I guess I tell you a little about my self well for one thing I’m in band I can play seven instruments I can write poems and books I love animal I get into trouble a lot I hate labels and I make friends easily in this book I’m going to tell you about my crazy fresh man year. This year wasn’t easy to get trough as you will find out its filled with friendship made and broken heart broken psych wards among other things like fights I hope you will enjoy it more than I did
Band camp
This is where my freshman year started out, band camp. It’s the third week of August and we finally started it. Mr. D is once again yelling at the band for fooling around on the field, like we always do. We want to get better and practice but were all friends and want to just hang out. One of the reasons we’re so tight is because there’s only about thirty-five people in the band. It’s a really hot day today, a blistering eighty-five degrees and its only morning. Luck for me I’m not on the field today because I broke my leg in June when I was in Washington dc with girl scouts. I managed to break three parts of my leg after only falling down three stairs. That shows you how clumsy I am. So I convinced Mr. D to let me start marching next week. I’m glad that no one in pit showed up today besides Tara. She is one of my best friends and since no one was there Mr. D let her stay outside with me, instead of being alone inside. We first talked about random things, and then when we saw a huge bug we started to play with it. We put it on a stick and hung it upside down. Then after a few minutes I got bored and tried to kill it. I stabbed the stick into the bug and buried it next to the sidewalk. (I don’t kill animals’ just bugs) I even made a cross for it out of sticks and grass. We saw the dirt move a little so the bug was alive and moving. Mr. D started yelling again so we decided to move father away but not far enough for him to yell at us too. We started talking but soon got cold in the shade. We moved half in the sun and got comfortable, so we soon fell asleep. When we woke up, we were surprised that Mr. D didn’t yell at us for sleeping. He gets mad easily if you couldn’t tell and when he gets mad, he gives you the death glare. It’s kind of funny but scary at the same time. Especially because Mr. D is very much over weight and some of the bandos say that if he gets mad enough, he’ll eat you alive and though I know its not true it still freaks me out a bit. We only had band camp for about a week now, so I don’t know everybody in band. The only people I know are the ones from middle school, which happen to be a lot. The freshman bando class has about sixteen in total, half the band. I get along with most of them but the one I don’t get along with at all is my own brother, Dennis. He happens to be my twin and three minutes older than me. He makes fun of me for that all the time but I have three inches on him for now. That will probably change soon since were fourteen and he’ll get his growths pert. He makes fun of me a lot actually. He calls me fatty and stupid, among other things. In the past, I have tried to get along with him but he always ends up ruining it. He is what I like to call a ‘jerk face’. I can’t stand his friends either. They’re called the Kevin’s. Kevin c, the smartest of them and who is great with technology and Kevin b, the quite one, who is very annoying when he does talk. Kevin b and Dennis think they’re gangsters but what they really are, are want to be gangster. First off there white and second of all they get straight A’s and have never done anything illegal in their lives. I really don’t get them and there mean to me for no reason. I cant believe Tara is friends with them and she likes~ like likes my brother that is just ewwww and I have no idea why she does… Now that I’m talking about people in the band, I guess I’ll tell you about all the bandos. Well I already told you about Tara, Dennis, and the Kevin’s. So I’ll start with Amie, Alyssa, and Jai. These are my friends from middle school. The story all started in 4th grade when we first met. Then went into middle school and at the end of 7th grade I changed and fell for this girl named Alaina. (Yes I’m bi. And she was a bando too) She was a dark person and I wanted to be like her. I found out she didn’t like me that way and she already had a girlfriend. I was glad that she moved after her finding out that I liked her. She found out because of Alyssa and Amie. When I changed, I started to drink and then one day I took alcohol to a Girl Scout camp. My leader caught me and she told my mom. When I got home she was pissed and she made me mad and upset too, so I when into rage and when I do that I say everything. So I told her that I smoked, drank, and cut. By the look of me in 7th grade, you wouldn’t have thought it but it was true. By now I’ve stop smoking and drinking but not cutting that is my addiction. After that Alyssa and Amie wouldn’t talk to me. Jai stayed with me and I got closer to other friends but nothing was the same. Especially since Alyssa and me were like sister, we talk for hours on the phone and slept over at each other’s houses every weekend. We were close and did everything together. I was heart broken when she wouldn’t talk to me but by the end of 8th grade she was my friend again and I was happy. Jai has always been there for me. She kept me sane in 8th grade and saved my life, seriously, because I was thinking about suicide. She is defiantly one of my best friends and I love her to death. Amie is a different story. I’m not sure if I can trust her. She seems like a person who would lie and spread rumors. She is just not a nice person anymore. She is defiantly two sided. There are some cheerleaders in band, three to be exact, Fefe, (Felicia) Penny, and Joel. Fefe and Penny I’ve known for a while and I do count them as my friends. Joel I don’t know well but I think he’s uber hot and cute. Next are the seniors there’s Jamie, Julie, Mike, Megan, Eileen, Sam, and Leah. Most of them I don’t know or haven’t really talked to yet besides for Mike and Eileen. Eileen is actually Amie’s sister. (Whom I trust more than her.) Mike I met yesterday. He was talking about his book that he is starting to write and I told him about the one I am writing but I might give up on it. The book I’m writing is about werewolves and vampires. He talks a lot. You could ask him where the bathroom is and he could give you an hour-long answer explaining it. Sam is in color guard along with Leah, Karen, and nakita I met Karen today, she asked me to go to wawa with her. Me and another kid went. She told me that everyone calls her shorty. She seems like a really nice person. Nakita is nice too. I met her at one of the car washes before band camp started. I think all the color guard is great and I think I’ll be friends with them all. The kid I went to Wawa with was Elijah. He was nicknamed pancakes after the pancake/waffle war we had last year. It was so funny. We asked the band which did they like more, waffles or pancakes, and waffles won by one vote. Then one day after school, at our lockers, all you could hear were the words waffles and pancakes coming out of the hall way. Elijah and me always fought about which was better, so I named him pancakes. Lets move on to Jesse and Jayshan, they’re drummers along with Dennis and Jamie. Jayshan is in 8th grade. He is the only 8th grader in the band. Jesse is a freshman and Alyssa has been crushing on him for about ten years now. They kind of went out last year but unofficially. I never really connected with either of them. There are four more freshman I haven’t talked about yet. There’s Beth, Chris, Patricia and Alisa. Beth is more of Amie’s friend then mine but she’s cool. Beth is also very quite. Chris is a cool kid. I think he’s bi or gay but he wont admit to it. I think he is because he talks like it but I never like judging a book by its cover. So I don’t know and I trust him. I don’t talk to Alisa much. She was in band last year and in chorus class with me but we’re not close friends. Patricia used to be my best friend in 2nd and 3rd grade but then I went to a new school for honors, where I met Amie, Alyssa, and jai, so we didn’t stay in contact. In the last six years she’s changed a lot. We still talk at school but I don’t like who she is now. The only junior I missed was Josh but everybody is now calling him Mclovin’. He’s funny and kind of cute but I wouldn’t go out with him. Especially since Alyssa went out with him in 7th grade. There are five more people in band and they are all sophomores. There Wendy, I met her at a concert last year and she’s cool. Vicki, she’s like the mom of the band but defiantly one of my friends. David, who I don’t really know and don’t talk to, and last of all Julia, were not close friends or anything but I used to have a crush on her when I was in 7th grade. I only told my closest friends and I don’t think she knows yet and I’m glad for that. Well that was everyone in band. I like our band I think we’ll have a fun year!
