Warning: My spell checker is broken. I'll fix it later, when I get my hands on my other computer.
After my last review/rant/thread about a video game, I was repped by a fellow forum goer.
I think the rep went something like this..."Why can't you review a HAPPY game!?"
And so, I present to you...the vast, happy, multimedia experience known as Warhammer 40,000!
Wait...did I say happy?
Replace that with...
After my last review/rant/thread about a video game, I was repped by a fellow forum goer.
I think the rep went something like this..."Why can't you review a HAPPY game!?"
And so, I present to you...the vast, happy, multimedia experience known as Warhammer 40,000!
Wait...did I say happy?
Replace that with...
DRAAAAAAAAAGHBRAWLGAAAAAAAAAAAKABOOMSHOOTBLATHDEATH!
Welcome to the grim darkness of the 41st millennium! But first, some history!
In the 1890s...er...no, 1980s, a British based company called Games Workshop hit on the amazing idea of how to make a lot of money! Take the curmudgeons who play table top wargames, but replace US Sherman tanks and German Supergruppenuberpanzerfraguppenfhurure tanks with elves, orks and knights on horseback.
Then make the figurines for the elves, orks and knights cost billions of dollars.
Warhammer was a smashing success, so a few years later...Games Workshop did the obvious and most awesome thing that they could do to make even more amounts of money: PUT IT INTO SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!
And they did. Oh yes they did.
Each space setting I know always becomes personified, at one point, as a kind of person. Star Wars, for example, is a fantasy writer who got mixed up and found himself at Alpha Centuari by accident. Star Trek is the overly polite geriatric who scored with ALL the chicks when he was 20, but now is just tired and sad. Firefly is the funny and lovable half American, half Chinese man wearing a cowboy hat guy who is smuggling teenage super heroines through his backyard.
The Warhammer 40,000 universe is the kind of universe that skins other universe's alive in its basement, then keep them alive with magic while torturing them even more till they die through sheer horribleness.
Its dark. Its grim. Its GRIMDARK. Its so GRIMDARK you won't even believe it!
And...its totally AWESOME!
What started as a complex wargame has become a complex multimedia experience, with countless novels, video games, fanmovies, fanfictions, really creepy erotica, creepier artworks, and, of course, lots and lots of tiny figurines that cost an arm and a leg.
Now! The thing that binds all these desperate media elements together is one of the deepest and funnest set of lore I've ever seen!
My only question is...where the heck do I start?
Huh. Well, a good place would be humanity. This is no Federation! No, in the 41st millennium, mankind has spread itself across half the GALAXY, with billions of worlds, each holding billions of humans, all controlled by an all seeing, all knowing God-Emperor who sits on the Golden Throne of Terra. The Imperium makes the Galactic Empire of Star Wars look positively Utopian by comparison.
The Imperium got its start 25,000 years before the "present" of this grim future, and it got its start with the Emperor, an immortal, asskicking combination of Alexander the Great and Jesus. If Jesus were SUPERMAN too. Coming right out of the Dark Age of Technology (after reading quite a few novels, two rulebooks, and a few other ancillary texts...I still have only a vague idea as to what the Dark Age of Technology is. The basic gist is mankind made A.I. Bad times followed. Think Burtlarian Jihad. Just...worse. Much worse!) the Emperor conquered his homeworld and then decided to conquer the rest of the galaxy.
His first and most potent tool in this was his own awesome DNA, which he used to create 20 Primarchs, super-human ultra warriors who all have unwavering loyalty to the Emperor.
HOWEVER! The Emperor had enemies already. Four of them to be exact! The four Gods of Chaos (aka, the Ruinous Powers, aka, the Great Enemy, aka, the Horrible Four, aka, Those Gits...though I'm the only one who calls them that) decided that they really didn't like the Emperor.
So they grabbed the 20 Primarchs while they were still kids and scattered them to a bunch of other human worlds that had been settled during the Dark Age of Technology but were now separated from Terra. The Emperor just shrugged and decided to go on with his plans for Galactic Domination. He preceded to kick butt across the Galaxy, finding lost Primarchs as he went. Most of them, being made from the DNAA, (the extra A...is for awesome) naturally managed to take over the planets they lived on with almost hillarious ease...and when they met the Emperor, they teamed up with him.
