Does this sentence mean "I blushed"?
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"Huh?" as in it's too wordy or "huh" as in I didn't make myself clear?
Sorry! I was wondering if the sentence "Intense mortification engorged my face with the heat of my blood" meant the same as "I blushed".
In context, my MC is angry because her friend is treating her quite callously. The paragraph reads:
When we arrived at school, he pulled the car around to where students were dropped off. Intense mortification engorged my face with the heat of my blood. Jansen did not look at me. His eyes were fixed on the pavement.
It sounds kinda like an alien giving a status report on human emotion.
"What happened to you? You weren't that pink a minute ago."
"Intense mortification engorged my face with the heat of my blood."
"Ah... blushing. Carry on."
"What happened to you? You weren't that pink a minute ago."
"Intense mortification engorged my face with the heat of my blood."
"Ah... blushing. Carry on."
Yes, it does say blushed, but it feels overwritten. You want readers to be able to zip along through your prose, not have to study every line to figure out what you mean 
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editor's hat on:
Keep it simple. "I blushed." If the sentence in the OP showed up on my desk, I would red ink it and comment "Simplify."
Keep it simple. "I blushed." If the sentence in the OP showed up on my desk, I would red ink it and comment "Simplify."
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It sounds rather silly to me, but if the rest of the story is written in this purple prose style, possibly for humor's sake, then yes, it does suggest that the character is blushing.
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Ooops, sorry. And here I thought you were tyring to be jocular.
While engorged is, indeed, a strong verb; it supplied me the wrong visuals.
When I read ‘engorged’ I think leeches, or a fully erect c*ock. Surely not the image you want to convey?
The rest of the sentences in that paragraph flow a little more naturally. That one’s a real show stopper.
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Please don't blog about your fantasies in this forum.If you replaced "face" with another word, you could make that sentence intensely dirty.
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Blush, huh? Sounds like a great writing prompt....
How 'bout:
my face went hot and flush from the tender spankings of 50,000 riff raff cherubs running feathers and hot dancing g-spot jack rabbits up my soul, each pinching my cheeks as they passed....
Now beat that!
I don't think anyone could or would want to...
EDIT: what I mean is, it is special and perfect, and should be left to its glory.
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Yes, special and perfect, but doesn't address OP's question in any way. smoothseas already pointed out the problem with using "engorged"
-Derek
-Derek
You're right, of course.
*bows to Spock-like logic.
To address the OP: My first reaction to the sentence is, "that's original." But that's not a good thing; trying to be original might have overpowered trying to be clear in this instance. Blushed is appropriate if that's what happened.
IMO, blushed is a difficult one to get right, for exactly this kind of reason. Why not "show" the emotional response some other way?
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I'll repeat this once more for clarity.
As an editor, IMO, the best way to get it across that the character blushed is to say some variation of "I blushed." Keep it simple. Keep it instantaneous. Keep it pertinent to the reader.
"I blushed." simple. clean. easy to understand. instant visual. Sometimes, just because we can manipulate words doesnt mean that we should.
As an editor, IMO, the best way to get it across that the character blushed is to say some variation of "I blushed." Keep it simple. Keep it instantaneous. Keep it pertinent to the reader.
"I blushed." simple. clean. easy to understand. instant visual. Sometimes, just because we can manipulate words doesnt mean that we should.
True, yes. The problem is, can you say "I blushed" in first person? She didn't actually see herself blush. I've used "I felt the heat rise up my neck".
After a couple of hours writing, I closed my lap top and am feeling much less purple-ie now.
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