~ From Deidre
Today for lunch Tara and me went to Hess gas station. We got Ben and Jerry’s ice cream and went back to the auditorium to eat. Everyone looked at us weird for eating a pint of ice cream each. I like band and today I started marching. I also talked to Joel today. We were talking about Mr. D and band all together. He is so adorable. I wish he would like me too… I don’t think I’ll tell him yet. On Saturday we had a car wash, which was fun. It was the second one I went to. We were splashing each other with the hose and sponges but then Mr. D yelled at us. Then mike threw a towel and it stuck to the building. It would have been fine if it wasn’t about ten feet off the ground. We finally got it down using a shovel and standing on a chair. Tara and I got lunch at Wendy’s Saturday and ate back at school. After the car wash we went back to her house to play video games and go on the Internet. Yesterday I was talking to penny, while the others were marching. We talked about a TV show called ‘charmed.’ (It’s about witches) We found out that that was both our favorite show. We talked about our favorite episodes and about how cool it would be to be witches. (She’s not marching because she hurt her knee.) I also wore my super girl cape yesterday. Everyone looked at me weird… again - but I like to be different. I found out today that Jesse and Jamie are going out. I hope Alyssa’s ok with that. We start school in a few days. I’m kind of nervous, I hope I get great teacher. I still haven’t read my two books, I was meant to read over the summer. They were ‘Catch 22’ and ‘On the road.’ Neither of them sound good to me… I hope I don’t start cutting again. I’ve stopped for a few weeks now and I’m very proud of myself. I need to get some sleep, so I’m going to stop writing. Night.
~ From Deidre
O.M.G. today was my first day of school. I’m glade that’s over. I’m also glade that jai and Amie are in most of my classes. The bad thing is that my brother is in half of them too. My school day goes as following 1st period is concert band (but were working on marching still) 2nd is math, which I’m in algebra-2, 3rd is English 4th is history. We have lunch during 4th period my class has 2nd lunch 5th is gym 6th is biology and 7th is Latin. I think I might get a cooking class 0 period but that would mean I would have to get up early. I don’t like some of my teacher. My math teacher is ok but she seems a little mean. My English teacher is an ocd freak. He wants a 2 inch binder JUST for his class if there’s anything else in there we lose points for our grade. He also says that starting next week we’re going to have to do vocabulary every day even on weekend I like all my other teachers my history teacher is a new teacher and he’s nice. I’m not taking gym right now since I cant run. My biology teacher is funny and my Latin teacher I can already tell is a push over but I like her. Amie is in five of my classes and so is jai. My brother is in three and Alyssa’s in two. Leah, Tara, Amie, jai and Julia are in my gym class. That makes me happy. I can’t wait to take swimming. I love to swim!… I got lost once today but I saw Vicki and she told me where to go. I like high school so far I hope this year goes good.
~From Deidre
It’s the second week of school and I decided to take cooking 0 period with Leah I think it will help me for the future when I want to start my business. I don’t like gym right now I have to read a magazine article and write a 100-word paragraph about it. Yesterday I fell in the hall because of mike. He was poking me and I tripped over a metal bar on the floor and fell on my face I scraped my elbow and it started bleeding but other than that I was fine just my pride was wounded in my Latin class there is this girl named destiny I think we’ll be friendsJ Amie and me learned how to sing spider pig in Latin it’s so cool. I am so happy Joel is in my Latin class but so is his ex girlfriend Katie. I’ve known Katie since 1st grade I didn’t like her then but I think she’s alright now. She’s also a cheerleader. Open house is coming up in a few weeks I wonder what my teachers are going to say about me I hope its nothing bad…need to get back to class
~From Deidre
Today is September 18th and we had practice after school. Tara and I went into a piano practice room to wait since we had over an hour of free time before marching started. Pancakes came in short after and we were talking about school. Tara started her homework while pancakes and me played with the pianos. Then Jamie came in. “hi guys” she said when she walked in. I replied with “Yo my homie G!” she laughed and sat down on the counter in the room she was quite probably because she was eating. Jamie then decided to turn on the very bright light behind her. I hate bright lights and put my hands to my eyes. Then Tara and Jamie started to laugh. She did it a few more times until I put my hoodie over my eyes she then stopped it was fun. We went outside when 5 o’clock came around we practiced then went home my brother was a major jerk face to me too I was in the living room and he came in and started calling me names for no reason I hate him I wish he’d stop or just die no lie I want him dead gtg (got to go)
~From Deidre
For some reason that day sparked a friendship between Jamie and me. We soon started to talk more and more.
On September 20th we had practice afterwards tara my brother and I went to Harrion Morton (our middle school) and saw some of our teachers next week is Dieruff’s open house we have our second football game tomorrow I cant wait even though we lose it’s fun to go and chill with my bandos.
Nothing really happened the rest of September. October was way more interesting. in September all we did was have band competitions and practice as Jamie and me got a closer relationship.
10/15 I talked to Jamie last night on the phone and she told me about an art project she has and she asked if I had a flower so she could paint it. We talked about why I want to cut and how I should stop cutting but I still want to idk but still we talked about Joel too and I think I’ll tell him soon but I’m not sure…
By now I told Jamie everything and when I finally gave in and cut I told her it wasn’t bad but she was still upset with me she told me not to do it ever again I told her I’d try my best and when I almost ran away I told her the next day she asked a billion questions and made me realize it was a stupid idea. I also told her I wouldn’t do it even though I wasn’t sure if I would soon a whole month passed by and me and Jamie started to write notes back and forth with each other. We then got notebooks and named it Deidre/Jamieology I didn’t cut for a long time (a month is a long time for some one who’s addicted) then this happened…
Deidreology 10/23
Assignment for the year: to write Deidre a note almost if not every day, when you have time. Then give Deidre the notebook before 7th and she will give you the other notebook at this time. Then you have to write back to what she wrote by 1st period the next day or next time you see her. You will be graded by how many assignments you do a marking period. You may ask for your grade at anytime. The goal for this year is to understand Deidre and tell her what she means, because she has no idea.
If any questions write back a note
Or call 1-800-ask-Deidre
Or you can also go on our new Website:
www.Deidrethebestbando.com
We are happy you chose this class
Thank you!
Sincerely, Miss Deidre S. Sell
Deidreology 10/23
O.M.G.,
I HATE my DAD!!!!!! If you could read my thoughts right now you would punch me…I wanted to kill him. My mom went through my stuff and my cell phone texts so she knows I was going to run away and that I like Joel.L I HATE LIFE!!! Now I’m grounded and my dad was going to send me to a mental hospital or a child serves thing. He told me he hated me today then to tell me he loved me in front of my mom. I wish I could go to my own world where my friends could only go. I am so depressed right now it isn’t even funny. (Its not like it would be funny any other time) so now I cant call you ~ I was going to earlier but I don’t want to stress you out more than you already are. You have your graduating project and homework to do, and a boyfriend. Not to mention yourself to worry about. I don’t want you worrying about me. Its not like many people do anyways ~ like I said my problem not yours…. I want to cut so badly right now but I already used my ‘get out of mental hospital free card’ for that one. I want to change the subject to a happy one but I can’t think of one…I feel like crying but I can’t. I never cry it’s weird. ~ Ok I did earlier but I usually don’t. I thought of a somewhat happy subject. I want to make a Website for the band like Dieruffbandos.com or something like that. Then you can stay in touch with people from the lower classes. There would be chat rooms so we can chill and just talk an a list of what were doing and how we do at computations and there would be a Mr. D page but I don’t know if we’d be talking to him or about him. J lol. I wish Kevin C. would help me with it since he’s good with computers but I don’t think he would. Your name would be your username and the password could be hotdogs lol then you can get contact info. So yeah that’s my awesome idea! What do you think? I hate the feelings I have too. I feel like I’m annoying and that everyone hates me. I don’t know why I feel this way but I do…well even though I hate a lot of things, and said Hate like ten times already, I love you!
