Multiple POVs

My current story is third person, told from multiple POVs - the two male protagonists, the female protagonist, with an very occasional delve into mind the strange villain in the story. (These are more like interludes...a page in between certain chapters.)

This is working great, mostly. For the most part, a whole chapter (sometimes chapters) will be in one character's POV, with changes to another POV in a different chapter, as appropriate.

My sex scenes, though, seem to be jumping all over the damn place. The one I just finished is 900 words her point of view (intro/arousal), 600 words in his point of view (seduction), 800 words in her point of view (foreplay), and 1000 words in his point of view (sex and chapter closing). (Those descriptions in parentheses are very general. The sections blend.)

The shifts seemed appropriate to me based on where we are in the scene. It makes sense, and it reads well to *me* but I wrote the damn thing.

Too much, though?

(Wow, short post for me - lol.)

Yeah, it is a lot. By the time I get done with rewrites every section will likely be a bit longer, but it's still a lot of jumping around.

What I might do is finish it the way I have it now, then try to rewrite the third POV switch, to his point of view, so it's just her at the beginning and him for the balance of the chapter, then compare the two to see what works best.

I really like it the way it is on several levels, but their views on sex are so different (to him sex is like Lay's Potato Chips, and she hasn't been with anyone in over a year) that I don't want it to seem to abrupt...to knock someone out of the mood that's been created. I guess can always have her reflect back the next morning in just a couple of paragraphs that *may* say everything they need to. (Ya know how ya hate to let go of a piece of halfway decent writing.)

Probably what I should do is do both versions, then have someone *else* read 'em and see what they think.

I wish I could write first person, but I always suck at that. lol.

J.

justinai said:

For me, head hopping during a sex scene is a big no no. It's jarring to experience sex through one person's POV and then jump into another's.

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I've read stuff that does change POV, and it worked, but
they also didn't do it FOUR TIMES! lol.

I *think* this one will work OK if the intro stuff is in her head and the part where they're actually starting to do stuff (I'm never sure what language to use on a public forum - lol - makes me sound like an eighth grader) the rest of it is in his POV. (The scene starts out with her in the room alone, but the sex seemed better to me from his POV.)

I'll finish it that way and then run it by someone.

scarletpeaches said:

Secondly: a 3,300-word sex scene? Pfft. Amateur. try 15k.

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Hi, Queenie:

OK, so no headhopping until Sunday

Well, it's up to about 6k right now which might be a bit long for a chapter. I think the longest one that I have now is around 10k, which is wayyyy too long for the style of the rest of the chapters...going to have to chop that puppy up.

emlynley said:

I'll add just one thing that I don't see mentioned yet, which is whose POV makes the most sense for what you want to get across here, assuming you are trying to show something more than just some hot sex.

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Thanks, Em, that was really helpful. I hadn't actually thought it through that way, but you sort of pinned down why a chunk of it needs to be in his head.

That scene has been rewritten to start in her point of view (for the reasons that I mentioned earlier), then switches to his point of view when things start getting...lively. It has to end in his head because there's kind of a confrontation at the end of the scene that doesn't involve her. (It's complicated.)

The scene is pivotal to the romantic plot in the story. There are three protagonists in this story, and this scene shifts the relationships all around. (In a small way, it also ties into the suspense part of the story - he didn't really have any reason to protect her before this, other than his loyalty to their mutual friend.)

Michael does treat sex as...I think in another thread I put it "like Lays Potato Chips". (For the non U.S. contingent, Lay's potato chip advertisting tag line is "no one can eat just one.")

This is different for him, but he doesn't realize it immediately. It starts out (before this scene) as something of a challenge, but by the end of this scene, it's turned into something different, and she is the one who is trying to turn it into "just sex".

(I realize that all of that probably makes no sense without knowing the story, but I don't think 25k words will fit in a forum post )

Anyway, I think my transition is OK between the two. We'll see what a critter thinks when I'm done with the damn thing! lol.

J.