Character Descriptions: Where?

When your character first appears, whether he has dialogue or not.

dsdevore said:

I put my essential character descriptions in parenthesis before each character's first dialogue. Someone has taken exception to this. If this is not OK, where should it go?

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Why do you put the descriptions in parenthesis?

I've never seen them in parens.

Let's see an example of what you mean.

It just goes to show, for every basic question asked, there are a dozen different and conflicting answers! That's what makes this hobby such fun.

3 random samples:

At the wheel, ROSETTA SOLAZZI, 20s, an Italian-American beauty
who could cause a major accident just by smiling.

Detectives CARLOS SMITH and FRANK SHERMAN talk to the CLERK.
Sherman has age and experience on his side but the younger,
smarter Smith has hair-trigger reactions.

GEORGE and MARIANNE, 20s, slide into a booth. He's a good-
looking guy with curly dark hair and a charmer's smile, she's
blonde and pretty. They both look like they've been in a
Die Hard movie, his suit's torn, his lip's split, her dress
is ripped, her nose is bleeding. She grabs napkins from the
dispenser and presses them against her nose.

...That's the only descriptions these major characters get. I don't think any of the above belong in an attached character biography, they belong in the script when we meet the characters. boyd, what description if any do you include in your script? dsdevore, do you mean you wait until your characters are about to speak for the first time before you describe them, instead of describing them when we actually meet them? Examples please?

-Derek
My Web Page - naked women, bestial sex, and whopping big lies.

boyd said:

I have my characters described in something called "Character Biographies" which I submit with the synopsis and/or the script hardcopy. If need be I describe what a character might be wearing in a specific scene, but I don't want to take it away from wardrobe. I should not have to describe and define each character once again when we go into the script.

Boyd

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Why do you submit "Character Biographies"? Everything your reader needs to know about your character should be crystal clear by what that character says and does in your script. Why give your reader something more to read? Why give them one more thing to not like before they even pick up your script?

DPat's samples are all very good. Not only do they give just enough information - but they give it in punchy descriptions that exhibit tone and style.

Character description can come either before or after the character's name but ALWAYS when we meet them for the first time.
(After is the most used format, before.....that gets a little tricky.)

The reader MUST HAVE some clue who this person is.
There can be no action or lines without someone to deliver them.
A character can not simply pop into the movie from thin air.

Keep descriptions to one or two lines and just give us enough info to make a quick judgment of who they are. Then follow it up by some kind of action or dialog that reveals more about them.

D's examples are excellent.
There is no need for parenthesis. A standard sentence is the industry norm.

I agree wholeheartedly, but I would still like to see how he does it. I can't picture it in my head.

Character descriptions are hard to write but can also be the difference between being perceived as an amateur or a pro. I keep a file of good descriptions to put me in the mood to write mine. Here's a couple from Something's Gotta Give.

"INTO AN EMPTY FRAME COMES HARRY LANGER
What is it about him? Could be his eyes, the turn of his
mouth...something about this guy is just so damn appealing.
Maybe it's just the way he wears the Young Slinky Girl on his
arm. He's confident, cool, enviable."

"She looks across at a neat as a pin Man in his early forties,
Prada suit, crisp white shirt, dark tie. He's a Gershwin tune
of a man. A throwback to a kinder world. This is. LOWELL,
Harry's Houseman/Chef/all around Man Friday."

I've never heard of Character Bio sheets and/or putting descriptions in parens. I would suggest to anyone who has questions on this subject to download recent produced screenplays and read them - then file the descriptions that are well written and unique so you have somewhere to start from - just don't plagarize.

I agree, a one- or two-sentence intro description is all you'll need. Maybe even a smallish paragraph. But the real detailed character description will be embedded within the story with actions, beats and dialogue. My first mistake with script #1 was incorporating long paragraphs of description when a new character was introduced. The hard way, I discovered you don't need it and people don't want to read it.
-Mightypen

boyd, if character is action, why are you submitting "Character Biographies"?

I've been asked to submit thumbnail character sketches along with synopses, but that was a requested addition. I'm not suggesting that what you're doing is wrong, I'm just wondering why you're doing it, e.g. did someone (pro writer, agent, manager, company, "how to" book) request it, suggest it, tell you to do it, or what? As with any advice posted on this and other boards you've got me wondering, "Is this what we're all supposed to do?"

