How can a book that starts like this become a best-seller?

Edmontonian · Sep 9, 2008

Hello everyone,

I already know the answer to my question (the author has penned a lot of non-fiction books), but just wanted to bring this issue to everyone's attention. I'm talking about "Suspect" the first book of Michael Robotham fiction. While we are taught by almost everyone to start the story with a catchy line, to grasp the reader's attention and all the good advice, read for yourself to see how this story starts...

ED

From the pitched slate roof of the Royal Marsden Hospital, if you look between the chimney pots and TV aerials, you see more chimney pots and TV aerials. It's like that scene from Mary Poppins where all the chimney sweeps dance across the rooftops twirling their brooms.

From up here I can just see the dome of the Royal Albert Hall. On a clear day I could probably see all the way to Hampstead Heath, although I doubt if the air in London ever gets that clear.

http://www.bookbrowse.com/excerpts/index.cfm?book_number=1543

CaroGirl · Sep 9, 2008

That sounded okay to me. How do you want it to start?

Karen Duvall · Sep 9, 2008

I like it, Ed. It puts an immediate image in my head and sets the scene. I know where I am, where the character is. I feel compelled to read on.

I don't think every book has to start with a grab-you-by-throat beginning. I don't know what kind of book this is, but I like this author's voice and would read more based on that alone.

Bubastes · Sep 9, 2008

Why is the narrator on a hospital roof, and why does he/she seem to go there often? I want to keep reading and find out.

Bufty · Sep 9, 2008

What's wrong with it, E - don't you get any image from it?

All an opening has to do is catch the reader's interest. This does. Great setting. Who's up on the roof of the hospital - and why?

You should be learning from openings like this. I am.

Mr. Anonymous · Sep 9, 2008

I thought it was funny.

vixey · Sep 9, 2008

Yeah, Ed. I liked it, too. Sort of reminded me of a scene from V for Vendetta.

Edmontonian · Sep 9, 2008

Who took the thrill out of the thriller?

Thanks for the replies.

If I only have twenty seconds to scan this book in a bookstore, I would put it down. There is no thrill in the first page, nothing is happening, and frankly, I don't give a hoot about what you can see from the roof or in the roof, hospital or not.

Unless, the hero is going to witness a murder from up there, or spot a dead body, or something even slightly thrilling, this scene has no point. At least not right in the opening lines of the first chapter of a thriller.

But then, I have already shelved the book, so I wouldn't know.

ED

Bubastes · Sep 9, 2008

This is why there are so many different books. There's something for everyone.

I agree with Bufty, though. There's something to learn from every book, even from the books you don't like.

Bufty · Sep 9, 2008

There's a touch of sour grapes here, I think, Ed.

But anyway - each to his own, and there's plenty more on the shelf - maybe someone will pick yours up and think it's dull, too.

Edmontonian said:
Thanks for the replies.

If I only have twenty seconds to scan this book in a bookstore, I would put it down. There is no thrill in the first page, nothing is happening, and frankly, I don't give a hoot about what you can see from the roof or in the roof, hospital or not.

Unless, the hero is going to witness a murder from up there, or spot a dead body, or something even slightly thrilling, this scene has no point. At least not right in the opening lines of the first chapter of a thriller.

But then, I have already shelved the book, so I wouldn't know.

ED

vixey · Sep 9, 2008

I just looked at the link to see title and author. I have to admit, I probably wouldn't have picked it up because of the cover.

nevada · Sep 9, 2008

wow, you could read maybe two paragraphs. by giving up on robotham that quickly you're giving up on a fantastic author.

Or are you annoyed that robotham gets published with something that *you* consider inferior to your own writing and you are not published with something that *you* consider superior? It's fine to say, "hey this doesn't catch my interest." But it's arrogance and envy to say "hey how does this get published. It obviously sucks. He doesn't follow *the rules*" which is what your first post implies and your second post re-iterates.

Especially since all responses after your first post suggests that we actually like that beginning. We want to know why the character is in the hospital. Why is he looking out a window and thinking about what he sees? It implies that he's been there for a while. Thats where the thrill is. It's in trying to figure out about this character. Thrillers that start with a murder on the first page don't always grab my attention. At that point, I don't know anyone, nor do I care that they get murdered.

The *rules* are only guidelines. You can do anything you want, as long as it works. And based on people's response, I'd say this works. And I've read robotham and it works very well. He writes fantastically and I was up till 5 am reading.

Karen Duvall · Sep 9, 2008

So a good question to ask is why this opening works for some and not for others.

For me, I know it's a thriller before I start reading and the author is setting me up in what Vogler calls the ordinary world. I'm being tenderized for the thrills to come. If it had opened with some guy getting killed, or the discovery of a dead body, I may or may not be hooked depending on how the author handled it. What I do know is that I have to care about the character(s) before I'll care about what happens to them.

In this example, the contrast between a movie for children and the realities of a London rooftop are intriguing.

