After discussing the censorship of Sesame Street, I think as many people start talking about Loony Toons, that I would bring up a this little tidbit.
Classic cartoons are a thing of the past. As a matter of fact, they don't even air any of the Loony Toons on any Basic Cable Station anymore. Gone are the days of watching Bugs Bunny smash Elmer Fudd at the beginning of Nick at Nite or seeing Peppe Le Pew try and seduce a resistant cat on TNT. Hell, the only classic cartoon shorts that you even get to see anymore are the Tom and Jerry ones. For a 1/2 hour on Cartoon Network, when most of us are working, and sadly, they pick all the ones that are "less violent" to watch.
Consider why we cannot have these cartoons in today's world.
I will start with Wile E. Coyote. If the Coyote were brought into today's world, instead of obsessing over eating the Road Runner for dinner, he would be living the high life in a penthouse suite, being catered to by beautiful women coyotes and being served road runner or whatever other poultry he desired on a nightly basis. How would he do this you ask? Well, this would come from the money he received after he sued the ACME company for all the faulty equipment he was sold. Of course the ACME Corporation would settle for no less than $10 million, because they won't want the bad press or sadly being known as a company who will sell to animal.
Peppe Le Pew, the great French womanizer. He would be enjoying a prison cell with his new buddy Harold. You see, Peppe, would first have paternity and sexual harrassment suits filed against him. This would cause him to delve into the darkness where all he knows is self-pity and misery. This will get him attached to the lips to his good friend Jack Daniels. There will be one night, where Peppe will drink so much to hide his agony, that he will simply black out. He will wake up in some strange bed, next to some strange woman who will claim he raped her. After a long and litigious process, he will eventually get sentenced for 8 - 10 in the state correctional facility and suffer through hours of therapy, pretty much neutering him of any desire to claim a woman as his own ever again.
Elmer Fudd - well, let's just say that he would finally come out of the closet, and he would move in with his cross dressing buddy Bugs. The two of them would eventually move to San Francisco, where they can live a non-judgemental life.
Daffy Duck would be put into speech therapy and would come out with an incredible singing voice, and be the next American Idol.
Speedy Gonzales would be deported back to Mexico once INS caught up with him and his crystal meth lab.
Slow Poke Roderiguez would also be deported, but after being busted for
possession of marijuana.
Tweety would file a restraining order against Sylvester, and Granny would probably have the cat put down.
Then of course there's Foghorn Leghorn, who wouldn't do anything but watch
NASCAR on TV and go to his Klan meetings.
We can't forget Yosemite Sam, I just think he would be one of those postal workers who'd go into work one day and shoot the place up. (Okay, so that would make a good cartoon)
Anyway, as you can see, we really can't have these cartoons in today's world. They no longer fit. That is not to say that I wouldn't like to see them bring back the Loony Toons full force. I think we need a little non-imitatable violence on TV, but that's for another post.
Classic cartoons are a thing of the past. As a matter of fact, they don't even air any of the Loony Toons on any Basic Cable Station anymore. Gone are the days of watching Bugs Bunny smash Elmer Fudd at the beginning of Nick at Nite or seeing Peppe Le Pew try and seduce a resistant cat on TNT. Hell, the only classic cartoon shorts that you even get to see anymore are the Tom and Jerry ones. For a 1/2 hour on Cartoon Network, when most of us are working, and sadly, they pick all the ones that are "less violent" to watch.
Consider why we cannot have these cartoons in today's world.
I will start with Wile E. Coyote. If the Coyote were brought into today's world, instead of obsessing over eating the Road Runner for dinner, he would be living the high life in a penthouse suite, being catered to by beautiful women coyotes and being served road runner or whatever other poultry he desired on a nightly basis. How would he do this you ask? Well, this would come from the money he received after he sued the ACME company for all the faulty equipment he was sold. Of course the ACME Corporation would settle for no less than $10 million, because they won't want the bad press or sadly being known as a company who will sell to animal.
Peppe Le Pew, the great French womanizer. He would be enjoying a prison cell with his new buddy Harold. You see, Peppe, would first have paternity and sexual harrassment suits filed against him. This would cause him to delve into the darkness where all he knows is self-pity and misery. This will get him attached to the lips to his good friend Jack Daniels. There will be one night, where Peppe will drink so much to hide his agony, that he will simply black out. He will wake up in some strange bed, next to some strange woman who will claim he raped her. After a long and litigious process, he will eventually get sentenced for 8 - 10 in the state correctional facility and suffer through hours of therapy, pretty much neutering him of any desire to claim a woman as his own ever again.
Elmer Fudd - well, let's just say that he would finally come out of the closet, and he would move in with his cross dressing buddy Bugs. The two of them would eventually move to San Francisco, where they can live a non-judgemental life.
Daffy Duck would be put into speech therapy and would come out with an incredible singing voice, and be the next American Idol.
Speedy Gonzales would be deported back to Mexico once INS caught up with him and his crystal meth lab.
Slow Poke Roderiguez would also be deported, but after being busted for
possession of marijuana.
Tweety would file a restraining order against Sylvester, and Granny would probably have the cat put down.
Then of course there's Foghorn Leghorn, who wouldn't do anything but watch
NASCAR on TV and go to his Klan meetings.
We can't forget Yosemite Sam, I just think he would be one of those postal workers who'd go into work one day and shoot the place up. (Okay, so that would make a good cartoon)
Anyway, as you can see, we really can't have these cartoons in today's world. They no longer fit. That is not to say that I wouldn't like to see them bring back the Loony Toons full force. I think we need a little non-imitatable violence on TV, but that's for another post.
