"In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale"

dclary said:

This goes #1 with a bullet on worst film ever made on planet earth starring 6 people or more that I've heard of.

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that's a category? cool.

It's an Uwe Boll film. I think he has some sort of psychotropic gas that he disperses in a room whenever he pitches an idea to someone and turns them into zombies who just nod yes and sign things. How is this man still allowed to make movies? And he's making a lot of them. For the love of god, stop giving him money!

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0093051/

*peeks in*

I know it's dreck, but I thought it was fun dreck. I put my mind in neutral and enjoyed counting all the cliches and predicting all the plot "twists".

It was better than Doom and Chronicles of Riddick, yanno?

I rented this film about six months ago JUST to be able to say I had seen it. I rented it with very low expectations because I knew ahead of time that is was an Uwe Boll film.

It sucked, as predicted.

Meanwhile, I continue to hear again and again that in spite of the complete reliability that a guaranteed crap-fest will always land in the can at the end of post-production by this guy, Uwe Boll ALSO consistently upholds ANOTHER reputation. Specifically, he is well-known for:

1) bringing in a project on or under budget
2) being one of the absolute nicest and most reasonable guys to work for on a movie set.

And THOSE TWO REASONS RIGHT THERE (or so I am told, I won't swear by it) are how he continues to get major financing --and even land some serious big name actors-- again and again and again. So these actors never deem these films to be Oscar-worthy additions to their portfolios. They're just looking forward to an easy 7-week shoot with a level-headed director who won't be a jackass on the set.

callalily61 said:

It was better than Doom and Chronicles of Riddick, yanno?

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Whoooaaah there Nellie! That's crazy talk! And those were both damn good Sci-Fi movies.

-Derek

Thank you Plot Device, I'm always so glad when additional information makes the seemingly incomprehensible more rational.

Sorry, Derek. Both of those 1)Annoyed the heck out of me and then 2) Bored me to tears. At least NotK amused me.

Plot Device said:

Specifically, he is well-known for:

1) bringing in a project on or under budget
2) being one of the absolute nicest and most reasonable guys to work for on a movie set.

They're just looking forward to an easy 7-week shoot with a level-headed director who won't be a jackass on the set.

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Wow, now I want to work for him...

I watched this and I was like who resurrected Ed Wood?
Then a few really bad edits later I was like okay sorry for insulting Ed Wood.

I've tried three or four times to watch this on television. Good Gawd. The cast isn't without its talent, and the costumes, sets, scenery, armor, and all aren't that bad. But dear lord in heaven help me the dialogs and the script are so bad! John Rhys Davies has done some low SFC original movies, but after being in Lord of the Rings how bad did this seem? Some of the battle scenes are even text book copies of the end of the Fellowship.

Was there not a dialect coach? Everyone sounded like a stooge, from Reynold's wispy voice, Davies' brood, Liotta's gangster, and Lillard's shaggy. And what was the damn story about anyway? Farmer? Could you give your main character a more generic name?

I was tempted to get the dvd from netflix, just to get a good look at the costumes (I like that sort of thing, you know) and it might be funny to watch a behind the scenes where they talk about what a great project it was and how it all came together so well! But eh, I don't think its worth it.

It pisses me off though, that one, every fantasy film ever now will be compared to and be sub par against LOTR, But then, why can't somebody make something as good? I want a proper King Arthur and a real Beowulf. After this one, no wonder people don't even try.

THey did make a real beowulf, though they changed the story, with gerard butler and nobody liked that either, in part for being too authentic. lol you cant win for trying. I havent seen In The Name Of The King, i might get it just to see how bad it is. so far ive managed to avoid uwe boll completely. but then i think, jason statham. it overrides my sensibilities. lol

My favorite Uwe Boll film has been Blood Rayne. That one actually had a semi-decent plotline, a likeable main protagonist worthy of caring about, a pretty-well crafted cosmology that was actually coherent, and the dialog wasn't half-bad. And the overall tone of that film did not get all frenetic and warble off course into uneven psychosis.

I wish I could say all of his other offerings came close to the neo-tolerability of Blood Rayne. But sadly most of them really suck with triteness, a very clumsy and embarassingly uneven tone, poor world-building, and unengaging characters with non-credible motivations.

In fact, let me point out his problems with tone.

One of Uwe Boll's worst handicaps is he likes to set up certain scenes in a way that he only THINKS are REALLY COOL, and in the end the final execution of these scenes is NOT COOL AT ALL. Perhaps the most blatant example of this really bad habit of his can be found in Alone in the Dark. In that movie he does this one action/chase scene where he includes a super-microscopic close-up of the interior of a gun where we see the bullet being discharged right down the barrel. He shows us the bullet's discharge in slow motion and we watch the bullet streak through the air right at Christian slater in slow motion. Uwe Boll spent SO MUCH TIME on that one moment of the movie, yet he did NOT pull it off in a way that was clear, gripping, or even original. But you can tell when a particular scene in any given films is just the absolute favorite of the director's. And THAT scene was just so piss-poor that it was sad. And it also did not even remotely fit with the rest of the film as far as tone. Uwe Boll's constant lack of acheving and maintaining an even tone to any given film he does is so amateurish that it boggles the mind.

As for the surprisingly even tone to Blood Rayne, I'm wondering if maybe he lucked out and got himself a REALLY AWESOME EDITOR in that one instance. The editor is the guy who will have the final say on the look and feel of your film. And a super good editor can take a bad film and make it tolerable.

