Selling my house, and I need to write an enticing description!

Prawn · Apr 3, 2009

Not sure where this goes. It's not really share your work, so what is it?

As I shopped for a new house, I noticed that the descriptions that realtors place in ads are often awful. We found a house we liked and are putting ours on the market, and since I am a writer, I thought I should write my own description for the ad. I'd be grateful for any comments.

All the best amenities await in this recently updated end unit 3 bedroom 2 1/2 bath brick townhome within walking distance of the University. Ceramic tile floors throughout the first level lead to a living room with nine foot ceilings, a brick fireplace and a sliding door to a charming patio with views to natural woodlands. For convenience, the first floor contains its own half bath. Upstairs are three bedrooms with lots of light, each with its own window seat. There is a full bath off the hallway, and another full bath in the master bedroom. A washer and dryer have been installed the second floor for ease of use. Pull down stairs lead to a generous attic with loads of storage. RECENT UPDATES: bathroom tub, toilets, sinks, tile, new roof and second floor siding, water heater and air-conditioning unit, washer, dryer, dishwasher, refrigerator, gas stove, disposal, carpet, all exterior windows and doors, high efficiency attic insulation, and a new cement patio.

Thanks,
Prawn

Clair Dickson · Apr 3, 2009

My thoughts
1. Ads are based on number of characters, usually. This means the cost goes up with added words. (Also the MLS system has a character limit as well.)

2. No one's going to read this long description. One reasons that Realtor ads are brief is because people usually skim the descriptions. People want to EASILY see what the house has. (3 remodeled bathrooms, two full up, and one half down. Laundry up. Etc.) Real estate ads are designed for skimming.

Now, I won't dispute that there are quite a few real estate ads that aren't very good. But, having worked with more than a few buyers (hi, I'm a Realtor) buyers generally don't read the descriptions. They generally look for what they want to know-- number of bedrooms, size of rooms, fireplaces, basement-- and they look at pictures. They don't hardly read the three line MLS description, let along a large paragraph. That's been my experience working with buyers-- your mileage may vary.

Prawn · Apr 3, 2009

Hey! Thanks for the input. Yes, this is a long paragraph, but I am not going to use this for a print ad. Most stuff is online. At realtor.com, for example, you are not limited to 3 lines. I am not sure that MLS ads are limited to 3 lines, but I can write a shorter version for the MLS if necessary. In my house hunting, I used on-line listings, which I think more and more people are doing. I looked at hundreds of houses online, and narrowed my search down to a dozen or so that I went to see. But some of the most beautiful houses had crappy descriptions and crappy pictures. We are going to take our own pictures, and I am going to write the description.

Vostro · Apr 3, 2009

Hey, Prawn --

I used to be in RE and, yes, the all-too-often semi-literate descriptions written (?) by agents are awful (and laughably stupid) at times.

But yours, though detailed, is too long and it lack sales 'zip'. Hey, it's not laughably stupid, but if it was a query letter, would an agent ask for a full?

all the amenities / all amenities, but that's still vague; "show, don't tell."
in the past three years / fully (or 'recently") updated with

.
Grammar may not matter in RE ads, but tighten up The roof was replaced in within the past year, as has all the siding on the second floor. You raise the question: what wasn't replaced? Try: new roof.
Cut The development's.

FISBO?

Prawn · Apr 3, 2009

Thanks Vostro! I have shortened it considerably.

Vostro · Apr 3, 2009

Forgot to add: end unit is good, but it's kind of buried. It's the first thing I'd look for: it implies more privacy and less noise from adjacent neighbors
(you know, the kid with a new drum set, the kid who will not turn his stereo down [and he likes rap with sub-bass and all that], the neighbor lady who boffs at all hours and wants everyone to listen in); might even suggest cross-ventilation.

"Immaculate thoughout" (if true) works.

Also: the University /try UCLA, UCSB, IU -- whatever

Suggestion: lock up your guitars for Open House. People just love to fondle other folks' axes. I remember a D-28 that got knocked over by a careless looker. And CDs have a way of walking off. I'm just sayin . . .

Got a dog? Get a friend to sniff for doggy odor. Do you smoke? Could be a deal killer. Now get out there and sell that sucker!

BOL

Gillhoughly · Apr 3, 2009

All the best amenities are in this updated brick townhouse! End unit 3 bedroom 2 1/2 bath. Walking distance to the university. Ceramic tile and new carpet, nine foot ceilings, fireplace, charming patio with views to natural woodlands. Master suite, roomy attic with loads of storage, upstairs washer/dryer. FANTASTIC UPDATES! ~~Three~~ NEW bathrooms, NEW roof and siding. NEW water heater, A/C unit. NEW washer, dryer, dishwasher, refrigerator, gas stove, and disposal. NEW windows and exterior doors. High efficiency attic insulation, and a new cement patio.

We can assume the windows are exterior and the patio is located outside!

Red text: How can you have 3 new bathrooms when you've got 2.5 listed? Might want to give that another squint. People may assume it's three full ones.

If the word "quiet" can be applied to this one, work it in. That's what drew me to my house! Nice quiet neighborhood.

