POV and Character's History

[Lisamer]

Greetings! Although I have written several non fiction articles published in various magazines, as far as fiction goes, I'm a newbie. Back in August, what began as a fictionalized expression of emotion, written only for personal catharsis, began to turn itself into a novel in progress.

I experimented with various POVs, and found that my best writing was happening when I used mutiple narrators speaking in the first person. Yes, I realize that this was ambitious for a first piece, but that was where the inspiration was coming from.

Here's a brief synopsis:

On September 11 2001, Mariel, a PT living in NYC has arranged to meet her dad, in the WTC. Her dad was a former member of the 10th Mountain Division. He arrives early, and is killed. In the years that follow, Mariel falls into a deep depression. She is only happy when she is skiing in Colorado, where her dad did his training during WWII. Her husband decides to set her up with a PT clinic in CO. He will stay in NYC until they know the clinic will be financially feasible.

Once in CO. she meets, and becomes infatuated with her ski instructor. Much of the story revolves around their attempts to keep their relationship professional, depsite their intense chemistry. Think Lillian Hellman/Dash Hammett.

Here's where I need some help. Mariel receives a package from her brother, containing letters written to her dad by Kate, a WAC in the 10th. It seems that, despite the fact that Kate was already married, she and Mariel's dad had a torrid affair. They continued to write to each other, even after Mariel's dad gets married.

I want to show some real history in this story. So far, I've had Mariel tell about her dad's involvement in the 10th. She also describes how he met her mom, who was a showgirl in the USO.

The problem is that compared to the rest of the piece, which has some lively dialogue, it's a bit dry. I need to do something that will bring the reader into the action. If I do a flashback sequence, I may be adding too many more narrators, which can be confusing to readers. I'm considering a combination fo a diary written by her father, along with excerpts from Kate's letters.

Thoughts?

Thanks!

[Mike Martyn]

You're using first person for the present, why not do a flash back using third person single POV maybe Dad's?

[Lilybiz]

I like the idea of letters more than diary for some reason. Just personal preference, I guess. What if Mariel finds something in her father's possessions--an object that intrigues her, perhaps, but she's not sure of its origins--and she has to do some research or digging to find out about it?

[EminemsRevenge]

Believe it or not...Shakespeare and Stephen King!!! have the answerhttp://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/smile.gif

STUDY the way they handle flashbacks that reveal your characters' history, and work on trying to incorporate the way they handle it and you'll be surprised how you will eventually develop your own stylehttp://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/emoteLecture.gif

i have been in media resing my novel for almost 300 pages before the background info of my characters needed to be presented....see this poor example of one of my minor characters--- http://www.phpbbforfree.com/forums/eminemsrevengea-post-320.html#320 which i thought i would not HAVE to explain...but found a need to after about 400 pageshttp://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/smileyflag.gif

As cliche as it may sound, the characters take on a life of their own after a time, and then is when you have to define them!!!

[cattywampus]

Only one thing binds a reader to a book, and that is emotion. If a reader responds emotionally to your story, you've made a fan. Examine your MS for its emotional content: is it compelling? Is it dramatic? Is it there?

Another hint for your MS: Make sure your verbs are lively, and that you have sensory information on every page. Put your reader in the scene by including not only sights, but smells, sounds, tastes, textures.

Actually, that's two hints.

Catty :Hug2:

[LightShadow]

Be careful with backstory/flashbacks. Too much and you lose the interest of the reader.

[James D. Macdonald]

Have your first-person narrator tell another character about the cool parts of the letters.

[Lisamer]

Thanks for everyone's feedback. I decided to use a few methods. Mariel, her husband, her ski instructor and his girlfriend load the van and ahead out to the resort where Kate works.

During the ride, Mariel tells her father's story. At certain points, the other three characters interrupt with questions and comments. Their attitude about Mariel's father's history reveals a good deal about the characters themselves, and their attitudes towards each other. Once they reach the mountain, Kate and Mariel ride the lift together, and Kate reveals a bit more.

BTW, EninemsRevenge, your story is intriguing!

[Word Slinger]

One other point, in your first sentence you describe the character as a "PT" in "NYC" and go on to add "WTC"........

Do not do this. what is a "PT"? Physical Therapist? Is so say so. It is New York City, not NYC and World Trade Center not WTC, these are habits we have to discipline ourselves away from. When we speak we say a Physical Therapist, of New York City, etc. Yes most people know what the initials stand for but the reader is stopped right there. They now have to figure if "PT" is a Physical Therapist or a Personal Trainer and they do not want to have to read further to find out that they were either right or wrong. It is just like the title, "Mr." is never written that way in a story it is written "Mister". We do not talk as follows: Mrrrrr (phonetic) Smith we say Mister Smith. Watch out for Initials and abreviations for known objects or titles, even though most reader know what WTC is, especially after 9/11, it is not the WTC it is the World Trade Center.

