Ward against evil

Smashfiction · Jul 22, 2009

I'm not really sure where else to post this, here seems relevant. I'm trying to come up with a mantra or chant against 'evil' for my antagonists to repeat as they hunt. The whole thing is very extremist witch-hunt, and these guys are pretty much zealots of purity.

I wnated to make it sound good though-not too overly graphic or religious (since it isn;t really a religious thing, just a prejudice thing) and not too airy-fairy. I tried looking around for examples of protective chants against evil and so on but couldn't really find any actual examples.

Can anyone give tips on how to make a convincing, chilling chant? It is supposed to creep the bejesus out of the MC when he hears it and shows how obsessive the public have become with purity.

Thomas_Anderson · Jul 22, 2009

"Kill the witch!"

Short and to the point. If they're not actually witches, replace witch with whatever they are.

Smashfiction · Jul 22, 2009

Trouble is, it;s a variety of dark creatures that are under attack. To that end I put in a few of them like vampires, werewolves, witches and a couple more into the chant and included words like burn, kill, banish etc. But it looks a little wordy, maybe too complex or something, i don;t know. maybe i should take out the rhymes i put in there...

Shadow_Ferret · Jul 22, 2009

Did you try Google? There are many occult resources out there and you might actually find something close.

Or, you could find an online English to Latin dictionary and just chant words like 'witch" "burn" etc. in Latin.

BigWords · Jul 22, 2009

"Purge the Earth of the abominations."

Smashfiction · Jul 22, 2009

abominations-that's a pretty good all-rounder actually, I can make it a lot shorter now, thanks.

Oh, I did try google, but rather than get examples of historical chants or anyting, i got pages on the analysis of modern mantras, what cultures they are found in and so on, no actual examples of 'lyrics'.

Anyway, i'll go chop and change what I have, see if it sounds better..

mscelina · Jul 22, 2009

Shadow_Ferret said:
Did you try Google? There are many occult resources out there and you might actually find something close.

Or, you could find an online English to Latin dictionary and just chant words like 'witch" "burn" etc. in Latin.

Most of the online translators in latin are pretty horrendous when it comes to the proper conjugations or declensions or number. just thought I'd point that out. You're just as likely to get a translation that means "The witch is burning" or "The witch has been burned" as "burn, witch!"

Malefici exurate. Imperative plural--Burn the witches.

Smashfiction · Jul 22, 2009

here is what i have so far. Feel free to change anything you think doesn't seem right, becuase to me it still looks a bit odd too:

Purge the abominations in fire!
Cleanse the impure in flames!
We suffer not these vile creatures,
While our choir is strong and pure!

Just to clarify, the choir reference is technically important, but not completely neccesary if it ruins the whole thing. I just wanted to try and slip it in to foreshadow the fear-instilling, control-freak organisation that is stirring all this up. Just to make sure, this organisation is not the church nor any form of church, and the story isn't actually set in witch-hunting europe, though the setting bears similarities to it as I think it fits very well with the story and dark themes.

blacbird · Jul 22, 2009

Smashfiction said:
I just wanted to try and slip it in to foreshadow the fear-instilling, control-freak organisation that is stirring all this up.

Hail Mary, full of grace . . . "

It's been working for 2000 years.

caw

Smiling Ted · Jul 22, 2009

Smashfiction said:
Purge the abominations in fire!
Cleanse the impure in flames!
We suffer not these vile creatures,
While our choir is strong and pure!

Have you tried to chant that out loud?
If not, try it.

Barrett · Jul 22, 2009

Does the choir sing?

Faith and flame are both considered "light" or "illumination", and hardcore authoritarian groups like using poetic and uplifting language, even as they commit atrocities.

STKlingaman · Jul 23, 2009

Did Ward bring Wally, June and the Beav?

Smashfiction · Jul 23, 2009

I tried chanting it, an the first two lines sound fine. The last twi, i'm not so sure. But if I make it more of a sung verse, it sounds ok to have more than two lines. just not sure if those are the two lines i want...

How about:

Purge the abominations in fire!
Cleanse the impure in flames!
Banish the unworthy!
Illuminate the darkness!

maybe? :s

tarcanus · Jul 23, 2009

I feel that the rhyme needs to be there. When I read what you have it's like hitting a roadbump in my head on the last line. How about this:

Kill the abominations in fire!
Cleanse the impure in flames!
Banish the unworthy!
Purge from us their names!

Or maybe something a bit more simple?