Love ya,
P.s. write me an out line of your class Deidre
I hate today I’m going to go and try to relax
~Deidre
That night I couldn’t relax and I ended up cutting and the next day I told Jamie I have to tell you something but I don’t want to. This is what she wrote back:
Jamieology 10/24
Hey Deidre,
What’s up? Nothing much here just in music/piano class. Ok my schedule is as follows
1. Band
2. U.S. government
3. English
4. Art
5. Trig/alg III
6. Piano 1
7. Study hall
Why did you want to know? Who’s your mommy look like? Or have I seen her? I can’t write anymore I have to work ttly
P.s. Damn I’m going to be graded. I see how it is haha. Love ya,
Jamie
Also, What do you have to tell me? I want to know. I think I understand you but you should tell me. I also hate your dad but I love you lolz
I still didn’t want to tell her but when I wrote back today I told her
Deidreology 10/24
Sorry,
Me love you! But I don’t want to tell you I’m afraid you’ll get mad and not talk tome if I tell you. If you want to know you have to promise not to get mad…plus I don’t want you to get more stressed out cuz then you’ll explode and Mr. D will get mad at me because he’ll have to clean your guts and blood off the ceiling :O gasp! Then he’ll make me do itL I don’t want to do that…so did you like my outline for my class? Do you think you can complete the year goal? (To understand me and what I mean) cuz I been trying for years and I can’t do it. But your smarter than me so you should be able to do it…we made spice cookie in cooking today so I’ll give you one if I get them after school…COOKIES!!! Yummy! …So how are your classes? Is art ok? I hope it is. What about your graduation project? Is it going ok? When will you be done with it? Soon I hope. You have to keep me informed you know! ~ Me? My classes are going good but in math I am so confused and in Latin no one does work. So we get yelled atL but everything else is ok I have all A’s and B’s in all my classes except Math and Latin which I have C’s in…if you really want to know what I have to tell you, you have to promise you wont get mad just sign down there and then read what I wrote after it
X.__________________________________________
Sign first no reading until you sign…. Ok just read the poem I put in the back of the notebook…. Its true ~ trust me it is true sure I haven’t stopped yet like in the poem but I will for you I’m sorry well now you should know what I did just incase there’s any confusion I tell you I cut but I didn’t lie to you I didn’t cut my wrists I cut somewhere else I just cant handle life right now but I try… I’m sorry L
Ps on a happier note josh keeps asking me if I like Joel it bugs me a little but it’s fine as long as he doesn’t do it in front of him again love you,
Deidre
This was the poem:
I was so nervous so in 7th I wrote her back to what she wrote:
Deidreology 10/24
Hey,
I didn’t mean your schedule I meant your outline for your class Jamieology… and I wanted to know so I don’t fail your class Mrs. Jamie Vreeland. Lol. My mom helped out Mr. D today so did you see her there? She was also at giant stadium so Idk…she’s as tall as me, long dark hair, my size…so yeah I’m wondering what your thinking I hope you don’t hate me…I don’t know what else to talk about since I have nothing to respond to…Joel is uber Hot!
Like the sun!!!!!! Love ya with all my heart,
Deidre
I didn’t see her after school today so I’m not sure what she thinks. I wish I knew but I’ll find out tomorrow so I just have to wait… Ig2g bye. ~Deidre
Jamie didn’t write back that night neither but I was ok with it she seemed fine so I was fine too. But she did say that she should check up on me from now. I wrote her this today:
Deidreology 10/25
Hi buddy,
YAY! You’re not as mad as I thought you would be. Like I said sorry ~ love you, by the way your assignment was LATE! Lolz. I wont count it against your grade J … you don’t have to check up on me cuz when I do it I feel guilty and I tell you anyway…it doesn’t look that bad it looks like a rush burn. It still hurts a little but W/e…the reason why I did it was because I was on the phone with one of my friends and she did it so that made me want to do it too. Plus I wanted to do it all day and I was on a blood lust…I wanted to drink it. So I ended up doing it… Peanut butter Idk why I wrote that I was board J … I just realized something I don’t really care about my grades. Sure I do the work but I don’t care anymore and I can’t focus on anything. Joel sat with us at lunch again today…I’m in history right now and I saw Jamestown on the board and I thought of you, “You own a town?! I want the clubs and a playground oh and the high school marching band! That’s it…” so yeah the bells going to ring soon so…
Ps peanut butter is yummy! Love you
Deidre
Once again Jamie didn’t write back…I wonder if she’s mad at me maybe she’s not ok with me cutting again…. I know she doesn’t want me too…
~Deidre
Deidreology 10/26
Are you mad at me? I hope not. ~I’ll cry if you don’t write back today. Me lovers you! And I’ll try my hardest to not cut again btw you have a C in my class so far cuz you didn’t write back and there’s no extra credit
lol but on a serious note you are one of my three closest friends that I can trust with anything. It’s weird cuz I’ve only known you for three months if that. I trust you more than some of my friends I’ve known for years like Amie… Grrr…I broke a nail while getting my pants on in swimming it hurts!!! Idk what else to talk about… you got to write me back cuz I have nothing to talk about…
Love ya
Deidre
Jamie finally wrote me back today and it was a long note:
Jamieology 10/26
Hey Deidre
What’s up? Sorry I haven’t written back in a while, I’ve been pretty busy. You will receive a long note if you haven’t seen already. Well so much is going on right now and I have so little time to do it. It is so confusing and I can’t wait till marching band is finally over. I have my English rough draft due by this coming Tuesday and the final copy due a week from today. Then my graduation papers and my visual are due in two-three weeks. Urgh. And I have to do an art project for another teacher that I have no idea on what I’m doing or can do. I need a logo and something with aesthetics and I’m so confused I need to ask my teacher today. Btw I’m in third and my teacher is sick so I have a sub and I did everything already so I can do anything I want kind of. And besides I felt bad for not writing you in a bit I Failed! Lol anyways I’m trying to get extra credit in math class so I can impress my rents with good grades and I hope to keep them up. 1st A 2nd B 3rd a 4th A 5th C? And 6th A so almost all A’s a B and hopefully a C. my last year of high school so I need to maintain good grades. I really really hope it rains today after school. I don’t want to wear our uniforms I really don’t. I rather be comfortable because then when it does rain tonight then I can get my clothes wet instead of getting the uniforms wet and making them look crappy and smelly for next week. Next week OMFG! Busy !! Monday = friendly’s night and mommy’s b-day Tuesday = my sister’s b-day, practice, and rough draft due. Wednesday I have softball Thursday = practice, bonfire, bowling Friday = final copy due and some time to work on other crap Saturday= bowling, football game/senior reginition bowling again then parents bowling and on Sunday church completion. wowerz I’m so busy and stressed I need ME time!!! It’s like I don’t have a social life anymore. This sucks besides that… you scare me when you cut yourself. Whether it’s a little cut with little blood or a big cut when you need to suck it that’s sick and when your say things like that that scares me. You can really hurt yourself and your hurting me! every time you cut you get one step closer to addiction if your not there yet. Idc what you say you DO NOT NEED TO CUT!!!!!!! Sometime or another you will hurt yourself. You need to stop now. I understand you hating your life and shit but there’s no need for you to do what your doing and you know this. Instead of cutting write me a note or a poem but good ones and never go back to cutting. Honestly if you think your life is bad now just wait you got four years in this damn school and over 70 years in general. Have fun with life and don’t dwell on the things that hurt you cuz your just hurting yourself ! I’m serious you hurt I hurt and I want to know when you cut because I will eventually find out think about it. By the end of Christmas break is over if your still cutting I guarente you, I will tell a higher authority. I’m not trying 2 b mean or want you mad but it’s for your best. Cause I care to much about you to see you like this. So with that said you need to stop it is for the best you need to cut the habit I will know if you do it and I don’t want you mad I’m just looking out for a good friend its cuz I love you ok? So hopefully your not mad because I don’t want to lose a great friend. Ig2g I cant write much more cuz I have to go soon
Love you always no matter what
~*Jammerz*~
don’t get mad get glad!
