Ditching Adverbs

Write4U2 · Aug 9, 2008

I'm trying to use the best verbs to show action. I'm having a problem with describing how a young woman is walking to get away from a scene.

I want to say, "walked briskly."

Trotted - not quite fleet-footed enough

Stomped - too heavy footed

Clomped - uh uh

Stamped

Tramped

Trudged

Nothing's working. Any suggestions?

ejket · Aug 9, 2008

Strode?

Priene · Aug 9, 2008

Walked briskly is fine. The rule on adverts is actually an observation: overuse makes for poor writing. In moderation, though, there's nothing wrong with them.

qwerty · Aug 9, 2008

I would stick with walked briskly. Adverbs exist because we sometimes need to use them to convey how an action is carried out, and I don't see briskly as superfluous in this case.

RLB · Aug 9, 2008

Another vote for "walked briskly" (or "strode," which to me implies purpose or confidence, so it depends on your scene). Just the fact that you are conscious about when you choose to use adverbs suggests you are probably not overusing them.

chevbrock · Aug 10, 2008

Why not just plain "hurried"?

gypsyscarlett · Aug 10, 2008

Priene said:
Walked briskly is fine. The rule on adverts is actually an observation: overuse makes for poor writing. In moderation, though, there's nothing wrong with them.

Agreed. The anti-adverb thingie came along in reaction to the prior overuse of them. Books filled with, "He screamed loudly." "She whispered softly". "She said nervously." "He ran quickly."

But now it seems we've swung in the opposite direction where people are afraid to ever use them. Don't be. Adverbs are a part of speech. Just use them sparingly.

nerds · Aug 10, 2008

Also depends on the style of your writing, and whether or not the story is humor, horror, literary, etc.

"walked briskly" is okay, albeit pedestrian, pardon the pun, but if it's sticking out and bugging you then it may bug a reader as well.

The sentence construction can skate around any adverb which feels pesky. "Her feet couldn't carry her fast enough." "Before she knew it she was at point B." She scampered/skittered/scrambled/marched/stepped/stomped/raced/propelled herself/pushed toward/pounded out of there/away/toward/as if her life depended upon every step.

Again dependent on what style/genre the piece is, you could have some interior thought on her part and then she's where she needs to be. Ian McEwan and Charles Frazier are masters at this approach - if you're writing literary they're the guys to study for seamless movement of characters and use of adverbs which is so minimal as to make them invisible.

maestrowork · Aug 10, 2008

Trot:

2. to go at a quick, steady pace; move briskly; bustle; hurry.

C.M.C. · Aug 10, 2008

You should never be afraid of adverbs. The people who try to tell writers otherwise are trying to legislate their own taste, not a tried and true rule of writing.

nerds · Aug 10, 2008

C.M.C. said:
You should never be afraid of adverbs. The people who try to tell writers otherwise are trying to legislate their own taste, not a tried and true rule of writing.

If that is directed at me, and I'm unsure that it is, the o.p. asked a question, efforts were made to respond to it. She should use 1000s of adverbs if she wishes. Millions. Doesn't matter to me.

Write4U2 · Aug 10, 2008

Geez, thanks, guys! I don't think I overuse adverbs, and I think that stuck out because I'm so aware of using them. I've been reading a lot on writing lately, and examining my manuscript for flaws. Trust me; I'm finding them. ;(

Here's the passage:

Chris was frightened; her bulky parcels bounced up and down as she walked briskly [bustled] [trotted][hurried]past Symington, who watched this bizarre phenomenon with astonishment.

“Go away, you batty old woman!” yelled Chris over her shoulder, “You’re scaring me!”

The wiry vagrant kept up with Chris, hissing and growling in her throat, “Snake,” she rasped repeatedly as she skittered behind Chris.

Does 'trotted' convey the meaning best?

maestrowork · Aug 10, 2008

I'd use trotted or hurried. "Walked briskly" doesn't really work, IMHO, with "frightened."

leon66a · Aug 10, 2008

quick-stepped?

jkcates · Aug 10, 2008

gypsyscarlett said:
Agreed. The anti-adverb thingie came along in reaction to the prior overuse of them. Books filled with, "He screamed loudly." "She whispered softly". "She said nervously." "He ran quickly."

But now it seems we've swung in the opposite direction where people are afraid to ever use them. Don't be. Adverbs are a part of speech. Just use them sparingly.

Second. Adverbs are not the enemy. Sometimes they do great work for a sentence. Thats why writing is so difficult, because all the "hard and fast rules" generally turn out to be guidelines, and it's ultimately up to the author to make the call. Walked briskly seems perfectly ok to me.

