How well do you handle the rejections?

Philky · Nov 12, 2008

Forgive me if this has been mentioned before. I've been sending my queries to a few agents. So far, I've received three rejections. I'm well aware that I should expect many more. I'm a pretty thick-skinned guy, so I'm not taking it personally. I know it's all business.

Since this is my first time searching for agents, I'm curious how other more experienced authors have dealt with it. I see some folks on here have had hundreds of rejections. How have you dealt with them over the years? Does it encourage you to write more ("what doesn't kill me makes me stronger"), or do you find it harder to sit down at the keyboard as they pile up over time?

Thanks in advance for any input.

CaroGirl · Nov 12, 2008

I've had my share of rejections and have accumulated a pretty good pile over the past few years. I'm encouraged by the few personal ones, and discouraged by the forms. Although I haven't had rejections affect my writing, they do make me sad and frustrated for a day. But I don't stop writing because of them.

Charlie Horse · Nov 12, 2008

Admittedly they bring you down even though you know the reality of the situation and should be prepared for them. They should not, however, keep you from writing. Like you said, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. The only writer with no shot at success is the one who gives up.

Red-Green · Nov 12, 2008

I've had so many short story rejections at this stage that I don't even blink. Rejections on novel queries are also not particularly painful. Rejections on partial or full novel requests--those still burn like the dickens. I tend to drink and eat chocolate afterward, spend a day pouting, and then get back to writing.

C.bronco · Nov 12, 2008

Only once in awhile does it bother me. I just keep going forward, happily oblivious.

Sean · Nov 12, 2008

Form rejections are best ignored, acceptances celebrated.

Phaeal · Nov 12, 2008

The only practical ways to respond to rejection are:

-- Send the rejected piece or query out again the same day.

-- After a number of rejections (I say ten), review the work or query, revise and polish, seek beta readers, revise and polish some more, then start sending the work or query out again.

-- Keep writing new work, so you'll have something else to send to that agent or editor who rejected the current piece. Hit them often enough, and they'll bite just to get rid of you.

-- If you got a personal rejection, especially one with suggestions, send the rejector a thank you note on nice stationery (or a nice thank you email, if that's the rejector's mode of communication.) This encourages editors and agents to comment, as it acknowledges the extra work that takes. It also earns you writing karma points.

Yeah, you're going to get hurt, no way around that. But knowing you have to take immediate action following a rejection will keep you from brooding too much.

StoryG27 · Nov 12, 2008

Philky said:
Does it encourage you to write more ("what doesn't kill me makes me stronger"), or do you find it harder to sit down at the keyboard as they pile up over time?

Yes. and Yes.

My first rejection was on a full (seriously, first query, agent asked for full) so I really had my hopes up. Then the rejection came, the agent said she'd read it, all of it, enjoyed and was going back and forth on offering representation, but ultimately decided not to. *crush* I wrote and wrote and wrote after that, knowing if it got so close my first time, it had to be a good sign. Turns out, eh, not so much.

Then I got a dozen or so rejections and just felt blah. Stopped writing for a year or so, stopped submitting for well over that year. Now I'm just getting back into the query game. Rejections don't bother me so much now I guess because they're expected. It's actually when I get requests for fulls and partials that I tend to send them off with a roll of my eyes, hoping against hope that the agent at least thinks it's good enough to send me a personal rejection. I still have hope, of course, or I wouldn't be doing it. But the rejections don't inspire or bring me down anymore. Now, well, it's just a rejection, just means one agent down, 50 more to go.

Shadow_Ferret · Nov 12, 2008

I've answered this many times before and the answer is always the same.

When I get a rejection I curl up into a fetal position and suck my thumb for several days. But I'm thinking I'm getting better, I used to be that way for several weeks.

CaroGirl · Nov 12, 2008

Shadow_Ferret said:
I've answered this many times before and the answer is always the same.

When I get a rejection I curl up into a fetal position and suck my thumb for several days. But I'm thinking I'm getting better, I used to be that way for several weeks.

Ferrets have thumbs?

scarletpeaches · Nov 12, 2008

They hurt less and less the more you get.

The very first submission I made - I was around 18, 19 and convinced I was set for fame and fortune. HA! How wrong I was.

But really, I've never been deeply hurt by a writing rejection. Disappointed? Yes. I can say in all honesty I've never for one moment been so hurt by a rejection that I considered giving up writing. It's never been an option for me; never even considered it.

I haven't subbed anything in a while, but I'll be getting back on it in the new year and I'm looking forward to it. Some will say yes, still more will say no, but what's the alternative? Pulling a Shadow_Ferret and sucking my own furry bits?

Funny, 'cause I've been prone to depression in the past but never, ever in connection with my writing.

Anyhoo. Sometimes we all need a little consolation though, and my favourite cheer-ups are chocolate, alcohol, self-abuse, Colin Farrell/Joaquin Phoenix/Jared Leto DVDs, thinking about Shannon Leto, bitching on AW and sticking pins in wax dolls of said brainless agent.

allenparker · Nov 12, 2008

My suggestion for rejections...

In ascending order:

#10. Make a voodoo doll of the agent and insert pins and needles in all the appropriate orifices.