Remember its cuz I care! *sorry it’s really long*
I read the cutting part three times before writing back I felt really bad but I was happy that she cared enough to write me I don’t feel like many people care anymore…I gave it to her after school:
Deidreology 10/26
Wow that was forever long but I like long notes…I’m not mad just kind of nervous I’m pretty sure I’m already addicted but no telling anyone unless I still am after Christmas cuz you promised you can though I don’t want you to but I give you permission… and I wont get mad if you do… Joel has pink and white socks on with yellow stars there so cute! Me sorry for the billionth time… I cant think of anything else to say but I’ll help you out with all your work if you need it
Love ya
Deidre
So that was my day today next week is spirt week I cant wait and on Wednesday we can dressup for HalloweenJ I cant wait ~Deidre
Today I learn a new thing it’s called erasing you take a pencil and erase your skin it burns it. Lets just say one of the bandos used to and still some times does it. I did it on my wrist and my hand it stings a lot I don’t want to tell Jamie but she’ll probably see itL oh well I still have a few months to stop. Today was Hawian day it was stupid I just wore a lay then tomorrow it’s twin day I think I’ll look like jai then Halloween then Mitch match on Thursday and Friday is spirt day. I cant wait…Jamie was to busy to write today and she has both notebooks but she said she’d write me tomorrow so I cant wait
~Deidre
Today was fun all my classes we did nothing and I mimicked Joel today in Latin one girl said I started blushing. Jamie wrote me back today but I had no time to write her back…
Jamieology 10/30
Hey Deidre,
What’s up? Nmh (nothing much here) jic (just in class) in study hall doing every other subject. I freakin curled or tried to curl my hair and now it’s flat urghness I have to put in my college applications like this week. My note wont be very long because my thumb really hurts. Last night I had softball and went to lone star (steak house) for my mom’s actual b-day. Today is my sisters. When my mom was 21 she couldn’t drink cuz she was in labor over her b-day it’s mad funny. My rents and sis all drank last night and I was the deganated driver but I don’t care cuz it was funny cause they were all drunk. I cant believe jesse wore pants that were his sisters! It was sooo funny. Well Ig2g type my paper. Sorry I’m failing your test I have absolutely no time right now. But hopefully soon enough it will all die down and we can write everyday. So far I’m not dressing up for tomorrow you should come as the werewolf it’d be mad funny. Well g2g for sure ttly lylas (love ya like a sister) a&f (always and forever) love,
*Jammerz*
So tomorrow I’ll write her back I think I’ll tell joel I like him soon I just don’t know how to tell him I’m very shy so Idk well me g2g till tomorrow
~Deidre
Today was the best day of the school year so far I wore my Halloween costum I wore for the parades but with out the brown makeup it was so fun and I put fake blood as tears it looked so scary I loved it…oh and two ppl dressed up like bananas it was halairous I also wrote Jamie back today:
Deidreology 10/31
Hey buddy,
Just in math ~ so boring…I’m so lazy and that’s the only reason I can write you everyday cuz I’m just a lazy bum …oh well do you like my werewolf costume? It’s so cool… you should have dressed up!!!! It would have been awesome you are such a jerk face jk I’m going to room 148 to get my picture taking during 4th…ppl are scared of me HA HA I liked your hair yesterday…on another note your leaving me!!!!!! Watch some thing bad happen to me next year because your gone like me exploding or caving in and starting again …you have to call me like every week, in college or else… it’s a good thing I wasn’t at lone star I would have got drunk too lolz…now I’m in swimming and I said I had my period so I didn’t have to go in cuz I have to much makeup and stuff on…my jaw hurts from my teeth Grrr…you told me to tell you if I cut again well I didn’t cut but I did do something bad…I erased if you don’t know what that is its taking a pencil and erasing your skin until it burns it off. Its not as bad as cutting and you cant die because of it it’s just going to be harder to stop because its so easy to do plus I can do it in school… I wish you could just understand the pull ~ the want of cutting…but you wont ever unless you try and you should never do that either. Idk ~yesterday on the filed I wanted to hurt Kevin C. cuz he was annoying me then I got mad at myself for getting mad then I wanted to cut it just sucks. the last time I erased was Monday… I only want to hurt me never you but I hurt us both when I do it and I’m sorry I don’t mean or want to. I do want to stop trust me I do…or part of me wants to but it’s just so hard I’ll try to stop for you but I’m not sure if I can do it I’m sorry if I cant do it…ummm I kinda like somenone but I cant tell you who I liked them from like 7th grade and amie being the bitch that she is told them that I liked them yesterday I’m so pissed off I want to kill her wwhy do alll my friends tell the person I like that I like them oh well but ig2g so ttly….
LOVERS YOU,
Deidre
~Deidre
Jamieology 11/1
Hey Deidre,
What’s up nothing mucho here just tired as hell! My sister picked me up yesterday then I had dinner at around 9:30 then I was going to call but then I need to take a shower and then I was tried still so I went to bed sorry I didn’t call. Me my sister and my mom sound alike on the phone just so you know and my mom rarely picks up so its probably someone else. Freaking Joe ripped my ID and now it sucks. I’m not wearing it. He’s an ASS HOLE I’m kinda mad about the eraser still habits like that will become addictive and those habits need to stop!!! I’m going to be all blue and gray tomorrow since it is sprite day I cant wait I’m wearing blue under armor gray shirt gray or blue sweatpants blue and white socks blue and gray beads and blue nails and hopefully my mommy has time to take me out to get blue and gray hair paint/spray if not I’ll be sad but I’ll be ok. And there’s something else but I forget. Not to be mean or anything but bisexual or maybe I read it wrong cause its like you like a girl. Who knows how are you and Joel do you not like him anymore? and who do you like anyway? do I know him or anything? Do you know that Tara has a boyfriend now? Its aww! I think me and Jesse are going to see saw 4 if not were chillen one more practice I cant wait god ppl are assinine that means stupid. Well ig2g type papers so ttly
Love ya
*Jammers*
Deidreology 11/1
So…
Yeah I’m tired too…Joe is an ass but not to me so yay me! I think you’ll be proud of me I wanted to erase but I gave all my pencils to Jai so now I cant I’ll be blue and gray tomorrow too I’ll have blue and gray hair with DHS painted on to it I’ll bring the paint to school if I have any left…you weren’t being mean when you asked if I was bi and you were right I am…but I still do like Joel I also still kinda like this girl…what can I say- I like bandos she says she’s straight but she does not act it can you guess who it is… its Julia btw I knew that Tara and her new boyfriend Chris were dating since like the 1st hour they were lol. But he doesn’t like me for some reason ever since like 5th grade and yes ppl are stupid I learned that a long time ago way back when but you aren’t though I don’t even have to tell you anything you just know like me being bi. I just told Joel what happened about Amie telling and I found out that she is spreading rumors about him too I hate her
Love ya,
Deidre
Just to let you know the Chris Tara is dating is not the one in band.
Jamieology 11/5
Hey buddy,
What’s up? I wanted to write left because I have no life haha hopefully you can read this. So I finally wrote back in both books I’m retarted I know. It looks like your handwriting lol jk. Its hard writing lefty so it wont be that long this sucks I have an art project due this Thursday I’m going to get my licsence soon oh boy I cant wait hopefully I’ll pass cause I get mad nervous also I have to read eight long ass chapters for government and answer questions well ig2g my left hand hurts. Oh and I might have to get surgery.
