unapologetic
07-01-2008, 06:24 AM
Below is my query letter for a YA story. I know it's far from perfect, but have no idea what to change. Any feedback would be appreciated! (If you're interested in reading the story, it can be found at http://www.fictionpress.com/s/2531566/1/Day_of_Revolution)
Dear ___,
Do you believe in magic? Eli doesn’t – but he’s stuck with it.
After escaping from a mysterious fire, best friends Eli and Lei find themselves on an unmapped island, where the fate of the world falls upon their shoulders. Their initial search for the culprit behind the fire brings them to Academy X, a magic school built for the sole purpose of gathering Eli, Lei, and their fated comrades together.
The longer the boys stay at Academy X, the more they realize that they are embroiled in something beyond their imagination. According to the headmaster, the balance of the universe has once again been disrupted, its effects reflected most prominently in the island’s two cities: the rich, glitzy Heliopolis and the dismal, corrupted Grassville. If nothing is done, the effects will spread to the rest of the world, creating universal turmoil. The only way to restore the balance is for the Magicians and Justices to fight in a monumental battle called the Day of Revolution. If the Magicians win, mankind will receive another chance to correct the disparity. If the Justices win, the world will be destroyed and replaced by primitive peace.
Eli writes the legend off as rubbish. Meanwhile, Lei begins to secretly experiment with his newfound power, manipulating those around him for his own purpose. At Academy X, they meet their destined comrades who are burdened by their own past. Loved ones are lost and revisited, cursed names are lifted with a new set of eyes, the dark secret of the island is revealed. The seemingly inevitable future that Eli and Lei sees threatens to turn best friends into worst enemies.
The fantasy novel Day of Revolution is an emotional rollercoaster ride of humor and tragedy, cunning and naivety, freewill and predestination. With the magical touch of Harry Potter combined with philosophies of the East and West, this story puts the bonds of family and friendship to the test. The Magicians and Justices undergo sweeping changes for the Revolution, but can they escape the predestined outcome? The answer lies with the reader and ultimately determines the fate of the world.
Day of Revolution is complete at about 80,000 words and leaves room for a series. The target audience is middle and high school students, who may appreciate the healthy dose of SAT words in the novel. I have won several writing contests and published in magazines, such as the nationwide NextStep Magazine for a nonfiction piece and Fresh! Literary Magazine, where my short story was featured next to those of two published authors.
Thank you for your time and consideration. I hope to hear from you soon.
Dear ___,
Do you believe in magic? Eli doesn’t – but he’s stuck with it.
After escaping from a mysterious fire, best friends Eli and Lei find themselves on an unmapped island, where the fate of the world falls upon their shoulders. Their initial search for the culprit behind the fire brings them to Academy X, a magic school built for the sole purpose of gathering Eli, Lei, and their fated comrades together.
The longer the boys stay at Academy X, the more they realize that they are embroiled in something beyond their imagination. According to the headmaster, the balance of the universe has once again been disrupted, its effects reflected most prominently in the island’s two cities: the rich, glitzy Heliopolis and the dismal, corrupted Grassville. If nothing is done, the effects will spread to the rest of the world, creating universal turmoil. The only way to restore the balance is for the Magicians and Justices to fight in a monumental battle called the Day of Revolution. If the Magicians win, mankind will receive another chance to correct the disparity. If the Justices win, the world will be destroyed and replaced by primitive peace.
Eli writes the legend off as rubbish. Meanwhile, Lei begins to secretly experiment with his newfound power, manipulating those around him for his own purpose. At Academy X, they meet their destined comrades who are burdened by their own past. Loved ones are lost and revisited, cursed names are lifted with a new set of eyes, the dark secret of the island is revealed. The seemingly inevitable future that Eli and Lei sees threatens to turn best friends into worst enemies.
The fantasy novel Day of Revolution is an emotional rollercoaster ride of humor and tragedy, cunning and naivety, freewill and predestination. With the magical touch of Harry Potter combined with philosophies of the East and West, this story puts the bonds of family and friendship to the test. The Magicians and Justices undergo sweeping changes for the Revolution, but can they escape the predestined outcome? The answer lies with the reader and ultimately determines the fate of the world.
Day of Revolution is complete at about 80,000 words and leaves room for a series. The target audience is middle and high school students, who may appreciate the healthy dose of SAT words in the novel. I have won several writing contests and published in magazines, such as the nationwide NextStep Magazine for a nonfiction piece and Fresh! Literary Magazine, where my short story was featured next to those of two published authors.
Thank you for your time and consideration. I hope to hear from you soon.