Just a few cents worth, spend it any way you see fit

Beach Bunny · Aug 10, 2008

To me, hurried intensifies the feeling of fear in the sentence more so than the other choices. *shrug*

laidback · Aug 10, 2008

I overuse the word "Walked" so I compiled a list of words to use instead. Here's the complete list. Maybe you'll like one of these.

Amble
Ambulate
Approach
Bolt
Bounce
Bound
Bring*
Climb
Continue
Crawl
Creep
Dart
Dash
Depart
Escort
Ferry
Follow*
Fly
Gallop
Go
Head off
Hike
Hoof
Hop
Hurry
Hustle
Jog
Jump
Leap
Leave
Lope
Make one’s way
Make tracks
Make haste
March
Meander
Mosey
Move
Pad
Parade
Plod
Proceed
Race
Ride
Rocket
Run
Rush
Sashay
Saunter
Scamper
Scoot
Scramble
Scurry
Scuttle
Set off
Skip
Slink
Slither
Sneak
Speed
Spring
Sprint
Stagger
Stalk
Step
Streak
Stroll
Strut
Swim
Take*
Tip-toe
Trot
Trudge
Walk
Wander
Work One’s way

Write4U2 · Aug 10, 2008

laidback said:
I overuse the word "Walked" so I compiled a list of words to use instead. Here's the complete list. Maybe you'll like one of these.

Amble
Ambulate
Approach
Bolt
Bounce
Bound
Bring*
Climb
Continue
Crawl
Creep
Dart
Dash
Depart
Escort
Ferry
Follow*
Fly
Gallop
Go
Head off
Hike
Hoof
Hop
Hurry
Hustle
Jog
Jump
Leap
Leave
Lope
Make one’s way
Make tracks
Make haste
March
Meander
Mosey
Move
Pad
Parade
Plod
Proceed
Race
Ride
Rocket
Run
Rush
Sashay
Saunter
Scamper
Scoot
Scramble
Scurry
Scuttle
Set off
Skip
Slink
Slither
Sneak
Speed
Spring
Sprint
Stagger
Stalk
Step
Streak
Stroll
Strut
Swim
Take*
Tip-toe
Trot
Trudge
Walk
Wander
Work One’s way

WOW!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH!

C.M.C. · Aug 10, 2008

nerds said:
If that is directed at me, and I'm unsure that it is, the o.p. asked a question, efforts were made to respond to it. She should use 1000s of adverbs if she wishes. Millions. Doesn't matter to me.

No, it was by no means directed at you, or anyone in particular. I was only addressing what seems to be a growing trend in the writing community. My apologies if I was unclear.

JanDarby · Aug 10, 2008

In context, I'd suggest "passed" and skip the whole walking thing, b/c it's implicit in the bouncing:

Chris's bulky parcels bounced up and down as she passed Symington, who watched this bizarre phenomenon with astonishment.

Watch out for redundancy: BOTH showing (bouncing up/down) and telling (walked briskly).

JD

StephanieFox · Aug 10, 2008

If I could walk that way, I wouldn't need the talcum powder.

tomber · Aug 10, 2008

Write4U2 said:
I've been reading a lot on writing lately, and examining my manuscript for flaws.

C.M.C. said:
I was only addressing what seems to be a growing trend in the writing community.

Yes. First in the books and magazines that have the words "How to Write" somewhere on the cover (and possibly MFA programs; I don't know), THEN in the writing community.

nerds said:
Ian McEwan and Charles Frazier are masters at this approach - if you're writing literary they're the guys to study for seamless movement of characters and use of adverbs which is so minimal as to make them invisible.

Yes. I always say "go to your favorite books before going to 'how to' books." McEwan, Frazier, as well as, say, Maile Maloy and others take this approach the adverbs. But lately, I've been reading and loving a ton of Nabokov and Cheever short stories; there, I find that Nabokov can inject the right adverb with as much wit and deliciousness as the rest of his prose, and that Cheever uses them in a more prosiac, but precise, way. And one can find several adverbs on each page of their stories.

I don't know who your favorites are, but I suggest learning from whomever they are before looking to anyone else.

AncientEagle · Aug 10, 2008

To me, "rushed" or "hurried" best convey the sense you've indicated you're after. "Trot" has a humorous or non-serious feel to it. At least, for me.

Clair Dickson · Aug 10, 2008

I'm putting in a vote for 'passed.' It seems to be sufficient.

My two cents on using adverbs-- they're like salt. A little is good. A lot is noticable and, depending on taste, can make one gag. Best be sparing and see if other seasonings work better for the job. That way you're unlikely to gag anyone (who's taste may be different than yours) and you get the best flavor. IMNHO

BfloGal · Aug 10, 2008

If she's fearfully trying to get away, how about 'fled'?

Ditching Adverbs

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Fear the Death Ray

Archetype

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The Provocative One

Archetype

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Lost in a plot hole