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Does your mom/friend/etc. know you erotica?

Thread starter SFLP
Start date Mar 15, 2009

SFLP

Just tell me to shut up.

Super Member

Registered

Mar 15, 2009

#1

This is semi-related to the thread about writing in privacy, but I thought it deserved it's own post.

I thought of it because of something that (almost) happened this morning.

For the last six years, I've lived in a very rural area. I would guess that everyone in my county is only on person removed from each other; that is, if I talk to someone I don't know anywhere in the county, we will have at least one acquaintance - and usually several acquaintances in common. It's not the sort of county where erotica would go over well; they don't allow Playboy magazine here.

I haven't been doing this erotica thing for very long. So far, my husband knows I'm writing it, a friend about 500 miles away knows that I am, and a neighbor knows that I considered it. I'm certain I'll get over this eventually, but for right now, that's the way I want to keep it; maybe if/when we move out of this county, and into back into a city.

Annnyway, we were housesitting for a friend last night, and I brought my laptop and two legal pads. I *write* on the computer...I type more than 80 words per minute and can type almost as fast as I can think. I often do dialog or block out scenes, including sex scenes, on legal pads in bed. I never clean the old pages out of the legal pads.

So I'm packing stuff up this morning, absolutely sure that everything is IN the computer bag, and at the last second realized that I just left those legal pads sitting out in their living room. (And they have a 13 year old boy. Yikes.)

Those legal pads had, in detail, several blocked out plus dialog MMF scenes, several versions of the bondage stuff that I've been working on, a sh**load of basic seduction/sex/whathaveyou scenes, one attempted and almost successful rape. oral sex, anal sex, FF and MM sex, lots of sex toys...the list goes on and on. Sheesh.

I noticed them sitting on a couch literally seconds before we left the house. It was a nifty adrenaline rush that compensated for my lack of coffee this AM.

Anyway, I was just thinking about it. I can see keeping it from the general county population, but could probably tell a few trusted friends. I'd certainly leave out the 13 year olds. I could tell my little sister, but not my older sister; my older brother but not my younger brother. A few cousins.

My parents are old; wouldn't want to contribute to their early demise.

I hadn't really thought about it much. For the most part, I just really enjoy writing it; currently, it's not like I'm actually submitting anything, so what the heck?

I'm curious about the rest of you. Do your friends and family know you're writing erotica? If not, are you worried that they'll find out? Don't care?

J.

ELMontague

Mar 15, 2009

#2

My mother made her living as an editor before I was born, so in a really odd twist, my best critic is my mother. Though, I have to admit she skips almost all the deeply disturbing stuff for a mom to read from her son. (I would have said she skips it all, but she's told me on several occassions 'a woman would never do that.') So, my mom knows. My sisters do not. My father does. My best friends do - they are really rooting for me to get published. My wife is my best and always cheerleader, but has exactly zero interest in what I write.

popbunny

Registered

Mar 15, 2009

#3

I'm working on my first erotica, and so far the only people who know is a friend of mine who reads erotica, and my husband.

I won't have a problem sharing that I write it if it's published, but until that point, I'm not sharing it with others. But I'm the type of person that doesn't share much about things in my life until things are "for sure" - whether we're considering moving, having kids, etc.

SFLP

Just tell me to shut up.

Super Member

Registered

Mar 15, 2009

#4

Part of my problem is that I make a pretty decent living, mostly from one particular source, and if that source knew I was doing this even as a hobby, it'd be all over - lol.

So if I eventually submit something, and it's published, it'll be under a deeply buried pen name.

I'm pretty careful about posting personal details on this forum. My living situation is unique. If anyone who knows me online or off stumbled across those personal details if I posted them, they would immediately know it was me. lol

J.

dnic

Resident Lurker

Super Member

Registered

Mar 15, 2009

#5

Let's see...for erotica in particular, I have friends that know and friends that doesn't. The friends that know have never read any of it, but I do go to them to bounce ideas off of. All of them know that I write something though.

My parents don't know and it'll remain that way if I can help it. They know that I write, just not this particular genre. I'm pretty sure they would not be too happy with what I write about. (Then again...they probably wouldn't understand half of the things that are on the page).

I have no SO to worry about spilling the beans by accident, so...;]

Another

Forever Learning

Super Member

Registered

Mar 15, 2009

#6

Different Thought

SFLP:

I can't be alone is seeing a potentially tremendous story around the very event you relay, depending on who discovers your material and with what result, erotic or catastrophic or both. Go for it.

To your question, the most important and closest people in my life know about my erotic publications, though only one of them reads and likes what I write. Day job colleagues do not know. Good friends may not "understand," but as good friends they accept me in all my dimensions, comprehensible and not.

Another

SFLP

Just tell me to shut up.

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Mar 15, 2009

#7

Another said:
I can't be alone is seeing a potentially tremendous story around the very event you relay, depending on who discovers your material and with what result, erotic or catastrophic or both.