No need to be too specific on some details. Just get people inside and let the house sell itself. Heck, it sounds good to me, only I don't do stairs. Just make sure it's spotless, the grass is trimmed, and it's move in ready.

Good luck!

My-Immortal · Apr 3, 2009

"Buy this home and you'll be able to brag to your friends that a (future) bestselling novelist used to live here."

....and/or what the other people said.

Good luck with selling your home!

Prawn · Apr 3, 2009

Gillhoughly said:
NEW bathrooms, NEW roof and siding. NEW water heater, A/C unit. NEW washer, dryer, dishwasher, refrigerator, gas stove, and disposal. NEW windows and exterior doors. High efficiency attic insulation, and a new cement patio.

Thanks for the help! I have made some of the changes you suggested, but
I don't know that I can say it is all new. I bought the house five years ago, and I have done all the work myself, so the tile came first, then the appliances, then one bathroom...so some of the stuff like the roof was done last year, other stuff was done two, three or four years ago.

I have moved a lot of stuff to storage so the house won't seem cluttered. I emptied out the attic and craigslisted everything yesterday, painted the front door anew, I am waiting for some spackle to dry so that I can do some more painting now. It will look its best when shown. And you want to know how much it will set you back in my town? About 138K. Sure seems like a bargain to me!

Clair Dickson · Apr 3, 2009

Realtor.com is the public access side of the MLS realtor database that Realtors use. In fact, most public access websites use the MLS data, including the description. It may be more than three lines, but I know it's a very short amount-- and it's done by characters. That's why you see abbreviations.

Prawn · Apr 3, 2009

Clair Dickson said:
Realtor.com is the public access side of the MLS realtor database that Realtors use. In fact, most public access websites use the MLS data, including the description. It may be more than three lines, but I know it's a very short amount-- and it's done by characters. That's why you see abbreviations.

I beg to differ. All the sites allow long descriptions.

Here's an example from Realtor.com. It's 165 words, mine is 160.

201 West Pembery
Rare stone Ranch, luminous, spacious. Beautiful corner lot, 1-acre, North of Wilmington. Open floor plan with living room, dining room, family room. Continuous view from panoramic front window to multiple back windows. Fireplace with stone / wood frame and efficient draft. Family room + 7 high window panes + French doors. Library / office room / home theater. Large master bedroom + walk-in-closet + sitting area. Large gourmet kitchen + island + 5 window panes + full dining area. Kitchen modeling by Giorgi + Heritage cabinets + Corian counters. Hardwood floor in all rooms. Bathrooms + ceramic tiles + Corian counters. Casement windows + marble / Corian sills in all rooms. Dry huge basement 2,375 sf + high ceiling + dark room + fireplace + outside exit. Two-car garage with high ceiling. New ceramic tiles on front porch. Architectural roof + gutter-protection screens. Deck overlooking lawn area and woods. Large distance from neighbors all sides **Adjacent Building Lot 1.2 acres for Sale by Same Owner**

Here's an example from Zillow.com

Seller's Description:

Must See Former Brandywine model home in Academy Hill, loaded with upgrades, brick and vinyl exterior with 2 car side entry garage, large foyer with beautiful hardwood floor, huge sunken 2 story family room with floor to ceiling built in bookshelves, window seats, Cathedral ceiling, and wood burning fireplace, Open roomy Eat-in Kitchen with center contoured Island, breakfast bar and bay window. Main bedroom suite with large sitting room, walk in closet, 2 sky light, large bathroom with soaking tub. Finished basement with barber carpeting & separate office. ***New Heater 2007**** This home is completely wired for internet, intercom & sound. Central Security System. Carpet was professionally Clean and some new carpet install on 2nd floor. ******Motivated Seller****** Must Sell***** Seller Is Very Motivated Bring All Offer *****

Here's an ad from homes.com

WELDIN FARMS Almost new, only 3 years old, Colonial with many upgrades and features. 9' ceilings on the first floor plus cathedral ceiling with Palladian windows in Family Room. Also, a see-through gas fireplace for the Breakfast area and the Family Room. Then a bright & airy tiled Sun Room off the Kitchen and Breakfast area. Master Suite features a tray ceiling, 2 walk-in closets, a sitting room and huge Master Bath with double vanities and whirlpool tub. Large Kitchen with granite counters and island, plus stainless steel appliances. House is located in a very nice setting on a cul-de-sac within a great neighborhood.

cwfgal · Apr 3, 2009

Clair Dickson said:
Now, I won't dispute that there are quite a few real estate ads that aren't very good. But, having worked with more than a few buyers (hi, I'm a Realtor) buyers generally don't read the descriptions. They generally look for what they want to know-- number of bedrooms, size of rooms, fireplaces, basement-- and they look at pictures. They don't hardly read the three line MLS description, let along a large paragraph. That's been my experience working with buyers-- your mileage may vary.

Mine, too. The specs and pictures are what really matters.

Beth, also a realtor

scarletpeaches · Apr 3, 2009

"Prawn lives here. Wanna buy?"

Sold in an instant; you can thank me later.

