Need some help

Exir · Mar 28, 2009

I've been stuck for a few days, trying to find a good way to write the beginning for my WIP (the whole first draft's finished, so I know how the story goes). Basically, I want it to be clear from the very beginning that the narrator is in the present, looking back at what happened before. This is because at the end of the novel, the story progresses naturally back to the present tense.

The problem is, I'm having trouble writing this opening without it sounding like a pre-story lecture. (You know, "I am going to tell you a story, and it is about..." or "My name is...") I'd like some ideas on how best to approach this problem. Perhaps a few examples of MG books which open a similar way could be helpful.

Thanks!

Danthia · Mar 29, 2009

The first that comes to mind is Alcatraz vs. the Evil Librarians. Yes, that is a real book title

.

Exir · Mar 29, 2009

Thanks Danthia!

Nice example. It isn't exactly the same situation as mine, though. The present tense in that novel is a crisis, a kind of in medias res in which the climax is given at the very start. The present tense in my novel is after the whole story has happened -- the ending.

I'm still searching for a solution to my problem, but thanks for the tip anyways!

Mythical Tiger · Mar 29, 2009

"In my time........"
"It started just like......"

Okay, I know there terrible but it's all I can think of at the moment :tongue

. Good luck and happy writing

.

~Sam

sissybaby · Mar 29, 2009

"I'll never forget the day I discovered my Aunt Judith is, in reality, my Uncle Jud. It should have scarred me for life. Instead, it makes my whole family make more sense."

I know that's a goofy example, but thought I'd give it a go.

Exir · Mar 29, 2009

Wow sissybaby, that struck a chord with me! Thanks!

Exir · Mar 29, 2009

Hmmm... After reading the responses, I think I'll post some examples to discuss.

This is the opening I have in mind:

When I was still an orphan, I sang a special song every night. It reminded me of Sister -- not that I loved to sing to a stinking memory. The trouble is, a memory was all I had. Not Sister herself. Not a single picture of her. I never even think of her name, a name which probably means nothing, ‘cause I was dead sure her adoptive parents had changed it.

That left me, helpless orphan, with a stinking memory.

Okay, so I never meant that. At all. If I meant that, I wouldn’t be singing the same song every night. It’s just that I sure wished I hadn’t been separated from Sister since I was four.

Speaking of which, I ought to tell you something else: I still sing the song every night, the difference being I now have Sister sitting by my side. Yes, that’s right -- just a month ago, Sister and I were reunited again, like it always should’ve been.

I guess you have to forgive what I said about the stinking memory. That was just me getting emotional about the past.

But no matter.

This story is about how I found Sister again, but it’s even more about the song. That’s the order I see things.

First, the song.

Then, everything else.

And the rest of the story follows.

However, the more I read it the more cheesy it sounds, although how much of that is my nihilistic inner editor showing through, I don't quite know. It does weave between present and past, and though many parts of the story is told that way, it might be confusing as an opening.

Now, maybe a more to the point beginning would work better, like:

This is a story about how I found Sister again.

But it's even more about the song.

That's the order I see things: First, the song; then, everything else.

And the rest follows. The potential strength is that by starting with "this is a story about how I found Sister again", I'm setting up a question: what does he mean by "how I found Sister again", and how did that happen? The reader also asks why's the song so important. It has the downside of having little context, though, and "This story is about..." might still put people off.

What do you think?

Ugawa · Mar 29, 2009

With the name thing, I don't tell the reader what the MC is called until I can fit it into dialogue. For example, for my WIP atm It's not until chapter two you find out the MC's name, when one of his friends say "Oi, Brooksy. Over 'ere."

X

Exir · Mar 29, 2009

Ugawa: I agree with you!

Little Bird · Mar 29, 2009

I don't think it's too cheesy.

Along those lines, an agent told me her favorite parts of my ms were the ones I almost cut because I thought they were too cheesy. I really enjoyed writing them, and they were what bonded me to the characters, but the cynical & fearful side of me thought people would laugh at those parts.

Not everybody is as jaded as people pretend to be. Reading is usually a private experience, where people get to indulge themselves in caring about things in ways they'd never have the nerve to verbalize.

I think you're on the right track and on the way to a good opening.

sissybaby · Mar 29, 2009

Exir - I like your first example fair enough, but you know how subjective everything is.

In your second example, I'm wondering why you don't reverse the first two sentences. If it's mostly about the song, then it makes more sense for the story to be about the song, then everything else. I realize the song is tied to Sister, but your last statement is confusing the issue if you write the first two in the order you have them.

Make sense? Clear as mud?

Exir · Mar 29, 2009

Well, since you guys liked the first example well enough, I'll try that one for now!

I love you guys. (Cheesy, I know.

)

Greenwolf103 · Mar 30, 2009

Keep in mind: The age of your MC now compared to then.

Sometimes, when kids tell stories, they backtrack a lot. Example: "My friend Chris and I went to the library after school. But first we had to find our library books, because we lost them while we were at school."

I like your second example. It sounds more like something a young person would say. Also, there's a sense of surprise. The first part is not-so-grabbing. The second, it's like, "Oh, now that's interesting."

The first sentence sort of has a down-home feel to it. Like the way many people have started telling their stories. So it sounds more natural.

Also, "that's the order I see things" tells something about this particular character. What value he/she took from the whole experience with Sister. Like, no matter how much Sister means to this character, or what Sister did, the song is the most important part of the story to the character.

My two cents.

Exir · Mar 30, 2009

Greenwolf103: Thanks for bringing in your opinion as well!

Sissybaby: Do you mean something like changing the second version to

This is a story about the song.

It's also about many things else, like how I found Sister again.

But mostly it's about the song.

That's the order I see things: First, the song; then, everything else.

Somehow I feel that's not as strong. Thoughts?

stormie · Mar 30, 2009

sissybaby said:
"I'll never forget the day I discovered my Aunt Judith is, in reality, my Uncle Jud. It should have scarred me for life. Instead, it makes my whole family make more sense."

I know that's a goofy example, but thought I'd give it a go.

I like that beginning!
Okay, carry on.

sissybaby · Mar 30, 2009

order of things

I guess I was wrong because that doesn't really work for me either.

Maybe if you changed the second sentence a little, like, "But even more, it's about the song."

For me, it reads a bit smoother if you switch those two words around.

But hopefully you'll get more comments.

Now I have to go finish that story about my Aunt Judith. Oops.

Finchlark · Mar 31, 2009

How about

This is a story about a song, and about a sister, and about many other things. But mostly about a song.

My only other comment would be that

When I was still an orphan

didn't work for me. Surely an orphan is always an orphan? Just my thoughts.

bonitakale · Apr 6, 2009

How about starting with, "Sister says I should tell about the song."?

Need some help

Exir

Out of the cradle endlessly rocking

Danthia

Exir

Out of the cradle endlessly rocking

Mythical Tiger

I RUN WITH THE TIGERS

sissybaby

Exir

Out of the cradle endlessly rocking

Exir

Out of the cradle endlessly rocking

Ugawa

It's a catastrophic success!

Exir

Out of the cradle endlessly rocking

Little Bird

sissybaby

Exir

Out of the cradle endlessly rocking

Greenwolf103

I'm a grrrl dog, yo

Exir

Out of the cradle endlessly rocking

stormie

storm central

sissybaby

Finchlark

bonitakale