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I need help! (This is a bit long but I know no other way to present it.) This is my science fantasy novel, FOLLOW THE RAVEN. A very helpful forum member pointed out some major corrections and revisions and I think it’s ready to go through another round of agent searches.
My problem is how to present it - the ultra short description it needs to draw an agent’s interest. This is NOT the synopsis it needs but something to help others like all of you to point me in the right direction.
THE STORY
(The following is background and presented as a subplot throughout the novel.)
Twenty-eight beings from far across the galaxy reach a star system with planets. None is habitable but they select one with a moon as it has the highest possibility of supporting carbon-based life forms. As they live an extremely long time, they carefully go about preparing the planet to receive the seeds they have brought from many different planets.
The fourteen couples selected the moon they call Mithros to be their base of operations. They name the world Midgard (I am seriously thinking of changing all names!) and, over millions of cycles, make small changes that lead to a breathable atmosphere and other important features. They erect huge domes on the moon in which to house various species they plan to introduce to the planet. They also provide living quarters for themselves and their growing number of offspring.
A time comes when it is appropriate to introduce various life forms to the planet. Their first attempt is a huge variety of reptilian creatures, although they themselves are mammalian. The reptiles are extremely prolific and live for millions of years but prove to lack the mental capacity to grow to reach their own level of intelligence. They cause a major catastrophe to befall the reptiles, giving them a chance to introduce mammals.
When, at last, the planet seems to have reached its desired stability, the fourteen senior members of the expedition make a pact - each will have a specific area of responsibility on Midgard and none will interfere with the other.
But, even advanced beings make mistakes. In this case, they forget to include their offspring in the pact of noninterference.
While the 28 and their offspring occasionally visit the planet to check on its progress first hand, the normal method is to send robots through various interspatial portals to take samples and introduce new species. However, the offspring of Joventas and Judet, Lucan and Karis, decide they disagree with the pact. Karis not only goes to the planet and has himself born as one of the people. He displays magical powers to entice people to follow his discipline. (Yes I know!!!) In order to weaken the powers the other 26 have over their realms, he and Lucan install a neural blocker to reduce the power of the various mechanisms installed there. As the disciples of Karis move across the land, the blocker, in the form of volcanic smoke, covers those areas to reduce the ability of the inhabitants to call upon them - what the locals call magic.
Other offspring are outraged by this breaking of the pact and set their own plan in motion. However, while they interfere, they do so within the spirit of the pact - and because they know their parents would punish them for a more direct approach. Nemon, Macha, Badb, Balidar and Cerenus devise a way to impregnate two people of Midgard with advanced genetic abilities. The two are manipulated so they meet and fall in love, resulting in a son who, upon reaching his 15th year, will have the same mental abilities of they to use the various mechanisms upon Midgard. They provide him with an amulet that is a Neural Enhancer and a sword with highly advanced tensile strength and a small form of artificial intelligence. The amulet and sword will be used to turn off and destroy the devices of Lucan and Karis.
So, that’s the background! All of this is revealed in appropriate places throughout the main story.
The story itself, FOLLOW THE RAVEN, centers around the boy, Ian. He’s raised by a couple who were servants to his birthparents, having no idea of his real parents. As he nears 15, a priestess of the Goddess Frigga, Lucan’s girlfriend, seeks him to kill him before he gains his full potential. Something alerts him and, with his canine companion he simply calls Dog and an old and oft times befuddled wizard, he flees. He magically watches the couple he believes his parents cruelly killed after learning the truth about his birth. Nobody can tell him why this is happening to him.
He travels across the land of Scotia with the wizard, learning to use the magical amulet. He encounters a dwarf named Tiernan who helps the wizard, a druid named Raghnall, explain a bit of Ian’s fate. He learns he is to be at a certain spot on the morning of his 15th birthday and has to fight bounty hunters and a monster Crocotta in order to do so. Only then, is he taken in a vehicle to the moon where the “gods” confront him and tell him of his task. He’s angry and bewildered but finds he has no choice. Either the priestess will kill him or he might die at the hands of monsters guarding the goal.
One part of Ian’s “magical” abilities is speaking with animals. Dog and others play an important part in his quest. He and his party also come to the aid of a young girl, Breanna, who warns them of danger, then flees her cruel guardians to join him in his quest. She proves to be a formidable fighter and healer.
There are, of course, a number of obstacles they must overcome. Several times, Ian is wounded severely but, with Breanna’s aid, carries on. He finds his grandparents, helping them regain their kingdom from an evil uncle. He then sets out to find the island where the evil machine creates the haze that covers the world and seals it from other magical realms. Once he reaches there, he overcomes the priestess and her host of warriors, enter the cavern where he is confronted by an ice dragon. After besting that, with Breanna’s blood and tears enabling him to carry on, he uses his wits to cross a bridge of ice and insert the amulet and sword to shut off the machine.
As they flee the island, the three goddesses known as Morrigan, return the amulet and sword and let Ian know his quest is over. But, he may have other evils to overcome in the future.
For their part, Lucan, Karis and Frigga are exiled to a far galaxy to create another habitable world.