That'd be good. Probably not as erotica, but a good contemporary fiction story. (I've noticed some erotica stories with erotica authors as MCs and the descriptions have never been enough to encourage me to buy one!)

ELMontague

Mar 15, 2009

#8

SFLP said:
Part of my problem is that I make a pretty decent living, mostly from one particular source, and if that source knew I was doing this even as a hobby, it'd be all over - lol.

So if I eventually submit something, and it's published, it'll be under a deeply buried pen name.

I'm pretty careful about posting personal details on this forum. My living situation is unique. If anyone who knows me online or off stumbled across those personal details if I posted them, they would immediately know it was me. lol

J.

I've oft wondered what would happen if my office knew of my writing. Truth be told I don't think they could do much, but it might stifle the promotion ladder. Since I'm a finance guy and spend most of my time with numbers and computers, I can't imagine who would be hurt if they knew I wrote erotica.

I hope I don't have to find out if it's an unpleasant answer.

mlhernandez

Super Member

Registered

Mar 15, 2009

#9

I'm really open about it. I started writing smutty tales for friends during my freshman year and they'd circulate all four floors of the honor's dorm. A few years later when I sold my first novella to EC (I was 23-ish,) I was really open about it. I send my mom and friends copies of my works in print all the time. I'm just not that concerned about it.

Now, my mom teaches Catechism so obviously she's not shouting from the rooftops about her daughter's (mild) success at writing naughty tales. Definitely not something she brings up at the Diocesan conferences, lol. But that's okay. She and Dad put my books on their shelves and that's good enough for me.

JS Emuakpor

I lurk. Therefore, I am.

Super Member

Registered

Mar 16, 2009

#10

I'm with mlhernandez on this. I'm not so sure what all the hullaballoo is about. A LOT of people have sex and I assume most (if not all) of us on this forum are old enough to have sex legally (and photograph it).

However, technically, I don't write in the genre of erotica, I just do some erotic sex scenes. My family is well aware of the graphic sex in my stories and some have read them.

My aunt: I thought you were writing a children's novel. But after I read the excerpt, I had to print it out so I could take it home and read it again!

SFLP

Just tell me to shut up.

Super Member

Registered

Mar 16, 2009

#11

Welll, my parents are in their late 70s. My mom would throw it away. My dad might, too, or he might rescue it from the garbage and hide it from my mom, all the while frowning at me for writing such a thing.

JS Emuakpor

I lurk. Therefore, I am.

Super Member

Registered

Mar 16, 2009

#12

SFLP said:
or he might rescue it from the garbage and hide it from my mom, all the while frowning at me for writing such a thing.

Tee hee hee!

Thomas_Anderson

Super Member

Registered

Mar 17, 2009

#13

A couple friends and my parents know about my sci-fi/fantasy writing, though only one of my friends has ever actually read my stories.

None of them know about my erotica though. I don't know how they'd react, but it's not out of fear I don't tell them, it just doesn't come up very often.

Last edited: Mar 17, 2009

tehuti88

Mackinac Island Fanatic

Super Member

Registered

Mar 17, 2009

#14

SFLP said:
I'm curious about the rest of you. Do your friends and family know you're writing erotica? If not, are you worried that they'll find out? Don't care?

Nobody in my real life knows I write erotica. For a while I really wanted to open up, but I know it's for the best that they never know. People around here, including family, are of the type who think that just because you write about something, you must be espousing it in some way. For example, I never swear in real life, but my mother criticized how I swear in type, and people in real life have criticized the actions of my characters as if I must agree with everything they do, or I'm at least weird for thinking about it (including murder and abuse), just because I'm writing it. I. e., they can't seem to understand that it's fiction, and that writers are meant to explore different themes in fiction, whether they agree with them or not, whether they've experienced them or not. (I've never even had sex, for the record, so I'm not exactly writing from experience!)

Not to mention the fact that everyone around me thinks gay people are weird or perverted, and I write a lot of M/M stuff. I once got my mother pissed off just for daring to state that I felt upset when a couple of other relatives started harping about those nasty gays wanting equal rights. *sigh* They're good people, it's just that I seem to have been born rather liberal into a rather conservative atmosphere, and I have no clue how that happened. I have to keep a LOT of my strongest beliefs (on this and lots of other matters) to myself just to avoid trouble.

So...best that they never know. I'd be very worried about them finding out. Fortunately, they're not even interested in reading my PG-13 stuff, so there's little chance they'll see my adult stuff (which aside from one site, the URL of which I don't give to anybody in real life, I keep strictly separate from my tamer stuff). They'd have to go out of their way to find it, and they just aren't interested enough to read what I write.

So, that's the one good thing that's come of them not caring about my work.