However...the Gods of Chaos were not done with the Primachs...they had planted the seed of evil in each of them, and now it was up in the air to see which ones would turn traitors. The Emperor, confident in the loyalty of his Primarchs...never saw it coming.
Lead by the Emperor's most beloved son, Horus, 10 Primarchs decided that they were going to the other side. And thus began the Horus Heresy, a war that raged over half the galaxy as the Emperor and the loyal Primarchs led their armies against Horus and the disloyal Primarchs. Trillions died and in the end, the only way the Emperor won was by teleporting onto Horus' battlebarge (which is the size of a small moon and covered with enough guns to destroy Starfleet fifty times over with a single volly) and do battle with Horus.
This battle involved two superhuman warriors, both with amazing psychic abilities, armed with swords that bent reality with energy fields, allowing them to slice through fifteen foot thick armor with ease, doing battle in the bridge of a moon sized battlebarge, surrounded by awestruck mutant warriors who had been corrupted with blood lust by a primeval god of pure malevolence.
If you think this is over the top...you ain't seen NOTHING yet.
Anywho, Horus was slain and the Emperor was sadly wounded to death.
Well, to almost death. His loyal minions (the surviving ones) dragged the Emperor's almost dead body to this giant machine called the Golden Throne, which was built in a tearing hurry by the Tech-Priests of Mars.
It works based off some arcane technosorcery principles pioneered during the Dark Age of Technology. No one knows how or why it does what it does, they're just happy it DOES!
What it does is...it keeps the Emperor alive, allowing him to use his formidable psychic powers to do constant battle with the powers of Chaos, to keep them from eating the entire Galaxy. However, it takes the regular sacrifice of about a thousand souls. Every day.
Its now 10,000 years later. (That entire bit of story was from the year 25,000 to the year 30,000)
The Imperium is a rotting husk of a galactic Empire, sitting on a few billion planets. The Emperor sits on the Golden Throne and uses his psychic powers to continually fight the forces of Chaos. Countless trillions of people fight in his name, as part of one of many factions within the Imperium.
There are...
The Space Marines: Superhuman warriors created from the genetic material of the original Primarchs. They bleed acid, spit poison, have three hearts, ate 10 feet tall, and their basic side arm is a semi-automatic rocket propelled grenade launcher that fire self propelled depleted uranium tipped exploding rounds called Bolts. And their basic melee weapon is a chainsaw sword. Yes. You heard me right. Chainsaw. Sword. And did I mention they wear power armor that makes the suit from Halo look like a ballerina dress?
The Imperial Guard: a multi-billion man strong army, with millions of tanks, thousands of space ships, and LOTS and LOTS of artillery. They use the Russian tactic of throwing bodies at a problem till its gone. It has worked fairly well so far.
The Inquisition: No one expects the SPACE Inquisition! These are individuals with so much political power that they can destroy entire PLANETS with a word. To quote: "You may ask what my right is to kill a billion people? I ask: WHAT IS THEIR RIGHT TO LIVE!?" Their main job is rooting out heretics, mutant scum, and xeno sympathizers. They tend to be very very scary. Or, in one case, very very sexy...and...even scarier than the others.
The Sisters of Battles: Power armor wearing nuns wielding flamethrowers that spit holy napalm, constantly doing battle in the name of the Emperor! Nuns. WITH GUNS!
The Techpreists: As mankind has...just plum forgotten how most things work, their guns are either built through a rote method that has become a religious dogma (complete with prayers)...or their guns are really really old. Like plasma guns. The Techpreists are the ones who deal with all manner of technology. And technosorcery. They also are the ones who built Titans, city sized battle walkers/churches that can level entire continents with the weapons built into the KNEECAPS alone.
And, of course...
The Battlefleet Gothic: A battle fleet that flies its ships through the Warp. The Warp, just as a side note, is HELL. Literally. Its...filled with daemons. If you don't have the techpreists bless your ship, the demons will eat your SOUL. Needless to say, the secondary armaments of their weapons can destroy planets.
Now, this sounds impressive and evil and all that. I mean, what with the ritual sacrifice, horrific living conditions, constant suppression of free thought, countless atrocities committed HOURLY in the name of a carrion God-Emperor that requires daily sacrifice of THOUSANDS.
