[Humor] Make your own romance line guidelines!

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sunandshadow

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Xenallure, n. - The attractiveness of the exotic,
the alien, the unusual.



PHILOSOPHY Here at Xenallure books our focus is on the intersection between speculative fiction and erotic romance. We want to stimulate not only our readers' libidos, but also their hearts and their intellects. We guarantee quality worldbuilding, thought-provoking themes, deeply developed characters and relationships, hot sex, and a happy ending in every book we publish!


LENGTH Xenallure is relatively flexible about length; we prefer submitted manuscripts to be between 85,000 and 120,000 words. We feel that manuscripts of less than 80,000 words do not have room for quality worldbuilding, character development, and plot, and we don't want to see any of those neglected.


POV We prefer manuscripts written in third or first person point of view, past tense.

FORMATTING We only accept electronic submissions. Because of this the font doesn't really matter because our editors tend to change it to whatever they like to read. Please include a note if it is important for some reason that your font not be altered. Please include a synopsis of no more than 1,000 words before your manuscript. Make sure your personal information includes both your email address and your telephone number, and which you prefer to be contacted by. Because we publish erotica we cannot accept submissions by writers under 18 years of age, sorry.


LOVE INTEREST The term 'hero' is not terribly accurate for most of Xenallure's books since we accept not only the usual male/female romance, but also gay and lesbian romances, threesomes, intersex or hermaphrodite characters, and races where gender works differently than for humans. But here is what we are looking for in a love interest character: Typically a Xenallure love interest is in some way a freak who has been treated with prejudice by others. The character's strangeness can be something as simple as being openly gay in a homophobic culture or being an alien among humans, but often they are something more exotic – a halfblood who fits in nowhere, a person with strangely colored skin or hair, a supervillain, a child of incest, a carnivore-anthro who is only attracted to herbivore-anthros, an atavistic throwback to a more primitive version of their race... surprise us!


LOVE INTEREST Pt. II The other important trait of the love interest is that they need some help or sympathy from the main character to achieve their full potential, whether their full potential means maturing from being amoral to being more protective and constructive, or from lacking self confidence to feeling valued and proud, or from being a loner to being a leader, or from feeling like a failure to finding new hope and drive and then accomplishing something impressive, or from always feeling alienated to finding a sense of belonging, or from always being tense and grumpy to being more relaxed and content, or even from being unhappy with their body to being physically transformed with the main character's aid. There is one specific way in which the love interest should NOT change: the love interest should not be 'cured' of whatever marked him as strange in the first place. Here at Xenallure we refer to that as the 'Beauty and the Beast Cop-out'; we like our Beasts to stay Beasts because that's what makes them unique and sexy.


MAIN CHARACTER The main character of a Xenallure novel may be any gender. Typically they should display intelligence, resourcefulness, a sense of humor, romanticness, openmindedness, sympathy, and a desire to be helpful and creatively solve problems. They should generally not be cruel, whiny, impatient, bitter, seeking revenge, driven by ambition, or religious. Xenallure MCs are often modern humans who travel to other worlds and go native, but they may also be a member of a different species who is normal or admired within their own culture, or they may be unusual but in a socially valued way to contrast the love interest's prejudiced-against strangeness.

POPULAR ELEMENTS A particularly well-received combination is a main character who is normal or even a bit below average in their own culture but discovers that they are extremely valuable to the love interest's culture or just the love interest's personal needs. Another popular approach is the character who gains a new special ability near the beginning of the book (shapeshifting, magic, ability to hack a virtual world, etc.) and learns to use it in creative and clever ways throughout the book. Our readers want to empathize with the main character in feeling skilled and admirable (although aware of their own faults, not nauseatingly perfect like a Mary Sue). Our readers also like to vicariously accompany the main character as they experience interesting new (possibly forbidden) sexual situations. Thus interspecies and incestuous romances are both popular with our readership. And one last well-received ingredient is a point of view that alternates between the main character and the love interest(s).

What Xenallure is probably not looking for:
  • a romance between one male human and one female human
  • a modern or historical setting with no fantasy elements
  • high fantasy
  • horror
  • elves, dwarves, zombies, vampires, faeries, werewolves, mermaids, centaurs, gods and goddesses, or other traditional fantasy races
  • grittiness, gore, rape, torture, tragedy, character death

If you have any questions on whether a particular element is or isn't our cup of tea, feel free to ask! ^_^ We look forward to reading (and perhaps publishing!) your submissions.
 
