Slowing the pace.

Caramia · Jun 18, 2009

Had my 16 year old read over the first 9 chapters. She's not official beta, she's pre-beta and reads at least 2 huge novels a week. I wanted her initial take on the basic feel of it. She adored it much more than my previous, now shelved, attempt. The main points she mentioned as possible issues were the manner of dialogue, which I showed her was actually right according to the SYW crits here. She thought I was using commas where I should have periods (ie: "Turn off the television," Simon said.)

The other one, which I've not seen mention of here, is that I go too quickly. There's little time to breathe and she wanted to keep 'turning the page' and not stop to take a break between chapters. Kinda thought that was a good thing and I really do have every three-four chapters end on a non-suspenseful note...I thought.

I do plan to 'fluff' it a bit with more slow stuff when I go back after the basic story itself is solid. Here's the dilemma: I don't like the fluff when I am reading, I skim. Do readers really wanna know the scent of the pollen on the petal on the shrub before entering the ornate and majestic double doors which lead to the polished and forboding chamber of....the common building with the common decorations...before they reach the first exchange with the bug eyed clerk?

I seek balance, but I'm a spoiled reader...writing for my own preferences. I need other perspectives

Thanks for the time & tips!

K. Taylor · Jun 18, 2009

Being a page-turner is a good thing! If you make the reader slow down, you risk bringing them to a full-out stop with something that isn't necessary. If a reader can't put a book down, that is never, ever a bad thing.

calley · Jun 18, 2009

Page turning is good.

Fluff that ain't necessary.. ain't necessary. I avoid fluff. It makes me sneeze.

john barnes on toast · Jun 18, 2009

great books have changes of tempo and rhythm.

Being relentless can bring it's own sense of boredom, and changing the pace can be beneficial, essential even.

But that's not to say there's ever an excuse to add 'fluff'. I'm not sure if it's what you meant, but the idea of 'fluffing' suggests an intention to pad the work out to purely increase the word count.
Details should flesh the story out, by revealing things about characters and the spaces they inhabbit, if they're not doing that they're not needed.

errantruth · Jun 18, 2009

I don't like the stuff that's pointless, the filler. But something character driven that warms the cockles of me heart or makes me laugh, that's something else. But only if it feels natural.

But what genre do you write? I only just read my first urban fantasy a few weeks ago. Before then I somehow missed the "tension on every page" avalanche of books. And I loved the pace of the book, so alien to me. My heart was in my mouth all the way. And because it was that type of book, I actually did something I never do. I just HAD to know if this one character survived the scene. I jumped two pages ahead to check. Yes, I did. *shakes head in horror* But this writer made it work. Her pace and tension had me so unnerved I HAD TO KNOW and...err...ignored two pages of great writing to find out quickly before re-reading them.

My point? Uh... When you're all done, you can figure out if you want some breathers for your character? This particular writer threw very few breathers my way, and the few she threw were actually tricks to lull the reader before a shock. Then again, Austen lets me breathe and I love her for it too. So genre matters, right?

Caramia · Jun 18, 2009

Not going to be an issue of padding the word count. If I keep going at this pace, I will have to squeeze and reword things to slow things down a bit. I'm already trimming sentences to say the same thing with fewer words.

The genre is fantasy, but which kind (sub-genre?) is something I have yet to spend enough time on figuring out. Fairly sure it wouldn't be urban, if my definition of the term applies.

The feedback is super wonderful. I very much appreciate the guidance from everyone taking the time to add their input

The story is consuming me, was thrilled that it got a positive reception from the kiddo. She was super harsh on the previous story, so it gives me confidence that she loved this one.

I think I can add pacing with traveling maybe, or random sightings of fantastical, unessential beings. It's just tempering my own prejudices and accepting that my preferences aren't the same for everyone. I can tell the story, still working on the 'leisure' aspect of it. Usually equals *boring* to me :/

Danthia · Jun 18, 2009

I just went through this with my betas actually. Lots of action, and they started to feel overwhelmed because they never got a break to sit back and reflect and absorb it all.

Too much of any kind of pacing can be tiring, whether it's slow or fast. I went back and added some slower scenes to give readers a break. That doesn't mean I fluffed them out though. The slower paced scenes have other purposes. They reveal info, show an inner struggle, set mood and foreshadow, etc. The tension comes from within, not without.

I'd suggest looking for places where you can deepen what you already have, maybe show another side of something, or expand a little on the emotional level. Places that allow you to still keep readers interested in what happens, but through mystery or suspense and not through action. I wouldn't recommend adding travel or scenery to slow it down, because as you mentioned, that's the stuff readers tend to skim. Nothing happens, and they don't care.

You can have slow, and still have tense, which is what you want. A slower pace, but what's going on is compelling and interesting so the reader doesn't mind taking a little extra time to go through it.

ccv707 · Jun 18, 2009

Why would you go back once the story is told to add fluff? A book should only have the necessary elements to tell its story, and everything else is excess fat that does not belong.

If you want to slow the pace, simply use longer sentences, with more commas and punctuations...perhaps combine sentences together. Use the language to your advantage. You want to slow the reading of the words, not the story itself.

Lisa Cox · Jun 18, 2009

I don't agree with padding the story out by adding unnecessary detail, but I do feel characters need a little introspection now and then as a 'reaction' to the 'action'. Not over-used, obviously, but just enough to feel how the character's feeling about the events. And it also serves to slow the pace a little between action, which will let the reader breathe.

Of course, it's difficult to make introspection not boring, so it's always wise to tread carefully.

Bufty · Jun 18, 2009

If I want a breather while I'm reading -like most folk - I just put the book down and make a cup of tea or pour a drink - and then jump right back in where I left off.