Chesher, interesting sample intros from Something's Gotta Give -- I personally hate that cool, yappy, smarmy writing style, but each to their own. Oh well, if we all wrote the same, the world would be a duller place!

-Derek
My Web Page - naked women, bestial sex, and whopping big lies.

After all these years and hundreds upon hundreds of submissions, I have NEVER once been asked by an agent or a producer for anything other than a title, logline, outline/synopsis, or the screenplay itself.

Character sheets/biographies are meant for the screenwriter in order to write the script or meant for a producer during development meetings (after the script is sold).

If your script is so involved that you require some kind of "cheat sheet" to help the reader understand or see something more clearly, well-- your script is too complicated and/or poorly written.

No offense, that's just the way it is.

Everything is revealed in the writing itself and all the weight falls upon the script's shoulders. Imagine there is nothing else, no second chances, no chance to pitch in person, no character biographies-- just the script. You do that and you will focus on what matters and it will show in the final work.

Of course, have a kick *** logline and synopsis too.

Character descriptions

Generally, the age and physical look of a character is included when they're introduced for the first time. e.g. - TOM SMITH, 35, a freak with two heads, ten eyes and wings sticking out of the back of his suit.

Try including in your submission; 1) Logline. 2) Synopsis (one page). 3) Character Breakdowns and then the script.

For an example of character breakdowns (from a script that has been optioned). You could put anything you want to in them.



JACK STOVER - is instantly dislikeable. He’s the CFO of the company Nora used to work for, which her former father-in-law, Walter Folkstrome, founded and heads. Unknown to almost everyone, Stover takes orders from a higher authority, one the company receives a lot of money from.



CHARLES KRUSE - technically is the company’s chief of security but in reality is a thug that reports only to Jack Stover. Where Stover is dislikeable, Kruse is outright detestable. But he’s not as tough as he thinks he is after he’s captured.



HOYT NASH - is the country version of Kruse, only smaller and more devious as he tries to get rich quick. He’s wanted by the federal authorities on drug charges.

CHEAT SHEETS

Joe Calabrese said:

If your script is so involved that you require some kind of "cheat sheet" to help the reader understand or see something more clearly, well-- your script is too complicated and/or poorly written.

No offense, that's just the way it is.

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I agree, except, one, it's how I got through college (kidding), and, two....

... isn't it true that under paid, over worked readers usually have a zillion spec scripts on their desks that must be read - by yesterday? I wouldn't think they have the time or inclination to flesh out each character in their minds as they go along, and with the standard 125 page limit on a spec script, there ain't much room to make it easier on them to understand the story and the characters without providing them a "cheat sheet," much like you use a program at a football game.

I think of "cheat sheets" as a short story in two parts - the script, plus having a (short) narrative available (if they need it) so they can understand what it's about - quickly, and without the risk of confusing your character with one in a script they've just trashed. Isn't that the purpose behind a logline and synopsis, to give the reader a general idea, in under two minutes, of what it's about before they get into the script?

The advice of including a logline, one page synopsis and character breakdowns behind the cover page, then the script, seems sound. They're going to read what they want to anyway.

I speak with experience regarding a reader's job.

Readers don't look at other things in the envelope, they don't care and they don't even get them. Putting anything else with your script to make it easier for them is a waste of time and more important a sign of an amatuer or a sign of someone who doesnt know better. This is of course if they don't ask for additional material, but this is almost never the case early in a script's consideration.

Would you apply to a job and include with your resume a video tape of you performing tasks at your last job? Of course not.

When you send a script out to a prod co or agency it is because they already read or heard your pitch and have interest in reading the entire script. You give them what they are requesting. The producer already knows your logline and/or synopsis at this point. They get the script and read it themselves or send it downstairs to the reader who will type up notes so the producer can determine whether or not to personally read the script. If the reader is lost or confused while reading it, having a cheet sheet with not change the fact that the script was not written clearly and that is what will be put in the notes to the produce,-- not "The script was confusing, but I am sure glad the writer included a manual."

Now, if your sending scripts out cold (without being requested) then it probably will be trashed and if not, the reader will not bother looking at anything else besides the script anyways.

