Searching for a verb

euclid · Oct 2, 2008

We are told not to use adverbs; find a stronger verb instead, they say. Right. I want to say that my character spoke loudly. I think "expostulated" may be close to what I'm looking for, but they say don't use words like "expostulated"

"How much?" he xxxed.

(with emphasis on the word "how")

He didn't "shout" it (too loud)
He didn't "say" it (not loud enough)
"He asked" doesn't cut it.

Ms Hollands · Oct 2, 2008

'exclaimed' ...or maybe that's too over-used.

'blurted' ...I love this word as it gives a sense of urgency, but maybe that's not appropriate here

...will try to think of some more...

euclid · Oct 2, 2008

blurted

April Hollands said:
'exclaimed' ...or maybe that's too over-used.

'blurted' ...I love this word as it gives a sense of urgency, but maybe that's not appropriate here

...will try to think of some more...

You can't "blurt", can you? I think you can "blurt out". :tongue

euclid · Oct 2, 2008

gasped

April Hollands said:
'exclaimed' ...or maybe that's too over-used.

'blurted' ...I love this word as it gives a sense of urgency, but maybe that's not appropriate here

...will try to think of some more...

The ms reads "gasped" at the moment, but I'm not happy with it. Come on April, THINK harder.

dobiwon · Oct 2, 2008

euclid,

Do you need to let the verb say it all? What about something like:

"How much," he gasped, the emphasis on the word 'how'.
or "How much?" he asked. The inflection on the word 'how' made it clear where the emphasis was.

Ms Hollands · Oct 2, 2008

euclid said:
The ms reads "gasped" at the moment, but I'm not happy with it. Come on April, THINK harder.

Okay, I've thought harder and I came up with "bellowed".

Now, book club sans book...

Maryn · Oct 2, 2008

Do you need a dialogue attribute at all?

"How much?" He didn't care if the entire restaurant turned their heads at the loud customer.

or

"How much?" His voice filled the small shop.

or

"How much?" David couldn't believe the car salesman was serious. His first house had cost less.

Maryn, neatly sidestepping issues

vixey · Oct 2, 2008

I like Maryn's suggestions, the first one in particular.

But, if the emphasis is on How you could write it this way:

"How much?" he asked (or said).

An occasional Italics is fine.

Dale Emery · Oct 2, 2008

"How much?"

Dale

euclid · Oct 2, 2008

Italics

Dale Emery said:
"How much?"

Dale

Italics is a good idea. Thanks everybody. As for bellowed and "he couldn't care who heard", the point is, I was looking for a verb that is not that loud. Bellowed, shouted etc. are too LOUD.

Anyway, I now have:

"How much," he gasped, choking on his food.

Oh, and Maryn, how on Earth did you know that his name was David and he was buying a car? How SPOOKY.

Ms Hollands · Oct 2, 2008

"Well, that's the last time I try to think harder," April blurted (out).

euclid · Oct 2, 2008

Blurter !

April Hollands said:
"Well, that's the last time I try to think harder," April blurted (out).

Maryn · Oct 2, 2008

Why, I've been logging your keystrokes for years, of course! (Along with everyone else's at AW.)

Maryn, poor liar

Judg · Oct 2, 2008

Don't eliminate all adverbs. Challenge them. And let the worthy ones survive the challenge.

euclid · Oct 2, 2008

Save the Adverb

Judg said:
Don't eliminate all adverbs. Challenge them. And let the worthy ones survive the challenge.

Quite right. Save the Adverb! I say. I picked up a book by Bernard Cornwell a couple of weeks ago and counted the number of adverbs (just the ones ending in -ly). In 22 pages, he had 20 adverbs. That's nearly roughly around about approximately one adverb per page, if my maths is up to sniff. Mind you, most of them (maybe 18) I couldn't argue with. So there you go.

(it's sad. I know.) :e2paperba

Judg · Oct 2, 2008

David Isaak once analyzed a passage of Hemingway, pointing out all the adverbs and adjectives. This was in one of his bash-the-rulemakers posts, which I thoroughly enjoy. Tomorrowville is the name of his blog, if you're curious.

smoothseas · Oct 2, 2008

“How much?” Sam sounded incredulous.

qwerty · Oct 2, 2008

"How much," he gasped, choking on his food.

Seeing that as an exclamation rather than a question, I'd unashamedly put an exclamation mark in there.

"How much!" he gasped, choking on his food.

euclid · Oct 3, 2008

!

qwerty said:
"How much," he gasped, choking on his food.

Seeing that as an exclamation rather than a question, I'd unashamedly put an exclamation mark in there.

"How much!" he gasped, choking on his food.

Ive only got 6 of those in my punctuation bin. I think theyre all used up.

Priene · Oct 3, 2008

'Eighty-nine pounds for that? Seriously?'

euclid · Oct 3, 2008

Nice Try

Priene said:
'Eighty-nine pounds for that? Seriously?'

The line: "How much?" is the first line in a scene. It needs to be a strong, explosive sort of line.

Nice try, though. Thanks. Actually, your version would read:

"One thousand Reichsmarks?"

ladyvincenza · Oct 3, 2008

No one says "he ejaculated" anymore (it's a way of saying "exclaimed.") Let's bring it back.
Seriously, Stephen King wrote that we should rarely say things instead of "said." Meaning, no "she gasped," "he murmured," etc. That didn't seem right to me, but to do that with every bit of dialogue, yes, would be overkill. Can you imagine?!

ReneC · Oct 3, 2008

There's a certain author at the top of the highest paid authors list who filled her books with said-isms. Just goes to show the rules don't need to be followed if your story is good enough.

I'm all for omitting them, but with a caveat. If "said" is sufficient, use it as your dialogue tag. However, there are still excellent uses for "gasped", "bellowed", "whispered", and so on. Any time you're trying to describe how the dialogue is being spoken, a said-ism works well. Used too often and your prose begins to sound melodramatic, with every character blurting and gasping and guffawing their lines. Where the way dialogue is spoken is important, by all means, use an appropriate said-ism.

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