Hypothetical Question

Bartholomew · Feb 8, 2009

Hey all,

I'm doing some outlining, and I'd like to know how you guys would get around this situation.

You have a weird pet, and you think it's hyper intelligent. It is also a carnivore.

You discover that it is responsible for a large number of missing cats.

In fact, one of those missing cats is now dead (and half eaten), in your dorm room.

What do you do with the body?

Cyia · Feb 8, 2009

Boiler room incinerator, or dumpster.

alleycat · Feb 8, 2009

Double bag it and put it in the dumpster.

Soccer Mom · Feb 8, 2009

Double bag it and put it in the dumpster. What AC said. Oh, and use bleach for the clean up. It baffles many of the blood detection techniques. Yes, simple bleach.

Williebee · Feb 8, 2009

What AC said.

Course, if I found it when I was drunk, and I thought I heard somebody, I'd stuff it in a trashbag and shove it in the common room freezer. Then keep my head down when somebody finds it the next day.

Leva · Feb 8, 2009

Does the dorm have a garbage chute? Many multi-story residential buildings do. The chute goes straight to a dumpster in the basement. Bag the cat in a trash bag and calmly walk out to the garbage chute, open the chute door, and drop it in. Walk away. End of evidence.

MissKris · Feb 8, 2009

Well, if my pet is hyper intelligent it could probably talk and reason with me, no? So, in my nicest nanny voice I would ask if my pet could please either finish its meal or dispose of the leftovers itself. I would then bust a pipe in the bathroom and request a different dorm room.

Failing that, the previous posters have the right idea with dumpster and bleach.

Bartholomew · Feb 8, 2009

MissKris said:
Well, if my pet is hyper intelligent it could probably talk and reason with me, no? So, in my nicest nanny voice I would ask if my pet could please either finish its meal or dispose of the leftovers itself. I would then bust a pipe in the bathroom and request a different dorm room.

Failing that, the previous posters have the right idea with dumpster and bleach.

Talking to it won't work in this situation, but it would have worked later - the critter is still working out how to talk.

I'm going with the garbage chute solution + bleach. Thanks, all!

Willowmound · Feb 9, 2009

I'd be wondering why a carnivore is eating carnivores.

bonobo_jones · Feb 9, 2009

Willowmound said:
I'd be wondering why a carnivore is eating carnivores.

Some carnivores do - if they prey on carnivores as well as omni-and herbivores they're called tertiary consumers.
Although I think they'd mostly be raptors and fish...lions can eat crocodiles, and hungry hyenas have taken down and eaten big cats. Mongooses eat carnivorous snakes. Foxes and coyotes will eat cats.

Willowmound · Feb 9, 2009

But they taste so bad!

brokenfingers · Feb 9, 2009

Bartholomew said:
Hey all,

I'm doing some outlining, and I'd like to know how you guys would get around this situation.

You have a weird pet, and you think it's hyper intelligent. It is also a carnivore.

You discover that it is responsible for a large number of missing cats.

In fact, one of those missing cats is now dead (and half eaten), in your dorm room.

What do you do with the body?

Hypothetical, my ass.

You've opened an interdimensional portal again, haven't you?

bonobo_jones · Feb 9, 2009

Willowmound said:
But they taste so bad!

What, carnivore meat or cat meat? I've never eaten cat

but I like salmon. They're carnivorous fish and yummacious. I've been to a restaurant that served things like lion meat (really) and alligator. The gator was good, I did not try the lion....

KTC · Feb 9, 2009

I'd take it to the nearest forest and spin it by its tail until I had good momentum. Then I'd let go and let fly into the trees. Then I'd get back into my car and put on a nice soft Cure ballad and go get me some Taco Bell.

Willowmound · Feb 9, 2009

bonobo_jones said:
What, carnivore meat or cat meat? I've never eaten cat but I like salmon. They're carnivorous fish and yummacious. I've been to a restaurant that served things like lion meat (really) and alligator. The gator was good, I did not try the lion....

Carnivorous mammals are said to taste sour. Like the sourness you find in pork but without any of the yum. I've never actually had one, so my previous post was a bit of a put-on. Sorry.

I've had crocodile. It wasn't bad. I think there are different rules for amphibia and fish.

alleycat · Feb 9, 2009

Willowmound said:
Carnivorous mammals are said to taste sour. Like the sourness you find in pork but without any of the yum.

Didn't stop the Donner Party . . .

;-)

GeorgeK · Feb 9, 2009

Willowmound said:
But they taste so bad!

No they don't. Coyote is a bit on the tough side, but if you grind it and make a meatloaf it's flavor is surprisingly mild, sort of half way between veal and commercial pork loin.

GeorgeK · Feb 9, 2009

Willowmound said:
Carnivorous mammals are said to taste sour. Like the sourness you find in pork but without any of the yum. I've never actually had one, so my previous post was a bit of a put-on. Sorry.

I've had crocodile. It wasn't bad. I think there are different rules for amphibia and fish.

Myth born out of ignorance, ignorance of proper butchering techniques and sanitation, and ignorance of proper cooking techniques.

If the complaint was that it was sour, the person in question was probably eating carrion, not fresh kill. This myth was also furthered by people who survived some lonely ordeal and were trying to embellish their stories for their moment of fame.

scarletpeaches · Feb 9, 2009

Nail it to the door of my enemy.

KTC · Feb 9, 2009

scarletpeaches said:
Nail it to the door of my enemy.

but you have no enemies. did you mean enema?

GeorgeK · Feb 9, 2009

Let the hyper pet eat it. It obviosly likes cat and brought it to the room so it can take it away. However, it could just be bringing a trophy home to show off to the "owner" and maybe it only eats every couple of days. He could "discover the mutilated corpse" by raising a big stink about it... (yelling at 2AM in the common room) "Oh man! You people are sick puppies! Who the f*** put roadkill in the fridge!"

Perks · Feb 9, 2009

I'd cuss lot and bag it up and throw it out as quickly as possible. Then I'd kill and eat my pet, so there would only ever be one more big pet mess for me to clean up and it would be of my own doing, dammit.

I would not be a very good pet person.

KTC · Feb 9, 2009

I suppose Haskins would probably drag it under his car for a spell.

Willowmound · Feb 9, 2009

GeorgeK said:
Myth

I never.

At least I know now what to have for dinner.

Izunya · Feb 9, 2009

Willowmound said:
I'd be wondering why a carnivore is eating carnivores.

Owls will take cats sometimes. So will coyotes. I mean, they're almost the same size as rabbits and usually less cautious.

On a college campus I would also expect this carnivore to have accounted for a few squirrels. I mean, sure, if you're the size of a dog you'll be hungry half an hour later, but in my experience campus squirrels have no fear.

As to what I'd do—I'd probably put the cat in the nearest dumpster (going "Ick! Ick! Ick!" all the way), scrub the spot and spray odor eliminator in all directions, and buy the pet some different food. After all, I don't want any more dead cats—I like cats—and it's possible that the pet is taking them because whatever I feed him isn't appealing. This goes double if the pet isn't a recognizable species (or some species that I recognize only from mythology—like a gryphon) because then I know I probably don't have the optimum nutrition for him.

Izunya

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