Hi,
In my book I have these two characters. They are there as light relief. They appear about four times in the whole book. My editor objected to the way I did the dialogue. She said: "Write as normal dialogue". I thought it was quite a natty little stylistic thing. I mean, I have said the two guards cannot be distinguished from one another. What do you think?
I should explain that Pierre's job is to empty his master's pot every morning.
Wrestlers both, their names were Meliuc and Mardeur. They were not related but they looked like peas from the same pod and Pierre could not tell them apart. Both were large men with grey skin and small sad eyes; each had a broken nose and but a few remaining teeth. Pierre found them dull-witted but good natured, and shared pleasant words with them every morning.
Mardeur/Meliuc: “Who goes there?”
Meliuc/Mardeur: “It is the pot emptier.”
Mardeur/Meliuc: “Ho there, pot emptier.”
Pierre: “Good morrow friends. How goes the pot this day?”
Meliuc/Mardeur: “The pot is full this day.”
Mardeur/Meliuc: “In truth the pot is full to overflowing.”
On rare occasions, the banter would vary:
Mardeur/Meliuc: “The pot is but half full today.”
Meliuc/Mardeur: “In truth the pot is half empty.”
Mardeur/Meliuc: “Either way, your job is half done already, pot emptier.” Accompanied by two identical toothless grins.
In my book I have these two characters. They are there as light relief. They appear about four times in the whole book. My editor objected to the way I did the dialogue. She said: "Write as normal dialogue". I thought it was quite a natty little stylistic thing. I mean, I have said the two guards cannot be distinguished from one another. What do you think?
I should explain that Pierre's job is to empty his master's pot every morning.
Wrestlers both, their names were Meliuc and Mardeur. They were not related but they looked like peas from the same pod and Pierre could not tell them apart. Both were large men with grey skin and small sad eyes; each had a broken nose and but a few remaining teeth. Pierre found them dull-witted but good natured, and shared pleasant words with them every morning.
Mardeur/Meliuc: “Who goes there?”
Meliuc/Mardeur: “It is the pot emptier.”
Mardeur/Meliuc: “Ho there, pot emptier.”
Pierre: “Good morrow friends. How goes the pot this day?”
Meliuc/Mardeur: “The pot is full this day.”
Mardeur/Meliuc: “In truth the pot is full to overflowing.”
On rare occasions, the banter would vary:
Mardeur/Meliuc: “The pot is but half full today.”
Meliuc/Mardeur: “In truth the pot is half empty.”
Mardeur/Meliuc: “Either way, your job is half done already, pot emptier.” Accompanied by two identical toothless grins.