So, that’s it! How on earth do I cut this down to fit in an agent query and perhaps a synopsis?
Help!
My problem is how to present it - the ultra short description it needs to draw an agent’s interest. This is NOT the synopsis it needs but something to help others like all of you to point me in the right direction.
THE STORY
(The following is background and presented as a subplot throughout the novel.)
Twenty-eight beings from far across the galaxy reach a star system with planets. None is habitable but they select one with a moon as it has the highest possibility of supporting carbon-based life forms. As they live an extremely long time, they carefully go about preparing the planet to receive the seeds they have brought from many different planets.
The fourteen couples selected the moon they call Mithros to be their base of operations. They name the world Midgard (I am seriously thinking of changing all names!) and, over millions of cycles, make small changes that lead to a breathable atmosphere and other important features. They erect huge domes on the moon in which to house various species they plan to introduce to the planet. They also provide living quarters for themselves and their growing number of offspring.
A time comes when it is appropriate to introduce various life forms to the planet. Their first attempt is a huge variety of reptilian creatures, although they themselves are mammalian. The reptiles are extremely prolific and live for millions of years but prove to lack the mental capacity to grow to reach their own level of intelligence. They cause a major catastrophe to befall the reptiles, giving them a chance to introduce mammals.
When, at last, the planet seems to have reached its desired stability, the fourteen senior members of the expedition make a pact - each will have a specific area of responsibility on Midgard and none will interfere with the other.
But, even advanced beings make mistakes. In this case, they forget to include their offspring in the pact of noninterference.
While the 28 and their offspring occasionally visit the planet to check on its progress first hand, the normal method is to send robots through various interspatial portals to take samples and introduce new species. However, the offspring of Joventas and Judet, Lucan and Karis, decide they disagree with the pact. Karis not only goes to the planet and has himself born as one of the people. He displays magical powers to entice people to follow his discipline. (Yes I know!!!) In order to weaken the powers the other 26 have over their realms, he and Lucan install a neural blocker to reduce the power of the various mechanisms installed there. As the disciples of Karis move across the land, the blocker, in the form of volcanic smoke, covers those areas to reduce the ability of the inhabitants to call upon them - what the locals call magic.
Other offspring are outraged by this breaking of the pact and set their own plan in motion. However, while they interfere, they do so within the spirit of the pact - and because they know their parents would punish them for a more direct approach. Nemon, Macha, Badb, Balidar and Cerenus devise a way to impregnate two people of Midgard with advanced genetic abilities. The two are manipulated so they meet and fall in love, resulting in a son who, upon reaching his 15th year, will have the same mental abilities of they to use the various mechanisms upon Midgard. They provide him with an amulet that is a Neural Enhancer and a sword with highly advanced tensile strength and a small form of artificial intelligence. The amulet and sword will be used to turn off and destroy the devices of Lucan and Karis.
So, that’s the background! All of this is revealed in appropriate places throughout the main story.
The story itself, FOLLOW THE RAVEN, centers around the boy, Ian. He’s raised by a couple who were servants to his birthparents, having no idea of his real parents. As he nears 15, a priestess of the Goddess Frigga, Lucan’s girlfriend, seeks him to kill him before he gains his full potential. Something alerts him and, with his canine companion he simply calls Dog and an old and oft times befuddled wizard, he flees. He magically watches the couple he believes his parents cruelly killed after learning the truth about his birth. Nobody can tell him why this is happening to him.
He travels across the land of Scotia with the wizard, learning to use the magical amulet. He encounters a dwarf named Tiernan who helps the wizard, a druid named Raghnall, explain a bit of Ian’s fate. He learns he is to be at a certain spot on the morning of his 15th birthday and has to fight bounty hunters and a monster Crocotta in order to do so. Only then, is he taken in a vehicle to the moon where the “gods” confront him and tell him of his task. He’s angry and bewildered but finds he has no choice. Either the priestess will kill him or he might die at the hands of monsters guarding the goal.
One part of Ian’s “magical” abilities is speaking with animals. Dog and others play an important part in his quest. He and his party also come to the aid of a young girl, Breanna, who warns them of danger, then flees her cruel guardians to join him in his quest. She proves to be a formidable fighter and healer.
There are, of course, a number of obstacles they must overcome. Several times, Ian is wounded severely but, with Breanna’s aid, carries on. He finds his grandparents, helping them regain their kingdom from an evil uncle. He then sets out to find the island where the evil machine creates the haze that covers the world and seals it from other magical realms. Once he reaches there, he overcomes the priestess and her host of warriors, enter the cavern where he is confronted by an ice dragon. After besting that, with Breanna’s blood and tears enabling him to carry on, he uses his wits to cross a bridge of ice and insert the amulet and sword to shut off the machine.
As they flee the island, the three goddesses known as Morrigan, return the amulet and sword and let Ian know his quest is over. But, he may have other evils to overcome in the future.
For their part, Lucan, Karis and Frigga are exiled to a far galaxy to create another habitable world.
So, that’s it! How on earth do I cut this down to fit in an agent query and perhaps a synopsis?
Help!