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sunandshadow

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Is anyone else making one of these? I has a lot of fun making it, but since it's probably something of an inside joke maybe it wasn't particularly amusing to read.

I decided the concept of 'what Xenallure wants' is useful to me so I'm continuing to run with it by writing a longer and more in-depth guide. Just finished the section on "What should be in your first chapter?"
 

Cathy C

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I guess it's too subtle for me. What part is the humor part? I see a lot of REAL guidelines like this, so I guess I'm not getting it. :Shrug:
 

Lainey Bancroft

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I see a lot of REAL guidelines like this,

Must agree with Cathy, sunandshadow. If Xenallure hung a shingle and went live with these guidelines, it would probably have more submissions than it could shake a computer mouse at in no time.

POV We prefer manuscripts written in third or first person point of view, past tense.

Although, finding an audience to read a 120k ms written in omni, or first person past tense could prove to be a challenge.:D
 

sunandshadow

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Ah, I see. It had to be real guidelines, otherwise it wouldn't have been useful as an exercise. To me, the humor was about half imagining myself to be a publisher, because I would be terrible at the business aspects of it, and half that any publisher would refer to their love-interests as freaks and recommend their writers write about anthros, interspecies relationships, and incest. I'm not a big fan of firm rules either, so converting a description of what I usually write into a description of what others should write (and email me so I can read it) struck me as absurd. I was also thinking, the type of story I'm describing is what free online erotica archives are filled with because publishers don't want to dirty their hands with it, and why would customers pay for it when it's kind of like the rats of the internet, multiplying in every dark corner. I'd love it if a publisher wanted to use guidelines like these, but I can't imagine it actually happening.

So, I guess the humor of the exercise would be more in each person's creation of their own guidelines, rather than other people reading mine.
 

Deb Kinnard

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Call for Submissions - All Bonnets All the Time Publishing

ABATT calls for historical fiction submissions that fit the following guidelines:

Characterization: optional. Your heroine must not use strong language, have strong opinions, have a challenging job, or be able to lift anything heavier than a reticule. She must not belong to any organized religion other than an unrecognizable mainstream Christian church that must not be named. Your hero must be strong, sensitive, intelligent, articulate and look really good in a dust storm with his shirt off. Except that he must not TAKE his shirt off. Secondary characters: if evil, must not act as though they are. They should not drink, smoke, cuss or chew, or go with girls who do. If good, characters must avoid being interesting.

Plot: Optional. You may use any one of the approved standard formulae as long as he and she don't kiss 'til the end.

Cover: will show a woman in a transparent bonnet staring downward. No upward glances or bonnet-free women will be used.

You can trust us to give our dedicated readers ONLY what they expect!

Submissions will be held for many months before you receive our standard photocopied rejection letter.

(interested, anyone?)
 

jodiodi

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I think I've seen some of those books!

My husband and I are in one of those 'I'm not talking to you.' arguments.

Thanks for making me laugh.
 

Team 2012

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NecroNominalCon Books seeking erotic Lovecraftian Eroticism

Our new line features romance/sex/breeding/parasitism between humans and Old Gods. Virginal heroine swept into embrace and machinations of Cthulu. Girl scout troop impregnated by Nyarleth Hotep the crawling chaos. Yearning matron awaits the ecstasy of the spawn within her devouring her body in order to emerge as young soul-devourers.

Anything regarding ancient, malign deities arising to claim the hearts and flesh of humans is of interest. No zombie sex, please: it's been so overdone and eating brains has lost its piquance. No interest in relationships with Harry Potter creatures such as soulsuckers, giant talking spiders or sarky snakes.

Erotic elements can be as explicit as the writer desires, but be sure to make it clear in the readers' minds just what and given organs, features, polyps, etc. actually look like. And try to be as historically and medically accurate as possible.

Sexual abuse of children by monsters is allowed: we're all children to them anyway. Beastiality is a given and sacrilege pretty much impossible under the circumstances. Homosexuality is permitted so long as the homos involved are not sapiens. No depictions of oedipal relations, though: we're not a bunch of perverts here.