You have to develop a mindset to see everything as it actually is, not an anagram or an abreviation. These are tools of the sloppy press and media to save expensive space in their publication.

[Lisamer]

Good points, Word Slinger. Fortunately, in my actual writing, I never use any of these shortcuts. As a prolific web poster, I've picked up a good deal of "web speak," but now that I'm doing some real writng, it's probably best not to allow myself any bad habits.

[Word Slinger]

Thanks Lisamer, I was afraid I might have come off a little strong. I am so glad you took my comments in the manner in which they were meant. I, too, have to watch myself for just the same problems and sadly I have become more aware in everything I read on these and a few other issues. So you see it is for me, too.

[Lisamer]

No problem! I've been on writer's boards where people use so many abreviations {like WIP} I feel like it's written in another language.

For the record, I am actually a personal trainer, and believe it or not, it's illegal to use the initials "PT." You can say CPT for certified personal trainer, but PT is reserved for physical therapists.

[Word Slinger]

Lisamer, thank you for the tidbit of information. I didn't know that and being a trivia nut as well as just an insane writer...ha ha ha ....I may find that information useful one day.

[EminemsRevenge]

Good points, Word Slinger. Fortunately, in my actual writing, I never use any of these shortcuts. As a prolific web poster, I've picked up a good deal of "web speak," but now that I'm doing some real writng, it's probably best not to allow myself any abd habits.

Thanks for the compliment Lisamer...i only hope agents & publishers are as generous:)

My first draft, which was handwritten, was full of "shortcuts" like the three dots in triangular formation for "therefore"(geometry had SOME use), and thousands of "don'ts" "can'ts" "would'ves" etc., but i think any good writer KNOWS that these don't cut it in the final draft:Hammer:

i have just completed the latter, and now comes the hardest part...the querie letters:box:

[Jamesaritchie]

Thanks for the compliment Lisamer...i only hope agents & publishers are as generous:)

My first draft, which was handwritten, was full of "shortcuts" like the three dots in triangular formation for "therefore"(geometry had SOME use), and thousands of "don'ts" "can'ts" "would'ves" etc., but i think any good writer KNOWS that these don't cut it in the final draft:Hammer:

i have just completed the latter, and now comes the hardest part...the querie letters:box:

Huh? "Don't" and "can't" are great words. I'd rather touch type without my index fingers than get rid of these words in the final draft.

[EminemsRevenge]

Huh? "Don't" and "can't" are great words. I'd rather touch type without my index fingers than get rid of these words in the final draft.

Yeah, but do you realize how many time you use them???

"Yeah" and "and" are also words often overused, along with "that" and oh so many more colloquialisms that sound good when you're speaking, but look bad when you're editing:popcorn:

[Jamesaritchie]

Yeah, but do you realize how many time you use them???

"Yeah" and "and" are also words often overused, along with "that" and oh so many more colloquialisms that sound good when you're speaking, but look bad when you're editing:popcorn:

"That" is certainly a word I cut whenever possible, but as a rule, I don't think colloquialisms look bad at all when editing. Nothing should be overused, but the way I write, at least, is pretty much the same way real people talk and think.

If it sounds right when speaking, it's probably right when writing fiction.

[reph]

A novel without contractions comes off as stilted. You feel you ought to wear clean clothes and sit up straight when reading it.

[Lisamer]

A novel without contractions comes off as stilted. You feel you ought to wear clean clothes and sit up straight when reading it.

I had that issue when I first started writing this story. People were sitting around at an Apres Ski bar, saying things like "I do not, she will not," etc. By avoiding all contractions in dialogue, it just didn't sound like a ski bar conversation.

Speaking of dialogue, you know how word puts a green underline on any ofyour sentence fragments? That's great for non-fiction, but in real life, people talk in fragments all the time.

[EminemsRevenge]

I had that issue when I first started writing this story. People were sitting around at an Apres Ski bar, saying things like "I do not, she will not," etc. By avoiding all contractions in dialogue, it just didn't sound like a ski bar conversation.

Speaking of dialogue, you know how word puts a green underline on any ofyour sentence fragments? That's great for non-fiction, but in real life, people talk in fragments all the time.

Contractions are unavoidable in dialogue...it's the rest of the story where they look like they're unnatural. As for the green line in dialogue...an editor will have to tell me that it's grammatically incorrect and unacceptable for me to get rid of it...i be writing 'bout black folk an' wetbacks and other denizens of the ghetto who don't talk in a BBC news dialect:box:

[katiemac]

I use contractions in narration all the time. They're not just for dialogue. Like others have said, in this day and age not using contractions is stiff and stilted. Of course, to each his own, but I find a lot of readers would tire sooner without contractions than with.

[maestrowork]

It depends on the genres and style, I think. In my mainstream/contemporary novel, it just doesn't sound right without contractions.