Char them with fire
Clean them with flames
Exile the pariahs
Purge from us their names

Judg · Jul 23, 2009

More than rhyme, you need rhythm for a chant. Don't try to play up how frightening the words are; that will just provoke sneers from anybody who isn't afraid. It's the context that will make it frightening. Mobs bent on havoc, united in a chant, are pretty frightening all on their own. I doubt if anybody can come up with a chant scarier than that. But a good chant is still going to help, and I think the two most important elements are a sing-songy rhythm and a couple of key words. Don't worry about high poetry or evocative vocabulary. Simplicity is your friend here.

Smiling Ted · Jul 23, 2009

Smashfiction said:
I tried chanting it, an the first two lines sound fine. The last twi, i'm not so sure. But if I make it more of a sung verse, it sounds ok to have more than two lines. just not sure if those are the two lines i want...

I guess what I was trying to say was that for a chant, you need a rhythm.
Words like "abomination" are very hard to make scan.

Judg is correct.
Try for shorter words, and lines with a rhythm that matches the march of the mob.

Smashfiction · Jul 23, 2009

Purge the abominations in fire!
Cleanse the corrupt in flame!
Stake the unholy on the funeral pyre!
Banish the darkness which they claim!

how's that? it rhymes now. Still has some complex words in it yes, but the lines seem to match with the correct rhythm.

Judg · Jul 23, 2009

First line is very hard to scan.
/ . . . . / . . /

A lot of unaccented syllables in there. You can put a major emphasis on "the" but it's still very awkward.

/ / . . . / . . /

Not a natural rhythm at all. You need something more like: / . / . / . . . /

Put some marches on the iPod and make your chant fit the rhythm. Nice strong accented syllables on the downbeats and secondary beats, unaccented syllables for the others, so that readers are not only drawn in to the rhythm, but so that they're compelled to follow it. You really need a dominant, primitive beat. It's not the time for 5/4 jazz.

Burn the witch and burn the liar
Burn the wolf in flames of fire
Pure our hearts and pure our hands
Purge the unholy from our lands.

Something like that. Don't sneak a difficult word like abomination in until the rhythm is well established so it falls into place quite naturally. Remember the strength of repetitive words too. If it's very simple like what I've done, you could probably get away with having a couple of stanzas.

Smashfiction · Jul 23, 2009

taking that into account, how's this?

Purge the wolf, the witch, vampire,
dum-de-dum, de-dum, de-dum
Cleanse with silver, faith and fire!
dum-de-dum de-dum de-dum
Pure our hearts and pure our hands,
dum-de-dum de-dum-de-dum
Drive the darkness from our lands!
dum-de-dum-de dum-de-dum

Judg · Jul 23, 2009

Well, I like it better.

You've got the rhythm going now, the meaning is clear and obvious, and you can picture a mob with torches and pitchforks or whatever you're giving them to carry.

LOG · Jul 23, 2009

Smashfiction said:
taking that into account, how's this?

Purge the wolf, the witch, vampire,
dum-de-dum, de-dum, de-dum
Cleanse with silver, faith and fire!
dum-de-dum de-dum de-dum
Pure our hearts and pure our hands,
dum-de-dum de-dum-de-dum
Drive the darkness from our lands!
dum-de-dum-de dum-de-dum

The last 3 lines are great, but no matter how much I say it, the 1st line comes off awkward compared to the rest. You need some other word next to 'vampire,' it breaks the rhythm.

KiwiPhoenix · Jul 24, 2009

Personally, I think it sounds a bit long. Short and simple.
Now, I can't really offer any suggestions, but I'd like to point out the Crusaders - two of their cries were 'Sanctum Sepulchrum Adjuva!', Free the Holy Sepulcher and 'Deus Vult!', God Wills It. Both are short, simple, and utterly terrifying when shouted by hundreds of armed fanatics.

DeleyanLee · Jul 24, 2009

Of course, me being me, here I thought this thread might be about one of my ancestors (the Wards) who was a crimefighter or ancient warrior against baddies thing.

Ah, well.

JimmyB27 · Jul 27, 2009

Smashfiction said:
taking that into account, how's this?

Purge the wolf, the witch, vampire,
dum-de-dum, de-dum, de-dum
Cleanse with silver, faith and fire!
dum-de-dum de-dum de-dum
Pure our hearts and pure our hands,
dum-de-dum de-dum-de-dum
Drive the darkness from our lands!
dum-de-dum-de dum-de-dum

I think the 'dum-de-dum' bits are a little silly... :tongue

How about "Kill the bastards!"?

BigWords · Jul 27, 2009

JimmyB27 said:
How about "Kill the bastards!"?

Yeah, that is way more subtle. I don't think they're meant to be lager louts though...

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