We're looking for dusty manuscripts of huge proportions, evaluated by weight rather than word count. Submissions should be on eldritch paper, written with bodily fluids.
 

wannawrite

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omg...I am laughing so hard right now...for kicks and giggles I just wrote a 'bonnet tale' and had a major pub ask me for a partial. Am going to write another one, as a matter of fact, just to have it in my hip pocket to pitch should they actually buty the first. Thanks for making me laugh so hard...at myself!
 

wannawrite

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Deb, I will. I just sort of got tired of sending in all of my stuff and being told that it was great, just didn't fit what they were looking for, at the moment. So, I did some research, and wrote EXACTLY what the publisher said they wanted. Very format. Surprise. And they are actually interested. Or, might be, anyway. So, right now, I am enjoying the process with my head cocked curiously to the side, wondering if I just might be onto something, here.

Anyway, like I said, will let you know.
 

Lainey Bancroft

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Welcome To The Purple Pen Press!

Welcome To The Purple Pen Press!

Here at the Purple Pen Press we are proficient at publishing and promoting, provocative, profound, and passionate prose that makes your heart and parts palpitate.

We have no wish to be parliamentarian, but if you wish to partake in our publication program and plan to parcel your pages of paragraphs about passionate paramours, it is of paramount importance that you peruse and ponder the provided guidelines.

Length: We prefer to publish works between two hundred and two hundred thousand words, but we realize poetic license provides inspiration and are willing to look at longer or shorter works, provided the author can pony up polished, popular prose, never procrastinates, and has the propensity to be prompt, professional and prolific so we all profit and never perish.

And what is popular? Here at the Purple Pen, we prefer to publish prim, proper princesses in a plight and the pompous, pretentious princes who are in a perfect position to be a port in the storm for these polite and pliant prigs. But we will consider the occasional story about a pop star, politician, podiatrist, priest, panther, proletarian or polygamist and the very occasional use of plot, but primarily when the plot premise surrounds a promiscuous pregnant prima donna and a potential proof of parentage lawsuit. (P.S 1. Lengthy prologues are the preferred method of getting the perfect pages of past (aka back story) published.) (P.S. 2. Punctuation is optional and open to poetic license) (P.S. 3. The use of parenthesis is prohibited (a.k.a do as I say, not as I do)

To insure prompt publication of your project, please provide proof that you can be excessively purple. You may procure the provided word and phrase list and are promoted (and often pushed) to use these words to proliferate puny pieces.

Pulsate (and all variations of, pulsating, pulsated)
Turgid, tumultuous, tumult, tumescent, trembled, tumbled, turmoil, throbbing
Mound (can be used to refer to breast tissue, or as a Venus mound)
Moist
Velvet (multi-use eg: velvet shaft, velvet skin, velvet love tunnel—let your purple run wild)
Manhood, throbbing member, beast of love, sword of love, weapon of desire, one-eyed wonder worm to the womb, burning bratwurst—again, the purpler the better.
Prolific use of the perfect purple phrase ‘nothing more than’ is also encouraged. Eg: He wanted nothing more than to fling her down and drive his throbbing member into her.” “She wanted nothing more than to rid herself of her cumbersome velvet skirt and when she was naked she wanted nothing more than to lay down and allow him to impale her with his raging weapon of love.” (feel free to use the previous examples—we all do!)
(Previous is a partial list and it is probable that we will proceed to produce more purple as we prevail and predominate the publishing platform)

A final word about covers: We prefer not to be preoccupied with covers and promote plain purple paper covers as the perfect venues for allowing the pristine purple prose to prove itself without the need for pricey pictures of people.

It will be our pleasure to peruse your partial promptly (this means you will hear from us in the next two hundred to two hundred thousand days)
 

wannawrite

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Again, Lainey 'burning bratwurst'? OMG, I am laughing so hard my sides are hurting.

I want nothing more than to stop laughing.
 

Lainey Bancroft

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Wannawrite, sorry you had a blue day. Hope you're feeling better. I want nothing more than to see people smile. ;)

Deb, heavens to Betsy! Get that bonnet back on! What will the Priest/Peasants/Pasture/Puritans say if you're caught parading around town without? :)

Sandy, thanks. Sad, I didn't have to search. I read the clever input from sunandshadow, Deb K and Team 2012, got in the shower thinking about the common accusation for 'tamer' romance: purple prose. The p stuck. This wrote itself while I shappppppoed my hair.:D
 
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