A Final Dilemna

Lifelongdagger · Jun 19, 2009

I've just finished writing a book in which the MC loses first his father and then his best friend. He is left at the end of the book still lost in grief. The book is violent and foul mouthed and about people striving to survive.I've called the book 'Abide With Me', and have used a verse of the hymn in the middle part of the book.

My question is this. The words of the hymn 'Abide With Me' really sum up the entire story and reflect the place where the MC is at the end. I'm toying with the idea of adding the lyrics to the hymn at the end of the final chapter, but I don't want the reader to get the idea that the MC has somehow got all religious or has found God, or anything. I want it more to indicate the helpless place he now finds himself.

To give you some idea, here's how the last page would read:

Been a year now, since Kenny died. And there ain't a day goes by I don't close my eyes and try and see his face.

Not one fuckin' day.

Abide with me; fast falls the eventide;
the darkness deepens; Lord, with me abide.
When other helpers fail and comforts flee,
Help of the helpless, O abide with me.

Swift to its close ebbs out life's little day;
earth's joys grow dim; its glories pass away;
change and decay in all around I see;
O thou who changest not, abide with me.

I need thy presence every passing hour.
What but thy grace can foil the tempter's power?
Who, like thyself, my guide and stay can be?
Through cloud and sunshine, Lord, abide with me.

I fear no foe, with thee at hand to bless;
ills have no weight, and tears not bitterness.
Where is death's sting? Where, grave, thy victory?
I triumph still, if thou abide with me.

Hold thou thy cross before my closing eyes;
shine through the gloom and point me to the skies.
Heaven's morning breaks, and earth's vain shadows flee;
in life, in death, O Lord, abide with me.

Henry Francis Lyte (1847)

Any thoughts . . .

Lisa Cox · Jun 19, 2009

I would personally find that very powerful, and I wouldn't immediately fall on the religious theme.

But others may disagree.

Lifelongdagger · Jun 19, 2009

Hi Lisamarie.

Powerful is what I'm looking for. But more of the inward reflection/searching/lost in the darkness of it all, than a turn to conventional religion. Sort of calling out to his dad and best friend rather than God.

Thanks for your thoughts, Lisamarie, just trying to wrap the book up in the most effective way possible.

Warmest regards,

Ian

alleycat · Jun 19, 2009

Are you just going to put the hymn at the end, or somehow integrate it with the character's final scene.

As an example only, you could have the character sitting somewhere thinking about his grief and hearing the hymn (or most of the hymn) from a nearby church and then having the character hear "I triumph still, if thou abide with me" and respond with his own thought, something like, "Fucking right. He'll always abide with me. Always."

Lifelongdagger · Jun 19, 2009

I was thinking of just adding it to the end, sort of separate from the text, you know, different typeface, etc. Let the words of the hymn speak for themselves. Almost addressing it to the reader on behalf of John.

The church thing's a really good one, though, but as I said, I don't want to come on too heavy with the religious connection, more the spirit of the words. I want to get it in there somewhere, and integrating it within the final scene might well be the way to go.

Thank you very much, alleycat, for taking the time to think about this one.

Warmest regards,

Ian

alleycat · Jun 19, 2009

I have a feeling many people will just skip reading the words to the hymn if it's added as a sort of stand-alone epilogue. Some might, and some might not; there would be nothing really wrong with that. Some might decide the story is over with the character's final thoughts and close the book, while some might read the hymn as closure to the story.

The hymn is heavily religious (of course), but if the reader has followed the character all along his journey, then I don't believe they would necessarily assume the character has gone through a religious conversion. It will taken as a universal song of grief.

And, by the way, when I suggested hearing the hymn coming from a church, I meant the character could be sitting in the graveyard, or at a nearby bar, or just standing and looking out the window and hearing the song softly coming from the church; wafting through the air, so to speak.

Lifelongdagger · Jun 19, 2009

Thanks for that, alleycat. Funny, here in good old Blighty, the hymn is more well known for being sung at the beginning of every cup final. The 1980 Cup Final is heavily featured in the middle part of the book where one verse of the hymn makes an appearance. I'm hoping readers will tie it more to that and the happenings in that chapter than any religious conversion.

I actually like the part you pointed out that some may skip it, whereas some may not. The whole story is about those we pass over because we're too busy running, so for me, you really have sealed the deal.

Thank you very much.

Warmest regards,

Ian

alleycat · Jun 19, 2009

In that case, I think I could appreciate the whole hymn at the end more since you have put part of the hymn into an earlier scene.

Here in the US we sing the Star Spangled Banner and have fighter jets fly over at the start of big sports events. It would kind of be fun to see a bunch of beer swilling NASCAR fans singing along to a hymn.

KTC · Jun 19, 2009

To be truthful, I would skip it. I might possibly read it if it were somewhere else in the manuscript...but tacked on to the end? It would take away from the final Umph of your prose. You end at 'not one fuckin' day' and that's where I want to pause and think about the entirety of the story I just digested. I would not read the hymn.

Mad Queen · Jun 19, 2009

I would skip it too. I don't think there's any need to sum up the entire story at the end. The story, if you have told it well, should already be enough to indicate "the helpless place he now finds himself".

