Similies and their avoidance

StevenJ · Nov 20, 2008

I'm a very descriptive writer, and often find myself unable to resist flowery rubbish such as:

'Light from a nearby gas lamp ran along the gilded blade's edge, as if mimicking the course of blood in his veins etc etc...'

You get the picture, I'm sure

Anyway, I wondered if there's a way for me to still make these (admittedly corny but sometimes effective) comparisons without using 'as if...' or 'like...'?

Thanks for any advice you can give.

Danthia · Nov 20, 2008

Well, similies are defined by like and as, so you're kinda stuck there <grin>. But in your example, you could cut "as if" and the sentence still reads fine. Lean more toward metaphor than similie.

StevenJ · Nov 20, 2008

Danthia said:
Well, similies are defined by like and as, so you're kinda stuck there

Doh!

Oh well, I guess I'm fated only to be read by literary masochists, Victorian widows and failed poets

Thanks, Danthia

CaroGirl · Nov 20, 2008

You could turn them into metaphors instead. Are you concerned with the level of figurative language in your fiction or are you concerned only with the fact you're using similes (there are only the 2 "i"s in similes, btw)?

If it's the former, write with all the figurative language you want in the first draft. I can't help writing that way and I have to physically force metaphors and similes out of my fiction. If it's the latter, it's quite easy to turn most similes into metaphors, thus eliminating the like or as. For example, "Her hair was like a flowing river" becomes "Her hair was a flowing river."

Alpha Echo · Nov 20, 2008

I have the same problem. When I go back through my rough draft, I find so many "as ifs" or "likes" or "as thoughs..." And I end up having to cut out a lot of that and just make them metaphors so I'm not repeating myself too much.

StevenJ · Nov 20, 2008

Thanks for your help, everyone

I write in such an old-fashioned manner that perhaps the very flourishes which make me cringe are inevitable, given my chosen style.

Mr. Chuckletrousers · Nov 20, 2008

Similes are like turds -- it's only natural to produce one or two every once in a while, and God knows the glow of accomplishment right afterward can sometimes be mildly pleasurable. But it's best not to let them hang around too long, otherwise they'll stink up the joint.

What?? Not every simile has to be all roses and sunshine and silky, flowing hair!

Nakhlasmoke · Nov 20, 2008

I like metaphors (and by inclusion, similes).

I say pepper them in, but don't make your reader sneeze.

dclary · Nov 20, 2008

I'm a big fan of Stephen Donaldson, who never met a simile he didn't like. so I will write as he writes, like the baby hyena emulating the cackled howl of its mother.

Hillgate · Nov 20, 2008

Simile, metaphor, etc

Hmm...I like the turd post.

I'd steer really clear of anything over-descriptive unless it's really funny, really poignant, really apposite, etc etc. I go by the 'Blackadder' principle: if Edmund might have said it, and you're not writing a Curtis/Elton style comedy, then hit 'delete'.

StevenJ · Nov 20, 2008

Hillgate said:
I go by the 'Blackadder' principle: if Edmund might have said it, and you're not writing a Curtis/Elton style comedy, then hit 'delete'.

Thanks once again for the advice, everybody

If you're interested, you can see why this problem affects me more than it would a 'normal' writer by perusing my story here:

http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=122136

Nope, that's not a shameless plug, lol; it simply displays why this dilemma worries me so.

Danthia · Nov 20, 2008

Metaphors and similies are like everything else, if done right they shine, if not they smell. The novel I just sold is packed full of them. It's part of the protag's style and it breaks every rule you read about

And what most people who've read it say (even the editors who turned it down) is how much they loved my protag's "folksy sayings."

Bufty · Nov 20, 2008

Folksy sayings are more digestible than a relentless stream of metaphors and similes.

Danthia said:
Metaphors and similies are like everything else, if done right they shine, if not they smell. The novel I just sold is packed full of them. It's part of the protag's style and it breaks every rule you read about And what most people who've read it say (even the editors who turned it down) is how much they loved my protag's "folksy sayings."

The Lonely One · Nov 20, 2008

SteveS said:
I'm a very descriptive writer, and often find myself unable to resist flowery rubbish such as:

'Light from a nearby gas lamp ran along the gilded blade's edge, as if mimicking the course of blood in his veins etc etc...'

You get the picture, I'm sure Anyway, I wondered if there's a way for me to still make these (admittedly corny but sometimes effective) comparisons without using 'as if...' or 'like...'?

Thanks for any advice you can give.

To me this is really a subjective topic; minimalists will scoff your use of metaphor or simile in lieu of straight architecture, but some of us aren't just carpenters (as readers and writers both), and see beauty in the aesthetics of poetic prose. Some fall somewhere in the middle, me included.

I do think, however, that too much of anything can be a turn off, or at the very least exhausting to read.

I think you can be poetic and simply stated more easily by not using simile.

As his heart pumped so did lamplight course the edge of his gilded blade.

Here the comparison of the blade and the MC's veins is there, but it is underlying (not directly stated). Of course I don't know what a gilded blade is so perhaps this sentence could be better, but you get the idea.

I love Hemingway but there's nothing wrong with Wordsworth and Coleridge.

