I need substitutes for:
*shrugging (as in, 'eh, whatever')
*rolling eyes (to show sarcasm)
*blushing
Got any?
*shrugging (as in, 'eh, whatever')
*rolling eyes (to show sarcasm)
*blushing
Got any?
Physical Substitutions
- Thread starter thejordynface
- Start date
- Status
- Joined
- Feb 11, 2005
- Messages
- 43,746
- Reaction score
- 8,654
- Location
- Los Angeles
- Website
- www.amazon.com
People do plenty of things to show all that without shrugging, rolling eyes or blushing. In fact, I can't really remember the last time I saw someone actually blushing.
Try to observe people more keenly, especially their body language if that's your concern. Many people, actually, don't do anything when they disapprove, etc. Or they fidget instead. Or they shuffle their feet. Or they just stand still and stare. There are so many different variations. Do NOT count on cliches alone. A lot of times, the dialogue and context tell us all we need to know. There really is no need to shrug, roll eyes or blush.
What's wrong with a shrug or a roll of the eyes, or even a blush. It happens in real life all the time and there's no reason to avoid it in our descriptions. You need to be careful how you phrase the actions, to keep them from becoming clichéd.
Sam asked me how I expected to get the suspect to talk. I shrugged, "Damned if I know," I said.
Sam rolled his eyes. "Do you ever have a plan?"
"Sure," I said, I could feel myself begin to blush. "I just don't know what it is yet."
Sam asked me how I expected to get the suspect to talk. I shrugged, "Damned if I know," I said.
Sam rolled his eyes. "Do you ever have a plan?"
"Sure," I said, I could feel myself begin to blush. "I just don't know what it is yet."
Flap their hands and say 'pfft'
Um I don't roll my eyes when I'm being sarcastic - I've never seen anyone do so. They might when someone else is being sarcastic. . I may however bite my lip and try not to grin.
Staring at the floor and fidgeting with their feet
- Joined
- Feb 11, 2005
- Messages
- 43,746
- Reaction score
- 8,654
- Location
- Los Angeles
- Website
- www.amazon.com
In fiction, do it a few times and your readers will be shrugging and rolling their eyes. Do it yet a few more times, and your readers may close the book and read something else that has fewer shrugs, eyes rolls and blushes.
Your example would be perfectly fine without the body language, which reads more like fillers than anything useful:
Sam asked me how I expected to get the suspect to talk. "Damned if I know," I said.
"Do you ever have a plan?"
"Sure," I said, feeling my ears getting hot. "I just don't know what it is yet."
Last edited:
A few shrugs are fine, and it'd be difficult to write a teenager with some significant eye-rolling. But these things are mannerisms of static characters. Put them in motion, doing things, saying things, and the same emotions can be expressed without them being frozen in place, and without keeping the reader's focus on their shoulders and heads (i.e. in danger of becoming talking heads).
- Joined
- Nov 5, 2006
- Messages
- 18,014
- Reaction score
- 5,094
- Location
- dunking doughnuts at Dunkin' Donuts
After doing full edits and rewrites on two manuscripts, I'd noticed how much and how often characters roll their eyes. I figured if I saw it, readers would and I cut or reworded many of the instances.
Like spice, use just enough and your dish is perfect, too little and it's bland, too much and no one will like it.
This sounds like the OP's problem, as well. Jordyn, it suggests to me that if you're looking for substitutes, you've already used "blushing" and "shrugging" too often in the manuscript. Substitutions won't necessarily help.
- Joined
- Feb 11, 2005
- Messages
- 43,746
- Reaction score
- 8,654
- Location
- Los Angeles
- Website
- www.amazon.com
I used quite a few blushing in my first novel, and my editor promptly suggested me to search and destroy as much as I could. Reasons? A) After a few, it became very distracting, B) it's a sign of amateur writing among new writers, and C) all the blushing made my characters sound like walking Barbie dolls -- like, how many times should a woman blush? My editor (who is a woman) found it really stupid and kind of stereotypical, and insulting to women. I don't necessarily agree, but I found that the rewrite did make everything tighter, stronger, and less caricaturish.
Besides, a character can't see himself or herself blushing. They can feel their faces or ears getting warm, but more often than not, people simply don't know they're blushing.
Besides, a character can't see himself or herself blushing. They can feel their faces or ears getting warm, but more often than not, people simply don't know they're blushing.
