I am completely filled with rage. A long rant ensues. Please help me be less rageful.
I just had a huge argument with my partner that started with me asking her what you call the policemen in the UK who wear the yellow reflective jackets (answer: policemen). She's American but lived in England for 10 years-ish. I'm writing this YA book set in England, about two American tourists. And fairies for crap's sake. That simple question set her off.
She's really bent out of shape about it for unknown reasons, and insists that I can't write a place that I don't know. I pointed out that plenty of writers write about places they've never been or only been to briefly. She maintains that it cannot be done. Plenty of writers I love have captured the flavor of a place without living there for years. Dammit.
I'm not going into this totally without knowledge. I've only spent a week in England, but I'm a big time dorky anglophile who owns every episode of Red Dwarf. I've seen every British comedy show to ever reach America. I read more books by English authors than American. (Yeah I know tv and books aren't equal to real life. The point is I study the culture, a lot.) I read BBC news so much that I know more about current events in England than she does. My WIP is only 20K words in, and there are probably 200 notes in the text for me to double check that I've got specific details right. When it's done I'm planning to enlist a kindly Brit to help make sure everything is proper.
She just told me I have NO PLACE writing about a place I don't understand and there's NO WAY I can do it right. I asked if she would please reserve her judgment until she has read even A SINGLE DAMN PAGE OF THE THING. But she refused. She already knows I can't do it.
And then she told me that I've had no life experience, and no tragedies ever in my life ever, so I couldn't write about things that have happened to me metaphorically, so I had nothing of substance to write about. So since I have no experience I can't possibly write anything properly. (We've both had really old family members die, and friends die too young in various awful circumstances. She witnessed some domestic violence when she was a kid, and I did not. But I don't think you need to collect the Has An Abusive Father badge in order to become a decent writer. Last I checked. That's about it collectively for us on the tragedy side of things.)
That was pretty much a killing blow to me. She doesn't know cause she HASN'T READ IT that yes, it's all based on people I know and stuff I've experienced, so much so that writing it so far has left me feeling quite raw about various real life people and events. It's changed for the purposes of being an interesting book, but she knows me well enough to recognize what it's really about.
I'm totally dejected. It makes me sort of feel like I should give up. But then I'm pissed and I don't want to. I've wanted to be a writer for ages, and I only recently got the hang of putting stories down on paper. I want to keep at it until I succeed, and I think it can happen. But it's sucky to think that I will have to do it all by myself in the moments I can steal away from my partner. How hard is it to be supportive, or even just pretend to be supportive, dammit? Even if the book sucks and goes to live in my desk drawer, I'm still trying to make it good and filling it up with my own blood and guts. Isn't that worth at least not being totally disparaged?
I try to be the good person and think about why she's saying this. I know she wants to write (plays) and I tried to encourage her but then she said she didn't want to do it right now, and I thought maybe it was a fear of failing, which is really common in us wannabe writers I know. So maybe I wanna say it's jealousy on her part, but normally she's not afraid of anything so maybe I am full of crap. I have various other hypotheses in which she doesn't come out as the bad guy but as I am having a proper open-heart bitch session I won't dwell on them.
Anyways, I could really use a hug or possibly a hearty slap. Whichever you think is best. I'm freaking crying over freaking stupid crap she said to me. I think I should call her mom and tattle that she's trying to crush my delicate dreams with mean bitchery.
I just had a huge argument with my partner that started with me asking her what you call the policemen in the UK who wear the yellow reflective jackets (answer: policemen). She's American but lived in England for 10 years-ish. I'm writing this YA book set in England, about two American tourists. And fairies for crap's sake. That simple question set her off.
She's really bent out of shape about it for unknown reasons, and insists that I can't write a place that I don't know. I pointed out that plenty of writers write about places they've never been or only been to briefly. She maintains that it cannot be done. Plenty of writers I love have captured the flavor of a place without living there for years. Dammit.
I'm not going into this totally without knowledge. I've only spent a week in England, but I'm a big time dorky anglophile who owns every episode of Red Dwarf. I've seen every British comedy show to ever reach America. I read more books by English authors than American. (Yeah I know tv and books aren't equal to real life. The point is I study the culture, a lot.) I read BBC news so much that I know more about current events in England than she does. My WIP is only 20K words in, and there are probably 200 notes in the text for me to double check that I've got specific details right. When it's done I'm planning to enlist a kindly Brit to help make sure everything is proper.
She just told me I have NO PLACE writing about a place I don't understand and there's NO WAY I can do it right. I asked if she would please reserve her judgment until she has read even A SINGLE DAMN PAGE OF THE THING. But she refused. She already knows I can't do it.
And then she told me that I've had no life experience, and no tragedies ever in my life ever, so I couldn't write about things that have happened to me metaphorically, so I had nothing of substance to write about. So since I have no experience I can't possibly write anything properly. (We've both had really old family members die, and friends die too young in various awful circumstances. She witnessed some domestic violence when she was a kid, and I did not. But I don't think you need to collect the Has An Abusive Father badge in order to become a decent writer. Last I checked. That's about it collectively for us on the tragedy side of things.)
That was pretty much a killing blow to me. She doesn't know cause she HASN'T READ IT that yes, it's all based on people I know and stuff I've experienced, so much so that writing it so far has left me feeling quite raw about various real life people and events. It's changed for the purposes of being an interesting book, but she knows me well enough to recognize what it's really about.
I'm totally dejected. It makes me sort of feel like I should give up. But then I'm pissed and I don't want to. I've wanted to be a writer for ages, and I only recently got the hang of putting stories down on paper. I want to keep at it until I succeed, and I think it can happen. But it's sucky to think that I will have to do it all by myself in the moments I can steal away from my partner. How hard is it to be supportive, or even just pretend to be supportive, dammit? Even if the book sucks and goes to live in my desk drawer, I'm still trying to make it good and filling it up with my own blood and guts. Isn't that worth at least not being totally disparaged?
I try to be the good person and think about why she's saying this. I know she wants to write (plays) and I tried to encourage her but then she said she didn't want to do it right now, and I thought maybe it was a fear of failing, which is really common in us wannabe writers I know. So maybe I wanna say it's jealousy on her part, but normally she's not afraid of anything so maybe I am full of crap. I have various other hypotheses in which she doesn't come out as the bad guy but as I am having a proper open-heart bitch session I won't dwell on them.
Anyways, I could really use a hug or possibly a hearty slap. Whichever you think is best. I'm freaking crying over freaking stupid crap she said to me. I think I should call her mom and tattle that she's trying to crush my delicate dreams with mean bitchery.
Kitty. I'm really sorry you had that fight. I wish I could offer some insight as to why she might have said these things to you, but it would be unsubstantiated b.s., so I'll just offer hugs and sympathy, and my firm belief that YES, you can write about this, and YES you do have plenty of experiences to draw from. Not to mention empathy, imagination, and no doubt, plenty of skill to boot.
Chin up! Keep writing!
