deathly_hallows7
07-23-2008, 10:35 AM
I am 15 years old and attempting to write my first story--this is only the beginning and it's all I have so far. It's completely raw and I haven't done much editing, so it's a bit choppy. Is this an okay start for my book? The title is Dream it, Believe it, BE IT. (I'm going to move this to the Share Your Work section--it's 1,839 words)
The sound of leaves crunched under someone’s feet, growing steadily louder every second. They seemed to be heading in my direction. I opened my eyes vigilantly, and saw Harper and Brooke walking towards me. I clicked my I-pod off, and threw it into the pile of RBV sweats. Scrambling to my feet, I approached them, their eyes meeting with mine.
“Are you guys ready?” I yawned.
“—Yeah, Coach Lux said that we should get the girls together to start our warm up,” Harper said, sounding confident, although I could see the fear in her eyes.
“It’s gonna be all right,” I said calmly, though it was contradicting to how I actually felt.
“The race starts in a little less than twenty minutes,” Brooke added, sensing my anxiety.
Silently we headed over to our tent, shoulders slouched. We were a little ways away from where our girl’s team sat quietly putting on their training shoes. Heather, Ellie, Alexis, and Shanna muttered a few words to each other, tied up their laces, and got their last few sips of water before we had to start on our warm up. It had only just struck me that we were going to be running our first invitational of the year, signifying the start of the high school cross-country season. At the thought, I turned my sluggish walk into a more enthusiastic jog. I wanted to catch up with them before they started on the warm up. I had already slipped on my trainers and was ready. As I approached the tent, they were already jogging around the course at an unusually brisk pace. Struggling to keep up, I called for them to come back.
“Hey guys, wait up a second!” I exclaimed, nearly out of breath.
I could feel my bladder about to burst, so I told the girls, and Alexis decided to come with me. Despite going to the bathroom five or six times previously, I always seemed to have to go right before a race. I felt bad always having to keep everyone waiting, but I couldn’t help it—my nerves were overwhelming.
Hobbling our way over to the ghastly looking porta-potties, we stopped in our tracks as a foul scent of excrement stung our noses. Two short rows of blue Hampel portable toilets were lined up along the fence of the baseball field, and to the left was a small dirt hill that went down to the starting line.
“Are you nervous?” I asked Alexis, already sensing her answer.
“A little, I suppose. It is our first invitational, so it is nerve-racking, but it’s only a mile and a half, so it shouldn’t be too bad,” she replied, making me feel more at ease.
Everyone seemed to be in high spirits for our first race, despite the abnormal weather. The sky was dull and overcast, yet the temperature was a blistering hundred and five degrees. Wiping my sweaty forehead with the back of my hand, I gagged at the stench, which seemed to have increased considerably since we approached the bathrooms. Fortunately, the line wasn’t too long and Alexis stepped into the first one that opened. I waited in line for a few minutes, and then the one on the opposite end of hers opened. I stepped in, grasping my nose tightly with one hand, closing the door with my other, and locked it. I inhaled the stale air through my mouth, which helped slightly. The rusty lock made a loud clank, and I squatted and peed. All I could hear was the slamming of a few doors of the stalls near mine, and the pitter-patter of my urine against the bottom of the toilet. Pulling up my maroon spandex, I shoved my hand under the gray dispenser and the antibacterial wash poured out. Rubbing my palms together, I reached to unlock the door, pulling the gray metal piece out from its metal groove. To my dismay, the old, musty lock wouldn’t budge. I pulled it again, and again, but it remained in its place, stuck in a cranny between the bright blue colored door and a small wood chip. Muttering angrily under my breath, I began thrusting myself against the door in attempt to break off the lock. Nothing happened.
“Um…Alexis?” I called out from the stall, my voice trembling slightly. But there was no answer, only the distant scurrying of people walking by.
“ALEXIS!” I yelled, this time a little louder than before.
“Help! Anyone? I can’t get this bathroom door to open!”
“Help!” I roared, a little annoyed that people failed to notice I was trapped.
“Help! I am stuck in this bathroom stall, can someone please help me open it?”
“HELP!” I bellowed again. My voice was amplifying in the strange silence, which captivated me for a moment, and I just stood there, my heart beating frantically. Everyone must have gone to the starting line, however, it was unlikely that there was no one who was still getting her stuff together and hadn’t yet gone down to the grassy pitch where the race was starting. Panic and fear began swelling up in my throat, forming a huge knot that prevented me from yelling once more.
