Quick question about a sentence

Danalynn · Apr 27, 2009

I have a quick question about this sentence:

She smelled wonderful, like confederate jasmine in full bloom.

Since this is a specific type of Jasmine, would either confederate or jasmine or both words be capitalized?

I was hoping someone on here would know the answer, since I don't have a clue. . . . lol!

Thanks!

alleycat · Apr 27, 2009

The dictionary I checked showed neither word capitalized (I wasn't sure myself whether confederate should be capitalized, since the reference is to the CSA).

dpaterso · Apr 27, 2009

I'd capitalize Confederate jasmine like so. Unless Jasmine is a Confederate spy.

-Derek

Stijn Hommes · Apr 27, 2009

According to dictionary.com (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/Confederate) Confederate is only capitalized when it applies to the US Army. Jasmine is a plant and not related to the army. The second should not be capitalized either unless it's the name of a woman instead of a flower. (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/jasmine)

Wayne K · Apr 27, 2009

Is it about an army of mutant plants?

Izz · Apr 27, 2009

Don't capitalize. It'd be like this sentence: Mike loved his Red Roses very much.

Because the red roses is capitalized, I'm thinking of all sorts of options for what the red roses are, and not for a second thinking they're just red roses.

Danalynn · Apr 27, 2009

Wayne K said:
Is it about an army of mutant plants?

No, it's her perfume. . . . LOL!

dpaterso · Apr 27, 2009

Referring to something that's common to the Southern states as Confederate (especially if the story is set during or just after the period of conflict) seems like a valid metaphor. Mutant plants, not so much.

-Derek

alleycat · Apr 27, 2009

Oh, heck, just call it a star jasmine.

;-)

bonitakale · Apr 27, 2009

Surprises me that it wouldn't, since Japanese spirea is, when it's in English (In Latin, it's spiraea japonica). I see online both Confederate and confederate. But to me, a person who hasn't heard of it, either would be confusing. I'd be searching my brain for a Civil War reference.

Go with alleycat. Star jasmine.

Danalynn · Apr 27, 2009

Thanks for all the input, everyone!

My main character is from the deep south (Mississippi) so I think the confederate part fits -- and to answer Derek, the story takes place in modern times.

Bufty · Apr 27, 2009

She smelled wonderful? Hmmm.

To me it would read better if rephrased to get rid of that odd 'smelled', perhaps by giving the effect on the observer.

Danalynn · Apr 27, 2009

Bufty said:
She smelled wonderful? Hmmm.

To me it would read better if rephrased to get rid of that odd 'smelled', perhaps by giving the effect on the observer.

Thanks, I see what you mean.

My story is YA, and my MC is 12, so this is a kid talking.

Here's the whole paragraph for context:

Flory touched my cheek with the back of her hand. “Glad to hear that.”

I breathed in her perfume. She smelled wonderful, like confederate jasmine in full bloom. I wondered if Heaven smells like that.

NeuroFizz · Apr 27, 2009

Just another comment on the sentence, aside from the capitalization thing (another opinion). I'd leave out the word "wonderful." It steals all of the power of the simile, actually makes it almost unnecessary, and it's telling. The "wonderful" part (a positive rather than a negative reaction) then could be shown by surrounding context clues (example not in first person).

XXXX closed his eyes and smiled. She smelled like confederate jasmine in bloom.

And, I'd leave it at that--no additional elaboration--for the same reason. It will steal power from the simile. If you are going to use a literary device like this, trust it to do the work for you. These types of literary devices should be used sparingly, so don't use it if you trust it so little that you feel the need to dilute it's own power by further explanation or elaboration. And if you don't think it has enough power by itself, get rid of it. In that case, you either haven't chosen the best simile or you don't need one in that particular passage.

Danalynn · Apr 27, 2009

Great advice, NeuroFizz. Thanks!

Wayne K · Apr 27, 2009

NeuroFizz said:
Just another comment on the sentence, aside from the capitalization thing (another opinion). I'd leave out the word "wonderful." It steals all of the power of the simile, actually makes it almost unnecessary, and it's telling. The "wonderful" part (a positive rather than a negative reaction) then could be shown by surrounding context clues (example not in first person).

XXXX closed his eyes and smiled. She smelled like confederate jasmine in bloom.

And, I'd leave it at that--no additional elaboration--for the same reason. It will steal power from the simile. If you are going to use a literary device like this, trust it to do the work for you. These types of literary devices should be used sparingly, so don't use it if you trust it so little that you feel the need to dilute it's own power by further explanation or elaboration. And if you don't think it has enough power by itself, get rid of it. In that case, you either haven't chosen the best simile or you don't need one in that particular passage.

You've definitely given me something to think about in the next edit. Thank you.

Quick question about a sentence

Danalynn

NEVER give up!!!!

alleycat

Still around

dpaterso

Also in our Discord and IRC chat channels

Stijn Hommes

Know what you write...

Wayne K

Izz

Doing the Space Operatic

Danalynn

NEVER give up!!!!

dpaterso

Also in our Discord and IRC chat channels

alleycat

Still around

bonitakale

Danalynn

NEVER give up!!!!

Bufty

Where have the last ten years gone?

Danalynn

NEVER give up!!!!

NeuroFizz

The grad students did it

Danalynn

NEVER give up!!!!

Wayne K