A bit, Kind of, Seemed like

Gynn · Feb 16, 2009

I'm amazed at how many of these I come across as I edit my WIP.

"He seemed to be more tired than usual."
"He was a bit cold."
"It seemed like a nice day out."

Anyone else plagued with weak terms such as these, or others? It kind of seems like a bit too many of these seem to slip through the cracks.

Also, my characters sigh, nod and shake their heads a bunch. I need some alternatives lol

Clair Dickson · Feb 16, 2009

I have trouble with the a bits, a little, somewhat. I try to prune as often as I can so that when they really are important (I leaned a bit to my left) it's not been done to death (I'm a bit tired, a bit hungry, and a bit cold.)

Instead of shaking and nodding, have the characters do something that shows their character.
"Are you going?" he asked.
~~She nodded~~ "Of course!" She was already putting her purse on her shoulder.
"Did you finish that book yet?" he asked.
~~She shook her head~~ . "I couldn't get past chapter two." She didn't look at him. She wondered where the book had gone. She was hoping he couldn't tell that was lying.

ccarver30 · Feb 16, 2009

I am in the process of dumping some passive voice "had"s.

ccarver30 · Feb 16, 2009

Clair Dickson said:
I have trouble with the a bits, a little, somewhat. I try to prune as often as I can so that when they really are important (I leaned a bit to my left) it's not been done to death (I'm a bit tired, a bit hungry, and a bit cold.)

Instead of shaking and nodding, have the characters do something that shows their character.
"Are you going?" he asked.
~~She nodded~~ "Of course!" She was already putting her purse on her shoulder.
"Did you finish that book yet?" he asked.
~~She shook her head~~ . "I couldn't get past chapter two." She didn't look at him. She wondered where the book had gone. She was hoping he couldn't tell that was lying.

Just a suggestion- 3 sentences in a row starting with "She"? Maybe you could add a conjunction to put 2 sentences together...?

Amy R. · Feb 16, 2009

Gynn said:
I'm amazed at how many of these I come across as I edit my WIP.

"He seemed to be more tired than usual."
"He was a bit cold."
"It seemed like a nice day out."

Anyone else plagued with weak terms such as these, or others? It kind of seems like a bit too many of these seem to slip through the cracks.

Also, my characters sigh, nod and shake their heads a bunch. I need some alternatives lol

It seems weird, but I kind of sometimes write that all the time and more than a bit during my first drafts. But, thanks to Word, I make a search and mercilessly delete all superfluous words.

So, no, you're not alone

Shweta · Feb 16, 2009

I do this too

I figure it's what edits are for.

Often it just means I am not too sure what's happening, so they function as a good warning flag for me on the next draft. I don't just delete them -- I look around to see if I'm otherwise being vague or confused.

Claudia Gray · Feb 16, 2009

I do this ALL THE TIME, and it makes me crazy. When I'm writing first-person, my MC does use those words occasionally, but I don't need her to do that very often in order to establish a conversational feel.

In my WIP, which is third-person, I've consciously chosen a character who uses terms like that often; he's articulate and witty, so I wanted to have a way to "put on the brakes" in his speech, so that he would sound natural instead of too perfect. We'll see how that works.

KikiteNeko · Feb 16, 2009

If it's not important, don't write it (sighing, rolling eyes, shrugging, nodding, shaking heads are useless with a few exceptions). I struggle with modifiers but I always edit them out by searching for "ly"

Joycecwilliams · Feb 16, 2009

Gynn said:
I'm amazed at how many of these I come across as I edit my WIP.

"He seemed to be more tired than usual."
"He was a bit cold."
"It seemed like a nice day out."

Anyone else plagued with weak terms such as these, or others? It kind of seems like a bit too many of these seem to slip through the cracks.

Also, my characters sigh, nod and shake their heads a bunch. I need some alternatives lol

I have problems with them all the time. I do a search when I am editing and remove them. They dont change the meaning to the story.

He seemed tired, more than usual.
He was cold.
It was a nice day or the day was nice.

DMarie84 · Feb 16, 2009

I have a TON of those. I'm definitely told about each and every one of them when I'm with my critique group :tongue

For some reason, I have also have a tendency to write in passive voice. It's going to be oh so fun fixing it all. :Headbang:

blacbird · Feb 16, 2009

Not necessarily bad. But clearly depends on what you mean, and overuse gets bad right quick-like. Less is more.

caw

scottVee · Feb 17, 2009

Keep it simple: "He was more tired than usual."

"Seems like" is my #1 pet peeve. It always makes the writer sound uncertain. I mean, either the guy was more tired, or he wasn't. And it he wasn't, you wouldn't be saying so. So, either be bold and say he was tired, or skip it.

Now, "to be" is also fairly weak, the vaguest verb available. Saying, "he was X" and "she was Y" is just listing stuff. Telling. How about some actual feeling or color?

"His body ached from hours of hiking under the hot sun." (Whatever fits the moment.)

As for "It seemed like a nice day out." -- again, it's a total lack of color or feeling. Try "It was a sunny day, with just a few clouds around the snow-topped mountains." Or "The sky was a rich blue and there was a touch of a sea breeze on the air." Or "It would be a nice day for a hike in the mountains, if I didn't have all these zombies to kill." (Depends on the attitude of the moment. ;-)

Or if you draw a blank, just drop it.

Shweta · Feb 17, 2009

But all of this depends on the narrator.

