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View Full Version : song(feedback please) "masturbation"

Godfather
05-13-2005, 11:58 PM
Listen Girl,
I loved and lost you
I'm so sorry I doublecrossed you
So I guess I'm two faced
You were right to send me to a new place
It wasn't worth it
I really miss you
but I can be honest and true
I can't take all these short romances,
I miss you taking your underpantses
You suit me to a tee
So take off yours
and more
hee hee
But your what I need
I'll clean your feet
Watch me plead
Wish I could get down on my knees
Like the good ol' times
We'd have some fun
I'd show you whats what
Now this is the truth
I would take everything I ever did to you
This is important, you'd better catch it
I would chop it to bits with a big ****ing hatchet
C'mon sugar, won't you make me yelp?!
Won't you make me yell?!
Masturbation, It's my own creation
I've mastered that sensation
Down to a fine art
While a-bu-bub goes my heart...

work in progress.

a lot of inuendo in there, which is strange for me.
amidsummerswrite
05-14-2005, 01:40 AM
Chorus?
Admitted_Patient
05-14-2005, 01:43 AM
Wow. That's so....accented. That's one of the most vivid poems or WIP poems that I've read in a long time that I actually enjoyed reading. o.O. Does that mean I'm a bad person.
Godfather
05-14-2005, 02:11 AM
no chorus, not all songs have lyrical choruses, or choruses at all. and its not finished yet. thanks though folks.
amidsummerswrite
05-14-2005, 08:31 AM
Wow. That's so....accented. That's one of the most vivid poems or WIP poems that I've read in a long time that I actually enjoyed reading. o.O. Does that mean I'm a bad person.

I get much more of a poem vibe off of this, too.

I realize that not all songs have choruses(lyrical or not). The lyrics themselves are good, it just seems very long and drawn out to not have anything separating these lines.

But hey, it's your song, that's just my opinion.
Godfather
05-14-2005, 01:11 PM
Wish I could get down on my knees
Like the good ol' times
We'd have some fun
I'd show you whats what
Now this is the truth
I would take everything I ever did to you

i think i might wanna fix that bit.

but like i said, its a work in progress, who knows how it will turn out.
write4details
05-20-2005, 10:34 AM
I thought the whole thing about masturbation was the lack of feedback? :)
mdmkay
05-25-2005, 12:27 AM
I thought the whole thing about masturbation was the lack of feedback? :)
:ROFL: Is that what they tell kids now????? I guess it beat "you'll go blind" :ROFL:

....and yes, I'm probably the only one that thought it was hilariously funny...the quote not the song.