So...who are the good guys?
These are the good guys.
Ulp So...who...who the heck are the BAD guys?
The BAD guys...they're much much worse. There are...
Space Orks: They are genetically predisposed to fighting constantly...and their technology works because they say so (give an Ork a stick and convince him that its a gun and it WILL fire bullets. Its their latent psychic powers at work. Oh and red makes things go faster)
Necrons: 100,000,000,000 year old omnicidal killing machines that never die. Their basic foot soldier is equipped with a weapon that skins you alive at 500 paces. Did I mention they don't die? The best you can hope for is to nuke the site from orbit. Its the only way to be sure.
Tyranids: An invading race of buglike horrors that have already EATEN three galaxies. Yes. Galaxies. The only reason we're not all dead is cause so far, we've been fighting their SCOUT forces. Their scout forces can strip entire planets bare of all life in a matter of days. Then they eat the atmosphere. Oh, and their Genestealers are like Giger's Alien on steroids. They REALLY like airducts.
The Eldar: An incredibly arrogant race of space elves. They'd let a billion humans die to save a single Eldar life. Oh and they accidentally created one of the Four Gods of Chaos through their hubris, scattering their race to the winds and leaving most of them quite quite dead. Or worse. Their basic side arm fires millions of nano-thin ninja stars that can cut through a tank. Whee!
The Tau: Dreaded space comunists who are actually a fairly new addition to the Warhammer 40,000 lore. They are...actually the CLOSEST thing you can get to the "nice" guys. They ask you to join their side before riddling you with holes. Oh but if they don't like you, concentration camp time for you! Either that or brain washing through pheromones. And did I mention they're space commies!?
The Dark Eldar: The Eldar are psychopathic jerks. The Dark Eldar are psychopathic psychopaths! I don't actually know that much about them, cause I always thought the Eldar were space elves (And I hate elves), and the dark eldar always seemed to be just meaner versions of their less dark cousins. however, fun fact, their hoverbike Calvary united are so agile that they can cut specific artieries with their forward mounted doom blades. Fun!
And, of course:
CHAOS: You remember those super Space Marines? Imagine them...but EVIL and infused with black magic by the power of Four Gods that feed off death, despair and doom. Add to the fact that most of them are over 10,000 years old, being form the original Horus Heresy, and they're all mutated. Obliterators, the strongest of the bunch, actually have guns GROWING out of their bodies. Fun! Add to this motley crew thousands of cultists that enjoy getting cut in half for their masters and demons of doom, death and despair...and...well...you get a seriously awesome threat.
Oh and did I mention that these guys live in a light year wide rent in the fabric of space/time called the EYE OF TERROR.
And this wall o text is just the BARE BONES of the setting. each faction has their own rule book, each rule book being stuffed with information, schematics, dates, characters and rules. Lots of rules.
But at least now you can listen to me talk about the video game, book and movie without looking at me like I'm some kind of madman.
Unless...the above wall of text has convinced you of this fact.
Bah!
So, there are countless novels and video games and tabletop variations of this universe...so I'm just going to focus on some of my personal favorites. Hopefully, this will help you get into this colossal and ever so fun universe!
And by fun, I mean horrible and depressing.
Let me start with novels. Novels are a good (and by good, I mean cheap) way to start.
I've heard that this new series called The Horus Heresy is a great place to start, as it gives you the surprisingly touching and personal story of the Emperor and Horus, which has lots and lots of references to the whole...Lucifer fiasco...
But MY introduction to the world of Warhammer 40,000 novels came from a single book I picked up on an impulse. It was called For the Emperor. And it, unlike the last Warhammer 40,000 novel I had tried (and failed) to read...it was actually...GOOD!
Remember the Imperial Guard? Well, in an even more Russian esque move, they have Commissars attached to every Company, specifically positioned outside of the chain of command so that they can find heretics, mutants, sexual deviants and generally keep the soldiers loyal and fanatical.
Commissars tend to be forthright. Brave. Heroic, even. They are also stern and brutal, often killing soldiers for cowardice. And, of course, they're all very. Very. VERY pious.