As tics, they're signs of trouble. But if there's an authorial reason to use a bland or weak or uncertain narrative voice, and you can keep the reader interested despite it or because of it, it's a feature not a bug.

It's almost always a bug though

ellisnation · Feb 17, 2009

Thank goodness we don't have to send in our first drafts! I am on a mad search for "had" and "that" and have found that I can remove "had" in most cases and the sentence still makes sense! I noticed these little blunders are more common in my first two chapters though.

Williebee · Feb 17, 2009

Yup. Had, that and seems are words that my fingers tend to add without my brain being involved in the decision.

That's my excuse, and I seem to be sticking to it.

adtabb · Feb 17, 2009

Gynn said:
I'm amazed at how many of these I come across as I edit my WIP.

"He seemed to be more tired than usual."
"He was a bit cold."
"It seemed like a nice day out."

Actually all three of these can be great setups.

MC has just tried a new medicine that says it is non drowsy. "He seemed to be more tired than usual," yet he was still able to... complete some task you couldn't complete if you were drowsy.

"He was a bit cold" until he stepped out into the artic blast and felt the heart of cold seep into his bones.

"It seemed like a nice day out," yet the bounty hunter knew what evil demon was working to blot out the sun forever.

"It seemed like a nice day out," hard to believe a bloody battle that killed ten thousand was fought over that hill and ended only an hour ago. The cries could still be heard if you stepped outside.

tehuti88 · Feb 17, 2009

Gynn said:
I'm amazed at how many of these I come across as I edit my WIP.

"He seemed to be more tired than usual."
"He was a bit cold."
"It seemed like a nice day out."

Anyone else plagued with weak terms such as these, or others? It kind of seems like a bit too many of these seem to slip through the cracks.

Also, my characters sigh, nod and shake their heads a bunch. I need some alternatives lol

I'm sure I use more of this sort of stuff than I should. More of most things that most of the writers here seem to frown upon and eliminate, in fact.

It doesn't bother me that much though (I don't find it weak, I wouldn't say "a bit" unless I need to say "a bit"!), unless I, for example, use "a bit" or some such twice in close succession. Then it niggles at me and I just find a different way to phrase it.

I'm simple that way. *shrug* *nod* *sigh*

Sary · Feb 17, 2009

I am extremely apt to unwittingly use lots of mostly unhelpful "ly" words.

Aggy B. · Feb 17, 2009

I fall into this all the time. Also the trap of simplifying actions (he shrugged/slumped/straightened/winced/etc). As others have already said the appropriateness depends on context.

'Seemed like' to me really works best when the POV character is observing another character. (Jake looked at Marge. She seemed like her normal self.) Because (to me) 'seeming like' something is about external perception. A character referring to themselves in that way had better have a damn good reason for not knowing. (Jake got up gingerly. Every bone in his body ached but after a few cautious steps it seemed like nothing was broken.)

'A bit/little' crops up a lot for me as well. When I read back through I see uncertainty every place I've written it. General rule is: a character is or isn't. (Jake is cold. Jake isn't cold despite the fierce wind.) There are always exceptions. (The juice was a little sour, but not unpleasantly so.)

As for simplified actions, sometimes less is more. It's always best to use actions that tell you something about the character. Sometimes "Jake fidgeted" is just not enough. (Jake tapped his hands on the arms of the chair, ran his fingers through his hair.) But if you expand the action like that sometimes it can be a bit much, especially if the scene demands a quick pace.

I find most of this just comes with time. Each edit gives me a better idea of what to cut, what to trim and what to expand.

scarletpeaches · Feb 17, 2009

Ah yes, those damn qualifiers. They ~~seem to~~ sneak by my editing eye in droves...

Quossum · Feb 17, 2009

Seemed, started to, quite, a bit, and actually are my bugaboos.

--Q

maestrowork · Feb 17, 2009

Gynn said:
I'm amazed at how many of these I come across as I edit my WIP.

"He seemed to be more tired than usual."
"He was a bit cold."
"It seemed like a nice day out."

Anyone else plagued with weak terms such as these, or others? It kind of seems like a bit too many of these seem to slip through the cracks.

Also, my characters sigh, nod and shake their heads a bunch. I need some alternatives lol

Yeah, cut out all the "seem" or "somehow" or any of those "unsure" stuff, especially if you're writing in 3rd person.

Alan Yee · Feb 17, 2009

I'm so glad I'm not the only writer on AW with this problem. I'll have a lot to cut out of my novel when I finally finish it and start revising it.

Ugawa · Feb 17, 2009

I always include to many dialogue tags. I've gotten better, though. My first WIP had someone nodding or sighing at least two times a page. Heh.

I also use too many 'started to's'

But that's what the second draft is for.

XX

blacbird · Feb 17, 2009

I sometimes have some trouble with some repetitive unnecessary qualifying words and prefixes, something I'm at least somewhat conscious of, after some of the comments I've received from some readers, and I'm usually able to correct the tendency somehow, in some way. Maybe I'll cure it entirely, someday.

caw

A bit, Kind of, Seemed like

Wandering worlds

A dark core to every cloud

Nicole Castro

Nicole Castro

gone

.

I wish I had a time machine

gone

Rhiannon Ellis

Capeless, wingless, & yet I fly.

Quiet Normally, Loud when Provoked

Mackinac Island Fanatic

Not as sweet as you think

Fear the Death Ray

Still Here!

It's a catastrophic success!