Help with showing and not telling..

What this means is that readers want the information you're giving turned into a real-time scene, instead of told to them in big, boring chunks. Some telling is fine, especially if turning it into a scene would be boring, like if a character has to drive somewhere, or would necessitate a flashback that just wouldn't fit. Another method is delivering information through dialogue, but make sure two characters aren't standing around telling each other stuff they already know.

Try the book Self-Editing for Fiction Writers. It's a great writers' resource.

There are a lot of great educational resources at www.absolutewrite.com, too.

Also, as you might imagine, this question gets asked a lot. Reading previous threads and the answers they received might spark a thought.

When you browse any forum you'll see a Search this Forum option on the toolbar, over to the right. Select this, and enter: "show don't tell" or "show vs. tell" (include the double quotes) -- previous/older threads will be listed.

-Derek

mrs.trujillo18 said:

Hi everyone. I am new and may be posting this in the wrong section but I need help on showing and not telling. I posted my work in the YA section and was told that I am telling too much of the story not showing. Is this something I can overcome? I am really not sure what to change. Perhaps add more details though I leave those out on purpose because I always skip the “grass smelled of a summer’s day” paragraphs when I am reading. Could someone suggest a book or an article I could find on this? Thank you for your help! J

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Rather than going from one scene to another and having a character say something about an interesting scene after the fact. (Ex: "That was some trip. Who would have thought a spaceship would land here?") Detail the scene. (from the example, detail the trip.) This can provide a burst of action to keep the story flowing from one scene to the next.

From my own experience, I had a scene where a sleepwalker broke a bunch of plates. In the first draft, her roommate made mention of the pile of debris in the kitchen the next morning. It worked much better to go back and add an action scene that showed how the mess happened before the roommate was sitting on the couch worried about the aftermath. That way when she spoke about the dangers of her sleepwalking roomie, I didn't have to "tell" anyone that she was destructive; they knew because of the sleep fit and it made perfect sense for the other girl to be afraid of her.

Instead of saying things like "He was angry," you would describe the lividity of his skin, the way he growled as he spoke, things like that.

Don't tell the reader what emotions your characters feel; illustrate this by describing their actions and manner of speech.

Imagine that scarlett here is a stripper.

Do you want her to tell you about stripping?
Or would you like her to show you?

Ok, maybe she's a bad example.

But you get my point.




It's the same thing in writing. What do you think is a better read or more enjoyable telling: "Indiana Jones hated snakes" or "Indiana nearly jumped out of the plane when he saw the 10 foot anaconda beside him. 'JAKE!' He screamed, partly to be heard over the roar of the engine, partly out of sheer terror. 'There's a snake on the plane!' Even as Reggie laughed it up, Indy tried as desperately as possible to scrunch to the 'other' side of the tiny cockpit."

dclary said:

Imagine that scarlett here is a stripper.

Do you want her to tell you about stripping?
Or would you like her to show you?

Ok, maybe she's a bad example...

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I really can't make up my mind whether you just insulted or complimented me.

scarletpeaches said:

I really can't make up my mind whether you just insulted or complimented me.

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Ain't I a stinker?

One way to determine a shown vs told scene is to act it out. Try to act out "he was angry." Technically, you can't, because that's a description of something, not an an actual action. But you can act out, "he slammed his fist on the desk." Think of the things you might do if you did try to act out "he was angry" and that'll give you some insights into what you might describe instead.

Another way to look at it is, are you describing an emotion or describing the outward actions of someone feeling that emotion.

Telling:

"Ella was a neat freak."

Showing:

"Ella returned to the table with a Whiskey Sour and slipped a coaster into Jim's chip stack. Though it made him roll his eyes and snicker, she realized long ago that an annoyed husband was far more bearable than ruined wood."

How do you know?

One of the ways you can see if you are telling or showing is to ask "how do you know that's the case or what happened?"

Then you describe it as if you were proving it happened.

In Cybernaught's example of telling: "Ella was a neat freak"
And his (her?) method of showing: "Ella returned to the table with a Whiskey Sour and slipped a coaster. . . "

Answers the question "How do you know Ella's a neat freak?" Because she does this and that.

How do you know the moon rose? I saw the shadows across the field

How do you know he was scared? His hands were shaking.

How do you know the vic was murdered? "Her body lay crumpled on the floor like a dropped rag doll."

I had some problems with that and did some internet searches to see what I could find. Two hits came up that I copied to my "grammar" file to review now and then.

Kimmery (UN: kimmer at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
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When a Scene Just Won't Do
by Martha Alderson, M.A.

(I didn't want to load the whole thing into a reply so do a search for either or both and I'm certain they will help you.)