Commissar Caiaphas Cain is the most exemplary example of those Commissars. He has saved entire planets, fought every kind of enemy, bested the most insurmountable odds. He is known across the Galaxy as a Hero of the Imperium. The only problem is...its all a lie. Cain is cowardly, lying, impious, gambling, womanizing guy. He's also completely awesome. Despite constantly trying to get as far away from combat as possible, he ends up blundering into even greater danger and saving the day through sheer luck, quick thinking, and lying a lot.
To boot, the novels are written as a memoir, so Cain's sardonic wit comes through on every page. And, of course, the Inquisition is never going to let THIS memoir come out...so its been thoroughly edited by an Inquisitor, who leaves her entertaining footnotes throughout each book and frequently explains things that Cain never bothers to even mention, due to his rather self centered narrative.
There are six novels in the series now (For the Emperor, Caves of Ice, Traitors Hand, Death or Glory, Duty Calls and Cain's Last Stand...which is a misnomer. Its not a stand, its a running really fast. And its not his last!)
So, yes, someone looked at the universe I described above and decided to set a COMEDY in it. I must meet the author deranged enough to think this was a good idea and shake his hand. Often.
Now, unfortunately, there are no Warhammer 40,000 movies. Now...I'm thinking of starting a petition. This universe + 300's style = millions and millions of dollars. Who doesn't want to see 10 foot tall superman in power armor using chainsaw swords to disembowel bad guys for an hour and a half while awesome music plays?
If you want a taste of how cool this would be, just watch this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TecYX2weVsc&feature=related
Turn the volume WAY up!
WAY UP!
And hopefully, some day, the Warhammer 40,000 movie we all know needs...MUST be made...will be made.
And now...the Video Games...
The first and most obvious to mention is the game that has brought Warhammer 40,000 back into the limelight, as it were: Dawn of War.
This game started out allowing you to command the Space Marines, the Chaos Space Marines, the Eldar and the Orks. Now, three expansion packs later, you can command the Imperial Guard, the Tau, the Necrons, the Sisters of Battle AND the Dark Eldar.
But still no Tryanids.
However, there is a lesser known Warhammer 40,000 game that I truly love: Final Liberation.
This game allowed you to command a force of Imperial Guardsmen who are trying to fight off an orkish invasion of an entire planet. the game uses the epic scale, which means you get...TITANS! The giant walkers that can level cities with their secondary armerments. The only problem is the orks get em too.
And so, I hope I have given you a taste of the Warhammer 40,000 universe. The models may be prohibitively expensive, but the video games and the books are a cheaper way to enjoy a almost cultishly popular universe.
Goodnight everyone!
In the 1890s...er...no, 1980s, a British based company called Games Workshop hit on the amazing idea of how to make a lot of money! Take the curmudgeons who play table top wargames, but replace US Sherman tanks and German Supergruppenuberpanzerfraguppenfhurure tanks with elves, orks and knights on horseback.
Then make the figurines for the elves, orks and knights cost billions of dollars.
Warhammer was a smashing success, so a few years later...Games Workshop did the obvious and most awesome thing that they could do to make even more amounts of money: PUT IT INTO SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!
And they did. Oh yes they did.
Each space setting I know always becomes personified, at one point, as a kind of person. Star Wars, for example, is a fantasy writer who got mixed up and found himself at Alpha Centuari by accident. Star Trek is the overly polite geriatric who scored with ALL the chicks when he was 20, but now is just tired and sad. Firefly is the funny and lovable half American, half Chinese man wearing a cowboy hat guy who is smuggling teenage super heroines through his backyard.
The Warhammer 40,000 universe is the kind of universe that skins other universe's alive in its basement, then keep them alive with magic while torturing them even more till they die through sheer horribleness.
Its dark. Its grim. Its GRIMDARK. Its so GRIMDARK you won't even believe it!
And...its totally AWESOME!
What started as a complex wargame has become a complex multimedia experience, with countless novels, video games, fanmovies, fanfictions, really creepy erotica, creepier artworks, and, of course, lots and lots of tiny figurines that cost an arm and a leg.
Now! The thing that binds all these desperate media elements together is one of the deepest and funnest set of lore I've ever seen!
My only question is...where the heck do I start?
