Question for the query gods

Go look at the book blurb to The Bourne Identity and see how they did it. Or look for a brief blurb description of the movie in a Movies Previews magazine.

I don't get it, do you do a major info dump so the reader knows who your character is but he doesn't? Usually these kinds of stories have the reader finding out along with the main character. If that is the case then can't you write something like:

Joe's an average Walmart greeter, in fact above average which even he knows is nothing to boast about. Then one day, a strange man in a purple suit starts talking to him as if they were old friends, calling him Frank. Joe wishes he could let the encounter slide, but the meeting sparks strange memories and then when three women in black almost kill him as he's closing up shop, Joe knows there's something he doesn't know. And he needs to learn quick.

Thrust into the dark world of spies and Russian folk dancing, Joe's quest for understanding his true self is a frightening one. Who are these dangerous people who seem to know him, why do they all think he works for a top secret organisation, and why can't he remember who he was? Most importantly, does he want to?


Only, you know, your story .

raburrell said:

Not sure if this is the right place for this, but if not... sorry.

Let's say you had a story structured similar to say, The Bourne Identity. Where a great deal has already happened to the protagonist, except he has no idea what it was. And from that point forth, he's determined to figure it out, while still smack in the middle of the problem he started with.

Then let's say you had to write a query for it. Can someone, anyone, explain how they might go about doing so in a manner that wouldn't set off 'Backstory' alarm bells in the process?

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By not dumping in backstory... I'm not being flip, but tell the current story - ie:

MC is confronting this big bad problem, made worse because she has no clue who she is. In order to solve problem, she will have to ______ and figure out____________ [or find______________]. But when _________________, MC discovers _______________________.


Write the story the book tells, ignoring the backstory unless it is stuff the MC discovers - and then only include what she discovers as plot points that cause her to feel or do something...

~suki

But seriously, tell ME what her problem is and what she's trying to do.

How are we supposed to know without info?

It's like, "How do you like the shirt I'm wearing?' And you say, "I dunno. I can't see it." And I say, "Well, it's blue. Do you like it now?"

You should still be able to describe the core conflict in one sentence. Do that, then figure out what you need to add to increase the length to a few hundred words.

raburrell said:

It's not that she doesn't know who she is, it's that the story has parallel timelines, one that takes place when she's eighteen, the other when she's 29. In each timeline, her goals are the same.

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That's what you write. Except tell what that/those goals are.

Re: Andrew Jackson's post above
WIP I'm ignoring: Jim struggles with his responsibilities to his wife and all mankind when he is bound by a mysterious book shaping his destiny, forcing him to travel in time.
WIP: Everett believes he can escape the toxic rain by fleeing to Key West with his dog.

raburrell said:

Ah - wasn't explaining it well (which... no surprise)
It's not that she doesn't know who she is, it's that the story has parallel timelines, one that takes place when she's eighteen, the other when she's 29. In each timeline, her goals are the same. The problem is that whenever I mention what happened in the first timeline, people tell me it's backstory. Except it's real time in the book, so it's not. The Bourne Identity parallel is in that the quest in the story involves things that already happened. It wasn't an exact match.

Guess I just needed to vent about my own inability to explain it. I'll figure it out eventually - thanks for trying to help, everyone.

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But Is the timeline when she is 18 actually flashbacks? ie, has it already happened? or is it timetravel? Or is she relating the 18 year old time line to someone else? Because each of those scenarios could call for different query structures...

For example, if the timeline when she is 18 actually flashbacks, ie, it has it already happened, then you focus on the timeline when she is 29.

For example, my book is structured with two parallell timelines (a frame structure, with the first part of each chapter in present and the remainder of each chapter flash backs slowly revealing what led to the present). BUT, my query is written more chronological, starting with the key (recent) even of the flashbacks and moving forward, as if the book started with that inciting event and runs chronologically.

Remember, you don't have to tell the agent everything - the query is just to catch enough interest so that the agent crolls down to the pages.


~suki