I, I, I...

The biggest thing is to show action rather that tell it. Its hard! I end up going back through mine and trying to remove as many I's as I can.

Ex.

I walked down the dirt road. I noticed there wasn't anyone around.

Dust swirled around my feet as I scuffed at the road with my worn sneaker. It had been over an hour and still there was no one in sight. Alone. The word echoed in my head.

Also, you can eliminate a lot of the dialog tags too. You don't need 'I said.' most of the time.

Starting with a phrase like this might help you, I think....

Going around the bush instead of through it, seemed like a good idea.

Since 'I' am writing it in first person, one could assume I was the one thinking the idea a good one.

So start with prepositional phrases and such!!!!!

Too many sentences beginning with "I" indicate, to me, a problem with focus in a novel. All the author's doing is focusing on the MC's thoughts, actions and feelings to the possible exclusion of other characters and outward scenes and events.

Also, if it's first person, you can just about eliminate all the phrases like "I thought," "I felt," "I heard" (these are assumed).

For example: "I thought he was taking too long in the store, while I waited out in the blistering sidewalk heat. I felt hot and sticky and grumpy. Suddenly, I heard a scream blast through humid air." Becomes: "He was taking too long in the store, making me wait out in the blistering sidewalk heat. Hot, sticky and grumpy. Suddenly, the sound of a scream blasted through the humid air."

RJK said:

Thanks folks, this is a good start, but I still see that little devil cropping up in the rewritten sentences Although your solution is written much better than my original, it still has that pesky little word.
This is another problem I've had. When I try to rewrite, I just move the "I" down the road a few words.

Click to expand...

If you try to remove all the I's from your first-person narrative, the prose will emerge awkward and weird-sounding. The goal is to have the I's blend in so they aren't obvious, not to eliminate the pronoun altogether. That said, the very BEST way to eliminate all the I's in your ms is to switch to 3rd-person.

Moving it isn't necessarily bad though. Starting every sentence and every paragraph with I would be the problem. There is a balance! I read a lot and when I find an author who's style I really like, I study it to see just how they do it.

What CaroGirl said. Try having your character focus on the world outside himself/herself and see if that helps.

Have the same problem, RJK, and try to avoid first-person in mystery novels, because "I" makes such an echo. There's good advice here, though.

Can't always do it, but in my short stories, I try to bury "I" in the middle of sentences and begin others with a sloppy "I" understood.

III's so vain...I bet he thinks this thread is about him.


hahaha.

I couldn't resist.

I too have the I problem...I just go through and see what I can change...and if I can't change it, I don't worry about it. <<6 I usages there.

Start by trying to identify sentences that are structured like "I saw the man cross the street." In a first-person narrative, you simply don't need to tell the reader that you (narrator) saw the man cross the street. "The man crossed the street" is enough; in a first-person narrative it is assumed that the narrator saw the thing happen. Otherwise, it couldn't be in the narrative, right? So look for the "I saw - I heard" etc. kinds of sentences. Many of those can be fixed to jettison the "I".

caw

Good comments by other users. Just make sure you don't eliminate too many I's simply because you're worried you use it too often. Some are necessary. It would be like removing he/she from a manuscript written in third person. While it is important to vary sentence structure and focus on showing instead of telling, the use of I, he, she, and every other pronoun will still arise and there is nothing wrong with that.

I have the same problem with "was," and I've learned to go through and fix any sentence with this word. But sometimes using it sounds better. Sometimes using it is necessary. I've found that if I get too caught up in rules, it is often to the detriment of my manuscript.

Some of it is a showing-vs-telling thing.

I coughed. "Could I have some water please?"
-vs-
Something tickled my throat. "Could I have some water please?"

crap example, but there it is.

Oh, I'm glad I found this thread! I realized I have the same problem from highlighting all the I's in my MS. My freshman English teacher in High school once said, TSMNSWSW. Two sentences must not start with the same word. It was either in the same paragraph or two sentences next to each other, but I am guessing the former. Freshman year was four years ago Heading into college now! She also had us guess what the abbreviation was. I'm proud to say my guess was super close

It's hard in writing to follow that rule all the time (like jjacobs said, the writing will sound awkward) but if I were to edit my paragraphs that use I a lot, such as....

I headed downstairs and into the kitchen. I decided to just grab a granola bar and eat it on the way. One granola bar wasn’t my typical meal. I wasn’t a skinny dude or anything, but I wasn’t too big either. I lifted weights at the gym every other week, but I wasn’t a super macho man or anything.

Dang! It's 4 out of 5 sentences that start with I!!!

Here's my edit:

I headed downstairs and into the kitchen. A granola bar would have to do it for my breakfast. It wasn’t my typical meal, though. If losing weight or a small appetite were my thing, a granola bar would be enough. But lanky or chubby wouldn’t describe me. Lifting weights at the gym every other week helped me maintain a medium build and not look like a macho man—tall with just enough muscle.

All different now!

Thanks for the thread! Now I can make my writing TONS better!

First of, RJK, relax. First person narrative will have a lot of I's. Just as your text will include a lot of the's, but I don't see you stressing over that. ;-)

I, like said, becomes invisible in the text to readers. You can't tell the story without it, and readers just accept it.

The problem will never be with have too many I's. It will be with having too many sentences starting the same way. Basically, as said above, don't filter your narrative through your narrative.

Not "I heard the phone ring" but "The phone rang."
Not "I saw a man enter through the last door" but "A man entered through the last door. He was imposing, dark, and coming towards me. All the scene needed was ominous background music..."