Huh. Well, a good place would be humanity. This is no Federation! No, in the 41st millennium, mankind has spread itself across half the GALAXY, with billions of worlds, each holding billions of humans, all controlled by an all seeing, all knowing God-Emperor who sits on the Golden Throne of Terra. The Imperium makes the Galactic Empire of Star Wars look positively Utopian by comparison.
The Imperium got its start 25,000 years before the "present" of this grim future, and it got its start with the Emperor, an immortal, asskicking combination of Alexander the Great and Jesus. If Jesus were SUPERMAN too. Coming right out of the Dark Age of Technology (after reading quite a few novels, two rulebooks, and a few other ancillary texts...I still have only a vague idea as to what the Dark Age of Technology is. The basic gist is mankind made A.I. Bad times followed. Think Burtlarian Jihad. Just...worse. Much worse!) the Emperor conquered his homeworld and then decided to conquer the rest of the galaxy.
His first and most potent tool in this was his own awesome DNA, which he used to create 20 Primarchs, super-human ultra warriors who all have unwavering loyalty to the Emperor.
HOWEVER! The Emperor had enemies already. Four of them to be exact! The four Gods of Chaos (aka, the Ruinous Powers, aka, the Great Enemy, aka, the Horrible Four, aka, Those Gits...though I'm the only one who calls them that) decided that they really didn't like the Emperor.
So they grabbed the 20 Primarchs while they were still kids and scattered them to a bunch of other human worlds that had been settled during the Dark Age of Technology but were now separated from Terra. The Emperor just shrugged and decided to go on with his plans for Galactic Domination. He preceded to kick butt across the Galaxy, finding lost Primarchs as he went. Most of them, being made from the DNAA, (the extra A...is for awesome) naturally managed to take over the planets they lived on with almost hillarious ease...and when they met the Emperor, they teamed up with him.
However...the Gods of Chaos were not done with the Primachs...they had planted the seed of evil in each of them, and now it was up in the air to see which ones would turn traitors. The Emperor, confident in the loyalty of his Primarchs...never saw it coming.
Lead by the Emperor's most beloved son, Horus, 10 Primarchs decided that they were going to the other side. And thus began the Horus Heresy, a war that raged over half the galaxy as the Emperor and the loyal Primarchs led their armies against Horus and the disloyal Primarchs. Trillions died and in the end, the only way the Emperor won was by teleporting onto Horus' battlebarge (which is the size of a small moon and covered with enough guns to destroy Starfleet fifty times over with a single volly) and do battle with Horus.
This battle involved two superhuman warriors, both with amazing psychic abilities, armed with swords that bent reality with energy fields, allowing them to slice through fifteen foot thick armor with ease, doing battle in the bridge of a moon sized battlebarge, surrounded by awestruck mutant warriors who had been corrupted with blood lust by a primeval god of pure malevolence.
If you think this is over the top...you ain't seen NOTHING yet.
Anywho, Horus was slain and the Emperor was sadly wounded to death.
Well, to almost death. His loyal minions (the surviving ones) dragged the Emperor's almost dead body to this giant machine called the Golden Throne, which was built in a tearing hurry by the Tech-Priests of Mars.
It works based off some arcane technosorcery principles pioneered during the Dark Age of Technology. No one knows how or why it does what it does, they're just happy it DOES!
What it does is...it keeps the Emperor alive, allowing him to use his formidable psychic powers to do constant battle with the powers of Chaos, to keep them from eating the entire Galaxy. However, it takes the regular sacrifice of about a thousand souls. Every day.
Its now 10,000 years later. (That entire bit of story was from the year 25,000 to the year 30,000)
The Imperium is a rotting husk of a galactic Empire, sitting on a few billion planets. The Emperor sits on the Golden Throne and uses his psychic powers to continually fight the forces of Chaos. Countless trillions of people fight in his name, as part of one of many factions within the Imperium.
There are...
The Space Marines: Superhuman warriors created from the genetic material of the original Primarchs. They bleed acid, spit poison, have three hearts, ate 10 feet tall, and their basic side arm is a semi-automatic rocket propelled grenade launcher that fire self propelled depleted uranium tipped exploding rounds called Bolts. And their basic melee weapon is a chainsaw sword. Yes. You heard me right. Chainsaw. Sword. And did I mention they wear power armor that makes the suit from Halo look like a ballerina dress?
