Is this the correct wording?

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scully931

So you're suggesting what? Bigfoot?
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Jessie had been standing on the hill for hours before the Council members arrived.

Something about it strikes me as odd. Or am I odd? :tongue I know if there's a problem you guys will find it! Thanks!
 

jennifer75

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Well, had she, or did it just feel like forever? I'm a rookie with this writing stuff...I don't see anything wrong with it.

Maybe ...

Jessie had been standing on the hill for hours before the Council members finally arrived.
 

FennelGiraffe

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It's a simultaneous action problem. "Had been standing" implies that something else was happening at the same time as she was standing there.
Jessie stood on the hill for hours before the Council members arrived.
or
Jessie had been standing on the hill for hours when the Council members finally arrived.

ETA: In my second suggestion "finally" may not be mandatory.
 
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scully931

So you're suggesting what? Bigfoot?
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Yes, she actually had been standing there for hours. She didn't mind either, so it wasn't that it felt so long. Thanks! I think maybe I look for trouble. :D
 

scully931

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Thanks. I think what was bothering me is this... it'd be fine if the first thing in the scene was the introduction of Jessie standing there. But, the Council is introduced then I use that sentence.
 

jennifer75

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Yes, she actually had been standing there for hours. She didn't mind either, so it wasn't that it felt so long. Thanks! I think maybe I look for trouble. :D

Sometimes looking for trouble is the best way to get it right!
 

dpaterso

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I wondered if Jessie had a watch?

Fun variant:

Jessie had been waiting on the hilltop for what seemed like ages before the Council finally arrived.

-Derek
 

RJK

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Methinks you weren't paying a lot of attention on the day teacher covered 'had been' in grammar school. I was day dreaming that day too. The sentence is correct but doesn't quite sound right to your ear. Try "Jessie waited on the hill..."
 

James81

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Try:

Jesse stood on the hill for hours before the Council members arrived.
 
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