Dammit. Crap! Oh no. No, No, No! This can’t be happening! I thought to myself. I was sure that the race would be starting in a few minutes. Where was Alexis? Surely she would have waited for me, unless she did, and thought I must’ve gone already.
As I was about to bang on the door once more, a loud raspy voice emerged from what I thought must have been a megaphone.
“And now for ze varsity girls race!”
“—Ve’ll be starting in about five minutes now, in ze meantime ze teams ve’ll be finishing up ‘zer strides,” the announcer boomed enthusiastically. The voice seemed to reverberate in my head. “—Ve’ll be starting in about five minutes…”
Panic and fear flooded through my entire body now, and I was unable to think clearly. “Five minutes…You have five minutes,” I thought.
My best hope was that someone would come over to the stalls close enough for me to call for help, but I didn’t have time to simply stand there and wait. I had never felt so panicked and infuriated in my life. What a stupid, unfortunate situation to have landed myself in, now with almost everyone at the starting line, and the last few footsteps of people shuffling down to the pitch were dying away. My team probably failed noticed I was missing otherwise Coach Lux would have been looking for me. Hopefully someone would realize that I was absent previous to the race. If the race happens to begin without me, and people fail to notice that I am not there, it will be to my fault and embarrassment that our team lost points for the first invitational meet. Nearly losing track of the time I had just wasted thinking about the consequences of the situation, I stepped up onto the ledge parallel to the toilet seat, and gripped the opposite sides of the stall with my hands as tightly as I could. Extending my arms out as far as possible, I hoisted myself up and swung my legs forward, kicking the bathroom door open. The lock ripped out of its socket, and I came tumbling forward onto the bright blue colored door, and then landed hard, face first on the gravel. The pain was instant. As I lay there on my stomach, blood dripped sickeningly from my cheeks and into my open mouth. I spat a huge glob of blood and dirt on the ground beside me, but as I managed to get to my knees, I turned my head with a jolt, and saw the huge, blue Hampel toilet stall plummeting down on me. It crashed with a loud thud and bang, leaving the entire lower half of my body drenched in urine and excrement.
“As if things couldn’t get any worse,” I muttered to myself, fuming. But as I finished speaking, the loud, raspy voice emerged from the megaphone once more.
“Ve ‘ll be starting ze race now…”
“—Coaches, finish speaking with your runners, and when ze first gunshot is fired, runners shall step up to ze line.”
“At ze second gunshot, you may take off!” The announcer’s voice was thundering, causing the loud babble of the crowd to die down to soft murmurs, which then became silent, but would start up again once the second gunshot was fired. Using all my strength, I crawled to my knees and lifted the blue Hampel toilet off of me. In one abrupt movement I clambered to my feet, and sprinted down the hill, dripping with blood and waste. Vigilantly, I spotted my coach and teammates huddled in a circle next to the Torrey Pines girls.
“What the bloody hell happened to you?” Coach Lux asked, evidently confused.
“I have…”
“—N-no t-time to explain,” I stuttered.
“Well then, I guess we’d better do our cheer—Heather why don’t you start,” he said hastily, his light blue beady eyes glaring at me.
“Hook ‘em on two, hook ‘em on two, on two, one two!” Heather shouted with authority.
“Hook ‘em!” We all roared with pride.
We lined up in two lines parallel from one another, Heather and Shanna in the front. I was squished in the line on the right between Harper and Alexis.
Everything was quiet, except for the soft murmurs of people among the starting line. Resting my hands on my head, I closed my eyes and inhaled a deep breath, which, for some reason, felt like it was going to be my last.
The fat, bald man spoke, his wild eyes glaring right at me, and I looked away for fear of being scorched by the ferocity of his gaze.
“Runners on your mark.”
The first gunshot fired, and the varsity girls from all of the teams stepped up to the line.
His breath quickened this time.
“Get set.”
I crouched slightly, ready to burst with speed.
“And…”
BOOM!
The gun went off. Simultaneously everyone lurched into a blinding sprint, causing me to stumble clumsily over the shoes in front of me. My heart was beating frantically, cheeks flushing. I couldn’t help but notice the mass of people gathered at the sidelines cheering loudly, it was impossible to ignore.
Focus. Focus.
My vision was blurred, and all I could see were runners in their multicolored uniforms, ponytails whipping past me. I panicked.
Where was Harper? Brooke? Alexis? I couldn’t find anyone. Where was Rancho?! Was I too far behind? Was I too far ahead? Had I gone out too fast? Oh no.
I looked behind me, then at the sidelines, desperately searching for some reassurance. Relax.