The Imperial Guard: a multi-billion man strong army, with millions of tanks, thousands of space ships, and LOTS and LOTS of artillery. They use the Russian tactic of throwing bodies at a problem till its gone. It has worked fairly well so far.
The Inquisition: No one expects the SPACE Inquisition! These are individuals with so much political power that they can destroy entire PLANETS with a word. To quote: "You may ask what my right is to kill a billion people? I ask: WHAT IS THEIR RIGHT TO LIVE!?" Their main job is rooting out heretics, mutant scum, and xeno sympathizers. They tend to be very very scary. Or, in one case, very very sexy...and...even scarier than the others.
The Sisters of Battles: Power armor wearing nuns wielding flamethrowers that spit holy napalm, constantly doing battle in the name of the Emperor! Nuns. WITH GUNS!
The Techpreists: As mankind has...just plum forgotten how most things work, their guns are either built through a rote method that has become a religious dogma (complete with prayers)...or their guns are really really old. Like plasma guns. The Techpreists are the ones who deal with all manner of technology. And technosorcery. They also are the ones who built Titans, city sized battle walkers/churches that can level entire continents with the weapons built into the KNEECAPS alone.
And, of course...
The Battlefleet Gothic: A battle fleet that flies its ships through the Warp. The Warp, just as a side note, is HELL. Literally. Its...filled with daemons. If you don't have the techpreists bless your ship, the demons will eat your SOUL. Needless to say, the secondary armaments of their weapons can destroy planets.
Now, this sounds impressive and evil and all that. I mean, what with the ritual sacrifice, horrific living conditions, constant suppression of free thought, countless atrocities committed HOURLY in the name of a carrion God-Emperor that requires daily sacrifice of THOUSANDS.
So...who are the good guys?
These are the good guys.
Ulp So...who...who the heck are the BAD guys?
The BAD guys...they're much much worse. There are...
Space Orks: They are genetically predisposed to fighting constantly...and their technology works because they say so (give an Ork a stick and convince him that its a gun and it WILL fire bullets. Its their latent psychic powers at work. Oh and red makes things go faster)
Necrons: 100,000,000,000 year old omnicidal killing machines that never die. Their basic foot soldier is equipped with a weapon that skins you alive at 500 paces. Did I mention they don't die? The best you can hope for is to nuke the site from orbit. Its the only way to be sure.
Tyranids: An invading race of buglike horrors that have already EATEN three galaxies. Yes. Galaxies. The only reason we're not all dead is cause so far, we've been fighting their SCOUT forces. Their scout forces can strip entire planets bare of all life in a matter of days. Then they eat the atmosphere. Oh, and their Genestealers are like Giger's Alien on steroids. They REALLY like airducts.
The Eldar: An incredibly arrogant race of space elves. They'd let a billion humans die to save a single Eldar life. Oh and they accidentally created one of the Four Gods of Chaos through their hubris, scattering their race to the winds and leaving most of them quite quite dead. Or worse. Their basic side arm fires millions of nano-thin ninja stars that can cut through a tank. Whee!
The Tau: Dreaded space comunists who are actually a fairly new addition to the Warhammer 40,000 lore. They are...actually the CLOSEST thing you can get to the "nice" guys. They ask you to join their side before riddling you with holes. Oh but if they don't like you, concentration camp time for you! Either that or brain washing through pheromones. And did I mention they're space commies!?
The Dark Eldar: The Eldar are psychopathic jerks. The Dark Eldar are psychopathic psychopaths! I don't actually know that much about them, cause I always thought the Eldar were space elves (And I hate elves), and the dark eldar always seemed to be just meaner versions of their less dark cousins. however, fun fact, their hoverbike Calvary united are so agile that they can cut specific artieries with their forward mounted doom blades. Fun!
And, of course:
CHAOS: You remember those super Space Marines? Imagine them...but EVIL and infused with black magic by the power of Four Gods that feed off death, despair and doom. Add to the fact that most of them are over 10,000 years old, being form the original Horus Heresy, and they're all mutated. Obliterators, the strongest of the bunch, actually have guns GROWING out of their bodies. Fun! Add to this motley crew thousands of cultists that enjoy getting cut in half for their masters and demons of doom, death and despair...and...well...you get a seriously awesome threat.