IceCreamEmpress · Nov 20, 2008

I don't think that similes are automatically bad. But too many definitely get annoying.

ishtar'sgate · Nov 20, 2008

SteveS said:
I write in such an old-fashioned manner that perhaps the very flourishes which make me cringe are inevitable, given my chosen style.

You're not alone. I do the same thing. Fortunately editors have called it poetic instead of purple. Maybe they were just being kind.

williamgeorge · Nov 20, 2008

Now, as with any other writing device, similes can be done well. Some writers use them to tremendous effect, some wonderful writers even use them often, and I would not take their similes away from them. This doesn't apply to everyone.
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williamgeorge
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Selcaby · Nov 21, 2008

SteveS said:
I'm a very descriptive writer, and often find myself unable to resist flowery rubbish such as:

'Light from a nearby gas lamp ran along the gilded blade's edge, as if mimicking the course of blood in his veins etc etc...'

Why do you want to compare the light to the blood in his veins? Is there something important about his blood? (mood, theme, the character's emotions - for instance does he have an adrenalin rush?)

If not - if you just want to suggest that the light is liquid-looking, red, etc., you could be more subtle. Actually I'm having a hard time imagining just how much this light on the sword could resemble blood in someone's veins. If your character doesn't have the same kind of blood as ordinary people, and a reader would know that by the time they read this sentence, then my difficulty probably doesn't apply, of course. But if you just want to suggest the light is liquid, then there's a simple way to cut the sentence down:

Light from a nearby gas lamp flowed along the gilded blade's edge.

If you want fewer similes, ask yourself this kind of question about each one. You'll probably find many of them are unnecessary.

StevenJ · Nov 21, 2008

The line I used as an example was a supposedly comic exaggeration - even I wouldn't write a line like that!

Sorry for the confusion, folks.

maestrowork · Nov 21, 2008

Similes and metaphors are good tools to draw more vivid pictures or conjure certain sensory response from the readers, especially when something is more abstract. Usually they're used to connect two seemingly unrelated imageries or concepts together to make a point.

Overuse of them makes your prose stilted and pretentious. A "wrong" metaphor or simile would draw snickers and ridicules. But the occasional, effective ones would give the readers something vivid and hard to forget, preferably creating certain emotional response.

As for the OP's example -- the problem I have with it isn't the simile, but the wordiness... it borders on being purple. Also, I can't really draw the connection between light and blood in his veins (first of all, I can't see blood in veins). I understand the emotional connection you're trying to make here, but the comparison strains to create a vivid image -- it doesn't enhance, but boggles.

angeliz2k · Nov 21, 2008

Similes are like a box of chocolates. They can be really good or really bad. They can be filled with nasty, sticky goo, or filled with delightful ganache.

You just don't know until you bite in.

Go back, and take a nibble as though you've never tried that type of chocolate before. If it leaves a bitter taste in your mouth, toss it.

In other words, give yourself some time, go back, and look very critically at all the similes. If they strike you as being unnecessary or a little melodramatic (personally the blood-on-the-sword thing would be too much for me, but it could fit with your style), then get rid of them.

Giving yourself some distance is almost always the best way to sniff out the stinkers.

StevenJ · Nov 21, 2008

Thanks once again for your help and excellent advice, everyone

StevenJ · Nov 21, 2008

Maybe I'm worrying too much about this...
Here's two examples I've written - not sure whether they truly qualify as similes or not...

'Salazar turned his back on Clarke, and began to walk into Salvatore House. He simply raised his hand as if to dismiss him, a tired gesture reminiscent of a priest's blessing.'

--------

'Her half-naked form was exquisitely captured, yet one couldn't help but feel that even this was grudging, contemptuous; her beauty was marred by a grotesque smile, and the broken fingers that recalled the limbs of some thin, nightmarish spider.'

angeliz2k · Nov 21, 2008

SteveS said:
Maybe I'm worrying too much about this...
Here's two examples I've written - not sure whether they truly qualify as similes or not...

'Salazar turned his back on Clarke, and began to walk into Salvatore House. He simply raised his hand as if to dismiss him, a tired gesture reminiscent of a priest's blessing.'

--------

'Her half-naked form was exquisitely captured, yet one couldn't help but feel that even this was grudging, contemptuous; her beauty was marred by a grotesque smile, and the broken fingers that recalled the limbs of some thin, nightmarish spider.'

The first one seems like an acceptable comparison (gesture=priest's blessing).

As for the second sentence; I'm confused by it, to be honest. To begin with, I think you need one less comma following the semicolon. And I'm not entirely sure what "this" means. It appears to be referring to the capturing of her half-naked form. Maybe I just need context, but in any case the antecedent for "this" isn't clear. The comparison here is good; it seems vivid and creepy, perfectly acceptable.

One thing, though: you say "reminiscent of" and "that recalled". If your worried about redundancies, this will get way more annoying way more quickly that just saying "like" or "as". Kind of like just saying "said" is way less obtrusive than trying to come up with a thousand and one ways to say "said".

These comparisons both look good (they're not really similes or metaphors, actually), but it is kind of hard to tell how redundant your usage is without the rest of the story.

Shadow_Ferret · Nov 21, 2008

I use similes and metaphors all the time. Not sure why anyone would want to avoid them. Is this some new stupid rule like, "don't ever use adverbs?"

Color me perplexed.

Similies and their avoidance

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