For those of you who want to write for Hollywood, it has been said: "You actually write a movie THREE times, not just one. First you write at your keyboard. And then you write while you're shooting. And lastly you write as you are editing." So the editor is far more important than many writers (and even some directors) might imagine.

Just looking at that cast list makes my left eye twitch.

Matthew Lillard and Burt Reynolds??????

ChaosTitan said:

Just looking at that cast list makes my left eye twitch.

Matthew Lillard and Burt Reynolds??????

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I know! Burt Reynolds!! DClary, was it before or after his disastrous facelift? Did he have the cheesy moustache? did he wear a cowboy hat? I'm afraid to watch it.

Uve Boll must die.

I'm not joking.

He. Must. Die.

For the good of mankind. No man (other than Jack Thompson) has done more to damage the idea of video games as an art form than Uve Boll. His stupid, retarded movies manage to take some of my FAVORITE games and DESTROY THEM UTTERLY!

Sure, he's so far taken games that either have really shitty plots or no plot at all.

The ENTIRE plot of Dungon Seige, the game, is

YOU ARE A FARMER!

ORKS ATTACK!

KILL THEY ASS!

And, for that game, it works fine. It had neat graphics and music by Jeremy Soul. I mean...that's some good music (Jeremy Soul is the John Williams of the video game industry).

Oh, and don't get me started on Doom.

They removed Hell!

They removed the Zombies!

The Imps didn't throw fireballs!

What the F@*! man! What the hell were they thinkin!?

"hey, lets take one of the most beloved video games of ALL time and REMOVE EVERY SINGLE ICONIC ENEMY FROM THE MOVIE! Like the demons and shit."

"That sounds like an AWESOME idea!"

"Oh, and lets have the ROCK be the VILLAIN rather than the HERO!"

"EVEN BETTER!"

ARRRRRRRRGH!

Please let the Bioschok movie be good...
Please let the Bioschok movie be good...
Please let the Bioschok movie be good...
Please let the Bioschok movie be good...
Please let the Bioschok movie be good...
Please let the Bioschok movie be good...
Please let the Bioschok movie be good...
Please let the Bioschok movie be good...
Please let the Bioschok movie be good...
Please let the Bioschok movie be good...
Please let the Bioschok movie be good...

nevada said:

I know! Burt Reynolds!! DClary, was it before or after his disastrous facelift? Did he have the cheesy moustache? did he wear a cowboy hat? I'm afraid to watch it.

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He kept the moustache!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2cGhxixal5A

O.M.G. Even the trailer is unbearable. It actuallly starts "in a time" *sigh* and there was i sign at all that he takes his shirt off. I dont know. Will give this one a miss i think. it looks good though. visually-wise. set, costumes.

The Beowulf with Gerard Butler was so weird, too. Why does everyone and their grandma try and make a film like Uwe Boll? One of his is bad enough!

http://ithinkthereforeireview.blogspot.com/2008/11/beowulf-s.html

Hey, I liked that Beowulf. I got a real kick out of seeing them trotting everywhere on their icelandic ponies. Seriously, thats how they won in battle. the opponents were so busy laughing they didnt realize they were being hacked to death. PLus gerard butler is HAWT.

And a quick mention of Uwe Boll so i can't be accused to derailing the thread. He holds a doctorate in literature.

oh oh i found out how he manages to get funding for his movie. it is all explained now.

"Maybe you know it but it's not so easy to finance movies in total. And the reason I am able to do these kind of movies is I have a tax shelter fund in Germany, and if you invest in a movie in Germany you get basically fifty percent back from the Government."

Boll is able to acquire funding thanks to German tax laws that reward investments in film. The law allows investors in German-owned films to write off 100% of their investment as a tax deduction; it also allows them to invest borrowed money and write off any fees associated with the loan. The investor is then only required to pay taxes on the profits made by the movie; if the movie loses money, the investor gets a tax writeoff.

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from http://www.rottentomatoes.com/celebrity/uwe_boll/biography.php

cue the "Ve haf vays of making you tok" joke.

Blood Rayne would have been good if the dialogue had been written by other than a 2nd grade dropout. Love the premise, top notch names and semi-decent fights--but gawdawful lines.

Blood Rayne would have been a million times better if they had kept the Nazis.

"Maybe you know it but it's not so easy to finance movies in total. And the reason I am able to do these kind of movies is I have a tax shelter fund in Germany, and if you invest in a movie in Germany you get basically fifty percent back from the Government."

Boll is able to acquire funding thanks to German tax laws that reward investments in film. The law allows investors in German-owned films to write off 100% of their investment as a tax deduction; it also allows them to invest borrowed money and write off any fees associated with the loan. The investor is then only required to pay taxes on the profits made by the movie; if the movie loses money, the investor gets a tax writeoff.

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You would think that Germany, in their ongoing quest for technological excellence would consider Boll a drain on useful tax dollars and inject him with an experimental gel that assists in kinder, gentler teleportation and toss him into the chamber.

I'm really surprised they don't consider him a slap in their faces.

I'm pretty sure that Uwe Boll's fame drew much negative attention to those German tax laws. And so now those tax laws have been rewritten, closing that advantageous loophole, and so he can no longer take that degree of advantage anymore.

Now all he has is his reputation. And it's enough to continue to get him financing.

dayumm. (thats my southern impression. it's better in person) will nothing stop this man? lol

I liked Butler's Beowulf, sort of, and as I said there were good productions values for In The Name of The King. Why can't anybody get everything together though? I think Boll likes his rep.