Last edited: Mar 17, 2009

Izunya

Super Member

Registered

Mar 17, 2009

#15

My mom and sister know I write erotic romance. My mother-in-law bought it and recommended it to her co-workers. (Which surprised me; if I'd known she was interested I'd have given her a free copy after I finished freaking out.) My grandmother knows that I've sold a "romance," which is half true, after all. She probably would be cool with the erotic part, but I don't need the news to get back to my religiously conservative cousins and uncle. Or, heaven help me, my aunt on the other side of my family.

Oh, and my husband sometimes proofreads for me. I'm lucky enough to have a pretty tolerant immediate family.

Izunya

citymouse

fantasy dweller

Super Member

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Mar 18, 2009

#16

I don't care what anyone knows about me as long as my mother doesn't find out.

C

DeleyanLee

Writing Anarchist

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Mar 18, 2009

#17

If they don't know, it's their own blindness. My basic thought is that if I'm going to put it out for public consumption, then I shouldn't be ashamed of having written it.

When my TT Romance was published, with its fairly graphic sex scenes, I sent copies to my parents, my kids (both old enough), my sisters, my grandmother, my best friends. My best friends & daughter had already beta read it. To my knowledge, the only other person who read it was my grandmother and her only comment was "It's rather--steamy, isn't it?" My reply was "I sure hope so!"

Samantha's_Song

At least I don't need backing-up

Super Member

Registered

Mar 18, 2009

#18

My family and friends know the kind of stuff I write, none of them have an issue with it, but even if they did, it still wouldn't stop me writing it.
I write lots of steamy sex scenes, but I don't actually write into the genre of erotica. The funny thing is, when I'm telling people I'm writing, from old friends to my nieces and nephews friends, they all ask me if I'm writing porn? I guess they know me far too well.

Also, a year or so ago, after reading my newest novel's first draft, my usual beta reader, a lady in her late sixties, asked me why I didn't write erotic novels too lol.

rhymegirl

It's a New Year!

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Registered

Mar 18, 2009

#19

My father has passed away and my mother is in a nursing home with Alzheimer's. She really can't comprehend very much at this point, I'm sad to say.

I don't really tell my friends about what I'm writing. I find most of the time nobody seems to care. Unless a person has a "real" job, the people I know treat writing as if it's just a little hobby that doesn't count for much and they only want to hear what's new if I happen to have a real job at the time.

That's why AW means so much to me. I can interact with other writers who share my interests.

Sakamonda

...

Super Member

Registered

Mar 19, 2009

#20

Pretty much all my friends and family know I write erotica, and they are either cool with it, or don't care one way or the other.

cindystubbs

Super Member

Registered

May 4, 2009

#21

In Jail

My hubby was concerned I might go to jail. Seems someone here was arrested for requesting photos (of what I don't know) from a site. He seems to think it is illegal and was concerned.
I have not published anything but I enjoy reading it and have wrote a little of it.
The librarians here throw away True Confessions magazines for crying out loud.

thethinker42

Abnormal Romance Author

Kind Benefactor

Super Member

Registered

May 4, 2009

#22

Yep, they know. And if they're uncomfortable with it, they haven't said anything. They probably know I wouldn't care. LOL Then again, I used to work in the porn industry, so nothing really shocks them. I know a few eyebrows have been raised since I mentioned on my blog that I'm writing a gay erotic romance, but they'll get over it. My philosophy is that it wouldn't bother them if I wrote graphic violence, so it shouldn't bother them that I write graphic sex.

Now, will they read it? That's their choice. Several of my cousins have expressed an interest in reading Playing With Fire when it comes out, so we'll see what that does to the climate of family gatherings...

scarletpeaches

Banned

May 4, 2009

#23

Everyone on AW knows. And I like yous guys far better than any of the bastards I know in real life.

Well, except for you. Yeah, and you. Maybe you too.

KimJo

Outside the box, with the werewolves

Super Member

Registered

May 4, 2009

#24

My parents know. I think my father's embarrassed; after all, even though I'm in my late 30's, I'm still his "little girl". My mother gushes about it and has probably told coworkers.

A few members of my ex-husband's family know and think it's cool, but they've promised not to tell my ex-husband.

Two or three of my coworkers know exactly what I write; the rest just know I write romance, if I tell them anything at all.

My 13-year-old knows I write "stuff she isn't old enough to read", and is irritated about it since she's one of my biggest fans for my as-yet-unpublished YA stuff.

Several of my friends know, but since I met most of them in the chat room of an "adult dating" site, they have no problem with anything about sex.

My boyfriend's mother knows, and isn't inclined to read any of it but is proud of me for getting a few things published.

And my boyfriend knows, is incredibly proud of me, celebrates with me each time I get a new contract, and brags to his friends that he's my "research assistant"

scarletpeaches

Banned

May 4, 2009

#25

Shock horror - you know your parents? They all had sex!

Except in my mother's case it's more like "She's been ridden more times than a Grand National winner."

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