Oh and did I mention that these guys live in a light year wide rent in the fabric of space/time called the EYE OF TERROR.
And this wall o text is just the BARE BONES of the setting. each faction has their own rule book, each rule book being stuffed with information, schematics, dates, characters and rules. Lots of rules.
But at least now you can listen to me talk about the video game, book and movie without looking at me like I'm some kind of madman.
Unless...the above wall of text has convinced you of this fact.
Bah!
So, there are countless novels and video games and tabletop variations of this universe...so I'm just going to focus on some of my personal favorites. Hopefully, this will help you get into this colossal and ever so fun universe!
And by fun, I mean horrible and depressing.
Let me start with novels. Novels are a good (and by good, I mean cheap) way to start.
I've heard that this new series called The Horus Heresy is a great place to start, as it gives you the surprisingly touching and personal story of the Emperor and Horus, which has lots and lots of references to the whole...Lucifer fiasco...
But MY introduction to the world of Warhammer 40,000 novels came from a single book I picked up on an impulse. It was called For the Emperor. And it, unlike the last Warhammer 40,000 novel I had tried (and failed) to read...it was actually...GOOD!
Remember the Imperial Guard? Well, in an even more Russian esque move, they have Commissars attached to every Company, specifically positioned outside of the chain of command so that they can find heretics, mutants, sexual deviants and generally keep the soldiers loyal and fanatical.
Commissars tend to be forthright. Brave. Heroic, even. They are also stern and brutal, often killing soldiers for cowardice. And, of course, they're all very. Very. VERY pious.
Commissar Caiaphas Cain is the most exemplary example of those Commissars. He has saved entire planets, fought every kind of enemy, bested the most insurmountable odds. He is known across the Galaxy as a Hero of the Imperium. The only problem is...its all a lie. Cain is cowardly, lying, impious, gambling, womanizing guy. He's also completely awesome. Despite constantly trying to get as far away from combat as possible, he ends up blundering into even greater danger and saving the day through sheer luck, quick thinking, and lying a lot.
To boot, the novels are written as a memoir, so Cain's sardonic wit comes through on every page. And, of course, the Inquisition is never going to let THIS memoir come out...so its been thoroughly edited by an Inquisitor, who leaves her entertaining footnotes throughout each book and frequently explains things that Cain never bothers to even mention, due to his rather self centered narrative.
There are six novels in the series now (For the Emperor, Caves of Ice, Traitors Hand, Death or Glory, Duty Calls and Cain's Last Stand...which is a misnomer. Its not a stand, its a running really fast. And its not his last!)
So, yes, someone looked at the universe I described above and decided to set a COMEDY in it. I must meet the author deranged enough to think this was a good idea and shake his hand. Often.
Now, unfortunately, there are no Warhammer 40,000 movies. Now...I'm thinking of starting a petition. This universe + 300's style = millions and millions of dollars. Who doesn't want to see 10 foot tall superman in power armor using chainsaw swords to disembowel bad guys for an hour and a half while awesome music plays?
If you want a taste of how cool this would be, just watch this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TecYX2weVsc&feature=related
Turn the volume WAY up!
WAY UP!
And hopefully, some day, the Warhammer 40,000 movie we all know needs...MUST be made...will be made.
And now...the Video Games...
The first and most obvious to mention is the game that has brought Warhammer 40,000 back into the limelight, as it were: Dawn of War.
This game started out allowing you to command the Space Marines, the Chaos Space Marines, the Eldar and the Orks. Now, three expansion packs later, you can command the Imperial Guard, the Tau, the Necrons, the Sisters of Battle AND the Dark Eldar.
But still no Tryanids.
However, there is a lesser known Warhammer 40,000 game that I truly love: Final Liberation.
This game allowed you to command a force of Imperial Guardsmen who are trying to fight off an orkish invasion of an entire planet. the game uses the epic scale, which means you get...TITANS! The giant walkers that can level cities with their secondary armerments. The only problem is the orks get em too.
And so, I hope I have given you a taste of the Warhammer 40,000 universe. The models may be prohibitively expensive, but the video games and the books are a cheaper way to enjoy a almost cultishly popular universe.
Goodnight everyone!
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