Clair Dickson · Apr 3, 2009

The original MLS entry form has much smaller description area. Things are changing in the increasingly computerized world, and that may include longer descriptions. My office still uses the paper forms that are then given to the listing manager. So, I don't know for certain.

But people still don't read them.

Biggest thing you can do to sell the house-- include lots and lots of pictures. That's what most buyers look at. I even admit that looking for my own house, I had was MORE likely to see a house if there were more pictures than if there were less. And labeled.

Ken Schneider · Apr 3, 2009

House for sale. Lots of nice surprises inside and out.

That covers it all.

KTC · Apr 3, 2009

For Sale. House. Never torn. Apart.

Prawn · Apr 3, 2009

I am having my wife take the pics. She is really good. I think that you are wrong about people not reading. Readers like me read them. I made an offer on a house yesterday. The pictures did not do it justice. If the description hadn't piqued my interest, I would never have gone to see it. Some people read, so I will write for them. Even if NO ONE reads it, I can not stand to let someone who is not a writer write a description of the house that I have worked so hard on for the past four or five years.
Prawn

Prawn · Apr 3, 2009

If I get stuck writing it, I can always have a man with a gun come through the door.

Arkie · Apr 3, 2009

Prawn said:
If I get stuck writing it, I can always have a man with a gun come through the door.

Location, location, location is what sells houses. Take it from an old VA appraiser. Where is the nearest shopping center, grade school, high school and fire hydrant or fire station (important for insurance purposes). Nearest churches and type. What kind of roof, how old, is it still under warranty? Do you have a termite policy?

You are enticing prospective drive bys. Make sure the front yard stays freshly mowed, bushes trimmed. The entrance is the nose on the face. If you have a front porch, paint the bannisters and columns. If you have steps, paint the risers.

If you have an old appraisal, have it handy near the entrance. If you sell to a buyer with a government loan, you are probably going to need a survey. Sometimes you can get by if the last survey is on file at the courthouse. Go to the personnel property clerk and have them make you a copy of the survey and have it available. You could save $500--$800, or more, if you can avoid paying for a new survey. Very likely you are going to need a property inspection. Shop around for a property inspector. Don't let the buyer pick his own. He will normally pick the most expensive and the most expensive is not necessiarilly the best. You could go ahead and get it. Property inspections are good for six months. If you do get an inspection, mention that in your sales pitch and have the inspection available for review and if there are problems make sure they are fixed.

And good luck by the way.

Cathy C · Apr 3, 2009

Okay, I worked for a real estate law office and a LOT of the clients had me write the ads. Probably because I used to work in the Classified Ads department of a newspaper and, well, I'm a writer.

Yes, you can put all this description in an on-line ad, and I think that's good. But I also think you're talking about the house much too drably, rather than telling the buyer what the house REPRESENTS. For example:

GRADUATE FRIENDLY! Want to send the kids to college, but can't afford the dorms? You NEED this 3 bedroom 2 1/2 bath brick townhome within walking distance of the University. End unit offers quiet study areas for them, while a brick fireplace and charming patio (with views to natural woodlands) will soothe your frazzled nerves. For convenience, the first floor contains its own half bath (perfect for late night study sessions that won't wake you up.) Check out the upstairs, too! Create that sewing room you've always wanted, or learn to paint in the bright sunlight. They're bedrooms now, but they're just waiting to become your own special hideaway. Imagine never again fighting for the bathroom. There's one off the hallway, and another full bath in the master bedroom. Save on the laundromat too! A washer and dryer have been installed on the second floor for ease of use. Pull down stairs lead to a generous attic with loads of storage. FRESH AND SHINING NEW: bathroom tub, toilets, sinks, tile, roof and second floor siding, water heater and air-conditioning unit, washer, dryer, dishwasher, refrigerator, gas stove, disposal, carpet, all exterior windows and doors, high efficiency attic insulation, and a new cement patio. MOTIVATED SELLER. Tell yourself it's for the children, and then enjoy the guilty pleasure!

Prawn · Apr 4, 2009

Thanks Cathy! That sounds like a great ad! I can see why people loved for you to write their home descriptions for them.

ElsaM · Apr 4, 2009

Just thought I'd say, as a previous house hunter, I read the descriptions if I liked the photos. I like the idea of writing your own.

Personally I wouldn't mention the 9 ft ceiling, but apart from that your house sounds very appealing.

Prawn · Apr 4, 2009

Hey Lisa. I am glad to hear from another person who finds descriptions important. Why don't you like 9 foot cielings? I actually have a sunken living room, but sunken sounds so depressing.
PB

Ambrosia · Apr 4, 2009

When I was looking for my house I did read the descriptions. I laughed at the poor writing, but I read them. I found my current home based on descriptions alone. When I finally had a chance to see the place I fell instantly in love with it. Not the house, mind you. But the property. It fit my need.

What an ad should do is get the customer in the door. Too long, however, and you will lose the person. Most people don't have a long attention span in today's world. How you have your place merchandised will do the rest. Make sure you have your curb appeal and showcasing of the house perfect.

Good luck.

blacbird · Apr 4, 2009

As you've posted in the Novel forum, perhaps you should make your description fictional.

caw

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