Way With Words

Read that last scene from Harry Potter 7. When Harry calls Voldy by his real name, Tom - it's like OOOOH.

okay, that was completely useless. I suck at comebacks, too, so here's some equally useless links, with excerpts

http://www.humorsphere.com/insults/comebacks.htm

Man: Do you want to dance?
Woman: NO
Man: Sorry, I think you misheard me...I said, You look fat in those pants.

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http://www.butlerwebs.com/jokes/insults.htm

Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

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Guide: http://www.wikihow.com/Think-of-Quick-Witted-Comebacks

If somebody decides to bring your mom into the conversation, don't let them. Remind them that the conversation is about you and them...unless of course your mom is involved in the conflict.

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Weirdly enough, when I'm panicking about verbal battles, my characters take over and insult each other to kingdom come. And then I stop writing, blink, and say, "Why the heck can't I engage in awesome battles of wit like that?"

It's really a matter of getting one and then from there they go back and forth using the comments before as leverage until one of them wins it.

ex. A student sits in class and isn't doing his work at all, but I'm doing my work and talking at the same time.

He says, "You reall need to do more work and less talk."
I use his comment as leverage and say, "At least I'm doing my work, unlike you."
he says, "Don't worry about me."
I say, "I never have."

Might be a bad example, but it brought out a whole bunch of ooo's and ah's in my class. I'm the queen of witty comebacks, but since none of my battle come to mind other that one, check out the websites up there.

I pretty much write my best stuff in the shower, but then can't remember it by the time I'm dry enough for a pen or a computer. Ah life. I would keep a tiny little notebook by your bed and write cryptic little half notes to yourself by a booklight. Hey, if your ideas keep you up at night that's a good thing. Right..?

I recommend writing down good stuff when it comes into your head, even if you're tired and would rather be doing something else. Start a notebook and just quickly scrawl any potentially useful random thoughts into it. Don't worry about whether or not it is what you'll use in the final version, or whether it even makes sense. Most of my notes make sense to no one but me, but as long as they make sense to me, that's enough.

I write a lot of dialogue without being sure about whether I'll use it, because I love writing dialogue. I like to get a sense of how characters talk, the way that they put things into words (and you can tell when you've nailed a character's voice, because you go to make them say something and then realise that they would never phrase it like that, and because you can run for a while with minimal dialogue tags if you need to and know that you're not confusing anyone). If I were you, I'd just let them talk without worrying about whether any of the comebacks are good enough. Just let them say what they want to say and don't think too hard about it. If a scene is particularly important, I'll often try writing it several times and see what my characters come out with each time, and use whichever bits I like best, like a director letting actors improvise. And have fun with it. If they decide they want to do or say things you totally didn't anticipate, just go with it. It's always interesting to see where things end up...