Agree with other advice. But I also think that if you need to describe those actions, "shrug" is a quieter word than "lifted and lowered his shoulders" in the same way that I'd prefer reading "said" twice than read "said" and "bellowed." (Hope that makes sense.)
I would think of other ways people can express those emotions. I don't blush fully, but the tips of my ears turn red, for example. I kind of throw up my hands when I'm being sarcastic. I often blink instead of shrugging.
I would think of other ways people can express those emotions. I don't blush fully, but the tips of my ears turn red, for example. I kind of throw up my hands when I'm being sarcastic. I often blink instead of shrugging.
To show indifference ("whatever"): I brushed away the comment like swatting a fly.
To show sarcasm: "I just love it when you do that," I said with a nasty curl to my lip.
To show discomfort ("blushing"): I stared at the floor and fidgeted with my fingers.
Actually, the MC in my current WIP blushes/flushes/colors a lot, but it's a bad habit of hers that she always notices because she hates that she does it. I try to mix it up and say things like, "Naturally, my reaction was to blush like a fool." Or "I betrayed myself yet again with a rush of color to my cheeks."
To show sarcasm: "I just love it when you do that," I said with a nasty curl to my lip.
To show discomfort ("blushing"): I stared at the floor and fidgeted with my fingers.
Actually, the MC in my current WIP blushes/flushes/colors a lot, but it's a bad habit of hers that she always notices because she hates that she does it. I try to mix it up and say things like, "Naturally, my reaction was to blush like a fool." Or "I betrayed myself yet again with a rush of color to my cheeks."
- Joined
- Feb 11, 2005
- Messages
- 43,746
- Reaction score
- 8,654
- Location
- Los Angeles
- Website
- www.amazon.com
Watch for POV violation. Obviously, if it's first person (or third limited), you wouldn't see the nasty lip curl or the rush of color on your cheeks.
I think that was what the OP was asking though - thoughts on unique beats while on the search and destroy mission ( because sometimes you need a beat for flow and rhythm). I often bung in a 'blush' in the first draft with a note to come back and find a better beat in the edit.
Best thing the OP can do is try some people watching. A great excuse for being nosy
- Joined
- Jul 25, 2006
- Messages
- 1,996
- Reaction score
- 348
- Location
- Hawaii
- Website
- patriciawoodauthor.com
I think there are lots of ways you can better demonstrate a character's emotions rather than telling us.
As others have said, dialogue or if it's first person inner dialogue.
For example don't just say "I blushed with embarrassment."
"I dropped the papers. When I bent over to grab them I spilled my coffee. "Oh Christ!" I said and then remembered he was a minister. "OH shit!" I said and looked for a hole to dive into..."
As others have said, dialogue or if it's first person inner dialogue.
For example don't just say "I blushed with embarrassment."
"I dropped the papers. When I bent over to grab them I spilled my coffee. "Oh Christ!" I said and then remembered he was a minister. "OH shit!" I said and looked for a hole to dive into..."
- Joined
- Jul 25, 2006
- Messages
- 1,996
- Reaction score
- 348
- Location
- Hawaii
- Website
- patriciawoodauthor.com
Thanks guys. I don't think I'm using shrugging/eye rolling too much YET, but I always notice when I do it. Like IdiotsRUs said, sometimes I need a beat because I've got so much dialogue.
Try having your characters interact with their environment. I find this is much more effective than simple gestures, which can create a kind of characters-in-a-vacuum feel. They're standing/sitting/walking SOMEWHERE, so show us how that impacts them. For instance, if we're in an office and someone is embarrassed, perhaps they pick up a paperweight and focus on playing with it rather than looking someone in the eye. If someone is upset, maybe they stand up and walk around. It makes for a lot less repetition - since actions depend on the environment - and also pulls double duty by adding to your setting.
Frank got comfortable real slow. First he took off his coat, all clean lines and shining buttons, and hung it sharply on the rack. Then he operated on the white scarf coiled endlessly around his neck.. An errant piece of cotton fuzz shaken loose from the scarf fell on Sam's sleeve.
"You're an S.O.B.," said Sam. He flicked the fuzz back at his partner. Frank just smiled and brushed dust from his hat.
"You're an S.O.B.," said Sam. He flicked the fuzz back at his partner. Frank just smiled and brushed dust from his hat.
- Status