Creating mystery without being redundant

LeighGarvey · Jul 14, 2009

How do you evoke the sense of mystery without being redundant?

I have an WIP where my MC is meeting a man she knows, but is unknown to the reader in the field. I'm trying to write a mystery and I don't want to reveal the bad guy until later on so right now all I have to use is "He said... the visitor smiled..." and so on.

How can I create mystery without giving away the name of the character so early on?

maestrowork · Jul 14, 2009

This is tricky. If it's written from the MC's POV, then she knows the man. She wouldn't be saying "the visitor." That would be evasive and the readers wouldn't appreciate it.

You will have to find another way to write the character. Perhaps the MC knows him by another name? Perhaps the MC doesn't know his true identity. Perhaps the MC simply ignores his identity by referring to him as some generic thing: "my neighbor" or or "that guy across the street" or "my boss's boss, who shall remain nameless because I hate him" for example.

If it's told in 3rd omniscient, then the narrator can choose to not reveal the identity of this man at the time. But don't fall in the trap of author evasion: "I know something but I'm not going to tell you now" -- because that's really irritating. At least to me.

Manix · Jul 14, 2009

LeighGarvey said:
How do you evoke the sense of mystery without being redundant?

I have an WIP where my MC is meeting a man she knows, but is unknown to the reader in the field. I'm trying to write a mystery and I don't want to reveal the bad guy until later on so right now all I have to use is "He said... the visitor smiled..." and so on.

How can I create mystery without giving away the name of the character so early on?

Oh...easy one. Just give him a physical trait that distinguishes him, such as dark hair, a scarred face or a smirk, etc. Then you call him "the dark stranger," "the scarred man," "the smirking fellow," see? Or, you can call attention to his personality trait and call him Mr. Aloof or Mr. Sarcasm or Mr. Dread as a nickname.

Bufty · Jul 14, 2009

The meeting is by chance, I guess, but even so if it is subsequently revealed she (the POV character) knew him or recognised him at the time of the meeting, I would feel I'd been deliberately hoodwinked, particularly so if he turned out to be 'the bad guy'.

A man she know's is the stumbling block here.

Does she have to know him or recognise him at this meeting? Disguise? Has a long time elapsed since she last saw him? His physical appearance may not be the same? Illness? Accident? Plastic surgery? Body building?

Your problem is solved if there is a genuine and believable reason why she doesn't recognise him, and presumably he is going to treat her like a stranger.

Wark · Jul 14, 2009

I thought one of the big rules was that what the POV knows, we know, if it comes up and is significant.

Adding to that, something that I struggle with, is when two characters are talking, they can't hide their info from us.

Sometimes suspense is because you know something is going to happen. Let them know.

BigWords · Jul 14, 2009

Bufty said:
Your problem is solved if there is a genuine and believable reason why she doesn't recognise him, and presumably he is going to treat her like a stranger.

His face could be all burnt up because he was in a fire.
He could have grown a large beard since she saw him last.
He has a Maori tattoo covering half of his face...

The options are endless.

maestrowork · Jul 14, 2009

Wark said:
Sometimes suspense is because you know something is going to happen. Let them know.

Yup. Then again, suspense is not the same as mystery.

Another thought is that if you go to the distance to try to conceal this guy's identity, it'd actually make the readers question it: What's so significant about this guy? Is he the bad guy?

I just don't know why his identity is so hush-hush. Obviously the MC knows him, so why the mystery? Is he the Pope or something? Why would knowing who he is ruin the mystery? I'm not sure if I follow.

BigWords · Jul 14, 2009

maestrowork said:
Is he the Pope or something?

Please say it is...

courtneyv · Jul 14, 2009

I've read works where the villain gave himself a nickname and that worked.

Matera the Mad · Jul 14, 2009

I don't get it. If the MC knows him, she knows him. Nobody knows that he's the bad guy, so what's the big deal? I've read lots of mysteries in which the killer interacts freely with other characters. It's all the more surprising when he turns out to be a psycho creep underneath. Descriptive phrases are a big turn-off, and a nameless character is not going to be credible unless the MC can't remember his name.

Libbie · Jul 14, 2009

Matera the Mad said:
I don't get it. If the MC knows him, she knows him. Nobody knows that he's the bad guy, so what's the big deal? I've read lots of mysteries in which the killer interacts freely with other characters. It's all the more surprising when he turns out to be a psycho creep underneath. Descriptive phrases are a big turn-off, and a nameless character is not going to be credible unless the MC can't remember his name.

Yes, exactly.

If you just don't want to name the character's name, then simply use "he" and "him" whenever he's in the scene with the MC. She knows who he is, so it would be artificial to call him "the stranger" or "the mysterious man," etc.

Better yet, what Matera said. Name him outright, but don't reveal that he's the one who's done the evil deed until the appropriate time. It will make it way more shocking.

LeighGarvey · Jul 14, 2009

Thing is, the MC at this point (as its the opening chapter) is going to die at the end of this chapter. I decided she wasn't going to be the MC so I'm killing her off and the new MC won't know him, so after the first chapter he'll have a name.

Y'know how some crime novels start off with a death? Thats how I want to start, so is it ok to just use He and Him?

maestrowork · Jul 14, 2009

Thing is, the MC at this point (as its the opening chapter) is going to die at the end of this chapter.

Then she's really not the MC, just a character who dies to set things moving. When you use terms like "main character" or protagonist, they carry specific meanings. This character who dies in chapter one is not the main character.

OK, there's no reason not to use just a pronoun to build mystery:

Mary saw the figure. It was him! She hadn't seen him for over a year, and now he reappeared wearing a clown suit. Then she noticed something else. He was holding a chainsaw.

(It's clear to the readers that she knows the man, but at the point, the readers don't need to know... thus the mystery)

(not the best writing, but you get the idea)

seun · Jul 15, 2009

maestrowork said:
Mary saw the figure. It was him! She hadn't seen him for over a year, and now he reappeared wearing a clown suit. Then she noticed something else. He was holding a chainsaw.

Wait. Is this guy with the chainsaw the Pope?

maestrowork · Jul 15, 2009

seun said:
Wait. Is this guy with the chainsaw the Pope?

You'll have to find out!

Wiskel · Jul 15, 2009

You could always write the scene from the pov of the killer. If your victim is going to be killed then it isn't strictly necessary for her to have a point of view chapter of her own. That puts you a little more in charge of the reveals as the killer isn't going to think or say his own name unless you want him to.

Your victim could greet him with a simple "Hi." before they start chatting about old times without you needing to describe her thoughts about him or describe him, and you can make the victim's dialogue as casual or as awkward as you like to imply whether their relationship is a close one or a tense one.

This might allow you to have a mystery within the chapter about what this unnamed POV is going to do, and save the mystery of who he is for the rest of the story.

Creating mystery without being redundant

LeighGarvey

Putters and Bics

maestrowork

Fear the Death Ray

Manix

Mutatis mutandis

Bufty

Where have the last ten years gone?

Wark

Mark Brockman

BigWords

Geekzilla

maestrowork

Fear the Death Ray

BigWords

Geekzilla

courtneyv

Matera the Mad

Bartender, gimme a Linux Mint

Libbie

Worst song played on ugliest guitar

LeighGarvey

Putters and Bics

maestrowork

Fear the Death Ray

seun

Horror Man

maestrowork

Fear the Death Ray

Wiskel

practical experience, FTW