The dirt path made a sharp turn into a remote forest area. Feeling more at ease now that there weren’t so many people watching, I gradually picked up speed and caught a glimpse of a white and maroon cluster somewhat ahead of me.
The sound of leaves crunched under someone’s feet, growing steadily louder every second. They seemed to be heading in my direction. I opened my eyes vigilantly, and saw Harper and Brooke walking towards me. I clicked my I-pod off, and threw it into the pile of RBV sweats. Scrambling to my feet, I approached them, their eyes meeting with mine.
“Are you guys ready?” I yawned.
“—Yeah, Coach Lux said that we should get the girls together to start our warm up,” Harper said, sounding confident, although I could see the fear in her eyes.
“It’s gonna be all right,” I said calmly, though it was contradicting to how I actually felt.
“The race starts in a little less than twenty minutes,” Brooke added, sensing my anxiety.
Silently we headed over to our tent, shoulders slouched. We were a little ways away from where our girl’s team sat quietly putting on their training shoes. Heather, Ellie, Alexis, and Shanna muttered a few words to each other, tied up their laces, and got their last few sips of water before we had to start on our warm up. It had only just struck me that we were going to be running our first invitational of the year, signifying the start of the high school cross-country season. At the thought, I turned my sluggish walk into a more enthusiastic jog. I wanted to catch up with them before they started on the warm up. I had already slipped on my trainers and was ready. As I approached the tent, they were already jogging around the course at an unusually brisk pace. Struggling to keep up, I called for them to come back.
“Hey guys, wait up a second!” I exclaimed, nearly out of breath.
I could feel my bladder about to burst, so I told the girls, and Alexis decided to come with me. Despite going to the bathroom five or six times previously, I always seemed to have to go right before a race. I felt bad always having to keep everyone waiting, but I couldn’t help it—my nerves were overwhelming.
Hobbling our way over to the ghastly looking porta-potties, we stopped in our tracks as a foul scent of excrement stung our noses. Two short rows of blue Hampel portable toilets were lined up along the fence of the baseball field, and to the left was a small dirt hill that went down to the starting line.
“Are you nervous?” I asked Alexis, already sensing her answer.
“A little, I suppose. It is our first invitational, so it is nerve-racking, but it’s only a mile and a half, so it shouldn’t be too bad,” she replied, making me feel more at ease.
Everyone seemed to be in high spirits for our first race, despite the abnormal weather. The sky was dull and overcast, yet the temperature was a blistering hundred and five degrees. Wiping my sweaty forehead with the back of my hand, I gagged at the stench, which seemed to have increased considerably since we approached the bathrooms. Fortunately, the line wasn’t too long and Alexis stepped into the first one that opened. I waited in line for a few minutes, and then the one on the opposite end of hers opened. I stepped in, grasping my nose tightly with one hand, closing the door with my other, and locked it. I inhaled the stale air through my mouth, which helped slightly. The rusty lock made a loud clank, and I squatted and peed. All I could hear was the slamming of a few doors of the stalls near mine, and the pitter-patter of my urine against the bottom of the toilet. Pulling up my maroon spandex, I shoved my hand under the gray dispenser and the antibacterial wash poured out. Rubbing my palms together, I reached to unlock the door, pulling the gray metal piece out from its metal groove. To my dismay, the old, musty lock wouldn’t budge. I pulled it again, and again, but it remained in its place, stuck in a cranny between the bright blue colored door and a small wood chip. Muttering angrily under my breath, I began thrusting myself against the door in attempt to break off the lock. Nothing happened.
“Um…Alexis?” I called out from the stall, my voice trembling slightly. But there was no answer, only the distant scurrying of people walking by.
“ALEXIS!” I yelled, this time a little louder than before.
“Help! Anyone? I can’t get this bathroom door to open!”
“Help!” I roared, a little annoyed that people failed to notice I was trapped.
“Help! I am stuck in this bathroom stall, can someone please help me open it?”
“HELP!” I bellowed again. My voice was amplifying in the strange silence, which captivated me for a moment, and I just stood there, my heart beating frantically. Everyone must have gone to the starting line, however, it was unlikely that there was no one who was still getting her stuff together and hadn’t yet gone down to the grassy pitch where the race was starting. Panic and fear began swelling up in my throat, forming a huge knot that prevented me from yelling once more.
Dammit. Crap! Oh no. No, No, No! This can’t be happening! I thought to myself. I was sure that the race would be starting in a few minutes. Where was Alexis? Surely she would have waited for me, unless she did, and thought I must’ve gone already.
