The opening scene of Ghosts can be found here. (I've changed it a bit since then but this is the basic scene.) Interested?
This novel used to be a "literary thriller" and it used to have an agent. I realized it didn't belong in thrillers, broke up with my agent, and found another "interested" agent - who thought my plot was too complex and convoluted. She said, "You don't want to write a thriller - you want to write an intense family drama." I yanked a bunch of stuff, took out the "thriller" part, and now I'm going through doing all the thousands little things that need to be done before I can resubmit to her.
I thought I was going to go through the entire thing with a fine-tooth comb before asking for betas, but I've realized I need someone to look at this who hasn't seen it five thousand times before. I am fine with basic writing mechanics, and I will eventually weed out all those excess "thats" and adverbs, but I need someone to tell me:
1) Does this suck?
2) Where do you get lost or uninterested? Where do you get confused? What doesn't work? What do you think about X, Y, and Z?!
The plot: Chapters alternate between Timothy and Ellie.
Timothy is a brilliant young resident at a Chicago hospital - until he makes a mistake that takes the life of a little girl. He freaks out and runs home to San Francisco, thinking everything will work out somehow if he can just confess his mistake to his adoptive father, Roger. But Roger is not an easy person to talk to, and things don't go how Tim expects.
Ellie is a shy, reclusive librarian. At thirty, she's started using a dating agency to go on blind dates, none of which work out well. When she mistakes sixty-year-old Roger for her next date, she snaps - chewing him out for using an obviously doctored photo. The most embarrassing day of her life results in a friendship that could be headed for something more.
If you're interested, I'll send you the first six chapters, which is 25K. (The whole thing is about 100K.) By the time you read and comment on that, you can quit there or, if you want, take a look at the next chunk. Also, if at any point in the first 25K you really don't want to keep going, PLEASE DON'T. Just mark where you stopped and tell me why.
I am also happy to beta in return but I will say that I'm not prepared to do an entire 100K novel right now. I'll read pretty much anything, but I am veeeery picky about my fantasy so you might not want me chomping on your Tolkienesque epic.
This novel used to be a "literary thriller" and it used to have an agent. I realized it didn't belong in thrillers, broke up with my agent, and found another "interested" agent - who thought my plot was too complex and convoluted. She said, "You don't want to write a thriller - you want to write an intense family drama." I yanked a bunch of stuff, took out the "thriller" part, and now I'm going through doing all the thousands little things that need to be done before I can resubmit to her.
I thought I was going to go through the entire thing with a fine-tooth comb before asking for betas, but I've realized I need someone to look at this who hasn't seen it five thousand times before. I am fine with basic writing mechanics, and I will eventually weed out all those excess "thats" and adverbs, but I need someone to tell me:
1) Does this suck?
2) Where do you get lost or uninterested? Where do you get confused? What doesn't work? What do you think about X, Y, and Z?!
The plot: Chapters alternate between Timothy and Ellie.
Timothy is a brilliant young resident at a Chicago hospital - until he makes a mistake that takes the life of a little girl. He freaks out and runs home to San Francisco, thinking everything will work out somehow if he can just confess his mistake to his adoptive father, Roger. But Roger is not an easy person to talk to, and things don't go how Tim expects.
Ellie is a shy, reclusive librarian. At thirty, she's started using a dating agency to go on blind dates, none of which work out well. When she mistakes sixty-year-old Roger for her next date, she snaps - chewing him out for using an obviously doctored photo. The most embarrassing day of her life results in a friendship that could be headed for something more.
If you're interested, I'll send you the first six chapters, which is 25K. (The whole thing is about 100K.) By the time you read and comment on that, you can quit there or, if you want, take a look at the next chunk. Also, if at any point in the first 25K you really don't want to keep going, PLEASE DON'T. Just mark where you stopped and tell me why.
I am also happy to beta in return but I will say that I'm not prepared to do an entire 100K novel right now. I'll read pretty much anything, but I am veeeery picky about my fantasy so you might not want me chomping on your Tolkienesque epic.