So why shoot yourself in the foot and look like am amatuer right from the start? A basic rule in any job interview, cross examination in court, etc... Never give more infomation than the person asks.

or as my grandfather always said, "it's better to be silent and have people think your a fool then to open your mouth and prove them right."

And...

Joe Calabrese said:

I speak with experience regarding the reader's job. (AN INTERESTING AND VERY IMPORTANT SUBJECT IN AND BY ITSELF. I HOPE YOU'LL GIVE US AN INSIGHT AS TO HOW THEY WORK.)

Readers don't look at other things in the envelope, they don't care. (IN MY BUSINESS, IF THEY DON'T CARE, THEY DON'T LAST!) Putting anything else with your script to make it easier for them is a waste of time (DON'T TELL MY SECRETARY THAT. SHE HAS A SHORT TEMPER, AND A GUN!) ....

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Another viewpoint/experience: I own a small news agency and because a lot of what we do is time critical and decisions must be made on the fly, a submitted story must include BG when it comes in - meaning everything together, sequenced, in one "package" so I don't have to waste time trying to find something in the pile of paper on my desk, or remember what has or hasn't happened. If I don't need something or can remember the details, I don't have to read it. But, if I do need to refresh my failing memory, well.... The same thing goes if someone is trying to pitch me on a lead.

The "extra" pages are always short and always on point - logline, synopsis and character breakdown - three pages, max. Easy to skip over, valuable if it means the reader doesn't have to go hunt for the original pitch that led to asking for the script.

As an amusing if not interesting sidebar; a script of mine recently got in the right hands and I was asked by e-mail to send them a better description of the lead character. "... Send me anything you might have on her...," was how it was stated, with might being the operative word. I did, within minutes - a little over 12,000 words!

The reply, which came two days later? "The only thing we don't know about her now is her bra size! Thanks."

My reply? "Sorry for the careless over-sight. It's 36-C. Oh, this script started out to be a novel."

Twenty minutes later, I received a telephone call and we were able to talk about the character like she was someone we'd both known for years.

Sorry, Enigma, I'm going to have to agree with Joe on this one.

I would hope that my characters are so flushed out in the script - at least to the extent I decide they should be for the sake of the story - that no one will call me asking for a 12,000 word dissertation on what she ate for lunch three Tuesdays ago.

I have also had the "priviledge" to be a reader in a past life. If a writer felt compelled to include bios for their characters, I would assume they didn't have the ability to write them into the script. The movie biz is not like the news biz - nobdy is anxiously waiting to dive into your script - lives do not depend on it (well, maybe the writer's). The reader is paid to READ the script and provide coverage, which contains the reader's overview of the characters and the story. If I wasn't getting paid to read it and if I didn't have to write the coverage, 95% of the scripts I read would have been tossed aside by page 5, with a sticky note containing the four letters writers don't want to see: P-A-S-S.

The bottom line: I don't want to know everything about the characters before I read the script - the joy of a good read (and a good movie) is discovering who they are as the story unfolds.

Like Joe, I say don't give them anything they don't outright ask for - less is more - and if you give them too much they have no reason to call you and ask you for more.

Enigma said:

As an amusing if not interesting sidebar; a script of mine recently got in the right hands and I was asked by e-mail to send them a better description of the lead character. "... Send me anything you might have on her...," was how it was stated, with might being the operative word. I did, within minutes - a little over 12,000 words!

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the key words are "asked by email to send them." yes, have the stuff to send them, but don't send unless asked to.

What I meant by don't care is that readers don't care about additional materials other than a script because thier job is to only read the script.

BTW. Congrats on getting a read request from the right hands, I hope it went well. One thing though. For every guy that will ask for additional material, a dozen will just pass on the script. I have found that hollywood almost always takes the path of least resistance. If the script is confusing and needs a manual (even if only three pages) it gives off a red flag. Reg flags are hated in hollywood almost as much as doing extra work.

Another tib bit of observation. Everyone in hollywood hates to read. They would rather see it on the screen.

Too much?

Cat and Joe:

I can see your point, and I understand what you're both saying. This is helping me sort through the facts, fiction and BS, and that's good. Thanks for putting up with me and my sometimes dumb questions.

And, yes, Cat, I figured out that Hollywood doesn't like to read when I started going to the movies. Or is it they don't know how to read anything but a ledger page?

