Sacred Cat Laws

Gehanna

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Today, I learned that there are sacred cat laws which should never be broken by humans.

As I was about to log into AW, Eliot came into the room and crouched down by the door waiting to attack something. A few moments later, Schaffer came along. Schaffer must have sensed something was amiss because he stopped just shy of pounce range and moved back a few paces. From there, he crouched down into a defensive position and began to assess the situation. I don't know how to explain the means by which I know what he was doing other than to tell you that it was obvious by his movements.

The angle of their positioning prevented them from being able to see each other but, I was able to see them both. At one point, I noticed that Schaffer was looking at me. I suspect that he was reading me and searching for subtle clues as part of his situational assessment.

I wanted to give Schaffer the advantage. Without saying a word, I non subtly pointed at Eliot revealing his exact location. That was a huge mistake! Immediately and simultaneously, Eliot and Schaffer sat up from their crouching positions and stared at me. Neither of them could see the other and yet they were both doing the same thing.

Never before have I been looked at like that by a cat. Having two of them do it at the same time was an awful experience. They were not happy with what I had done. Having been scolded by cats was a first for me. They burned holes through my soul with their eyes. I think I'm going to suffer flashbacks from this experience.

The moment seemed to linger on until finally, and simultaneously, they broke eye contact from me and walked away. Neither of them has come back this way since then. At least Madison isn't mad at me. *sniff* *sniff*

Man oh man did I ever learn the hard way about two of the sacred cat laws. The first law I learned is that you never reveal the ambush cat's strategic location. The second law is that you never interfere with a cat's ability to read subtle information. Apparently, a cat does not appreciate a human's attempt to make the subtle obvious.

If you know of any additional sacred cat laws, please post them here. I do not want to break any more of them.

PS - Anyone know how to gain a cat's forgiveness?

Sincerely,
Gehanna
 

Ol' Fashioned Girl

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Gaining a cat's forgiveness? Whooohooo... that's a tough one. Have you tried setting up an altar yet and offering sacrifices? They were worshipped as gods once, you know, and they have never forgotten this.
 

Gehanna

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I'm afraid that I might be the sacrifice. :eek:

Nervous Laugh,
Gehanna
 

Bubastes

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Immediately and simultaneously, Eliot and Schaffer sat up from their crouching positions and stared at me. Neither of them could see the other and yet they were both doing the same thing. :roll:

Oh dear, I don't know the best way to earn a cat's forgiveness. Catnip and treats, maybe?

Another sacred cat law: never, ever disturb a sleeping cat. Even if she's sleeping where you want to sit. Even if she's on the sweater you want to wear. Make other plans.
 

Soccer Mom

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The sacrifice should be in the tuna family.

Thus ends my knowledge.
 

inkkognito

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I don't know about laws, but all three cats in our house follow two very specific rules:

When all cats are in the same room at the same time, they should form a triangle.

When a cat is embarrassed, wash immediately.
 

JoNightshade

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Never, ever try to rub a "no wash" cleaning solution on a cat. Cat does not care if it was specially formulated for his little cat furs; implying that cat is slightly over the hill and may need a little help with personal heigeine is a major, MAJOR insult. And now all of his cat friends will smell it on him and laugh, so in retaliation cat is going to pretend that you do not exist until such time as you make yourself convenient to his desires.
 

heyjude

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Open a box. Place it on the floor, preferably near the heating vent. Fill it with wrapping paper, packing paper, paper bags, anything that crinkles.

This won me forgiveness for some unnamed transgression last week. Good luck to you! :)
 

donroc

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Never leave the house for longer than normal even if you have a cat-sitter or neighbor to clean litter and replenish food and water. A poop on the bed lets you know exactly how they feel about being abandoned and unworshipped for even a day or three.
 

Gehanna

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I found a way to be forgiven. The situation was tense until I pulled out the secret weapon. The grooming brush bought me all the forgiveness I could want and then some.

:D
Gehanna
 

heyjude

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Oh, man. The brush is one of my many transgressions. I'm glad it's the opposite for you!
 

Jaycinth

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No, no that is one of the FIRST CAT CATMANDMENTS

:Thous shalt always and everywhere carry a grooming brush, for I shall need grooming even when I dost eat!

Even if thou hast long fingernails, thou shalt carry the grooming brush.



please note that the senior household cat gets groomed first or he will poop on your bed.
 

alleycat

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Never, ever, make the great cat gods angry.