As I was about to bang on the door once more, a loud raspy voice emerged from what I thought must have been a megaphone.
“And now for ze varsity girls race!”
“—Ve’ll be starting in about five minutes now, in ze meantime ze teams ve’ll be finishing up ‘zer strides,” the announcer boomed enthusiastically. The voice seemed to reverberate in my head. “—Ve’ll be starting in about five minutes…”
Panic and fear flooded through my entire body now, and I was unable to think clearly. “Five minutes…You have five minutes,” I thought.
My best hope was that someone would come over to the stalls close enough for me to call for help, but I didn’t have time to simply stand there and wait. I had never felt so panicked and infuriated in my life. What a stupid, unfortunate situation to have landed myself in, now with almost everyone at the starting line, and the last few footsteps of people shuffling down to the pitch were dying away. My team probably failed noticed I was missing otherwise Coach Lux would have been looking for me. Hopefully someone would realize that I was absent previous to the race. If the race happens to begin without me, and people fail to notice that I am not there, it will be to my fault and embarrassment that our team lost points for the first invitational meet. Nearly losing track of the time I had just wasted thinking about the consequences of the situation, I stepped up onto the ledge parallel to the toilet seat, and gripped the opposite sides of the stall with my hands as tightly as I could. Extending my arms out as far as possible, I hoisted myself up and swung my legs forward, kicking the bathroom door open. The lock ripped out of its socket, and I came tumbling forward onto the bright blue colored door, and then landed hard, face first on the gravel. The pain was instant. As I lay there on my stomach, blood dripped sickeningly from my cheeks and into my open mouth. I spat a huge glob of blood and dirt on the ground beside me, but as I managed to get to my knees, I turned my head with a jolt, and saw the huge, blue Hampel toilet stall plummeting down on me. It crashed with a loud thud and bang, leaving the entire lower half of my body drenched in urine and excrement.
“As if things couldn’t get any worse,” I muttered to myself, fuming. But as I finished speaking, the loud, raspy voice emerged from the megaphone once more.
“Ve ‘ll be starting ze race now…”
“—Coaches, finish speaking with your runners, and when ze first gunshot is fired, runners shall step up to ze line.”
“At ze second gunshot, you may take off!” The announcer’s voice was thundering, causing the loud babble of the crowd to die down to soft murmurs, which then became silent, but would start up again once the second gunshot was fired. Using all my strength, I crawled to my knees and lifted the blue Hampel toilet off of me. In one abrupt movement I clambered to my feet, and sprinted down the hill, dripping with blood and waste. Vigilantly, I spotted my coach and teammates huddled in a circle next to the Torrey Pines girls.
“What the bloody hell happened to you?” Coach Lux asked, evidently confused.
“I have…”
“—N-no t-time to explain,” I stuttered.
“Well then, I guess we’d better do our cheer—Heather why don’t you start,” he said hastily, his light blue beady eyes glaring at me.
“Hook ‘em on two, hook ‘em on two, on two, one two!” Heather shouted with authority.
“Hook ‘em!” We all roared with pride.
We lined up in two lines parallel from one another, Heather and Shanna in the front. I was squished in the line on the right between Harper and Alexis.
Everything was quiet, except for the soft murmurs of people among the starting line. Resting my hands on my head, I closed my eyes and inhaled a deep breath, which, for some reason, felt like it was going to be my last.
The fat, bald man spoke, his wild eyes glaring right at me, and I looked away for fear of being scorched by the ferocity of his gaze.
“Runners on your mark.”
The first gunshot fired, and the varsity girls from all of the teams stepped up to the line.
His breath quickened this time.
“Get set.”
I crouched slightly, ready to burst with speed.
“And…”
BOOM!
The gun went off. Simultaneously everyone lurched into a blinding sprint, causing me to stumble clumsily over the shoes in front of me. My heart was beating frantically, cheeks flushing. I couldn’t help but notice the mass of people gathered at the sidelines cheering loudly, it was impossible to ignore.
Focus. Focus.
My vision was blurred, and all I could see were runners in their multicolored uniforms, ponytails whipping past me. I panicked.
Where was Harper? Brooke? Alexis? I couldn’t find anyone. Where was Rancho?! Was I too far behind? Was I too far ahead? Had I gone out too fast? Oh no.
I looked behind me, then at the sidelines, desperately searching for some reassurance. Relax.
The dirt path made a sharp turn into a remote forest area. Feeling more at ease now that there weren’t so many people watching, I gradually picked up speed and caught a glimpse of a white and maroon cluster somewhat ahead of me.