Is there any other way? (how to describe unseen people/creatures)

darrtwish · Jul 8, 2008

So in the midst of re-writing my WIP I've come across a section where my MC is being spoken to by several people/creatures that he cannot see, and I would like to avoid saying "another voice hisses, several feet away" repeatedly. So I was wondering, is there any other way to describe several other people/creatures talking when the character cannot see them?

Bayley · Jul 8, 2008

Could you describe their voices? He could still hear them and if they have distinct voices, it could be a way of referring to them.

CaroGirl · Jul 8, 2008

Sibilant.

If this happens repeatedly, I'd say you just have to describe it the first time, use an indicator like italics, and just use that same indicator for every other instance.

Clair Dickson · Jul 8, 2008

I might treat them as characters, even going so far as to give them monikers "Gravely voice" "Deep voice" "Scratchy Voice" and so on or even Voice One and Voice Two (perhaps shortened to One and Two if it continues for awhie.)

Barb D · Jul 8, 2008

Can he see any indication that they are there? Shimmers? Slight shifts in light? Shadows?

"The light shifted slightly near the door as a voice..."

Karen Duvall · Jul 8, 2008

Oh, you can have SO much fun with this! As someone said, make each voice distinctive, but it's how you do it that will be fun for both you and the reader. Maybe one has a screechy voice so high it sounds like fingernails scraping across a blackboard so he calls him Nails. The leader's deep baritone vibrates the ground beneath his feet so he calls this one The Boss. One talks through his nose and sniffs a lot, as if he's got a cold, and is dubbed Mr. Snot. Etc., etc. Have fun with it!

hammerklavier · Jul 8, 2008

He could also name them based on something they said.

darrtwish · Jul 8, 2008

Thanks. Much appreciated advice

VoltShadow · Jul 8, 2008

Oh, you could even give them all funny dialects and accents too, and by the end of a sentence or two readers won't even need you to identify them. You still should but won't have to.

benbradley · Jul 8, 2008

Barb D said:
Can he see any indication that they are there? Shimmers? Slight shifts in light? Shadows?

"The light shifted slightly near the door as a voice..."

Another thing, unless they move around (or even if they do!) or the MC has faulty hearing, he should be able to hear, and of course describe as appropriate, which direction each voice is coming from - left, right, front, back, right behind his neck, whatever.

Sean D. Schaffer · Jul 8, 2008

darrtwish said:
So in the midst of re-writing my WIP I've come across a section where my MC is being spoken to by several people/creatures that he cannot see, and I would like to avoid saying "another voice hisses, several feet away" repeatedly. So I was wondering, is there any other way to describe several other people/creatures talking when the character cannot see them?

Jane Yolen, in her book Dragon's Blood, gave her MC a similar situation, except there was only one voice and it came over a loudspeaker. She used the words "A disembodied voice" to describe where it was coming from.

Obviously, this situation is slightly different, but you could possibly use descriptions like I mentioned above to indicate the MC cannot see the voices' owners.

Also, like a couple other posters mentioned, try describing the sounds made by each voice and using those descriptives to identify each one.

For example:

Then the hissing voice said, "Blah, blah, blah."
"But yada yada yada," Mister Thunderclap retorted. "And furthermore, blah blah blah."
Meanwhile, the third disembodied voice, the one that sounded like chalk on a blackboard, stayed silent... thankfully.

Something like that could add some character and possibly some humor to your situation, and might also end up giving the needed effect you're striving for.

I hope this helps. Best wishes to you.

Bufty · Jul 9, 2008

I'd be hesitant about the funny dialects and accents - I think there are better ways already touched upon.

VoltShadow said:
Oh, you could even give them all funny dialects and accents too, and by the end of a sentence or two readers won't even need you to identify them. You still should but won't have to.

Is there any other way? (how to describe unseen people/creatures)

darrtwish

Bayley

Happiness is underrated

CaroGirl

Living the dream

Clair Dickson

A dark core to every cloud

Barb D

Karen Duvall

Chalice the Hatchet Knight

hammerklavier

It was a dark and stormy night

darrtwish

VoltShadow

Internet Ninja of 1337

benbradley

It's a doggy dog world

Sean D. Schaffer

Bufty

Where have the last ten years gone?