Looking for a good way to open up with a dream

bkwriter · Apr 25, 2009

Tossing and turning, Rachel stood in a destroyed city.

Ok this is from the middle of my novel where Rachel is having a dream about the city being destoryed. Is this a good way to open up into a dream, or would it be better to say "Rachel tossed and turned that night she stood in a destoryed city."

Thanks

C.bronco · Apr 25, 2009

That is best in the middle, and not the beginning of the novel. How about, "Rachel stood in the destroyed city."

Cyia · Apr 25, 2009

The way you have it, it sounds as though she's tossing and turning while standing in the ruined city. That makes it read strange because you don't toss and turn while standing.

bkwriter · Apr 26, 2009

Thanks for the advice, yes, I now know not to open with a dream, lol. Keep em coming and I'll toss ideas around.

Gillhoughly · Apr 26, 2009

:editor's hat on:

Just have Rachel standing in the destroyed city.

When I dream I tend to not toss and turn unless it's to try to wake myself up from a bad dream. I lie still, unable to move even when I want to. It's a safety device in our brain that keeps our bodies from acting out the dream, otherwise things can get violent.

I've got insomnia tonight and have been tossing and turning and absolutely NOT dreaming, unable to fall asleep.

The T&T-ing is from movies and TV. The actors are giving you a visual cue that their sub-conscious is having a party.

NeuroFizz · Apr 26, 2009

If you want this to be a powerful scene, don't open up with an "-ing" phrase. Just jump into it like others have suggested. Also, toss the "tossing and turning" phrase forever. It's a cliche and not a particularly accurate one (again, as others have mentioned).

maestrowork · Apr 26, 2009

Yeah, no tossing and turning while she's standing. It's impossible.

Just have her stand in a destroyed city and go from there. No need to describe that she's having a dream at all. It should be clear in some other ways (context, lead-in, follow-up, etc.) that it was a dream. Or most dreams are obviously dreams because they're bizarre or illogical. Personally, I hate to read a perfectly normal, realistic scene, and then have the author tell me, "Hey, that was just a dream." I really hate that.

Manix · Apr 26, 2009

"That night, Rachel dreamt she looked over the city. A pile of rubble stood where the church had been and smoldering stone was all that remained of the town hall. Her nose wrinkled in her sleep, smelling the stench of burning slag."

Just playin' around with your idea

Good luck

NeuroFizz · Apr 26, 2009

Manix said:
"That night, Rachel dreamt she looked over the city. A pile of rubble stood where the church had been and smoldering stone was all that remained of the town hall. Her nose wrinkled in her sleep, smelling the stench of burning slag."

Just playin' around with your idea

Good luck

This may be worth a little research, to be accurate. Some researchers claim the sense of smell is not represented in dreams (as far as I can tell the issue is equivocal). There is no doubt the sense of smell can INFLUENCE dreams, though (this is a totally different thing).

Gillhoughly · Apr 26, 2009

"Last night I dreamt I went to Manderley again."

Opening line of Daphne Du Maurier's Rebecca.

Kinda similar.

Dreams by their nature are tell not show, when writers are told again and again to show, not tell.

Last night *I* dreamed that my asshat, jobless, and lazy as hell house mate had moved back in again, and that I had to co-write a book with Richard Belzer--for no money and no credit.

While I like Munch on L&A, SVU, he strangely did not have an ear for writing dialogue and refused all my recommendations to improve on a scene. In the meantime, the house mate had his TV blaring at top volume, watching Scooby-Doo cartoons while eating everything under the roof.

I was glad to wake up.

Apsu · Apr 26, 2009

As Maestro above was saying, I think you're best off describing the scene as if it were real, without any references to her sleeping body. That way it comes across as she would really experience it. Cues from the bizarre fantasy can inform the reader that she's dreaming, or her confusion. At the end, her waking could be used to lock in the concept that she was dreaming, but it should be clear in the playing out of the dream.

I'm reading The Eye of the World with my daughter. She's only ten. The author puts the MC in a dream scenario very early in the book, without any clues that the scene is a dream other than what I described above, including the waking scene. My daughter knew it was a dream immediately, despite it playing out as if it were real.

NeuroFizz · Apr 26, 2009

Apsu said:
As Maestro above was saying, I think you're best off describing the scene as if it were real, without any references to her sleeping body. That way it comes across as she would really experience it. Cues from the bizarre fantasy can inform the reader that she's dreaming, or her confusion. At the end, her waking could be used to lock in the concept that she was dreaming, but it should be clear in the playing out of the dream.

I'm reading The Eye of the World with my daughter. She's only ten. The author puts the MC in a dream scenario very early in the book, without any clues that the scene is a dream other than what I described above, including the waking scene. My daughter knew it was a dream immediately, despite it playing out as if it were real.

One possible danger of doing it this way is reader unease. Next scene, reader thinks, "Is this real or is this a dream?" Next scene, "Is this real or is this another dream?" I know doing a dream like that is not designed to fool the reader (at least it shouldn't be), but to all of a sudden say to the reader, "Hah, that was just a dream" may create a book that flies over to the opposite wall of the room.

Always play fair with the reader (which can mean different things in different genres--think mystery). Readers love to be delighted with a twist, but they usually hate to be fooled by a sudden, "And then she sat up in her bed and realized..."

Dreams are like mirrors--they are used very frequently, but the image doesn't always come back exactly as desired.

bkwriter · Apr 26, 2009

Thank you all. I took some notes and will work on it. I may even post it

bonitakale · Apr 27, 2009

If you like fantasy at all, you might want to read the opening of Barbara Hambly's book, The Time of the Dark.

Or, heck, let me put the first sentence or two here:

Gil knew that it was only a dream. There was no reason for her to feel fear--she knew that the danger, the chaos, the blind, sickening nightmare terror that filled the screaming night were not real; this city with its dark, unfamiliar architecture, these fleeing crowds of panic-stricken men and women who shoved her aside, unseeing, were only the vivid dregs of an overloaded subconscious, wraiths that would melt with daylight.

She knew all this; nevertheless, she was afraid.

Grebbsy · Apr 27, 2009

A destoryed city? A city where nobody reads or writes fiction? Yikes! That's not a dream, that's a nightmare!

(It was a typo? Oh, shucks.)

Looking for a good way to open up with a dream

bkwriter

C.bronco

I have plans...

Cyia

Rewriting My Destiny

bkwriter

Gillhoughly

Grumpy writer and editor

NeuroFizz

The grad students did it

maestrowork

Fear the Death Ray

Manix

Mutatis mutandis

NeuroFizz

The grad students did it

Gillhoughly

Grumpy writer and editor

Apsu

Orange

NeuroFizz

The grad students did it

bkwriter

bonitakale

Grebbsy

Fearless vampire slayer