Love ya
*Jaime*
thats all i have so far comment and check back later
Band camp
This is where my freshman year started out, band camp. It’s the third week of August and we finally started it. Mr. D is once again yelling at the band for fooling around on the field, like we always do. We want to get better and practice but were all friends and want to just hang out. One of the reasons we’re so tight is because there’s only about thirty-five people in the band. It’s a really hot day today, a blistering eighty-five degrees and its only morning. Luck for me I’m not on the field today because I broke my leg in June when I was in Washington dc with girl scouts. I managed to break three parts of my leg after only falling down three stairs. That shows you how clumsy I am. So I convinced Mr. D to let me start marching next week. I’m glad that no one in pit showed up today besides Tara. She is one of my best friends and since no one was there Mr. D let her stay outside with me, instead of being alone inside. We first talked about random things, and then when we saw a huge bug we started to play with it. We put it on a stick and hung it upside down. Then after a few minutes I got bored and tried to kill it. I stabbed the stick into the bug and buried it next to the sidewalk. (I don’t kill animals’ just bugs) I even made a cross for it out of sticks and grass. We saw the dirt move a little so the bug was alive and moving. Mr. D started yelling again so we decided to move father away but not far enough for him to yell at us too. We started talking but soon got cold in the shade. We moved half in the sun and got comfortable, so we soon fell asleep. When we woke up, we were surprised that Mr. D didn’t yell at us for sleeping. He gets mad easily if you couldn’t tell and when he gets mad, he gives you the death glare. It’s kind of funny but scary at the same time. Especially because Mr. D is very much over weight and some of the bandos say that if he gets mad enough, he’ll eat you alive and though I know its not true it still freaks me out a bit. We only had band camp for about a week now, so I don’t know everybody in band. The only people I know are the ones from middle school, which happen to be a lot. The freshman bando class has about sixteen in total, half the band. I get along with most of them but the one I don’t get along with at all is my own brother, Dennis. He happens to be my twin and three minutes older than me. He makes fun of me for that all the time but I have three inches on him for now. That will probably change soon since were fourteen and he’ll get his growths pert. He makes fun of me a lot actually. He calls me fatty and stupid, among other things. In the past, I have tried to get along with him but he always ends up ruining it. He is what I like to call a ‘jerk face’. I can’t stand his friends either. They’re called the Kevin’s. Kevin c, the smartest of them and who is great with technology and Kevin b, the quite one, who is very annoying when he does talk. Kevin b and Dennis think they’re gangsters but what they really are, are want to be gangster. First off there white and second of all they get straight A’s and have never done anything illegal in their lives. I really don’t get them and there mean to me for no reason. I cant believe Tara is friends with them and she likes~ like likes my brother that is just ewwww and I have no idea why she does… Now that I’m talking about people in the band, I guess I’ll tell you about all the bandos. Well I already told you about Tara, Dennis, and the Kevin’s. So I’ll start with Amie, Alyssa, and Jai. These are my friends from middle school. The story all started in 4th grade when we first met. Then went into middle school and at the end of 7th grade I changed and fell for this girl named Alaina. (Yes I’m bi. And she was a bando too) She was a dark person and I wanted to be like her. I found out she didn’t like me that way and she already had a girlfriend. I was glad that she moved after her finding out that I liked her. She found out because of Alyssa and Amie. When I changed, I started to drink and then one day I took alcohol to a Girl Scout camp. My leader caught me and she told my mom. When I got home she was pissed and she made me mad and upset too, so I when into rage and when I do that I say everything. So I told her that I smoked, drank, and cut. By the look of me in 7th grade, you wouldn’t have thought it but it was true. By now I’ve stop smoking and drinking but not cutting that is my addiction. After that Alyssa and Amie wouldn’t talk to me. Jai stayed with me and I got closer to other friends but nothing was the same. Especially since Alyssa and me were like sister, we talk for hours on the phone and slept over at each other’s houses every weekend. We were close and did everything together. I was heart broken when she wouldn’t talk to me but by the end of 8th grade she was my friend again and I was happy. Jai has always been there for me. She kept me sane in 8th grade and saved my life, seriously, because I was thinking about suicide. She is defiantly one of my best friends and I love her to death. Amie is a different story. I’m not sure if I can trust her. She seems like a person who would lie and spread rumors. She is just not a nice person anymore. She is defiantly two sided. There are some cheerleaders in band, three to be exact, Fefe, (Felicia) Penny, and Joel. Fefe and Penny I’ve known for a while and I do count them as my friends. Joel I don’t know well but I think he’s uber hot and cute. Next are the seniors there’s Jamie, Julie, Mike, Megan, Eileen, Sam, and Leah. Most of them I don’t know or haven’t really talked to yet besides for Mike and Eileen. Eileen is actually Amie’s sister. (Whom I trust more than her.) Mike I met yesterday. He was talking about his book that he is starting to write and I told him about the one I am writing but I might give up on it. The book I’m writing is about werewolves and vampires. He talks a lot. You could ask him where the bathroom is and he could give you an hour-long answer explaining it. Sam is in color guard along with Leah, Karen, and nakita I met Karen today, she asked me to go to wawa with her. Me and another kid went. She told me that everyone calls her shorty. She seems like a really nice person. Nakita is nice too. I met her at one of the car washes before band camp started. I think all the color guard is great and I think I’ll be friends with them all. The kid I went to Wawa with was Elijah. He was nicknamed pancakes after the pancake/waffle war we had last year. It was so funny. We asked the band which did they like more, waffles or pancakes, and waffles won by one vote. Then one day after school, at our lockers, all you could hear were the words waffles and pancakes coming out of the hall way. Elijah and me always fought about which was better, so I named him pancakes. Lets move on to Jesse and Jayshan, they’re drummers along with Dennis and Jamie. Jayshan is in 8th grade. He is the only 8th grader in the band. Jesse is a freshman and Alyssa has been crushing on him for about ten years now. They kind of went out last year but unofficially. I never really connected with either of them. There are four more freshman I haven’t talked about yet. There’s Beth, Chris, Patricia and Alisa. Beth is more of Amie’s friend then mine but she’s cool. Beth is also very quite. Chris is a cool kid. I think he’s bi or gay but he wont admit to it. I think he is because he talks like it but I never like judging a book by its cover. So I don’t know and I trust him. I don’t talk to Alisa much. She was in band last year and in chorus class with me but we’re not close friends. Patricia used to be my best friend in 2nd and 3rd grade but then I went to a new school for honors, where I met Amie, Alyssa, and jai, so we didn’t stay in contact. In the last six years she’s changed a lot. We still talk at school but I don’t like who she is now. The only junior I missed was Josh but everybody is now calling him Mclovin’. He’s funny and kind of cute but I wouldn’t go out with him. Especially since Alyssa went out with him in 7th grade. There are five more people in band and they are all sophomores. There Wendy, I met her at a concert last year and she’s cool. Vicki, she’s like the mom of the band but defiantly one of my friends. David, who I don’t really know and don’t talk to, and last of all Julia, were not close friends or anything but I used to have a crush on her when I was in 7th grade. I only told my closest friends and I don’t think she knows yet and I’m glad for that. Well that was everyone in band. I like our band I think we’ll have a fun year!
~ From Deidre
Today for lunch Tara and me went to Hess gas station. We got Ben and Jerry’s ice cream and went back to the auditorium to eat. Everyone looked at us weird for eating a pint of ice cream each. I like band and today I started marching. I also talked to Joel today. We were talking about Mr. D and band all together. He is so adorable. I wish he would like me too… I don’t think I’ll tell him yet. On Saturday we had a car wash, which was fun. It was the second one I went to. We were splashing each other with the hose and sponges but then Mr. D yelled at us. Then mike threw a towel and it stuck to the building. It would have been fine if it wasn’t about ten feet off the ground. We finally got it down using a shovel and standing on a chair. Tara and I got lunch at Wendy’s Saturday and ate back at school. After the car wash we went back to her house to play video games and go on the Internet. Yesterday I was talking to penny, while the others were marching. We talked about a TV show called ‘charmed.’ (It’s about witches) We found out that that was both our favorite show. We talked about our favorite episodes and about how cool it would be to be witches. (She’s not marching because she hurt her knee.) I also wore my super girl cape yesterday. Everyone looked at me weird… again - but I like to be different. I found out today that Jesse and Jamie are going out. I hope Alyssa’s ok with that. We start school in a few days. I’m kind of nervous, I hope I get great teacher. I still haven’t read my two books, I was meant to read over the summer. They were ‘Catch 22’ and ‘On the road.’ Neither of them sound good to me… I hope I don’t start cutting again. I’ve stopped for a few weeks now and I’m very proud of myself. I need to get some sleep, so I’m going to stop writing. Night.
