How would you react?

gwendy85 · May 6, 2009

How would you react if a loved one you thought was dead turns up alive, and that someone close to you actually knew this and kept it from you?

Just trying to get people's reactions here. I've been stewing over this for my WIP. I imagine my MC would hate her friend for keeping it from her, but the friend has reasons, which won't be revealed until later. In the meantime, I'd like to as your opinions. Appreciate the inputs, guys!

Hadrian · May 6, 2009

It all depends on your MC really. If you believe she'd hate her friend for keeping it from her, you're probably right. We don't know her so it's hard to say.

Personally, I'd interrogate the friend. I wouldn't necessarily be mad, but very confused. I'd tend to repress anger and those kinds of things. Before doing that though, I'd talk with the loved one I thought was dead, to see what's up.

ccv707 · May 6, 2009

I'd feel left out, but not necessarily mad...unless their reasons for keeping it from me were malicious. Of course, I'd want to know why they did what they did--for all I know, they had a very good reason to.

As for your WIP, write it however you feel the character would feel. Don't base it on a consensus. Your character should be a real person, not an amalgam of what people say is white and black.

cubed · May 6, 2009

Wouldn't think twice about it. I grew up in foster care.

Maiden · May 6, 2009

Honestly I would be confused. I would be mad because I was lied to but I would be glad the person wasn't dead after all. There would be a sense of betrayal and I do not think I would be able to trust the person who kept it from me.

I think it would also depend on the relationship I had with the person who kept it from me. So I would think it best to jsut look at the character involved and, like others said, determine how you think they would react based on their personality. Everyone is an individual so no reaction would be wrong.

Bufty · May 6, 2009

How anyone would react in such a scenario would depend upon a whole heap of variables including the circumstances surrounding the deception, and the emotional make-up of all the characters concerned.

Mr Flibble · May 6, 2009

If you follow this news story it might help

A man pretended to die in a canoeing accident. Wife gets the insurance etc. Sons grieve.

Five years later it turns out the wife knew all along he was alive but the sons always thought he was dead. Bit of a shock when he turned up...

Ken Schneider · May 6, 2009

Like Jill on the Young and the Restless.

Shail · May 6, 2009

I would be extremely pissed. Rip-the-lying-idiot's-heart-out pissed. But I'd wait for an explanation before ripping his heart out. Once I had the explaination, and the friend who I thought was dead, and they guy who kept my 'dead friend' hidden from me I'd give them both an epic tongue lashing and cut them out of my life forever. As in Dead-To-Me! Wanna play dead pal, okay fine, you are dead. Bye. See you never. I know. I'm kind of hateful.

Claudia Gray · May 6, 2009

I think I'd be more bewildered at first, and confused. If I'm happy that this person has returned from the dead, that's probably the main thing I'm thinking about. By the time that high has passed -- well, if the person involved had a really good reason, I might still feel somewhat hurt and angry, but I think I'd get past it.

RunawayScribe · May 6, 2009

I'd slap the person who kept it from me squarely in the face. I'd be furious. If it was for a good reason, I'd get over it in time, I'm sure, but I can't imagine being anything initially other than outraged if the person I thought I lost was a loved one.

san_remo_ave · May 6, 2009

In real life, I don't believe there'd be an acceptable excuse for that type of deception. In fiction, I'm a whole lot more forgiving.

SouthernFriedJulie · May 6, 2009

Really pissed. This actually happened to me.

Everyone in my family said the man who was my real father had been killed in an accident with my 'step'dad. Turns out he was not AND he lived 2 doors down from my great-aunt my whole life.

It isn't excusable and if it happens, this type of thing is more of a shock than you'd imagine.

In my case- got over it, guy turned out to be a drunk, but did end up with some half-siblings.

penny manning · May 6, 2009

I'd be a little pissed at the friend. Such deception would put a dent in our friendship. If I can't depend on him/her to be honest and trustworthy, then why are we even friends?

As to there being a reason the secret was kept and whether I could forgive depends on the reason. If the so-called loved one is a psychotic stalker, I'd certainly have liked to know that someone was possibly plotting my demise! No forgiveness there.

Now, if it turned out the loved one was a sister I thought died in childbirth, I'd be ecstatic. I'd listen to my friend's reason for keeping such exciting news from me. If the newfound sis is a loser, I'll forgive my friend. If sis is a sweetheart, I'd instantly mourn all the lost time and the friend is gonna get the cold shoulder (I shun physical violence. For the most part.) Maybe I'd forgive him/her after a year or so. I can really hold a grudge if I feel I've been lied to, led astray, etc.

As an example: I haven't spoken to my mother in six years. Not since the day she refused to give me her father's phone number so I could finally get to know him before he croaked. He died about a year later. Ha!

