HE and HIS

naimas

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Using HE and HIS too much

Because I had a single character entering a sleepy village at night I found myself having to use HE and HIS.

The chapter is 655 words long. (short) and I counted about 18 times I used the word HE. Less for the word HIS (about 5 or 6)

There is a lot of action and movement in the chapter. He appears, enters, searches the streets, arrives at some houses and looks for something that has been lost for a long time. So the words are moving and full of action. But I am wondering if there is a general rule about using HE and HIS too much?

I can't say his name yet, and trying to describe him as a shadow or something different would be confusing.

Is there a rule?
 
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alleycat

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Interesting question.

I don't think there could be a rule for something like that. I think the biggest thing you'd want to be careful about is starting a lot of sentences with "he" or "his", especially if the sentences are close together. Other than that, it's probably not a problem. If possible, and if it worked, you might be able to replace some of the "he" and "hims" with "the boy" or "the figure" or something similar. Referring to a person in that way wouldn't be as possibly confusing as using "the shadow".
 

Angela_785

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Is this the first chapter of a book? I caution against not using a name in most cases, because readers tend to get impatient about not knowing who the character is. Not saying it can't work, just that there has to be a very compelling reason for this technique. And I agree with Allycat--think of it like you would the first person POV, and how when you start off with too many sentences with 'I/My' it jumps out at the reader.

As for He/the boy/the stranger/etc, I think you should try to stick to one form of address after your opening few lines. So for example, if you introduce the character as 'the boy' and then move into He, try to stick to that form (he) from that point on, rather than switching back and forth between the two. ;) Just MO.
 

naimas

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Thanks for the replies.