Culinary related mishaps

injury story

Sorry, but I have to share an injury story.
Stop here if you don't want to read it.

Back when I was teaching myself how to cook, I wanted to fry a chicken.
Lots of oil in the pan, heat it up, dredge the chicken in seasoned flour and so forth.
But...I let the pan get too hot after the chicken was added.
There was a sudden explosion of hot grease.
I managed to turn my face slightly before it hit me, but I ended up with half my face scalded in hot grease.
Thank God none got in my eyes.
I was in total agony.
I filled a towel with ice cubes and put the ice pack on my face.
It was 24 hours before I could get to a hospital, and I kept the ice pack on all the while.
When the doctor finally saw me, he said that if I had not kept an ice pack on my face, I would have been irreparably scarred for life.
He gave me an ointment that the Trauma Burn Centers use, and in about six months my face was healed.
Today there is no sign that I was ever burned.

So, anytime you are cooking with hot oil, keep a spatter screen on the pan if you're not using a lid.
Be aware that hot grease can explode, and control the temperature of your pan.
If you have an accident, apply ice immediately. Cold water isn't enough.
Patronize your local KFC.

Even though they're both citrus, lime juice is not a substitute for lemon juice when cooking mushrooms.

When making bean soup, it's a lot tastier and easier on the teeth if one soaks the dried beans overnight prior to cooking.

When doubling recipes, make sure you double all the ingredients. One time I helped my mom make a double batch of pecan tassies (like mini pecan pies), when we doubled everything but accidentally quadrupled the amount of butter in the crust. Ohhh, those were good. They left oil stains on paper plates, but they tasted wonderful.

TheIT said:

...When making bean soup, it's a lot tastier and easier on the teeth if one soaks the dried beans overnight prior to cooking.

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Been there, done that.

NEVER use a pressure cooker when cooking catfish.

When pureeing hot vegetables to make a soup, make sure you fill the blender only halfway, vent the top, and cover the opening with a towel. Otherwise, you'll have a working replica of Yellowstone right in your kitchen.

When using whole eggs in batter, be sure to break each of the yolks. My mom once made a cheesecake where somehow one of the egg yolks survived the blender and cooked solid in the cheesecake. Of course, my brother got that piece.

When my husband and I were first married, I used to subscribe to a lot of cooking magazines and on the cover of one, was the most magnificent looking pasta dish I had ever beheld. I decided right then and there that was what we were having for dinner that night. After copying down the list of ingredients and making the trek (no car in those days) to the store to buy them and then back home. I proceeded to make it - which took me all freakin' day!

The recipe was for pasta stuffed with something (can't remember now - I'm still traumatized lol) and served with two sauces - a red and a green. So I actually made the pasta (last time I ever did it too) and whipped up the stuffing (whatever it was), then as per the recipe, rolled it up like a jelly roll, stuck it in a tea towel and boiled it - all the while I'm having a few doubts about this dish, which looked eerily reminiscent of Frankenstein's arm. While it was boiling, I made the two sauces (involving a lot of cream and herbs for one and pureed tomatoes and herbs for the other) and after pulling the now done "arm" out of the water, I was relieved to see that it cut in perfect spiraled slices. With the 2 sauces drizzled artistically around the spirals, I stood back and congratulated myself on achieving such a beautiful dish - and not only that, it looked exactly like the picture in the magazine.

So, sweating profusely from all the moisture in the kitchen, and with a feeling extreme pride and accomplishment, sat it down in front of my sweetie expecting high praise....which was not forth coming. Instead of oohs and ahhs he looked a bit taken aback. After a few tentative picks at it and a cautious taste he grimaced and he said "you don't need to make this one again"... and those were the last words he spoke to me for a very long time, since I immediately burst into tears, picked up my creation and flung it into the garbage, all the while shrieking invective at him like a mad woman (I think all that steam made me temporarily insane).

The good thing about it was, that he has never, EVER criticized anything I have ever made again! It may taste like poop on a stick, but he manfully chokes it down - and smiles while he does it!

We been married 14 years last August!

MeowGirl said:

When pureeing hot vegetables to make a soup, make sure you fill the blender only halfway, vent the top, and cover the opening with a towel. Otherwise, you'll have a working replica of Yellowstone right in your kitchen.

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Been there, done that. Also with regards burns, I've a patch of aloevera in the garden. When my granddaughter pulled her father's coffee on her face we rushed her into the shower to cool it down then put on icepacks and aloevera juice. No scars.

But one question. Why cook chicken in a lot of oil? Sounds very greasy to me.

Mumut said:

...But one question. Why cook chicken in a lot of oil? Sounds very greasy to me.

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Southern Fried Chicken: Yum yum yum.
For those whose diets are low in cholesterol.

Yes, aloe vera is wonderful for your skin.
You can also purchase aloe vera juice to drink, which tastes clean and slightly lemony.
Healthy stuff and good for your insides.

When roasting the turkey for Thanksgiving, look for a small mesh bag in the cavity before you start. Those are the giblets. Either use them to make gravy, or fry them up and feed them to the dog.

What you don't want to do is forget about them entirely, and then at the end of the evening have your foodie pal find them as she is carving up the bird for leftovers. Culinary fail.

Whatever you do, don't have a total blonde moment when holding a Pyrex baking dish fresh from the oven, realize you need to replace the oven mitts because holy $^@@ the pan is burning you through the mitt, and douse the pan in cold water.