~ From Deidre
school
O.M.G. today was my first day of school. I’m glade that’s over. I’m also glade that jai and Amie are in most of my classes. The bad thing is that my brother is in half of them too. My school day goes as following 1st period is concert band (but were working on marching still) 2nd is math, which I’m in algebra-2, 3rd is English 4th is history. We have lunch during 4th period my class has 2nd lunch 5th is gym 6th is biology and 7th is Latin. I think I might get a cooking class 0 period but that would mean I would have to get up early. I don’t like some of my teacher. My math teacher is ok but she seems a little mean. My English teacher is an ocd freak. He wants a 2 inch binder JUST for his class if there’s anything else in there we lose points for our grade. He also says that starting next week we’re going to have to do vocabulary every day even on weekend I like all my other teachers my history teacher is a new teacher and he’s nice. I’m not taking gym right now since I cant run. My biology teacher is funny and my Latin teacher I can already tell is a push over but I like her. Amie is in five of my classes and so is jai. My brother is in three and Alyssa’s in two. Leah, Tara, Amie, jai and Julia are in my gym class. That makes me happy. I can’t wait to take swimming. I love to swim!… I got lost once today but I saw Vicki and she told me where to go. I like high school so far I hope this year goes good.
~From Deidre
It’s the second week of school and I decided to take cooking 0 period with Leah I think it will help me for the future when I want to start my business. I don’t like gym right now I have to read a magazine article and write a 100-word paragraph about it. Yesterday I fell in the hall because of mike. He was poking me and I tripped over a metal bar on the floor and fell on my face I scraped my elbow and it started bleeding but other than that I was fine just my pride was wounded in my Latin class there is this girl named destiny I think we’ll be friendsJ Amie and me learned how to sing spider pig in Latin it’s so cool. I am so happy Joel is in my Latin class but so is his ex girlfriend Katie. I’ve known Katie since 1st grade I didn’t like her then but I think she’s alright now. She’s also a cheerleader. Open house is coming up in a few weeks I wonder what my teachers are going to say about me I hope its nothing bad…need to get back to class
~From Deidre
Today is September 18th and we had practice after school. Tara and I went into a piano practice room to wait since we had over an hour of free time before marching started. Pancakes came in short after and we were talking about school. Tara started her homework while pancakes and me played with the pianos. Then Jamie came in. “hi guys” she said when she walked in. I replied with “Yo my homie G!” she laughed and sat down on the counter in the room she was quite probably because she was eating. Jamie then decided to turn on the very bright light behind her. I hate bright lights and put my hands to my eyes. Then Tara and Jamie started to laugh. She did it a few more times until I put my hoodie over my eyes she then stopped it was fun. We went outside when 5 o’clock came around we practiced then went home my brother was a major jerk face to me too I was in the living room and he came in and started calling me names for no reason I hate him I wish he’d stop or just die no lie I want him dead gtg (got to go)
~From Deidre
For some reason that day sparked a friendship between Jamie and me. We soon started to talk more and more.
On September 20th we had practice afterwards tara my brother and I went to Harrion Morton (our middle school) and saw some of our teachers next week is Dieruff’s open house we have our second football game tomorrow I cant wait even though we lose it’s fun to go and chill with my bandos.
Nothing really happened the rest of September. October was way more interesting. in September all we did was have band competitions and practice as Jamie and me got a closer relationship.
10/15 I talked to Jamie last night on the phone and she told me about an art project she has and she asked if I had a flower so she could paint it. We talked about why I want to cut and how I should stop cutting but I still want to idk but still we talked about Joel too and I think I’ll tell him soon but I’m not sure…
By now I told Jamie everything and when I finally gave in and cut I told her it wasn’t bad but she was still upset with me she told me not to do it ever again I told her I’d try my best and when I almost ran away I told her the next day she asked a billion questions and made me realize it was a stupid idea. I also told her I wouldn’t do it even though I wasn’t sure if I would soon a whole month passed by and me and Jamie started to write notes back and forth with each other. We then got notebooks and named it Deidre/Jamieology I didn’t cut for a long time (a month is a long time for some one who’s addicted) then this happened…
Deidre/Jamieology
On the 23rd my dad was a real jerk face he said he hated me and we had a big fight in the car going home from school just because I wanted to stay… so I wrote Jamie two thing that night a happy note which was a joke and sad note in our new note books I got:Deidreology 10/23
Assignment for the year: to write Deidre a note almost if not every day, when you have time. Then give Deidre the notebook before 7th and she will give you the other notebook at this time. Then you have to write back to what she wrote by 1st period the next day or next time you see her. You will be graded by how many assignments you do a marking period. You may ask for your grade at anytime. The goal for this year is to understand Deidre and tell her what she means, because she has no idea.
If any questions write back a note
Or call 1-800-ask-Deidre
Or you can also go on our new Website:
www.Deidrethebestbando.com
We are happy you chose this class
Thank you!
Sincerely, Miss Deidre S. Sell
Deidreology 10/23
O.M.G.,
I HATE my DAD!!!!!! If you could read my thoughts right now you would punch me…I wanted to kill him. My mom went through my stuff and my cell phone texts so she knows I was going to run away and that I like Joel.L I HATE LIFE!!! Now I’m grounded and my dad was going to send me to a mental hospital or a child serves thing. He told me he hated me today then to tell me he loved me in front of my mom. I wish I could go to my own world where my friends could only go. I am so depressed right now it isn’t even funny. (Its not like it would be funny any other time) so now I cant call you ~ I was going to earlier but I don’t want to stress you out more than you already are. You have your graduating project and homework to do, and a boyfriend. Not to mention yourself to worry about. I don’t want you worrying about me. Its not like many people do anyways ~ like I said my problem not yours…. I want to cut so badly right now but I already used my ‘get out of mental hospital free card’ for that one. I want to change the subject to a happy one but I can’t think of one…I feel like crying but I can’t. I never cry it’s weird. ~ Ok I did earlier but I usually don’t. I thought of a somewhat happy subject. I want to make a Website for the band like Dieruffbandos.com or something like that. Then you can stay in touch with people from the lower classes. There would be chat rooms so we can chill and just talk an a list of what were doing and how we do at computations and there would be a Mr. D page but I don’t know if we’d be talking to him or about him. J lol. I wish Kevin C. would help me with it since he’s good with computers but I don’t think he would. Your name would be your username and the password could be hotdogs lol then you can get contact info. So yeah that’s my awesome idea! What do you think? I hate the feelings I have too. I feel like I’m annoying and that everyone hates me. I don’t know why I feel this way but I do…well even though I hate a lot of things, and said Hate like ten times already, I love you!
