Funniest Sayings

mekolo_diesne · Jun 11, 2009

Heyllo Every1!

Just curious, but what are some of the funny sayings that you have heard.

Here are just a few that I've heard:

Everyone brightens a room. Some do it upon entering. Others, upon exiting.
*****
Even if you're on the right path, you'll still get run over if you just sit there.
*****
Temptation is fun, but giving in is even funner.
*****
National Sarcasm Society: Like we need your support.

These are just some off the top of my head, and I'm curious as to what comes up. HaVe A nIcE dAy!

Mekolo

Leasie · Jun 12, 2009

Hmm I have heaps

I said 'no' to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.

Your kid may be an honour student but you're stillan IDIOT

Dear Auntie Em, Hate you, Hate Kansas, Taking the dog, Dorothy

You're just jealous because the voices are only talking to me

Warning: Children left unattended will be sold to the circus

misa101 · Jun 12, 2009

friends don't let friends fry bacon naked\

Leah_Michelle · Jun 12, 2009

I kept wondering why the Frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me.

DWSTXS · Jun 12, 2009

I belong to HPA - Hokey Pokey Anonymous (It's a place to turn yourself around)

Elidibus · Jun 14, 2009

Seems like we've descended into the abyss of corny jokes. I can't be left undone!

"So two hats are sitting in a closet
One hat turns to the other and says...
'You stay here. I'll go on a head.'"

As for just funny sayings. How about...

I reject your reality and substitute my own!

Always admit a fault. It will throw people in authority off guard and give you a chance to commit more of them.

I didn't attend his funeral. But I sent him a nice letter saying that I approved.

To know your enemy, you must walk one mile in his shoes. If, by then, you still don't know your enemy, you'll be a mile away and he'll have no shoes.

I have no taste for either poverty or honest labor. So writing is the only recourse left for me. (I stole this from a person here some time ago. So forgive me if it's yours)

Doctor Shifty · Jun 14, 2009

mekolo_diesne said:
Heyllo Every1!

Everyone brightens a room. Some do it upon entering. Others, upon exiting.
*****

Mekolo

Wasn't it Jimmy Carter about whom they said he had such a sense of presence that when he entered a room it was as if somebody just left?

Kim

Manix · Jun 14, 2009

This one has always been my favorite.http://www.flickr.com/photos/tmlsb/228428783/

thecraftteens · Jun 14, 2009

There's more than one way to skin a cat.

I spend hours laughing when I think about this. What on earth would be the second way?

Leasie · Jun 14, 2009

Do not mess with writers, we know how to plot revenge

I child proofed my house but they still get in

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you ever tried

Out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message

Leah_Michelle · Jun 14, 2009

Leasie said:
Do not mess with writers, we know how to plot revenge

Writer humor!
I love it.

Doctor Shifty · Jun 15, 2009

Here's a quote from my new book that might fit the thread. It happens in school.

And then Jacko said, ‘Mr Williams, you shouldn’t be too tough on these boys because they are all members of the DNA, which is the National Dyslexics Association.’

Mr Williams looked up puzzled and I could tell he didn’t quite get it but Jacko and I sat there laughing fit to bust ourselves.

Then Jacko said, ‘The DNA, sir. Putting the sex back in dyslexia.’

ShowerInspiration · Jun 15, 2009

"She looks so old. Age didn't pass her, it ran her over." (Makes more sense in spanish lol)

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.

And my favorite: When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car

stormie · Jun 15, 2009

ShowerInspiration said:
And my favorite: When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car

You should have posted "coffee alert!" Now to go clean off my keyboard.

MissKris · Jun 15, 2009

Doctor Shifty said:
Here's a quote from my new book that might fit the thread. It happens in school.

And then Jacko said, ‘Mr Williams, you shouldn’t be too tough on these boys because they are all members of the DNA, which is the National Dyslexics Association.’

Mr Williams looked up puzzled and I could tell he didn’t quite get it but Jacko and I sat there laughing fit to bust ourselves.

Then Jacko said, ‘The DNA, sir. Putting the sex back in dyslexia.’

Very Nice! :roll:

ShowerInspiration said:
"And my favorite: When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car

Repartee · Jun 15, 2009

ShowerInspiration said:
And my favorite: When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car

This is my new favorite!

Fokker Aeroplanbau · Jun 15, 2009

Anything too stupid to be spoken, is sung.

Eagles may soar, but weasals don't get sucked into jet turbines.

Trespassers will be shot. Survivors shot again.

If the opposite of pro, is con. The opposite of progress must be...

ShowerInspiration · Jun 15, 2009

Fokker Aeroplanbau said:
If the opposite of pro, is con. The opposite of progress must be...

Must be what?!?! What is it?! lol

Repartee · Jun 15, 2009

ShowerInspiration said:
Must be what?!?! What is it?! lol

Congress, is my guess

poetinahat · Jun 15, 2009

Fokker Aeroplanbau said:
If the opposite of pro, is con. The opposite of progress must be...

Heh. In the same vein, I've often wondered what the opposite of 'constitution' would be.

ShowerInspiration · Jun 15, 2009

Pazzo said:
Congress, is my guess

Oh lol thanks for that. Little sleepy here. Anyways...

Leah_Michelle · Jun 15, 2009

There are always a decent number of sayings on Myspace bumper stickers...

Don't follow in me footsteps....I run into walls.

I may be schizophrenic, but at least I have each other.

Being vague is almost as much fun as this other thing...

Build a man a fire and he'll be warm for a night. Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Doctor Shifty · Jun 16, 2009

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day.
Teach a man to fish and he'll spend the rest of his life sitting in a boat drinking beer.

Terri · Jun 16, 2009

Doctor Shifty said:
Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day.
Teach a man to fish and he'll spend the rest of his life sitting in a boat drinking beer.

LOL.

Okay, that's probably cheating, but hey--they're funny. X3 There are a whole lot more.

Blackest_Nite · Jun 16, 2009

Here's a few:

Doctors say I have a multiple personality, but we don't agree with that.

I Don’t Suffer From Insanity, I Enjoy Every Minute Of It

"Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to."

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

My mind works like lightning, one brilliant flash and it's gone

Stupidity is not a crime so you’re free to go

Mothers with teenagers know why animals eat their young

Frogs have it easy. They can eat what bugs them.

Can’t take your call, I'm hiding from the men in white coats. We've been playing hide'n'seek for weeks, and they still haven't found me! Tee Hee Hee! Leave a message?

Join the loners club. We have jackets.

In this family we do background checks as a sign of love.

Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.

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