Thinking in third person, past tense

yakkity · Aug 4, 2009

I'm still in the process of converting WIP from first person to third...word by word by bloody word.

I need your help again, please.

Would someone please post a sample of how to type a character's thoughts in 3rd person. I'm stumped. Is the thought in quotes? italicized? first person? Does the text posted below conform to the standard?

A smear of lip gloss and she was ready to go. Not

leaving anything to accidental oversight, she double checked

her backpack to make sure the photos were there; they were,

and, finally satisfied with knowing everything was in place,

she headed to the kitchen for breakfast.

“Just think,” she thought while pouring milk on her Cheerios,

“my next meal will be in the company of the cutest boy in the

world.”

Thanks for your help.

Karen Junker · Aug 4, 2009

If you italicize the actual thought, you don't need the tag 'she thought' - it will be clear to the reader that it's your character's thoughts.

Mad Queen · Aug 4, 2009

Thoughts are italicised.

A smear of lip gloss and she was ready to go. Not

leaving anything to accidental oversight, she double checked

her backpack to make sure the photos were there; they were,

and, finally satisfied with knowing everything was in place,

she headed to the kitchen for breakfast.

Just think, she thought while pouring milk on her Cheerios,

my next meal will be in the company of the cutest boy in the

world.

Aggy B. · Aug 4, 2009

I usually use italics. And leave out any mention of "she/he thought."

So, like this.

Keira sighed and limped obediently down the room. The others were scrambling for the door. She hadn't heard any command to leave, but if the voice could speak to her with such intimacy perhaps he could speak to them as well. Her heart ticked rapidly. Why are they being sent away? There was no more time to wonder, she stood in front of fireplace.

Note that part of that paragraph includes more vague "thoughts". ("If the voice could speak to her...etc.") In really close third some thoughts are naturally incorporated into the narrative. In fact, in some cases italics might not even be necessary.

But some of that is a matter of taste. I like italics but I've seen quotes with the "she/he thought" tag as well.

yakkity · Aug 4, 2009

Got it.

Thanks everyone. I'm heading over to the "what have you learned on this forum" thread to count my blessings.

seun · Aug 5, 2009

yakkity said:
I'm still in the process of converting WIP from first person to third...word by word by bloody word.

Do you mean you're literally changing I to he/she? I hate to say it, but there's more to the difference between 1st and 3rd than simple POV. If I were you, I'd rewrite the entire book, not just change the POV.

Wark · Aug 5, 2009

I hate italics and semicolons. I would write the second paragraph like this:

She smiled as she made her cereal. She would have lunch with the cutest boy blah blah.

And that giant ape of a sentence in the first paragraph scares me. I would hack it up.

Katrina S. Forest · Aug 5, 2009

seun said:
Do you mean you're literally changing I to he/she? I hate to say it, but there's more to the difference between 1st and 3rd than simple POV. If I were you, I'd rewrite the entire book, not just change the POV.

Not necessarily. There are 3rd person POV books that stick very close to one character. It really depends on the piece, IMHO. But I agree that it could cause issues.

yakkity · Aug 5, 2009

Thanks for your suggestions.

Seun: I'm still in the first draft, and have written perhaps a third of the book. Other characters' povs are included. Thanks for your warning--I'm not the only newbie reading here.

Wark: Don't be afraid of that 'king kong' sentence. It's just something I typed to use as an illustration here.

Thanks for all the advice. I can always count on you.

dwellerofthedeep · Aug 5, 2009

I used to use italics for all thoughts, but I think it looks ugly now. I prefer to keep everything as independent of formatting as I can, too. So, when I write thoughts I occasionally add 's/he thought' but more often I don't have any sort of indicator. Possible confusion is one thing, but I usually stick close to my perspective character or don't write their thoughts at all.

Thinking in third person, past tense

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Karen Junker

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Mad Queen

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Aggy B.

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yakkity

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seun

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Wark

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Katrina S. Forest

yakkity

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dwellerofthedeep

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