Lifelongdagger · Jun 19, 2009

Just when I think I know what I'm doing . . .

KTC - Great point about doing the readers work for them. Thank you.

Mad Queen - Just, spot on. Thank you.

Warmest regards,

Ian

Fox The Cave · Jun 19, 2009

Don't just tack it in. I wouldn't read it, and I assume most others wouldn't either. Plus it just looks cheap.

Integrate it into the story, have a character read and respond to it, as I think another person said.

Don't be obvious.

Lifelongdagger · Jun 19, 2009

All done. Mr Fox. Idea disposed of. Give the reader a bit of credit, eh, leave them something to ponder. Just my own insecurities wanting to spell it out for them.

Cheers everone, for this. AW comes up trumps again.

Warmest regards,

Ian

firedrake · Jun 19, 2009

I agree with the idea of integrating into the final chapter rather than leaving it dangling at the end, if you decide to use it.

Personally, it is my favorite hymn and the highlight of the Cup Final for me.
This year's rendition just about had me in tears, it was beautiful. It never fails to give me the chills (in a good way)

Lifelongdagger · Jun 19, 2009

See, I'm really stuck with this, Sue. I really, really, want to use it, but I don't want it to come across twee and sentimental. It's not that sort of book. But it says everything about the place John is in far better, and far more beautifully than I ever could. One to think on, definitely. Just when I think I've made up my mind . . .

By the way, hope this hasn't spoiled the ending for you at all, Sue. Didn't think of that.

Speak to you soon,

Ian

firedrake · Jun 19, 2009

Lifelongdagger said:
See, I'm really stuck with this, Sue. I really, really, want to use it, but I don't want it to come across twee and sentimental. It's not that sort of book. But it says everything about the place John is in far better, and far more beautifully than I ever could. One to think on, definitely. Just when I think I've made up my mind . . .

By the way, hope this hasn't spoiled the ending for you at all, Sue. Didn't think of that.

Speak to you soon,

Ian

Whenever you post something here, you'll get conflicting advice, it's the nature of the beast! I think you have to go with your gut in the end.

Nah, it hasn't spoiled the ending! It will give me something to chew over when I read it.

It's such a powerful hymn and it has the potential to have your readers reaching for their hankies, mind...from the bits of the end you posted already, I was tearing up a bit.

Lifelongdagger · Jun 19, 2009

Yeah, I suppose I sort of want to grind them into the ground a little bit. Hard to estimate the impact of an ending from the inside. Always the temptation to overdo it.

jodiodi · Jun 19, 2009

Even though you've made your decision, I'll throw in my 2 cents.

Abide with Me has been sung mostly at funerals, where I'm from here in the US. It's hard to imagine it as a sports song. I'd associate it with melancholy and seeking of comfort.

Lifelongdagger · Jun 19, 2009

It sort of is that, Jodi, in that the MC is struggling to come to terms with the loss of his dad and his best friend. Football (soccer) plays an important part in the book, so the hymn sort of ties together both ideas. It's just whether to leave it to the reader to deduce his deep melancholy or to show it on the page. Still not made up my mind. The book is out nine BETAs at the moment, so I'll question them on their views and see what the response it.

Many thanks for taking the time to think about this one.

Warmest regards,

Ian

ChaosTitan · Jun 19, 2009

Have you considered dividing up the hymn and putting fragments of it at the start of each chapter?

Namatu · Jun 19, 2009

Is the hymn under copyright? Or is it not, because it's a hymn?

Lifelongdagger · Jun 19, 2009

Hi Chaos.

I did think of that, but with only five verses and twenty eight chapters, decided it wouldn't work.

Namatu - It was published in 1857, I think, so I'm assuming it's public domain stuff now, although I might be wrong.

Warmest regards,

Ian

Lifelongdagger · Jun 19, 2009

PS: Chaos: Just understood what you mean, sort of a line or two at the beginning of each chapter. You know, that just might work

Warmest regards,

Ian

Phaeal · Jun 19, 2009

Or pick just one verse for the end of the book. I think the whole hymn is overkill.

Lifelongdagger · Jun 19, 2009

Good idea Phael. Perhaps repeating the verse already quoted midway through the book, thus closing the circle.

Thanks for taking the time to think on this one.

Warmest regards,

Ian

A Final Dilemna

Lifelongdagger

Lisa Cox

Lifelongdagger

alleycat

Still around

Lifelongdagger

alleycat

Still around

Lifelongdagger

alleycat

Still around

KTC

Stand in the Place Where You Live

Mad Queen

California Mountain Snake

Lifelongdagger

Fox The Cave

I get cancer. I kill Jack.

Lifelongdagger

firedrake

practical experience, FTW

Lifelongdagger

firedrake

practical experience, FTW

Lifelongdagger

jodiodi

Reflections of Reality

Lifelongdagger

ChaosTitan

Around

Namatu

Lost in mental space.

Lifelongdagger

Lifelongdagger

Phaeal

Whatever I did, I didn't do it.

Lifelongdagger