So, me trust the friend again? Hmmm, that might take a lot of grovelling on his/her part and years of me second-guessing their reliability. Hope this helps.

Maiden · May 6, 2009

The opposite hapened to me actually. My grandfather, someone who I loved dearly and was a big part of my life, passed away.

This information was kept from me until he was already buried. Kept from me by people who knew how close we were.

Of course it isn't the same... but deception in any form isn't something you really ever let go.

But I am a differnet kind of person. A character might be more forgiving the the lot of us.

penny manning · May 6, 2009

Wow.....

Hope you managed to get some closure... I agree with you...characters can afford to be more lenient with deceivers. Ha!

Cyia · May 6, 2009

When I was a kid, I went to camp with a friend of mine. There was an elderly man that ran the place (looked like Santa Claus), every one loved him. The last year I went, they told us before we got on the bus that he had passed away from a heart attack earlier that year. (They weren't trying to bum anyone out, just prepare everyone for him not being there.)

We get to camp and everyone goes into the meeting hall for the first night's activities, and he comes walking through the door like always. There'd been a miscommunication, and the heart attack wasn't fatal. We were confused - but extremely happy to see him.

Now, that was an accidental case of course, but in an intentional one I think the reaction would be much the same. An OMG moment, followed by happiness, then confusion and probably anger at the intentional deception.

bettielee · May 6, 2009

I'd be mad, i'd be sore mad! And I don't know if I would believe anything they told me. Even if it was a situation where someone's life is in danger, I would wonder... does this come down to money... did they do something and were about to get caught? It's just so extreme. How do you ever get over it? Like the above mentioned, about the husband who faked his death and his kids didn't know - and they did it for money! The betrayal! Aaagh!

wow... I am getting all ferklempt over this imaginary situation.

Little Bird · May 6, 2009

If this was truly a loved one who I thought was dead—as in, I knew and loved them and then they "died" and I grieved for them—I would be absolutely outraged. Murderously angry. I've lost loved ones recently, and there is virtually no excuse for putting people through that. The only excuse I could accept would be to save the person's life.

If it were a relative I never knew, I'd still be very, very angry, but more willing to listen to the person who hid it from me, hoping there was some very compelling reason. Still, I would not be pleased that I hadn't been allowed to decide for myself whether I wanted to know them (even if they were a murderer, really nasty person, etc.)

Rushie · May 7, 2009

When someone dies life goes on. You move forward. If they come back, that does not necessarily mean you are going to reverse back and pick up where you left off with the "dead" person. After you go through all the trouble of emotionally adjusting to the person being gone, you've recreated reality, for them to come back isn't always a positive thing. Maybe if it were your child, that's the only time I can think of that I'd actually be happy. Anybody else I'd probably be annoyed that they came back. I'd have invested all that grief and readjusting for nothing. Yeah, cut them out of my life would be the likely reaction. The only forgivable reason for deliberately deceiving me would be to save me from being tortured by spies or something.

Nadia · May 7, 2009

Confused, angry, left out, not "in" and so on.

gwendy85 · May 7, 2009

Thank you so much for your replies, guys! The reason why I asked is I wanna see if my own reaction would be pretty much the same as everyone else's so that I can make my MC's reaction more believable. Thanks much for all your inputs ^_^

OpheliaRevived · May 7, 2009

It would depend on the friend's motivation for hiding it.

How would you react?

gwendy85

~Proudly Mestiza~

Hadrian

Daniel Trujillo

ccv707

He who asks, "Why?"

cubed

Maiden

Bufty

Where have the last ten years gone?

Mr Flibble

They've been very bad, Mr Flibble

Ken Schneider

Absolute sagebrush

Shail

mostly normal

Claudia Gray

RunawayScribe

It is what it is.

san_remo_ave

Back at it

SouthernFriedJulie

Hidin' the bodies

penny manning

Arrgghh! Arrgghh! Arrgghh!

Maiden

penny manning

Arrgghh! Arrgghh! Arrgghh!

Cyia

Rewriting My Destiny

bettielee

I'm a sparkly fairy princess!

Little Bird

Rushie

Nadia

gwendy85

~Proudly Mestiza~

OpheliaRevived

Real Men Have Gills

How would you react?

~*Proudly Mestiza*~

Daniel Trujillo

He who asks, "Why?"

Where have the last ten years gone?

They've been very bad, Mr Flibble

Absolute sagebrush

mostly normal

It is what it is.

Back at it

Hidin' the bodies

Arrgghh! Arrgghh! Arrgghh!

Arrgghh! Arrgghh! Arrgghh!

Rewriting My Destiny

I'm a sparkly fairy princess!

~*Proudly Mestiza*~

Real Men Have Gills

~Proudly Mestiza~

~Proudly Mestiza~