Need opinions on this sentence.
- Thread starter MsK
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What do you think?
They mean 2 different things.
The first
Is of someone who has enjoyed life..
The second is
Is someone who has survived...
Just my take...
...someone who has been through all of those forty-four years!
(Whatever you decide, be sure to spell out the numeric value of your age; don't use the number symbol, "44.")
How about
I feel like my life is just beginning, but when I look in the mirror, I see someone who has been on this Earth for almost 44 years!
or
I feel like my life is just beginning, but when I look in the mirror, I see someone who has lived for almost 44 years!
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I feel like my life is just beginning, but when I look in the mirror, I see a forty-four year-old with half a head of hair and Hefty™ bags under her eyes.
(my point is: the sentence is a bit stale and telling. "Alive" or "living" -- doesn't tell us anything. If you're going to use a mirror, give us something visual. Since you're looking at a mirror, we assume that you're alive and living.)
(my point is: the sentence is a bit stale and telling. "Alive" or "living" -- doesn't tell us anything. If you're going to use a mirror, give us something visual. Since you're looking at a mirror, we assume that you're alive and living.)
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I feel like my life is just beginning, but when I look in the mirror, 44 years are staring back at me.
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lived life is good - lived and loved life is maybe a little better.
However I don't like your use of but in this instance. It brings a downer to the sentence. I prefer although as it is more positive.
I feel like my life is just beginning although when I look in the mirror I see someone who has lived and loved life for almost 44 years.
Just my opinion - maybe too much of a mouthful. Lovely opening line though and good luck with it
I sometimes feel very old but I'll skip the plastic surgery to reflect that. But you're on a very touchy subject these days. In Australia some states are considering legislation to stop people carving themselves up too early. You'll have a big audience if you've something interesting to say on that subject.
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Yes - I feel the sentence is back to front.
It's not that you feel life is just beginning but....
It's that despite the lines and wrinkles....in other words the visual image conveys the wrong impression.
Play around with that. Good luck
It's not that you feel life is just beginning but....
It's that despite the lines and wrinkles....in other words the visual image conveys the wrong impression.
Play around with that. Good luck
Thanks for all of the help guys and gals. I'm tinkering with all of your ideas.
I called it an article, but it's actually an essay. An essay that goes on to state why I feel having some minor cosmetic work done (at the age of 44) would be appropriate.
Basically, saying that I feel young and I want my appearance to reflect that.
Any further opinions with this new bit of information?
(Not opinions about cosmetic work, opinions about the sentence)
I like "living" especially if the following narrative details what the person has been going through. They have "lived" what has happened to them and been through it.
To me saying "I've been alive" just doesn't convey that the character has been through alot.
I don't know if you have ever seen "Secondhand Lions" great flick by the way. One of the main characters tells the the story of himself and his brother to their nephew.
And at the end a young boy says "The two men from great grandfather's stories really lived"
and the nephew says says "Yeah, they really lived because he knew all they had done in thewir lives.
To me saying "I've been alive" just doesn't convey that the character has been through alot.
I don't know if you have ever seen "Secondhand Lions" great flick by the way. One of the main characters tells the the story of himself and his brother to their nephew.
And at the end a young boy says "The two men from great grandfather's stories really lived"
and the nephew says says "Yeah, they really lived because he knew all they had done in thewir lives.
HeaGrg, I loved Secondhand Lions. Thanks for reminding me, I want to watch it again.
Thanks to everyone who has offered advice on this sentence.
I've gotten some really great advice from everyone who has replied, but I'd still like more opinions on this folks- even if they mirror what has already been said.
It's an opening statement and I want it to be as powerful as possible.
Any more ideas?
Thanks to everyone who has offered advice on this sentence.
I've gotten some really great advice from everyone who has replied, but I'd still like more opinions on this folks- even if they mirror what has already been said.
It's an opening statement and I want it to be as powerful as possible.
Any more ideas?
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"I feel like my life is just beginning, but when I look in the mirror, I see every one of my forty-four years written on my face."
Or,
"I feel like my life is just beginning, but when I look in the mirror, I see a face with forty-four years of living on it."
If I were writing this, I'd probably say something more like
"I feel like my life is just beginning, but my face shows every day of my forty-four years."
Or,
"I feel like my life is just beginning, but when I look in the mirror, I see a face with forty-four years of living on it."
If I were writing this, I'd probably say something more like
"I feel like my life is just beginning, but my face shows every day of my forty-four years."
What do you think?
They mean 2 different things.
The first
Is of someone who has enjoyed life..
The second is
Is someone who has survived...
Just my take...
This is what I was thinking as well. Good luck.
I still possess the energy and love-of-live I have always had, and don't feel my face shows any sign of ageing during my fortyfour years - but every glance in the mirror reveals subtle wrinkles and crinkles trying to suggest otherwise.
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I feel like my life is just beginning, except when I look in the mirror and see all the evidence that forty four years of living have left on my face.
I feel like my life is just beginning. When I look in the mirror, I see someone who has been living for almost 44 years.
If you use "alive" you seem to contradict the sentiment of the first part, "I feel like my life is just beginning."
I feel like my life is just beginning, but the face in the mirror shows 44 years of living.
I feel my life is just beginning, but the mirror tells no lies.
Not sure these work either, but it needs something to add a little punch.
I feel my life is just beginning, but the mirror tells no lies.
Not sure these work either, but it needs something to add a little punch.
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how about:
I feel like my life is just beginning, but when I look in the mirror, I see someone who has been living it for almost forty-four years!
I think I'd need to know why she can't believe its been that long
I feel like my life is just beginning, but when I look in the mirror, I see someone who has been living it for almost forty-four years!
I think I'd need to know why she can't believe its been that long
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