Characters in disguise

You're referring to the character by BOTH names in the same passage? That's going to get confusing fast. If the reader is in on the disguise, then once you've established it you can refer to the character by his/her true identity and let those in the dark refer to him/her by the one they're familiar with.

First off, welcome to the site Cbenoi. I'm sure you'll love your time here.
Second, all you really have to do is establish that Soul is in disguise and you can trust your reader to understand that other characters not in on the disguise won't know who he is. Just write a little scene where Soul dons his disguise and that should be fine. This way you can continue to refer to him as Soul and not have two names for the same person which would get pretty confusing to your reader.

Obviously then if Fannie believes Soul is someone else then she will call him by the name she thinks he is.
But as the narrator you can refer to him as Soul.
Is that what you mean?

Whose perspective is this?

If it's Fannies, then it should be Disguise, because that's what Fannie thinks the character is.

If it's Soul's perspective, then it should be Soul. The readers already know Soul is now in Disguise's clothes and masquerading as him. No need to confuse your readers by switching back and forth. They KNOW Soul and Disguise are the same person.

It's ALL about perspective.

Even if you're writing in omniscient, you have to determine whose focus it is. Again, if it's Soul, then refer him as Soul. If it's Fannie, refer him as Disguise.

cbenoi1 said:

I'm unsure as to what is the acceptable form for a character in disguise. I currently use the disguise name for all externalities, and the soul name for introversion. Example (SOUL / DISGUISE):

This is dumb, thought SOUL. She is not going to blow my cover anytime soon. Fannie walks closer to DISGUISE and takes a closer look at his hat.
"What are you looking at?", said DISGUISE. Why the hat? I should be obvious by now I'm wearing a fake beard. SOUL's urge to give Fannie the stupid hat is growing stronger with each step.

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Just going by this short example, I'm guessing there's some kind of arty style being employed. Either that or Soul/Disguise has multiple personalities? But, gotta tell ya, this is needlessly confusing. If the reader already knows the character's real identity then best stick with this one name. Fannie, of course, can call him by the name she believes is his.

Crap example just for fun's sake, swapping character POV instead:

Is there any example or reference where such a case works? Are there established text forms that publishers like or use?

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Sorry, I've never seen this done in a story. I wouldn't know where to look for more info -- if there is any.

-Derek

I think point of view might be an important consideration for this type of story. I'd suggest considering omniscient viewpoint to pull it off. It's an outside narrator, so, with a good transition, you can easily slide into each of the two personalities without confusing readers.

As an outside narrator, you'll be able to pull in an explanation at an appropriate point so the reader gets what's going on--but the characters might not know!

Right now, the short piece head hops three times. With omni and careful word choice, it would stay in one narrator, and I think, still do what you want it to do.

If you want to read more about omni, try the Power of Point of View. That's a great book, and the only one to go in depth about omni with recent examples.

I agree with everyone else: it's all about POV.

In one of my books, my character, Simone, has told a male character that her name is Allyson. Whenever it's in her perspective, I refer to her as Simone unless the other character is saying her name. When it's in HIS perspective, I refer to her as Allyson.

Make sure you nail down the POV for each scene and don't bounce back and forth between two different ones in the same scene. My MC is a young man in drag. In his POV scenes, he thinks of himself as Danny. Others may call him by his female name during his POV scenes, and he responds to that name but he's still Danny. From other POVs, Miss Daniels is the ladies maid for the daughter of the house and they treat "her" accordingly.

cbenoi1 said:

I think the God-like POV might be much better in this part; it would help firm up the text without losing the sense of the action's timing.

-cb

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You're not going to switch to omniscient just for this part, are you?

And what's wrong with just sticking with your MC and call him Soul? Other people can refer to him as Disguise. I don't see why we have to jump into the other characters' POVs at all. Your original post is extremely confusing, for example, even with omniscient. Soul/Disguise sound like two different people.

It really doesn't matter because the readers know Soul is now in disguise, even if Fannie doesn't. Because the entire scene is in Soul's POV. I think you're overthinking and not trusting your readers when you're switching between Soul and Disguise.


(also, you're switching between past and present tenses)



This is dumb, thought Soul. She is not going to blow my cover anytime soon.

Fannie walked closer to Soul in disguise and took a closer look at his hat.

"What are you looking at?", said Soul. Why the hat? I should be obvious by now I'm wearing a fake beard. His urge to give Fannie the stupid hat was growing stronger with each step.