Those moments of futility.

This weekend, I had one of those moments of futility. If you are old enough to remember that ancient electric football game, where you place plastic players on top of a vibrating table, and they all run in circles and run into walls, or run backwards with the football, you'll know how futility feels. It's like running into a wall with no doors. It's one of those things about the seventies we both love and hate.

Feelings of futility are not just for the novice writer. It could be on book two, or your second series, or when you've just lost all focus after a pretty decent career, and you feel like you can't think of another story idea if your life depended on it.

This weekend I felt stuck in the mud with spinning tires digging deeper. I'm actually into Book Four of a series. And I'm having one of those, "Is anyone going to read this...am I just hacking away for nothing?" moments.

Part of what fed this is that I wasn't so sure my publisher liked my Book Two after putting Book One on their refrigerater like the proud parent.

My Publisher had sent an email kind of insinuating that the turn of Book Two was not what they expected, going darker and deeper. They said they were given the book to a sci fi/fantasy editor that loved Tolkien, to get their opinion of it.

Because the initial "This could be like Harry Potter" wore off, I kind of felt like the axe would fall. They weren't quite sure about me now. And so I sat waiting, kind of expecting to be jilted the day before prom.

But alas, I heard good news. The editor loves the books!!!! Yipeeeeee. So at least I stopped feeling like I'm editing book four for nothing. They seem "okay" with the darkening. So now I'm just back to waitng for them to send me edits and I'm "HOPING" to see at least Book One in print this year.

MetalDog said:

Well done, mate. Dark stories are my favourite kind, so I'm glad to hear they're being picked up! Also, you now have an editor who's definitely on the same page as you, yes?

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Yes, they're pretty positive and even appologized for taking so long. I'm back to hopeful. Lol.

laffarsmith said:

*chuckles* I'm with Willie, 'moments' are unheard of but 'days' and 'months' of futility strike a cord. Thankfully, through my current novel (so far) I've MOSTLY felt very positive about the reception this book will get. It is a great story, the only problem is I might stuff up getting it from my mind onto the page. lol

Still, it's good to know other novelists suffer their doubts. Congratulations on the good news about book two and I hope book one gets a good push toward the printers in the coming months.

Now, my current problem isn't with futility, it's the juggling act. Getting to that point where it's time to pull all the threads together, sometimes it feels impossibly complex. Don't know if my fingers are nimble enough. Are you familiar with that feeling?

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Yes, I'm familiar with pretty much every negative feeling. At one point I think the only thing I did believe in was the story, not that it would ever get printed, or that I'd ever figure out how to write it. I was almost convinced I'd wind up putting it on a Blog somewhere.

In retrospect, I wrote to get my thoughts down, and found myself facing a rock sheer instead of an uphill climb. Perhaps no two words of the origional are still strung together??? My edits went from horrible to terrible to pathetic to almost bearable. When I got to "Perhaps this might work?" I was encouraged somewhat. And lastly- hey they like it!!! It gives me a buzz until I hit the next roadblock.

Lol- this thing isn't letting me leave little comments.

I'm not glad that so many of you share my feelings, but I was reading some of S R Donaldson's page. He was talking about getting back in the saddle after taking so much time between his first series and his second, questioning if he could do it again.

He's sold over ten million novels. But I realize now that despite getting something right, there's no absolute formula for success. Book one can be a blast and book two can be a bomb.

I'm watching some of that VH1 about former teen idols trying to make a comeback. It's kinda like Billy Joel singing about being on top and then the next year they stuff your album in the back of the store with the discount beans.

I'm a never-was trying not to be a has-been. Lol

laffarsmith said:

*chuckles* I LOVE this quote!

Of course, one must remember to put one foot in front of the other. Focus on what you do today. It's the only thing you can really control.

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So true. In fact it's a staggering truth that left me staring at my keyboard.