wait to get to the car before calling 911?
Did the meth addict actually take the socially responsible time to fasten her seatbelt before driving in the storm? This will change the dynamics of where she is and what she can do (including the possibility of being ejected from the accident).
MC takes dead girl out of the car and then drives to the police station? Uhm...how about a hospital?
How deep is the water where the accident takes place that it 'drowns' the cellphone? I've done traffic stops in major thunderstorms where just walking from my car to the offender car made me completely soaked and my cellphone remained working fine. Of course, there were multiple violator vehicles that day (I was soaked until the end of my shift).
So, based on what you posted here, those are some observations I have regarding it. It might be better to have the MC flag down another car and ask THEM to call 911 for him and leave the girl at the scene while he tries to revive her with his workplace required CPR skills.
Rabe...