So long as what you put in to 'slow folk down' is really adding to the development of the story it's okay, but putting something in as boring filler simply because you think a reader should slow down is not a good idea. Readers are more intelligent than some writers give them credit for - you deliver the characters and the story and let the reader read at his own pace.

Red-Green · Jun 18, 2009

The project I'm awaiting revision notes on was one of those breathless page-turners. That's good, but a well-placed "breather" that develops character, that's good, too. Several of my early readers said they were relieved at the occasional quiet moment in the book, because it gave them a chance to process what had just happened and prepare themselves for what was coming. So I spend chapters running my MC through a gauntlet of his own making--revenge, heavy on the sex, drugs, and violence--and put him in bed with a crying girl he's done terrible things to. I knew the next action scene was the arrival of yet more problems for him, but instead of jumping straight to it, I took a little pause. A page to soothe the jangled nerves, remind the reader what they liked about the MC to begin with, and give a hint of the decisions he'll make later.

Don't think of it as filler or fluff, though. That breather I gave my readers, it moved the story, it just did it more quietly.

Fenika · Jun 18, 2009

Fluff belongs mixed in, doled out in little portions, to prevent white room syndrome.

Slowing down the pace, while still having conflict, can be done with introspection as someone pointed out.

You can also read up on scene and sequel (both being scenes in one WIP). Butcher's take here- http://jimbutcher.livejournal.com/ (scroll down and read Scene first)

gypsyscarlett · Jun 18, 2009

Here's a good article on pacing. It deals with scenes and sequels.

http://foremostpress.com/authors/articles/scenes_structure.html

Caramia · Jun 18, 2009

Great links, still reading but wanted to say thanks again! I believe I have a sound understanding and it's totally doable and can still be enjoyable.

*passes out the gift baskets of berries*

ORION · Jun 18, 2009

I'll throw my 2 cents in.
Is this a first draft?
Many time my first drafts roll pell mell forward and are full of fast moving narrative. On successive revisions or edits that's when I expand the scenes into action/ dialogue or introspection and then work on the plot arc and pacing.
If I worry about too much during the first draft process I paralyze myself...I also tend to not want anyone to read my drafts...
Now if you are finished then it's different but I got the impression you were still writing the novel...

maestrowork · Jun 18, 2009

Slowing the pace doesn't mean you have to stop the motion and describe in details how the sunlight hits the ceiling.

Slowing the pace could mean spending more time with character development and interaction and less on plot movement. Or developing a subplot. Or focus on a relationship. Or introspection. Or some exposition and back stories, etc.

Or expand on a scene that is moving too fast... add more dialogue, or let it boil for a bit longer instead of boom-boom-boom action after action. Don't the characters at least stop and smell the roses and drink some wine before they leap off the cliff? Have some quiet moments instead.

Using "fluff" or padding to slow the pace is not a good idea. You need to find something that does so but still a) move the plot along, b) develop characters or c) deepen the theme. Just because you need to slow down doesn't mean you can just toss all that away. Every word count. If the fluff has no meaning to your story, toss it.

Caramia · Jun 18, 2009

Yes first draft, and it's mainly the 'guts' of the story I'm trying to get down this time through. I figured I could see where I could afford some tea time moments after I had the most important points covered. Loving these links folks posted, already got ideas flowing for how to handle this without betraying my own anti-fluff position. Which by the way, that was not the right word to use so thanks for not shredding me

dgrintalis · Jun 18, 2009

I find my stories just automatically slow themselves down. My recently completed WIP, a dark, suspenseful horror, has a bunch of small, odd things and then a quiet lull in the story, then a lot of large, odd things and then another quiet little lull and then the end built up and up and up into the climax, but even there, a lull inserted itself. A strange lull, in truth, but a needed one. I did not consciously put the lulls in. They were part of the story and just happened. I would love for someone to not be able to put it down. I hope that the lulls give the reader time to take a deep breath and have a few, considering thoughts, but not time enough to pull them down into boredom or out of the story.

Canotila · Jun 18, 2009

"Fluff" has a place, and can be helpful in setting the tone of a scene.

If your character walks in the front door and smells lemony fresh cleanser, it sets a far different tone than walking in the door to the funk of unwashed dishes.

The sensory details all should be helping to drive the story forward, to draw the reader into the scene. The smell of the pollen by the door could be hinting at who's inside, what kind of mood they are in, etc. It could be from a beautiful lily, but smell bitter and leave a nasty taste in the back of the character's throat. Or it could be some lingering perfume of roses at the end of their bloom.

maestrowork · Jun 18, 2009

Canotila said:
If your character walks in the front door and smells lemony fresh cleanser, it sets a far different tone than walking in the door to the funk of unwashed dishes.

Personally I don't consider sensory details fluff. They're essential, part of the whole "show not tell" techniques. Granted, we shouldn't spend two pages describing the scent of the house -- that would be drab. Still, sensory details are important whether you're writing fast- or slow-paced scenes.

Also, someone else mentioned you could change the lengths or structures of the sentences, etc. to slow down the pace. Compound, complete sentences instead of fragments. More narrative instead of dialogue, etc.

Slowing the pace.

Caramia

Alliteration Afflicted

K. Taylor

Bah Humbug

calley

john barnes on toast

errantruth

Caramia

Alliteration Afflicted

Danthia

ccv707

He who asks, "Why?"

Lisa Cox

Bufty

Where have the last ten years gone?

Red-Green

KoalaKoalaKoala!

Fenika

gypsyscarlett

Ma fin est mon commencement

Caramia

Alliteration Afflicted

ORION

Sailed away years ago

maestrowork

Fear the Death Ray

Caramia

Alliteration Afflicted

dgrintalis

'Tis true, she is a monstergirl

Canotila

Sever your leg please.

maestrowork

Fear the Death Ray