Bad, bad BAD move.

Oh, and if you're broiling something in a gas-oven, make sure the top rack is low enough so the meat doesn't actually touch the heating element. Not only do those fire extinguishers really spray(I mean, it shoots back at you and everything) but you'll be cleaning up green powder from surfaces that aren't even in the kitchen.

(and the powder does NOT harm hamsters, though they blink up at you through the powder with a look that says, 'Whatever I did, I'm sorry and I freakin' swear I won't Ever. Do. It. Again.)

And one last tip - if your pork chops are wrapped in Saran wrap, unwrap them before baking them. Otherwise you end up with hermetically sealed, totally inedible pork chops. In my defense, I was only 12 when I pulled this one off...

Two minor burns:

Once I was stirring a pot on the back burner when my mom decided to lift the lid off a cooking pot on the front burner. I got a nice 'sunburn' on my throat.

Another time I set a Martha Stewart frying pan under the broiler to melt the cheese on top of a frittata. When I opened the oven to take it out, I totally forgot about oven mitts.

I held a frozen juice can for a whole day after that one.

Jersey Chick, you are a riot.

Ladles and Gentlepeople, I give you the law of displacement.

If you don't know how much oil the turkey is going to displace when you put it in the pot? Don't deep fry it on the stove top.

The mandoline (not the instrument-mandolin, but the food slicer with the "e" on the end) has a guard for a reason. I know it makes the slicing slower. Use it anyhow. One time I didn't. Fortunately, I somehow managed to stop before it hit the bone.

ThisIsEverything said:

Aww. I think I would have cried too. All that work and no appreciation. How was it really? Was it just him being picky?

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I never even tasted it, I was just so peeved I just chucked the whole thing! It was a steep learning curve for my husband, but now I can really cook anything and he doesn't question he just eats it!

I've destroyed more than my share of pots when I've been distracted by the phone or doorbell, or something else, and left the pot burning on the stove, forgetting to turn down the heat. The worst incident was when I had to rush to the kitchen after the smoke detector had gone off - and found a pot with half its bottom melted off, and some horrible black substance stuck to the burner that wouldn't have been out of place in an iron smelter. And the odor! I can still smell that acrid combination of burning metal mixed with charred pasta sauce! Well, after such mishaps, I finally learned to simply turn the heat off whenever I'm called away from the stove.

I was making baby food--I had a baby, obviously, so that should tell you my state of mind right there--and had the gas stove burner on. I reached up to the cupboard above the stove to get something and my shirttail--which was untucked because I'd just finished having a baby--touched the flame. My shirt gladly accepted the fire and flames started travelling gleefully up my shirt toward my face. Did I stop, drop and roll? No. I tried the new technique of scream, bat and jump around. Didn't work as well. Batting at the flames did put them out, but it also showered my kitchen linoleum with sparks that left permanent scorch marks behind. At least I didn't get any permanent scorch marks on my face.

I set the sleeve of my bathrobe on fire once - I was **ahem**a bit **ahem** hung over (it was many, many moons ago) and I think I was boiling eggs (I don't really remember, but the burner was involved and it was the morning after, so I had a reason for lighting the burner)

anyhoo...

I had one of those cozy terry bathrobes and the sleeve caught and I just looked at it for a moment like "Huh. I'm on fire." And then just slapped it out. It's amazing how calm you are about being on fire with the little men with the jackhammers are breaking up concrete inside your head...

Awhile back I was really into making cakes from scratch (before I realized store bought mixes taste better and are easier to make) So one summer afternoon I was making one. Put all the ingredients in, mixed it up, put it in two pans and put it in the oven. After the timer went off I looked in the oven....my cake was still liquid. So I put it in for longer. By this time my dad had come home and looked at the cake.
Then at our dining room table, where our unopened flour sat.

I had forgotten the flour....oops

So this was while I was in China, which means I was mentally addled. Which is my attempt at excusing this idiotic behavior.

I boil some eggs. I grab one, crack it open, and start eating. Oh, I realize, it is not quite cooked all the way. Oh well, I'll just pop it in the microwave. And of course I am impatient so while it's in the microwave I'll go check my email. I'm checking my email when I hear this

BOOOOM!

And yes, my egg has just exploded all over the inside of the microwave.

Also... please be careful while putting away bottles of spaghetti sauce. If you drop one and it breaks you will be cleaning red spots off your cabinets for weeks.

JoNightshade said:

Also... please be careful while putting away bottles of spaghetti sauce. If When you drop one and it breaks you will be cleaning red spots off your cabinets for weeks.

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I fixed it for you.

Lesson I learned, if the pan is dropping or something is sliding off when it shouldn't be, do not catch a freshly cooked pan with a bare arm or hand, it hurts!

Two, never assume an oven cooks at the right temperature. Our first apartment's oven only had one temperature, 500 degrees, which meant everything burnt on top and was total liquid from the skin down.

Three never assume that just because an ingredient doesn't seem like it's supposed to be in there, doesn't mean it isn't there. *Cough* Soy *Cough*

My only possibly funny story, I was about 12 years old and handling the old fryer for the first time. We were making homemade french fries. I had the plate all ready to go with the lovely napkins to soak up the grease. I was stylin'. There was only one tiny problem. Napkins, especially greasy napkins are extremely flamable and should not be set near an open flame. It was at that time, I learned I really could scream.