TheAntar · Sep 9, 2008

Let me chime in with a question if ya'll don't mind.

I have a story in the works that I really want to start with a cinematic opening, yet every crit pretty much tells me the same thing Ed is worrying about -- it isn't grabby enough.

So tell me this: what elements of that opening are interesting enough to draw you in? I want to set a scene, quiet and serene and then whallop you over the head with something all in the first page, but the first paragraph I want quiet, serene, its raining blah blah.

So how does an author get away with such things, as ed asks? I want to get away with it too. Help me

Bufty · Sep 9, 2008

Get rid of the 'blah' 'blah'.

Prozyan · Sep 9, 2008

TheAntar said:
So how does an author get away with such things, as ed asks?

Why do some people like chocolate ice cream and others like vanilla ice cream?

If you can answer that question, you can answer the one you asked as well: different tastes.

Many people have said they enjoyed the opening posted, while only a couple have said they did not. Stands to reason for the majority there is nothing wrong with the opening.

So I suppose the real question becomes: What exactly is the author getting away with?

Now, aside from that question, it is really a rather pointless exercise asking "Why does 'x' author get away with 'y' thing when I can't?". Usually, it is much deeper and more complicated than just "x" author doing "y" thing the same as you and everyone ignoring it for "x" author while drilling you for it.

Karen Duvall · Sep 9, 2008

Antar, in this case I believe it would be voice that entices. Some authors simply have a captivating voice and style that sets them apart and takes a reader's breath away. You don't want to just set a scene, you want to grab readers and make them care. So it's not so much what you say as it is how you say it.

In fact, I know many writers who rewrite their openings after they've finished writing their book. *raises hand* My original opening was pretty bland, but I couldn't fix it until I was done with the story. I like my opening now. It's not action, it's not atmosphere, it's character. But my book is written in 1st person and it's urban fantasy.

C A Winters · Sep 9, 2008

Karen Duvall said:
So a good question to ask is why this opening works for some and not for others.

Excellent writing.

Sets the scene--imagery is awesome--just enough to give me a picture without pages of description.

I don't like the cover--but based on opener, going to buy and read it.

Christine N. · Sep 9, 2008

TheAntar said:
Let me chime in with a question if ya'll don't mind.

I have a story in the works that I really want to start with a cinematic opening, yet every crit pretty much tells me the same thing Ed is worrying about -- it isn't grabby enough.

But this IS grabby. It sets you in place immediately, and the place isn't all that usual - the roof of a hospital. The dome of Royal Albert Hall (which I've seen, so now I have an image). It compares the image to something many people know - Mary Poppins. The brain looks for patterns and meaning, and now we've got something familiar to grab on to. There's a small reference to the foggy weather, but it's definitely not 'a dark and stormy night'.

Now I have questions - why is he on the roof of a London hospital? Who is this guy? It's a great lead-in to a story.

I'm betting the next paragraph or two will answer some of my questions. It doesn't have to grab you by the shirt collar and shake you, but it DOES have to make you want to read on.

josephwise · Sep 9, 2008

TheAntar said:
Let me chime in with a question if ya'll don't mind.

I have a story in the works that I really want to start with a cinematic opening, yet every crit pretty much tells me the same thing Ed is worrying about -- it isn't grabby enough.

So tell me this: what elements of that opening are interesting enough to draw you in? I want to set a scene, quiet and serene and then whallop you over the head with something all in the first page, but the first paragraph I want quiet, serene, its raining blah blah.

So how does an author get away with such things, as ed asks? I want to get away with it too. Help me

It's a simple matter of introducing great conflict, quietly. The passage in the originating post does that. As others have mentioned, we immediately question the narrator's reason for being on the rooftop. We know it's a thriller, and we know that exciting stuff usually happens in hospitals. So the fact that the narrator chooses to introduce him/herself "away from the action" says a lot, and for a lot of readers this technique is very captivating. Without that element of conlfict, the imagery wouldn't have been impressive at all.

Hint at the abnormal whenever you describe the normal. Maybe it's a quiet and serene morning, with soft rain outside and a playful blanket of fog over the gutters. But shouldn't we have heard the family in 514 getting ready for school this morning? They're usually so loud. And what's that down there on the sidewalk?

BenPanced · Sep 9, 2008

It immediately dropped me into the scene with a sense of anticipation.

nevada · Sep 9, 2008

Just as a side note, the UK covers are much better than the north american ones. So don't go by the covers. I've noticed lately that north american covers kind of sucked. I read The Drowning Man by Robotham and it's fantastic. Very much a character driven writer.

maestrowork · Sep 9, 2008

It's a good opening, I agree. We have a protagonist (first person), a vivid setting (hospital roof), and an intrigue: Why is the protagonist there?

Shadow_Ferret · Sep 9, 2008

I certainly would have read further than those two 'graphs. It was good writing and great visualization.

BenPanced · Sep 9, 2008

Then again: is the narrator actually on the roof or in a room in the building across the way?

How can a book that starts like this become a best-seller?

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