Love ya,
P.s. write me an out line of your class Deidre
I hate today I’m going to go and try to relax
~Deidre
That night I couldn’t relax and I ended up cutting and the next day I told Jamie I have to tell you something but I don’t want to. This is what she wrote back:
Jamieology 10/24
Hey Deidre,
What’s up? Nothing much here just in music/piano class. Ok my schedule is as follows
1. Band
2. U.S. government
3. English
4. Art
5. Trig/alg III
6. Piano 1
7. Study hall
Why did you want to know? Who’s your mommy look like? Or have I seen her? I can’t write anymore I have to work ttly
P.s. Damn I’m going to be graded. I see how it is haha. Love ya,
Jamie
Also, What do you have to tell me? I want to know. I think I understand you but you should tell me. I also hate your dad but I love you lolz
I still didn’t want to tell her but when I wrote back today I told her
Deidreology 10/24
Sorry,
Me love you! But I don’t want to tell you I’m afraid you’ll get mad and not talk tome if I tell you. If you want to know you have to promise not to get mad…plus I don’t want you to get more stressed out cuz then you’ll explode and Mr. D will get mad at me because he’ll have to clean your guts and blood off the ceiling :O gasp! Then he’ll make me do itL I don’t want to do that…so did you like my outline for my class? Do you think you can complete the year goal? (To understand me and what I mean) cuz I been trying for years and I can’t do it. But your smarter than me so you should be able to do it…we made spice cookie in cooking today so I’ll give you one if I get them after school…COOKIES!!! Yummy! …So how are your classes? Is art ok? I hope it is. What about your graduation project? Is it going ok? When will you be done with it? Soon I hope. You have to keep me informed you know! ~ Me? My classes are going good but in math I am so confused and in Latin no one does work. So we get yelled atL but everything else is ok I have all A’s and B’s in all my classes except Math and Latin which I have C’s in…if you really want to know what I have to tell you, you have to promise you wont get mad just sign down there and then read what I wrote after it
X.__________________________________________
Sign first no reading until you sign…. Ok just read the poem I put in the back of the notebook…. Its true ~ trust me it is true sure I haven’t stopped yet like in the poem but I will for you I’m sorry well now you should know what I did just incase there’s any confusion I tell you I cut but I didn’t lie to you I didn’t cut my wrists I cut somewhere else I just cant handle life right now but I try… I’m sorry L
Ps on a happier note josh keeps asking me if I like Joel it bugs me a little but it’s fine as long as he doesn’t do it in front of him again love you,
Deidre
This was the poem:
Never knowing how much it hurts
Trying to hurt me
Never trying to hurt you
Seeing you cry
Cuz of the things I did and do
I didn’t mean to hurt you
I love you cant you see
That the problem I have that hurts me so
Is because I hurt and hate me
I love being friends with you
Everything else I do regret
I almost let my life slip away
But I didn’t cuz you I met
If you I never met
I might not have been here
Thank you for helping me
Helping me to bear
I’m sorry
Never trying to hurt you
Seeing you cry
Cuz of the things I did and do
I didn’t mean to hurt you
I love you cant you see
That the problem I have that hurts me so
Is because I hurt and hate me
I love being friends with you
Everything else I do regret
I almost let my life slip away
But I didn’t cuz you I met
If you I never met
I might not have been here
Thank you for helping me
Helping me to bear
I’m sorry
I was so nervous so in 7th I wrote her back to what she wrote:
Deidreology 10/24
Hey,
I didn’t mean your schedule I meant your outline for your class Jamieology… and I wanted to know so I don’t fail your class Mrs. Jamie Vreeland. Lol. My mom helped out Mr. D today so did you see her there? She was also at giant stadium so Idk…she’s as tall as me, long dark hair, my size…so yeah I’m wondering what your thinking I hope you don’t hate me…I don’t know what else to talk about since I have nothing to respond to…Joel is uber Hot!
Like the sun!!!!!! Love ya with all my heart,
Deidre
I didn’t see her after school today so I’m not sure what she thinks. I wish I knew but I’ll find out tomorrow so I just have to wait… Ig2g bye. ~Deidre
Jamie didn’t write back that night neither but I was ok with it she seemed fine so I was fine too. But she did say that she should check up on me from now. I wrote her this today:
Deidreology 10/25
Hi buddy,
YAY! You’re not as mad as I thought you would be. Like I said sorry ~ love you, by the way your assignment was LATE! Lolz. I wont count it against your grade J … you don’t have to check up on me cuz when I do it I feel guilty and I tell you anyway…it doesn’t look that bad it looks like a rush burn. It still hurts a little but W/e…the reason why I did it was because I was on the phone with one of my friends and she did it so that made me want to do it too. Plus I wanted to do it all day and I was on a blood lust…I wanted to drink it. So I ended up doing it… Peanut butter Idk why I wrote that I was board J … I just realized something I don’t really care about my grades. Sure I do the work but I don’t care anymore and I can’t focus on anything. Joel sat with us at lunch again today…I’m in history right now and I saw Jamestown on the board and I thought of you, “You own a town?! I want the clubs and a playground oh and the high school marching band! That’s it…” so yeah the bells going to ring soon so…
Ps peanut butter is yummy! Love you
Deidre
Once again Jamie didn’t write back…I wonder if she’s mad at me maybe she’s not ok with me cutting again…. I know she doesn’t want me too…
~Deidre
Deidreology 10/26
Are you mad at me? I hope not. ~I’ll cry if you don’t write back today. Me lovers you! And I’ll try my hardest to not cut again btw you have a C in my class so far cuz you didn’t write back and there’s no extra credit
lol but on a serious note you are one of my three closest friends that I can trust with anything. It’s weird cuz I’ve only known you for three months if that. I trust you more than some of my friends I’ve known for years like Amie… Grrr…I broke a nail while getting my pants on in swimming it hurts!!! Idk what else to talk about… you got to write me back cuz I have nothing to talk about…Love ya
Deidre
Jamie finally wrote me back today and it was a long note:
Jamieology 10/26
Hey Deidre
What’s up? Sorry I haven’t written back in a while, I’ve been pretty busy. You will receive a long note if you haven’t seen already. Well so much is going on right now and I have so little time to do it. It is so confusing and I can’t wait till marching band is finally over. I have my English rough draft due by this coming Tuesday and the final copy due a week from today. Then my graduation papers and my visual are due in two-three weeks. Urgh. And I have to do an art project for another teacher that I have no idea on what I’m doing or can do. I need a logo and something with aesthetics and I’m so confused I need to ask my teacher today. Btw I’m in third and my teacher is sick so I have a sub and I did everything already so I can do anything I want kind of. And besides I felt bad for not writing you in a bit I Failed! Lol anyways I’m trying to get extra credit in math class so I can impress my rents with good grades and I hope to keep them up. 1st A 2nd B 3rd a 4th A 5th C? And 6th A so almost all A’s a B and hopefully a C. my last year of high school so I need to maintain good grades. I really really hope it rains today after school. I don’t want to wear our uniforms I really don’t. I rather be comfortable because then when it does rain tonight then I can get my clothes wet instead of getting the uniforms wet and making them look crappy and smelly for next week. Next week OMFG! Busy !! Monday = friendly’s night and mommy’s b-day Tuesday = my sister’s b-day, practice, and rough draft due. Wednesday I have softball Thursday = practice, bonfire, bowling Friday = final copy due and some time to work on other crap Saturday= bowling, football game/senior reginition bowling again then parents bowling and on Sunday church completion. wowerz I’m so busy and stressed I need ME time!!! It’s like I don’t have a social life anymore. This sucks besides that… you scare me when you cut yourself. Whether it’s a little cut with little blood or a big cut when you need to suck it that’s sick and when your say things like that that scares me. You can really hurt yourself and your hurting me! every time you cut you get one step closer to addiction if your not there yet. Idc what you say you DO NOT NEED TO CUT!!!!!!! Sometime or another you will hurt yourself. You need to stop now. I understand you hating your life and shit but there’s no need for you to do what your doing and you know this. Instead of cutting write me a note or a poem but good ones and never go back to cutting. Honestly if you think your life is bad now just wait you got four years in this damn school and over 70 years in general. Have fun with life and don’t dwell on the things that hurt you cuz your just hurting yourself ! I’m serious you hurt I hurt and I want to know when you cut because I will eventually find out think about it. By the end of Christmas break is over if your still cutting I guarente you, I will tell a higher authority. I’m not trying 2 b mean or want you mad but it’s for your best. Cause I care to much about you to see you like this. So with that said you need to stop it is for the best you need to cut the habit I will know if you do it and I don’t want you mad I’m just looking out for a good friend its cuz I love you ok? So hopefully your not mad because I don’t want to lose a great friend. Ig2g I cant write much more cuz I have to go soon
Love you always no matter what
~*Jammerz*~
don’t get mad get glad!