#9. Marvel at the pretty colors the rejection letter ink makes as the flames consume it.

#8 Ponder the remorse that the agent couldn't be holding the letter when the flames reached the end.

#7. Imagine the male agents forced to wear dresses while marching down Main Street singing cabaret songs.

#6. Imagine the female agents all looking like Margaret Thacher naked in a blizzard.

#5. Think nice thoughts about cutting and styling the agent's hair for free (using Einstein's do as the model).

#4. Expound mentally upon sending a box of chocolate covered Ex-Lax cookies to her office.

#3. Offer this blessing. "Eat sh#t, don't die, just get very sick."

#2. Pray that all the agents reading this list understand it is a joke and not meant in any way as a way of me committing literary suicide.

#1. Mail out the ms to the next agent on the list.

Shadow_Ferret · Nov 12, 2008

CaroGirl said:
Ferrets have thumbs?

Well, here's my right paw. The little one on the far right looks like a thumb to me.

scarletpeaches · Nov 12, 2008

Aw, you're so cute!

CaroGirl · Nov 12, 2008

Shadow_Ferret said:
Well, here's my right paw. The little one on the far right looks like a thumb to me.

Sure, as a thumb it might be suckable, but is it opposable?

You are kinda cute.

Alpha Echo · Nov 12, 2008

C.bronco said:
Only once in awhile does it bother me. I just keep going forward, happily oblivious.

Though I am not an "experienced author" this is how I am too. MOst of the time, I'm fine. Once in awhile, it'll get me down but I keep on keepin' on.

Feidb · Nov 12, 2008

For being rejected 602 times since 1994, with nothing to show for it, I've had my share of bad bumps.

The only thing that bugs me is that saying, "every rejection is closer to a yes." Yeah, sure! True or not, it seems like a useless statement.

Out of all of those rejections, which sometimes included requests for full or partials, I only got 5 direct letters of feedback. Most were helpful, but one was just totally crap and if I didn't already have a thick skin, it could have made me quit writing. Luckily, most writers never get those nasty rejections or if they do, they post the agents on the various places of who to avoid.

I've been rejected by the biggest and best, from the first time agent to the seasoned professional.

Does that stop me from writing and trying? Not at all.

Look at it this way. You finally get an agent, and the big book deal. Your book becomes a best seller. Don't worry, there will still be plenty of people that will absolutely hate your work, but by then, you'll be rolling in money and won't care.

emandem · Nov 12, 2008

Rejections to queries somehow don't bother me. A form rejection to a partial (or full), however, SCARES me---the sea of words in that manuscript is just to vast to figure out what actually was wrong with it. Either way, it makes me want to write more.

StoryG27 · Nov 12, 2008

*does anyone else want to high-five the cute little ferret paw? No? Just me? Hmm, okay*

Please continue w/ rejection discussion

NicoleMD · Nov 12, 2008

They sting for about ten seconds, then I move on and forget about them. But I think it probably took me 20 rejections to build up this immunitiy. More than one rejection in a day still is a little tough for me and requires vast amounts of chocolate.

Nicole

shakeysix · Nov 12, 2008

i fantasize revenge. --s6

Philky · Nov 12, 2008

Thanks for the replies, everyone. Glad to see people stay encouraged. That makes me feel a lot better about the process.

I told my wife last week, "I've finally arrived as a writer... I received my first rejection!"

I think she would have preferred the alternative, but oh well. On to the next query letter and the next book.

Karen Duvall · Nov 12, 2008

Philky, the rejection-go-round can be quite a ride. For me, the rejected queries were no big deal, the rejected partials hurt a bit, the rejected fulls stung, but nothing compares to months of actually working with a big editor or agent only to be rejected in the end. Now that's painful. I've had it happen me twice, two different manuscripts, and it set me back both times. I worked with an agent at Bookends for 9 months on a paranormal mystery, and she decided to pass. I quit writing for a while. I wrote another book and worked with an editor at a big publishing house for 15 months, then she left the company and her predecessor showed me the door. Sigh. I was devastated. But I bounced back! Wrote the best book I've ever written and got myself an A-1 agent who's working her bum off to sell my urban fantasy series. Life is sweet again. Did I say rejection-go-round? Maybe that should be rejection rollercoaster because there are lots of ups and downs. Good luck!

WendyNYC · Nov 12, 2008

Oh my God, Karen! Kudos to you for hanging in there!

stormie · Nov 12, 2008

Philky said:
I told my wife last week, "I've finally arrived as a writer... I received my first rejection!"

I think she would have preferred the alternative, but oh well. On to the next query letter and the next book.

Great attitude! (And I had to laugh at Shakey6's response--"I fantasize revenge.")

If you click my link below, there's a poem called "Letter to the Editor." It was very cathartic writing it.

How well do you handle the rejections?

Redneck Jedi

Living the dream

Speaking in metaphors

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I have plans...

Whatever I did, I didn't do it.

Miss Behave

Court Jester

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Naked Futon Guy

Court Jester

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I should be writing.

Been Here A While

Miss Behave

Onomatopotamus

blue eyed floozy

Redneck Jedi

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fiddle-dee-dee

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