Perhaps my "problem" is caused by having read too many scripts where I had to figure out, meaning visualize, the character (and the scene) as I went along. They didn't make sense at first blush, yet they were produced, suggesting that the director may have decided what the scenes and characters were all about or what it would look like, or else all that was worked out during the endless meetings La-La Land is so famous for.

In the same vein, if I had been a potential investor and had read those scripts, damned if I would have invested a cent in 'em.

My script went through three readers - which scared the hell out of me when I found out - but I was told that all three gave almost exactly the same report/analysis. According to them, that was unusual but because of the moment, I didn't ask why. Now, I want to know that answer and see those reports.

Oh, and with a laugh, they also said they'd never again ask me for deep background. They did, however, judging from some references made, read it.

When you get through beating up on this subject, BTW, have I ever got one (or two, maybe three or four) waiting that'll really draw fire. Don't worry about hurting my feelings; I once got thrown out of the presidential holding room by the SS (he was expected to arrive there at any moment for the RNC banquet) at the Washington Hilton and a whore house in DCs "combat zone" within a four hour period. Long story and, yeah, we were a little bombed at the time. Boy, did I ever learn to take serious rejection that night.

If you guys who have been there and done that would tell us about the steps a reader goes through. For example; what is handed him to read. What instructions is he given? Is he given a deadline? Does he just fill out a form? What they look for? That sort of thing and all the details you'd care to share. Maybe an "active" reader might even be willing to come on line and add to it because the theory is, if we make it easier for them, they'll make it easier on us.

A RETRACTION

The message I keep getting is, "... The message you have entered is too short." First time I've ever been faulted for that.

Enigma said:

Cat and Joe:

... And, yes, Cat, (I MEANT JOE. SORRY.) I figured out that Hollywood doesn't like to read when I started going to the movies....

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Enigma said:

If you guys who have been there and done that would tell us about the steps a reader goes through. For example; what is handed him to read. What instructions is he given? Is he given a deadline? Does he just fill out a form? What they look for? That sort of thing and all the details you'd care to share. Maybe an "active" reader might even be willing to come on line and add to it because the theory is, if we make it easier for them, they'll make it easier on us.

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I would get the scripts that came in along with five other readers. On average I had about 5 a day, but some days more and other none. I hated the none days because that meant I would do odd jobs on the floor.

I had a one page grade sheet to place check marks on and in addition, I was to also type up a three or so page synopsis along with my thoughts on several areas including describing the characters. Areas which my boss wanted to know were, Genre, Budget, Main Character strengths and weaknesses, Plot plausibility, Inciting Incident strong, Antagonist present, Type of conflict and whether or not it fit what my boss was looking for. Some weeks I would get a memo saying to be on the lookout for thriller with a strong female lead and other weeks would be something different.

That's about it. There is a good book I read a few years ago. Something about "500 ways to beat the reader" or something like that.

Readers

This is good stuff, Joe and Cat. Real good, and meaningful. Keep going with it. Please.

Were you stuck in a cubicle 9 to 5 in those days? Did you have any privacy and time to get lost in the thought of the script you were considering, time to visualize what it could look like on film? What, other than a steady pay check, motivated you? If you didn't like a particular genre, did that mean a sure sudden death for the script? In my business, I'll admit it, we slant things so much they slide off tables, but does a reader do the same thing? Can he really be objective? Crap, don't get me off on office politics.

There may or may not be 500 ways to beat a reader but I'm only looking for ways to help 'em, "... See what I'm sayin'." Would you have honestly been offended if you had opened a script and saw a logline, synopsis and character breakdown?

On a complicated news story, we often do a "character breakdown" of sorts, so we can quickly read through the story and refer to it to remind us who the players are. We don't know who the people are, or what they look like, like you can do in film.

And, add in a few comments if you will about "budget." I'm finding that's a very sensitive subject and of HUGE interest. Since when does a writer really know what the budget is or can be without running Movie Magic Screenwriter through a computer budgeting program, which at best is a guesstiment (sic)? You can budget a film for, say, $25 mill on the left coast, but if, again say, Earl Owensby Studios over here on the right coast does it, it would cost $3-5 mill less, and the producer would get the same quality!

Speaking of Earl Owensby, did you know he is the only person in the world who owns his own nuclear reactor plant? True! I swear. God, them red-necks sure are weird sometimes, ain't us?