Remember its cuz I care! *sorry it’s really long*
I read the cutting part three times before writing back I felt really bad but I was happy that she cared enough to write me I don’t feel like many people care anymore…I gave it to her after school:
Deidreology 10/26
Wow that was forever long but I like long notes…I’m not mad just kind of nervous I’m pretty sure I’m already addicted but no telling anyone unless I still am after Christmas cuz you promised you can though I don’t want you to but I give you permission… and I wont get mad if you do… Joel has pink and white socks on with yellow stars there so cute! Me sorry for the billionth time… I cant think of anything else to say but I’ll help you out with all your work if you need it
Love ya
Deidre
So that was my day today next week is spirt week I cant wait and on Wednesday we can dressup for HalloweenJ I cant wait ~Deidre
Today I learn a new thing it’s called erasing you take a pencil and erase your skin it burns it. Lets just say one of the bandos used to and still some times does it. I did it on my wrist and my hand it stings a lot I don’t want to tell Jamie but she’ll probably see itL oh well I still have a few months to stop. Today was Hawian day it was stupid I just wore a lay then tomorrow it’s twin day I think I’ll look like jai then Halloween then Mitch match on Thursday and Friday is spirt day. I cant wait…Jamie was to busy to write today and she has both notebooks but she said she’d write me tomorrow so I cant wait
~Deidre
Today was fun all my classes we did nothing and I mimicked Joel today in Latin one girl said I started blushing. Jamie wrote me back today but I had no time to write her back…
Jamieology 10/30
Hey Deidre,
What’s up? Nmh (nothing much here) jic (just in class) in study hall doing every other subject. I freakin curled or tried to curl my hair and now it’s flat urghness I have to put in my college applications like this week. My note wont be very long because my thumb really hurts. Last night I had softball and went to lone star (steak house) for my mom’s actual b-day. Today is my sisters. When my mom was 21 she couldn’t drink cuz she was in labor over her b-day it’s mad funny. My rents and sis all drank last night and I was the deganated driver but I don’t care cuz it was funny cause they were all drunk. I cant believe jesse wore pants that were his sisters! It was sooo funny. Well Ig2g type my paper. Sorry I’m failing your test I have absolutely no time right now. But hopefully soon enough it will all die down and we can write everyday. So far I’m not dressing up for tomorrow you should come as the werewolf it’d be mad funny. Well g2g for sure ttly lylas (love ya like a sister) a&f (always and forever) love,
*Jammerz*
So tomorrow I’ll write her back I think I’ll tell joel I like him soon I just don’t know how to tell him I’m very shy so Idk well me g2g till tomorrow
~Deidre
Today was the best day of the school year so far I wore my Halloween costum I wore for the parades but with out the brown makeup it was so fun and I put fake blood as tears it looked so scary I loved it…oh and two ppl dressed up like bananas it was halairous I also wrote Jamie back today:
Deidreology 10/31
Hey buddy,
Just in math ~ so boring…I’m so lazy and that’s the only reason I can write you everyday cuz I’m just a lazy bum …oh well do you like my werewolf costume? It’s so cool… you should have dressed up!!!! It would have been awesome you are such a jerk face jk I’m going to room 148 to get my picture taking during 4th…ppl are scared of me HA HA I liked your hair yesterday…on another note your leaving me!!!!!! Watch some thing bad happen to me next year because your gone like me exploding or caving in and starting again …you have to call me like every week, in college or else… it’s a good thing I wasn’t at lone star I would have got drunk too lolz…now I’m in swimming and I said I had my period so I didn’t have to go in cuz I have to much makeup and stuff on…my jaw hurts from my teeth Grrr…you told me to tell you if I cut again well I didn’t cut but I did do something bad…I erased if you don’t know what that is its taking a pencil and erasing your skin until it burns it off. Its not as bad as cutting and you cant die because of it it’s just going to be harder to stop because its so easy to do plus I can do it in school… I wish you could just understand the pull ~ the want of cutting…but you wont ever unless you try and you should never do that either. Idk ~yesterday on the filed I wanted to hurt Kevin C. cuz he was annoying me then I got mad at myself for getting mad then I wanted to cut it just sucks. the last time I erased was Monday… I only want to hurt me never you but I hurt us both when I do it and I’m sorry I don’t mean or want to. I do want to stop trust me I do…or part of me wants to but it’s just so hard I’ll try to stop for you but I’m not sure if I can do it I’m sorry if I cant do it…ummm I kinda like somenone but I cant tell you who I liked them from like 7th grade and amie being the bitch that she is told them that I liked them yesterday I’m so pissed off I want to kill her wwhy do alll my friends tell the person I like that I like them oh well but ig2g so ttly….
LOVERS YOU,
Deidre
~Deidre
Jamieology 11/1
Hey Deidre,
What’s up nothing mucho here just tired as hell! My sister picked me up yesterday then I had dinner at around 9:30 then I was going to call but then I need to take a shower and then I was tried still so I went to bed sorry I didn’t call. Me my sister and my mom sound alike on the phone just so you know and my mom rarely picks up so its probably someone else. Freaking Joe ripped my ID and now it sucks. I’m not wearing it. He’s an ASS HOLE I’m kinda mad about the eraser still habits like that will become addictive and those habits need to stop!!! I’m going to be all blue and gray tomorrow since it is sprite day I cant wait I’m wearing blue under armor gray shirt gray or blue sweatpants blue and white socks blue and gray beads and blue nails and hopefully my mommy has time to take me out to get blue and gray hair paint/spray if not I’ll be sad but I’ll be ok. And there’s something else but I forget. Not to be mean or anything but bisexual or maybe I read it wrong cause its like you like a girl. Who knows how are you and Joel do you not like him anymore? and who do you like anyway? do I know him or anything? Do you know that Tara has a boyfriend now? Its aww! I think me and Jesse are going to see saw 4 if not were chillen one more practice I cant wait god ppl are assinine that means stupid. Well ig2g type papers so ttly
Love ya
*Jammers*
Deidreology 11/1
So…
Yeah I’m tired too…Joe is an ass but not to me so yay me! I think you’ll be proud of me I wanted to erase but I gave all my pencils to Jai so now I cant I’ll be blue and gray tomorrow too I’ll have blue and gray hair with DHS painted on to it I’ll bring the paint to school if I have any left…you weren’t being mean when you asked if I was bi and you were right I am…but I still do like Joel I also still kinda like this girl…what can I say- I like bandos she says she’s straight but she does not act it can you guess who it is… its Julia btw I knew that Tara and her new boyfriend Chris were dating since like the 1st hour they were lol. But he doesn’t like me for some reason ever since like 5th grade and yes ppl are stupid I learned that a long time ago way back when but you aren’t though I don’t even have to tell you anything you just know like me being bi. I just told Joel what happened about Amie telling and I found out that she is spreading rumors about him too I hate her
Love ya,
Deidre
Just to let you know the Chris Tara is dating is not the one in band.
Jamieology 11/5
Hey buddy,
What’s up? I wanted to write left because I have no life haha hopefully you can read this. So I finally wrote back in both books I’m retarted I know. It looks like your handwriting lol jk. Its hard writing lefty so it wont be that long this sucks I have an art project due this Thursday I’m going to get my licsence soon oh boy I cant wait hopefully I’ll pass cause I get mad nervous also I have to read eight long ass chapters for government and answer questions well ig2g my left hand hurts. Oh and I might have to get surgery.
Love ya
*Jaime*
thats all i have so far comment and check back later
